Outside, it felt like I could finally breathe even while trying to keep up with Jake's marathon pace. The atmosphere in the house was stuffy and had way too much testosterone flying around.
He continued to tug me behind him, although a little slower now, until we were close to his house. Reaching the walkway that led to his mother's gardens, he headed toward a stone bench next to a fountain. And when I say fountain, I mean a mini-pool with waterfalls and lily pads with gigantic fish made of gold swimming around in there. The sound of falling water slapping the pool's surface was supposed to be magical, relieving my pent-up nerves. But instead, they drummed an irritating beat putting me more and more on edge.
Jake swung me around a little too quickly causing me to lose my balance, but I recovered. Because, with his hands now firmly placed on my shoulders, I wasn't falling anywhere.
Those emerald gems planted where his eyes should be tick tocked back and forth like a tennis match. My mind began to race.
Was he going to tell me he no longer wanted to be friends? Or that he had had enough of playing the brotherly role?
Even inside my own head those thoughts sounded ridiculous. In all the years we've been together, I've pissed him off at least a thousand times, argued almost daily and he's never gone anywhere. Jake liked having me around. He liked having a sister. A best friend. His safe Melody.
So what was up?
"I don't like him being in the house with you," his grip tightened. "Alone."
Well that just came from left field.
If he wanted to knock me over, he could have just let go of my shoulders and pushed me backwards. But thank goodness he still held on.
Casting my eyes to his chest, I realized too quickly I had hoped he was jealous. But that was just illogical and the sour taste it left in my mouth was making the corner of my lip curl. No. Jake was just doing his superhero brotherly duties and the one he concentrated on right now was protector.
I knew he was waiting for me to respond but at the moment, words escaped me. Well actually, I just chose not to say them. Oh I had some words, alright. They were choice ones too. But now was not the time to get into a heated debate on his like or dislike of the guy currently alone in my house.
Before I could stop them, pictures of Kyle rummaging through my panty drawer had me shaking my head. Panic rose to my throat.
Not my Hello Kittys! What if he finds my Spiderman bikini cuts? That would give him all kinds of ammunition for blackmailing.
Pushing, I tried to sidestep Jake so I could run back to the house and stop Kyle, but his firm grip held me in place.
"Did you not hear me?" the tone in his voice bitter.
Looking up, I was slightly taken aback at how he was looking down at me. Like he was my father.
Eh. That just gave me the willies.
"I heard you," I said. "And, I don't care." Of course, that just made everything better.
His mouth agape, "You're not being serious."
I let out an annoyed breath. "When did you start doubting me in taking things seriously?" I demanded in a harsh tone. "When have I ever not taken things seriously?"
"Exactly," he stated flatly. "So why aren't you taking this seriously?"
"I am," I said realizing that if I said anymore, his eyes would bulge out of their sockets. I couldn't just tell him I liked Kyle.
Wait... what?
"What are you hiding, Mel?"
Okay. How was he able to read my mind so easily? Was I really such an open book?
I shrugged my shoulders while reaching for his hands releasing their grip so I could step back. Bracing myself for battle, I looked up at him but his expression caused my courage to lose some of its growl. Jake wasn't angry or pissed. He looked genuinely concerned. That doused my tenacity a little. I was going for kiss my ass but instead my mouth opened and out came the truth.
"I need Kyle." That simple statement had a whole other meaning in my mind but it was obvious that in Jake's, it didn't translate well.
"You...what?" he shook his head in disbelief.
"What I mean is that I need Kyle's... expertise," I said sheepishly.
Heat rose to my cheeks.
Okay... that wasn't what I was going for either.
The bitter chortle that escaped Jake's lips made me look up at him.
"Well it sure as hell isn't going to be him!" he growled as he pointed back to the house I now wanted to run to and hide in.
My cheeks stung like I had been slapped a thousand times.
How could he think I was thinking like that?
Why would you think that he was thinking that you were thinking like that?
Because that's exactly what it sounded like!
"Damn it, Jake. That's not what I meant and you know it," I said glaring at him, my fists slamming onto my hips. Frustrated beyond all hope of getting this conversation back on track, I blurted out, "What I was saying is that without Kyle and his..." I struggled to find the word. I didn't want to give away Kyle's secret about his alternate personality or that there was a softer side to the mean giant, "...expertise," I winced. It was the only word I could think of, "...I'll lose everything I have worked my ass off for. The valedictorian, my scholarships and my one way ticket to an east coast college." My teeth clicked as I slammed my mouth shut right after swallowing a gulp of air. Cringing, I prayed he didn't hear that last little bit.
"Quit saying exper..." He flinched. "Wha... what did you just say?"
"What? Nothing." I moved to pass him again but he grabbed my arm and pulled me around, his expression cold stoned.
Guilt sent a whole new wave of heat throughout my body that added another layer of red to my cheeks. They were scorching hot now. How was I going to explain to the one person I was trying to run away from that the only way I knew I could move on was to move out east? Do I slap him with the truth or dumb it down a bit? Either way, he wanted an explanation that I wasn't prepared to give.
"What do you mean the east coast? You're going to college here, at UCLA." He took a step toward me. "We've talked about it."
"Really? We did?" I asked pretending as if I didn't remember. Yeah, lying wasn't gonna cut it for me. "Well. I've sort of changed my mind." The truth but not the whole truth. That should hold off my conscience for a little bit.
"Without talking about it with me first?" he asked as if my coming to my own decision for my own future was something that needed his approval.
Blinking a few times, I let my mind categorize the words flashing across my vision into little imaginary boxes labeled 'what to say' and 'what not to say.' The 'what not to say' box was filling up too quickly and I was left with uh and um rattling around in the other.
"Um... I just came to the decision by myself, I guess." I shrugged my shoulders.
Really? That's all I got?
The muscles under my eye started ticking. If my nerves weren't enough on edge before, they certainly were manifesting themselves now in the form of physical glitches. The plan was to have this conversation in the form of a text with California in my rearview mirror. Of course, I would never text and drive but what I mean is that I would already be half way to Massachusetts before Jake would discover I had left.
Like I said, that was the plan.
Now, my secret was out there. This is why I hated having them. Secrets where just skeletons waiting to pop out of a closet so they could screw up your life.
Looking at Jake, I could tell he was categorizing his words too. I had a year up on him in coming to terms with my decision to leave. He's had all of, what... five minutes?
Call me in a year. Then we can talk about it.
If uneasiness wasn't a bummer already, awkwardness decided to show up and kill this party completely.
"Jake..." What could I say? My box of words was empty.
"Is it because of me?" he asked a touch of sorrow clouding his tone.
"What? Noooooah!" Hammer. Nail. Head. "You know me." I gave a nervous laugh. "I figure MIT would fit my future better, don't you think?"
Asking for his opinion now seemed like a slap in the face. Letting out an exasperated breath, I tried desperately to patch things up. "I mean, I haven't been accepted yet. There is a chance I won't have any other choice but UCLA."
He snorted, the corner of his lip twitching into a half grin.
Not sure if that was meant to be a compliment or disgust. Either way, it was good to see him smiling again.
"MIT, huh?" he asked as his eyebrows drew together.
I nodded. "Yeah."
He took a second to process it. "Is that what you really want?" he asked his eyes daring me to lie.
No. I want you.
"Of course," I said despite the uneasiness of the fib.
"And L.A.? Are you planning on just leaving everything behind? Your mom? Your dad?" He paused. "Me?"
"It's just college, Jake," I said a little too harshly. "It's not like I won't come back."
"Really? Even with your one-way ticket?" he asked his voice low as he looked at me. I had seen that look one too many times to not know he was hurt.
I laughed nervously. "It's just a figure of speech. You know me, I'm full of them."
He nodded, but I don't think he knew it. Although he was looking at me, it didn't seem like he was really seeing me.
Finally, he focused.
"Do you really plan to come back, Mel?"
No.
Swallowing hard I looked down at his neck and answered weakly, "Sure." When I looked back up, his eyebrows drew together as if he was experiencing some source of torture no one else could see.
Nodding his head again, he looked away. Again, my chest constricted and the aching feeling from earlier made it hard to breathe.
When he didn't continue to speak, I asked, "Are we good?"
He took a second to gather his thoughts before his eyebrow lifted as he shook his head.
"No."
My chin snapped back as I blinked in disbelief.
Why did it sound like that had a double meaning?
"The project."
Okay, so we were back to that. I thought I had made myself pretty much clear.
Sort of.
"Am I going to like this?"
"Probably not," he answered with a superior expression as he shrugged his shoulders unsympathetically.
I sighed. "Alright then, let's get to the point," I said while crossing my arms. Jake wasn't normally the beat around the bush kind of guy and frankly, I was ready for this conversation to end. It was evident he didn't like Kyle and he already stated as such, but I wasn't about to back down. Kyle was my ticket to an easy A.
"Kyle goes."
Well, he definitely didn't tap dance around that one!
"He stays!"
Jake's nostrils flared as if they were little wings. "I don't like the asshole!"
"He's not... all that bad," I said defending the alternate Kyle. The other Kyle was definitely an asshole.
"Okay. Let me put it to you so you understand what I'm saying. I don't... trust... that asshole!" both eyebrows rose as if to say, "are we clear?"
"Jake, he's not..."
"I'm serious, Mel. Just send him home. I can stop by Mr. Lloyd's house and explain the situation."
"Situation?" my voice squeaked. "Jake, the only situation I see is you being a little over protective."
"What?" His eyebrows drew together. His head shook as if I had missed an important part of the conversation. "What part of 'I don't trust that asshole' did you not understand?"
"Oh, so now you've gone to questioning my intelligence?"
"Yes." He took a few steps to the left and back to the right, pacing like a madman. Abruptly, he stopped and opened his hand toward me causing me to flinch in surprise. "You may be book smart, Melody, but I am a whole lot smarter when it comes to... this." His finger outlined an imaginary circle in front of him.
"This?" I asked getting more and more frustrated. "If I'm so ignorant about this, then tell me what this is?"
Holy crap, what the hell was he talking about?
"See? You have no clue what I'm talking about."
"Enlighten me."
"KYLE... Melody. I'm talking about Kyle."
"Okay. So I'm not so stupid because I know you were talking about Kyle. You just told me you don't like him. And I'm telling you he's not all that bad."
He took in a frustrated breath as he placed a hand on his hip, the other hand going to his temple, a finger rubbing it as if to scrub out the right words to say. Any second, I expected a Genie to appear from his ear ready to grant me three wishes.
Finally, he said with a low warning tone, "No guy should be trusted when he's alone with you, Mel."
"Seriously?" I squeaked. "You're going there?"
"Yes!" he yelled causing me to recoil. "We're going there! Kyle is not to be trusted in the house with you alone!"
"Jake... Kyle doesn't... he's not... argh... not like that!" I said, cringing at the last part. I continued to defend him. "Kyle despises me."
"Wake up, Melody!"
"Jake... stop!"
"Like I said," his eyes now fuming, "never trust a guy when he is alone with you."
"Including you?" I yelled.
"Especially me!" he roared back trumping my impressive decibel level.
That shut me up.
I blinked what felt like a thousand times in a second. Jake's eyes widened and I could hear the saliva scraping his throat as he tried repeatedly to swallow.
How could he throw such curve balls at me and expect me to swing?What he just said made no sense at all. Of course I trusted Jake to be alone with me. We were alone together all the time. Hell, I even stripped in front of him and got no response. So that just kind of ruined whatever point he was trying to make.
Shaking my head, I let out a defeated breath. "Look, I get it. You're just doing your brotherly duty. But do you have to be my father, too?" I asked my voice much calmer.
Looking up, I noticed his jaw clinched and the wings of his nostrils taking flight again. He took a step toward me.
I flinched.
"Jake...I can easily take care of myself." There, I said it.
Of course, that just made his lips press harder together. Shrugging my shoulders, I said, "I can handle Kyle," like it was no big deal.
He stepped closer causing me to blink a few times. For some odd reason, I felt like I was shrinking.
Another step.
I had to put a palm on his chest to keep his from colliding against mine. "I've handled you all these years, haven't I?" I asked my resolve shaking as I looked up at his towering figure, my back now slightly arched backward.
"What are you doing?" I squeaked as my eyes darted back and forth from each of his hands as he brought them to my neck.
Closing my eyes, I held my breath waiting to be throttled.
The warmth of his fingers from his left hand slid across the back of my neck, his right following suit. His palms cupped just beneath my jawline, holding my head still between his hands. Goosebumps trailed a path down my arms despite the warmth of his touch.
Oh dear God, he was actually going to strangle me.
Squeezing my eyes tighter, I squinched my face up bracing myself for the squeezing, my chest already laboring for breath.
A couple seconds passed by and the loud thumping of my heart reached to deafening heights. A few more seconds passed... nothing.
Why wasn't he strangling me?
Swallowing hard, I chanced a peek through my lashes.
My lungs took in a sharp breath as I felt my knees buckle. But one of Jake's arms quickly caught behind my waist, pulling me back up until our bodies were pressed hard against one another, the impact knocking the breath out of me.
My eyes danced side to side searching those emerald pools for what he could possibly be thinking.
His grip tightened causing an unexpected whimper from my constricted throat. It was difficult to breathe despite the vast amount of oxygen afforded me.
Why was he doing this? How far would he go to make a point?
It was then I smelled the familiar sweetness of maple syrup as his lips parted, each breath assaulting my already jumbled senses. The color of his eyes darkened as his head dipped closer, his labored breath now mingling with mine.
His eyes were burning with a fire I had never seen before. My heart took off like a freight train pounding over the tracks of my rib cage shaking the rest of my body. My mind was swimming trying to grasp some sense of what was happening. But all thoughts were overruled with the humming that was coming from deep within my belly that rippled outward, shaking to life every nerve ending in my body.
My fingers instinctively curled pulling the fabric of his shirt tight into my fists. For so long, I had wanted this. Too many nights I had dreamed of what it was like to be in his arms like this. To know what it felt like to be the object of his attention. His full attention. And now, it was finally here.
I couldn't pull my eyes from his. I was afraid to close them. Afraid all of it would be just another dream.
His eyes wavered causing my heart to flip.
Please don't back out now. Pleeeeeease!
The flames within his eyes flickered as his thumb traced the sensitive flesh of my bottom lip, parting them even more. Without realizing, I pulled my lower lip into my mouth gently biting it, releasing and swiped it with the tip of my tongue.
I was surprised at his sharp intake of breath as his gaze drifted downward to linger on the moisture left behind.
My breath caught and I could see little stars exploding in the outlying of my vision.
His fingers at the base of my neck fanned out as he gently pulled me in, his lips just a breath from mine.
It was then I let my eyes close.
"JAAAAAAAKE!" came a loud, ear-piercing shriek.
The jerking of Jake's body shattered my nerves as he quickly pushed me away leaving me to stand breathless, shaking and my knees nearly buckling.
Shock rippled through my body as I tried desperately to understand what just happened. My breathing was coming in shallow waves as I tried to gulp each one down.
A rapid clicking sound pounded in my ears.
What?
It was getting louder and louder.
Shaking my head I looked around to see what could actually be making such a noise. However, my vision soon locked on the target of my confusion.
Stomping down the stone paved pathway was Jake's mother looking all kinds of pissed off. Her one of a kind Marc Jacob heels stabbing at the pavement as she marched right up to Jake and to my complete surprise, slapped him across his face.
Holy crap!