Hi everyone! Just wanted to apologize for the long wait. Thank you for being so patient I've been trying to get a lot done. I hope you're all still enjoying the book and like it still as it progresses.
Chapter 40: The Lighthouse
Sadly, Chase and I had left the ballroom knowing this was our last night at the dark kingdom in the divisions. The night had ended worse than I had anticipated. Frankly, it was fun too. Before my body decided to turn into a monster against me and have me ruin the night for everyone else. That wasn't quite so fun.
My thoughts went back to Damon. How things ended. How I reacted. I didn't want to think about it. Accident or not, I ended someone's life. I really did become the bad guy. Even if he was, it was no excuse for me to act the same. I became a monster.
I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't control my powers. I couldn't stop myself. Not even the restraints could. Just like in chess I was unbeatable. I was always one step ahead. No one has ever won against me. My cleverness, or my plain luck was always on top of the game. How did me being the daughter of chess lead to a princess of light anyway? Where did that even come from? Who was this person that heard about this prophet? And how the heck does every single person practically know about this except me? Man, it's like this one big secret hidden from me this whole time.
No wonder no one liked me. I'm some kind of light person-thing! I'm either going to blow up and get someone killed or become this harmonious light being of goodness and life. Now does my life sound Mary Sue or is this a joke?
Chase reached the door of his bedroom reaching out to turn the knob. He hesitated, pulling away. His head shifted to me ever so slightly. All that was seen was worry and concern. His brows furrowed with a little frown to his cheeks.
"Are you okay, Iz?" Chase asked me. "You've had a really exhausting night. Would you like to come in?"
My eyes met his. How could he be so content with everything? He seemed so calm. It wasn't bothering him as much as it was to me. However, he always asked about my feelings and how things were with me. It was refreshing knowing he always cares to check on me, even if things were sometimes decent every once in a while.
"I'd like that, thank you." I said with a short nod. There wasn't much to say. My body was exhausted and completely overwhelmed. Everything was overwhelming. So much has happened in the past few hours. My body is struggling to keep up with it all. It has prevailed way too much. That's all it's ever been. My whole life has endured more than I could handle, yet I've always tried to make the best of things.
Chase led me inside his bedroom as he had opened the door for me. I gave a quick smile at the gesture before taking a seat on the carpet since the only other place was the bed. For some reason Chase was not having that.
"We can talk after you change." Chase said before throwing me a pair of his sweats as he ushered me into his washroom. I stripped out of the dress that now had newly singed ends. That's sad. Such a beautiful dress was now ruined. Putting on Chase's clothes, I inhaled deeply into his shirt where it smelled just like him putting my mind at ease. It was my favorite scent. It calmed my nerves and brought me back to my senses with peace in my mind, but the wavering thoughts of earlier returned.
I left the bathroom and went over to go sit on the bed. Chase patted the spot insisting I sit there so I did next to him. The moment was silent between us. Chase had changed as well as he was no longer in his matching suit but instead a pair of sweats and a black tank top. He scooted over more toward me, pulling me into him where I was practically sitting on top of him with my head on his chest.
"Talk to me. Tell me what happened." Chase said calmly. His hand stroked through my hair. I couldn't tell if it was because he likes playing with my hair or what, but it was soothing.
I took a deep breath to begin. "Some guy named Damon danced with me for a bit. We went outside and had a chat and the next thing I knew he threw himself at me and started kissing me —"
"He kissed you?" Chase asked. His hand slightly held onto me tighter.
I nodded my head before continuing. "Yes. I don't know why but he did."
Chase huffed angrily. "How dare he!"
"Let me finish." I cut him off quickly. "I tried to pull him off of me. He was so strong. I didn't know what was happening. I was confused. He wouldn't let me go and then he went on about me confessing to join the dark side. He threatened your life. He threatened Enoch's. Him saying that made my blood boil. I lost control of my senses and the next thing I knew I'm blasting him to oblivion. I. . . killed him. . . I don't know what happened or if that triggered something but it changed me. I wanted to hurt people. That thing inside me wanted more. The people — they were so afraid. . . Chase, I don't want to be like that. I hurt you. Oh, Enoch. . . I'm so incredibly sorry."
My tears flooded into his shirt where my tiny hands were clinging onto the ends of his top. Chase's hand wrapped around my wrist holding me still with the other cradling around my back, holding me dearly.
"I'm sorry," said Chase making me confused as I looked up at him with tears rolling down.
"What? Why are you apologizing?" I asked.
"I keep telling you it's going to be okay, yet you have no idea of anything." He said. What is he referring to? "I've heard stories when I was a kid. The poetry. . . The songs, the stories. . . Everything I've heard about the prophecy of the Looking Glass Lands. . . They were all about a kind princess who would one day bring light and love back to the wonders of Wonderland. Sure, it's as wacky as it gets, but nothing ever could give it what it truly needs. A change. You're going to change this place. You're our beacon of hope. You've made peace with the stinkin' Scariest King in all of Wonderland and you pulled that off better than the hat on the Hatter's heat.
"No one ever said it was an easy job. So many people called it the curse because they were afraid of you flipping out on us in the end. But I had faith. I really did believe you would do great things, Iz. And I still do. You're so cunning and bold. You stand up for what's right. Even when you're tempted, you stayed loyal to your beliefs and you're doing everything you can to be your best. But tonight. . . You were angry. Your anger knows it deserves to be treated well, and with kindness. It's just apart of you that loves you.
"Man, you really were secluded from everything weren't you? It's affected you but you never knew how to talk about it with anyone because the concept is so complex to a child growing up in it. No wonder you wanted to run away from home. . . You were hurt. You didn't feel the love that was supposed to be there for you. Your first love was your parents, but your dad wasn't there to see you grow up. And man, your mom. . . you didn't deserve to be treated like that.
"And now with these crazy powers just arising from nowhere. You had no idea you were apart of something greater than your own mind can comprehend. You're still struggling to understand it as it is. You have no idea who you are. No one expects you to have it all together in one day. You literally just recently got them and you're only trying to hide and conceal your identity. Something that's already apart of you and inside you. But because of the prophecy you were secluded from your own destiny.
"You had no idea. You don't even know who you really are yet. But that's okay. It'll come when it's time. You'll learn to realize what it is, and then maybe you'll embrace that part about you. And you'll truly know how to love yourself and feel that happiness. And even when you don't, that's okay. We'll wait together until that day comes."
His hand took mine in a tight squeeze, holding it close to him. A grin slid up the side of his cheek. Hope was in his ocean eyes calming me with its gentle waves of blue. His tiny dimples creased in ever so lightly. It made me smile. His words weren't entirely true. I am happy the most when I am with him. He made me happy. And I enjoyed that very much about him.
"And, man — we didn't even get to celebrate the birthday party you got, or even spend time at the ball. I hate we never got to do anything tonight. Did you still want to dance?" Chaser asked me, a slight pink to his cheeks. "But it's totally okay if you're not in the mood. I-I completely understand. It's been a rough night."
"Well," I began. "It would be nice if one thing could go right tonight. Besides, I'd like to get what happened off of my mind. Maybe this won't completely ruin it for me."
"Maybe?" Chase asked me with a perfectly raised brow. I rolled my eyes at him with a smile.
"Oh, you know I'm only playing." I said. "Of course I'll dance with you. But what about music?"
"I can probably get someone from the party —"
"Too much effort." I stopped him before he could continue. "We can just sing."
"Like we're in a musical?" Chase asked me.
I shrugged. "Sure, why not?"
Chase chuckled at me. I scooted out of his lap and got up and off the bed. He had gotten up right after me. He took a bow where I curtsied in his oversized shirt. We were so weird as we casually just danced together. His hand was on my waist with the other holding mine. My free hand went to his shoulder. I laughed at us.
"Look at us, dancing in our pj's." I said to him completely forgetting we were supposed to sing. He twirled me in the bedroom, spinning me around under the touch of his fingers grazing around mine as we danced around the room.
"This wasn't really expected," said Chase in agreement, "But it's honestly a lot nicer than the ballroom itself. That music was so loud and ancient I could hear it on the other side of the door. Don't get me wrong, I love classical music, but that just had a bad taste in my mouth."
I laughed. "Right? Not to mention the creepy vibes from everyone."
"I think that's just because you tried to destroy them all." Chase said thoughtfully as he twirled me back where I was close to him.
"Hey!" I gasped. "Totally untrue. . . They're the ones whispering as I get down there."
"Okay, okay! But hey, not everybody dislikes you."
Chase said with a smile. "I like you. A-a-and so does Enoch! And don't forget about Lizzie, too. And so does. . . Alistair, can't. . . cant forget about your best friend."
"So four people are my friends." I said smartly. "But none of them are with me right now except for you. Two of them are in Ever After with no possible way of getting here since everything is clogged up and Enoch is probably afraid of me now. I'm not even as close to Lizzie and she's my cousin! I've always spent my time with Alistair. That's how it's always been. But alas, I'm here now knowing I'll never see him again, so I'm trying to accept that. And let me tell you it feels impossible. He's been with me since day one. My only wish was that I hung out with you more often too. I felt terrible. But now. . . I'm glad we got to make up for it. My time spent with you have been truly wondrous and amazing."
"I can agree to that." Chase said with a gentle smile. We were left swaying side by side as we just held each other. My head rested on his chest just reminiscing the moment together. "What if you were able to see him again?"
I hadn't thought about it. I gave up thinking there was a way for us to see each other again. The thought felt impossible. But if there was the chance to see him again. . . I'd be. . . Well, I don't know. What would I be? Happy? Definitely. But then my thoughts when back to Chase and how much I loved spending time with him. He was the one who changed my perspective about everything. He had amazing wisdom that was refreshing just as much as his presence. I couldn't help but to like everything about him. I've never connected with anyone so well as I had with him.
So maybe Enoch was right. . . Maybe my heart really does want him after all. And not only Enoch, but everyone else too. Aella, The Mad Hatter, Nova. . . she was onto us as well. Why does everyone know everything about me before I even do? Was I really blind to my own feelings, or do I push everything down so I wouldn't have to think about it and possibly get hurt in the end? That must mean they were right about Chase too.
"Then we'd continue on as the best friend squad as we were previously." I said but I wasn't sure about Bunny. She was my friend too. Sure, we were never terribly good friends, but she was always around. More like all around Alistair. That was besides the point. She was still there.
Chase had a weird vibe to him after I said that. There was a sense of sadness. "Would you still leave time for me?"
"Of course I would," I said to encourage him. "You think after all this time I'd completely ditch you? Chase, I would never do that to you."
"How would you know?" Chase asked me. "Wouldn't you want to be with your other friends rather than me? You've been stuck with me this whole time. Aren't you tired of me yet?"
I shook my head at him. He didn't get it. Frankly, I didn't blame him. Everyone he's ever loved had abandoned him. Nobody stayed. But I didn't pity him to stay. It was because I wanted to.
"No, Chase," I said quietly. "I could never get tired of you. Even if I did have my other friends, none of them could ever compare or compete."
He held me close to him with a smile. His arms tightened around me as his head rested atop of mine. It was comforting. "Good. Because then I'd miss you too much."
I smiled at the thought. The thought of him missing me. . . It put warmth in my heart. I didn't ever want to let him go.
We stopped dancing at some point. Chase and I chilled on his bed relaxing against each other in silence. There wasn't anything that needed to be talked about at the moment. We just sat there and enjoyed each other's presence in the quiet. It was comfortable, welcoming, and needed. Only the sound of his breathing brought music to my ears. The rhythmic beating to match his patterns that calmed me into a deep sleep.
I blinked my eyes open, sitting up from where I was. Chase was leaned over on me with his head on my shoulder. His hand interlaced with mine as he had fallen asleep on me. With a smile, my fingers twiddled with his hair shifting it over carefully to not awake him. Gently, my lips met the top of his head in a sweet kiss. I couldn't help myself. He was absolutely precious. He means the world to me. Maybe there will be one day to confess my feelings for him. Hmm, definitely not today. Or any other day soon.
Chase soon woke up so we could get ready and pack our things to leave Jubjub Manor. There wasn't much to pack anyways. Enoch let me keep some clean outfits that weren't worn yet leaving me immensely grateful for. The cooks gave us plenty of food to last us a couple of weeks if it was necessary. Enoch was so kind to me even after I burnt him. There was no telling how he so easily forgave me. Or well, maybe he didn't and just wants to forget about it. There was no telling.
There was one last goodbye to the King before we left. It was a quick farewell telling me to be careful and to protect each other. It was sweet. Enoch led us out of the castle and through the mountains to the back side where normally no person would ever go. Frankly, no person would really climb up the mountains of Division anyway, but Chase and I did. We had to. There wasn't many choices left for us.
Most of the walk was in silence. None of us really spoke to one another. It was a quiet hike as we went down the trail mostly out of breath for moving so fast so quickly. The hills were steep with snow and a bunch of wetness where there wasn't. It was a lot easier getting to the kingdom than it was to leave. Especially in the opposite direction as we literally went behind it. It was weird.
The snarks and other peculiar things that tried to kill us were not as bad thankfully, but it didn't mean that my powers weren't still out of wack. Chase couldn't land a single hit on them with his sword because my powers decided to come out of nowhere uncontrollably going after the creature. It was hard to shut it off, but luckily for me there was an anchor.
Chase was always there to settle me down. It only made me question some things. What if he wasn't there when I needed him most? Look at me, being reliable and dependent on him. What's going to happen when I might lose control and he won't be there to bring me back to my senses? I can't rely on him for everything. Especially if he got hurt.
Our feet stopped suddenly, planted on the edge of the earth where sand met water. We were on the shoreline. The three of us had reached the beach where the lighthouse was just up ahead. Enoch led us to the tall building where he began to pry at the wood that barricaded the door. Chase and I looked at each other where we shrugged, both equally confused. Enoch used his super strength as he priced off the material with his claws.
"Why is it boarded up like that?" Chase asked him.
"Travelers." Enoch said simply. "They come and go but they always leave it messy. Got tired of them destroying my lighthouse so I made sure no one else could get in it unless it was me."
"This is yours?" I asked him.
"Well, yeah," said Enoch casually. "It may be ironic cause it's a lighthouse and I'm the dark prince but come on. It's a lighthouse! I mean, who wouldn't want one of these?"
"It is pretty cool." Chase nodded in agreement.
"Right?" Enoch elbowed him with a smug grin. "Girls dig lighthouses. Right, buddy? Best place for smooch city, am I right?"
He rolled his eyes playfully. "Sure thing, bud."
"You guys are so weird." I spoke which a chuckle, shaking my head at the two.
"Well, thanks for your help, Enoch." Chase said kindly before giving each other a quick hug. Enoch waved after him before he stepped inside leaving just the two of us out here alone.
"Hey," I said almost hesitantly. My eyes averted from his blank expression to his burnt arm. "I'm still really sorry about your arm. Your cousin —"
"Iz, it's okay." His words stopped me in my tracks. He appeared completely content. "This was nothing. It'll heal on its own. Besides, I've handled a lot worse than that, trust me. And Damon had it out for him. He got what he deserved."
"But did he still deserve to die?" I asked him.
Enoch shrugged, not seeming to know the answer himself. He didn't feel as bad as I did. "Don't hold yourself accountable to someone already having a death sentence on his shoulders anyways. Go on, Iz. You should get inside. I'll come around some time. Take care of each other, okay?"
My arms wrapped around his shoulders taking him off guard as I embraced him. I held Enoch for a moment where he hugged back. Pulling away with a smile, I went up into the lighthouse with one last wave to my friend. He shut the door behind us.
A spacious living area was in the middle of the room. It had all sorts of antiques and unusual things that would be interesting to explore. Who knows what all sorts of things we could find here? There were steps that went around the walls that wrapped around that went to the next floor. It was a long way to the top. The further I went up, the more rooms were seen. The second floor was a kitchen and a dining area which was a little bit smaller than the first floor. It was cute but there wasn't any windows. It almost resembled a prison. The third floor was a library. There was a stiff and dusty feeling that caused me to hold my breath. My feet began to hurt on the fourth flight but it was the last one thankfully. A door stopped in front of me. My hand twisted the squeaky doorknob, opening it ajar where light brightened the room on the other side.
Chase was already putting our stuff down on a bed in the corner of the room. So this must be the bedroom. It was cute. I found myself sitting on a bench leaning myself against the wall just watching Chase take things out and put them up neatly. My eyes scanned around the room hoping to find something interesting. It was kind of boring. There wasn't much to begin with. But still, it was nice. There was a ladder at the far end that went up into another room at the top.
My curiosity got the best of me. I found myself walking over to the ladder and staring up at the hole that went somewhere else. My hands grasped onto the cold metal as I pushed myself up to climb. My head began to peak over where I got a glimpse of a bright open window with a view. Excited to see more, I hurriedly brought myself further up. My feet planted on solid ground as my body spun around. The first thing that caught my view was the ocean. It was so big and vast and blue. It stretched out for miles and miles. Who knows what could be out there. Something far more interesting that's for certain. It was an edging feeling of a want to go out there and explore the horizons. There was the chance to go out and explore.
Filled with wonder and excitement, my mind wondered to Chase to see if he'd like the view as much as I did. "Chase, get up here! You have to come see this!"
"One second!" I heard from below.
While waiting, my eyes scanned the ocean just staring out wondering how far it went. There was a telescope beside me so there was a better way to get a good view. Without thinking, my body was already pulling itself toward it. Staring through the little hole, there wasn't much to be seen on the ocean waves.
A soft breeze went against the back side of me. Figuring it had to be Chase, there wasn't much to be bothered about. My body straightened from the lack of entertainment of the telescope nor finding anything amusing anymore. The view was best without it anyway.
"Find anything interesting?" Chase asked me. Slowly, I faced him where he casually leaned again the wall taking in the view.
I shook my head, smiling. "Nope."
There wasn't much said between us. My mind went back to the events the night beforehand. My behavior wasn't acceptable. There was much violence and darkness inside of me. There was no winning. My thoughts were dark just like my actions. It replayed over and over again leaving me defenseless and vulnerable. It had to go. There was no way to possibly live the rest of my life with this burden. There had to be something missing here. Why can't it just leave my head? Why can't I just be normal?
"Hey, what's wrong?" Chase asked me. "You look distraught. Talk to me, Iz."
I turned to face him in the light. The sun shone brightly on his perfect face making him look heavenly. He resembled an angel. Why is he so beautiful? Even with my horrible thoughts of self derailment, it was always stopped by the wonders of his gracefulness. He's enchanting.
"It's nothing," I said quickly. My arms crossed over my chest, turning away from him to find something more interesting. There was a globe in the corner so I began to twiddle with it.
"Izzy," said Chase knowingly, "it isn't nothing. Is it about last night?"
"Of course it's about last night." I whispered painfully. My hand slammed onto the globe knocking it over in frustration. Everything snapped as I tried to hold myself back. My body twisted to face a tensed Chase backing up in shock trying to process everything. His eyes slightly widened with the tiniest bit of panic but it was still noticeable. He's afraid of me.
"Iz, —"
"Chase, I'm terrified!" I interrupted him before he could say another word. Tears welled up threatening to spill. "I killed someone without even thinking. I'm extremely dangerous to be around! I'm like a time bomb. What if you could be next? What if I hurt you? Do you know how much I'd hate myself if I did something like that? I'm terrified. I don't know my own strength yet and I'm already destroying lives. I'm so scared, Chase, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt you. I can't stop thinking about it. . ."
My sobs filled throughout the small space. My hands filled my tears from cupping my face to hold myself together. It wasn't working. Everything was falling just like myself.
"Please, look at me." Chase said calmly. I pulled my head up to where he was sitting directly in front of me. There was no smile. There wasn't a frown either. It was just a straight face but with compelling blue eyes.
"What?" My voice broke.
He took a deep breath before taking my hand in his and delivering a little kiss above the third knuckle. He held it in his, clinging tightly. "Izzy, I'm so sorry. I can't possibly imagine what you're going through right now. But please, you can't bottle it up inside and expect it to disappear on its own. You have to talk to me so we can work this out together. We can do that, okay? Now tell me, Iz. What can we do to work past this?"
"I don't know." I shook my head. Chase tightened his grip on my hand.
"That's okay," He said with a gentle smile. "We'll figure it out together. Right now, I think we should head back down and eat. Are you hungry?"
I nodded in agreement. Chase helped me up to my feet as he led me to the ladder allowing me to go first. I slid down from it easily before going over to a comforter to take a seat. Chase followed soon after as he went over to the basket of food to prepare us some sandwiches. Did he want to avoid it too? Was he avoiding it just as much as I was? Was he becoming aware of who I am and how I'm changing drastically? There was no telling. There wasn't a word said between us.
We ate in silence together as my mind wondered back again to last night. I shut my mind out from my thoughts, but of course, there was a feeling that this wouldn't just go away naturally on its own. It was inevitable.
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