They were shooting a scene when I walked onto the set, James stood in a corner waiting for me, it seemed, because as a I walked in I saw him exhaling a great deal of air. He rushed to my side, "Where have you been, you are ten minutes late, Glenn. This is the first day of your job and you are ten minutes late!"
"I am so sorry James I really am, I waited for a bus but there is some kind of strike going on, am I in trouble?"
"You know showing up late for your first day undermines your professional credibility! But thankfully they haven't finished with this scene yet, it's for the supporting cast. They are doing the last take after which they make arrangements for the scene between the hero and the heroine and that is where you come in, you facilitate the work of the director and technicians while they set the scene up, get it?"
"Yeah sure. You have explained all this to me already, James."
"I know. But I want to drill in the facts, no mistakes! I have put my faith in you, make me proud girl!" James said as he dragged me along with him to his supervisor, James reached him and the man looked up from the papers in his hands, "Yes?"
"Glenn Baker, the stand-in for Claire Barry." James announced.
"She's late." The supervisor pointed out matter-of-factly.
I started to plead to him, "I know but..." at this point James squeezed my upper arm to make me stop, he requested him, "Won't happen again, Charles."
Charles gestured in James' direction and pointed to a group of people standing behind him, "the rest of the stand-ins, tell her to join them. I hope she knows what is expected of her?"
"I trained her myself", saying this James dragged me along to join the group of stand-ins, they stood chattering and drinking their morning coffee, they seemed to know each other well, I realized that I was the only stranger in the bunch. James went up to them and told them who I was and one of them (who I assumed to be the stand-in for John Ford because of his height and built) spoke, "Welcome to Hollywood, Glenn! How do you feel?"
I didn't know what to say so I blurted out the first thing that came into my head, "like Dorothy in Oz!" they all had a good laugh with that one, I smiled with relief, at least I knew about the Wizard of Oz even if I didn't know much about the current state of cinema. They soon announced the wrapping up of the scene that was being shot, we were all called upon to take our positions. The snatches of conversation around me made me realize that the name of John Ford's stand-in was Adrian and that we were about to set up for a seduction scene between the hero and the heroine. They made us(Adrian and I) stand close to one another in different places in the room, each time we stood in a specific position the technicians pointed the lights on us from different angles, the camera men told us to move our faces up and down and then left and right, around us some men polished and cleaned the props, the director told them to move certain items from one place to another to see what effect was created. At one point the director battled with his assistant over the usefulness of the tree (a prop) that stood by a fake wall built within the studio. The set itself was a representation of the 1930s Paris, to my inexperienced eyes it seemed as though it was exactly what Paris ought to be but I couldn't be sure. I had heard that the studio spent thousands of dollars just on building these sets; it made me believe in their authenticity.
"Miss? Miss?" I heard a voice in the distance.
Adrian touched my hand lightly, "he is calling you, Glenn."
"Oh, I beg your pardon..." I said to the cameraman and moved to the right side, for this was what he wanted of me. We stood on the set for another hour after which the director asked one of the men to call John Ford. The man rushed out of the set and ran towards the actors' trailers. I think I held my breath for the exact ten minutes it took John to come on the set. He walked directly onto the set and came straight towards Adrian and me, I imagine I was sweating profusely, I believed I was going to be fired any instant now, he looked at me only briefly and walked straight towards Adrian and extended out his hand and gave a warm smile, "Adrian! How's it going?"
"Can't complain, Ford. Can't complain." Since Adrian saw me staring at John Ford's back with such awe he decided to introduce me to him, "Oh, John this is Ms. Barker by the way." John turned around to look at me, the uneasy feeling in my stomach escalated, he was going to recognize me and have me fired, instead he turned around and using the same congenial smile he had showered upon Adrian, extended out his hand towards me, "Hello! We have met," he told Adrian but all this time he was looking into my eyes, "last night, wasn't it?" he asked me with good humor, "Ms Barker, was kind enough to introduce herself, but just as I was about to ask her what she did for a living she chose to turn around and dismiss me completely", he continued to smile with his eyes and mouth and held onto my hand also. This was the second time I was going to blush profusely on this man's account, I could feel my temperature rising and my cheeks heating up.
Adrian laughed in the background, "You're making her uncomfortable, Ford."
Realizing that he was indeed disturbing me (I am not sure if he realized in what way, but maybe he did) he let go of my hand. "Good to know that we'll have such lively company working with us." He followed the compliment with an equally charming, evocative smile and walked off in the direction of the director.
I let out a deep sigh and then realized that Adrian had witnessed my reaction to him, "Charming fellow, isn't he? He and I served in the army together."
He had surprised me, "He has served in the army?"
"Yes, he was in the war, USMC! Didn't you know?"
"But he is an actor. How does he get time to do both?" I was fascinated.
"He is quite the over-achiever. He was under contract at the studio. They didn't want him to participate in the war and he enlisted without notifying them first. He actually wanted to work in the air force, the fellow can fly a plane like a housewife can cook and clean! The studio wouldn't let him go into a high risk area. He ended up on PT boats. That's where we met. The duty was still dangerous but the studio much preferred that their lead star be on land then high up in the sky."
Enchanted, I exclaimed, "he said something about that yesterday, how he preferred being free in the sky... he believes he doesn't have that kind of freedom on land."
Adrian remarked, "He wouldn't be lying. Everyone is simply mad about this man. He can't go anywhere without being constantly hounded by photographers and adoring women!"
I stopped looking at John Ford then, I felt ashamed. I was making his life as miserable as the other people who bothered him.
"How is it that you don't know anything about him?" he asked.
I went on the defensive again and replied rhetorically, "How is it that you do?" then immediately realizing my mistake I hurriedly corrected myself, "I am sorry! The sarcasm was uncalled for. I just came to Hollywood from Nebraska and the reason I am here is to acquire college education. I am working as a stand-in to pay my bills, you see I haven't ever watched a lot of movies back home, only few and well, therefore, I didn't know who he was but I have been quickly able to learn a lot about him and am not an ignorant anymore." I said this with a sense of accomplishment and I could see that Adrian wasn't going to press the issue any further and I silently thanked God for that for I didn't like being taken for an ignorant. All my life I had struggled to acquire a good education and yet here I was in Hollywood and no one cared a fig about the numerous facts and figures in my head and only about these popular stars that I had absolutely no idea of.
The director spoke into the microphone then, "Stand-ins to remove themselves. John and Claire are needed on set now." We immediately left the main area of the set and stood at a side. John Ford and Claire Barry (who had also walked on to the set in the previous five minutes) now occupied the positions in which I and Adrian had stood before. The director was standing close to them telling them what they were supposed to do. I could still hear them clearly even though I stood a little distance away. "Alright John, you are the master here. You know how to do this better than anybody. I need to tell you that you have your face tilted towards that camera," he pointed towards a cameraman close to my side, "and don't go down on her too much. It will ruin the light on both your faces, understood?" John nodded in reply. The director then instructed Claire along the same lines, all this while John stood there extremely calm and collected but he was no longer aware of anyone around him, it was just him and his thoughts- he was preparing for the scene. He carelessly took out a cigarette pack from his coat pocket, reached for a cigarette and lit it. He puffed lightly, exerting just enough pressure to keep his cigarette between his lips, the puff sent whiff of even smoke into the air and it made me notice his mouth again. His mouth was indescribably striking...had I ever noticed a man's mouth before...no, I hadn't... strange that I should start now. The director's next comment piqued my curiosity even further, "shall we try this once and see if it works?"
Both the actors had no qualms on the issue, the director seemed like the boss. This was just a rehearsal but the director had asked Ford to make it look real and genuine, and so he did. He looked into her eyes like she was the only woman on the face of earth, he brought his arms up to her sides like she was the only girl in the world that he'd ever make love to and then he slowly moved his face towards her mouth and kissed her... kissed her like kissing her was the only thing in the world worth doing. I melted away as I watched him kiss her, it was so potent that I felt as if I had been the one who had been kissed. His kiss knocked the breath out of me and when he finally lifted his lips off of hers I exhaled a breath I didn't even know I was holding. The voice was loud enough in an otherwise silent room and to my sheer embarrassment it even reached the ears of the director and the two leads. The three of them looked in my direction... I was spared from noticing their reaction because I put my head down in shame, this man could inspire lust in a nun, I regrettably thought to myself. I kept reminding myself that the gasp was not my fault, no woman could help giving such a reaction when a man kissed a woman like that- even if he was only acting! This also made me realize that he must be a mighty fine actor to not be bothered by the presence of almost a hundred people on the set and still make his acting look like a scene out of his real life... mighty fine indeed. I think I heard Claire Barry's chuckle in a reaction to my expletive, the director was more sympathetic, he decided to congratulate both of them, "You see! Both of you make magic on screen. The kiss is perfect. You guys have the women swooning! This makes good, entertaining cinema. Good job both of you." The director's speech drowned me in a sea of shame, he had referred to my uninhibited reaction with such obviousness that even if I had mildly believed that my foolishness had gone unnoticed by John now it was effectively impossible. They practiced the kiss ten times, I know because I was counting. I wanted the torture to end already, it was bittersweet for me. The pleasure of watching him kiss and the bitterness of not being the recipient of it was too much to bear. Thankfully, after the tenth time Claire told the director that she needed a little break and the director conceded. He didn't, however, let John leave the set. While Claire was away resting he still kept on going over the details of how Claire was going to be seducing John in the scene, he gave John directions of how he was going to put his arms around her and how much he was going to pause between dialogues. Amidst this discussion John suddenly spoke up, "Alfred (that was the director's name), I really would like to practice the kissing scene once more, you see I am still not sure if I am reaching for her right."
"John, come on! Claire is not on the set do you want me to go call her now? You know how to do this well, I am satisfied. Claire knows how to bend and respond."
"I know, Alfred. But I want to perfect my technique. Don't call her, she'll be furious with me if you did. I'll practice with the stand-in." When John said these words it was as if my feet couldn't feel the ground beneath them, had he really just said that he'd practice the art of kissing on the stand-in, the stand-in meant me, Dear God, let it mean me! I silently prayed.
The director gestured towards our group in a silent signal indicating that John should go get the stand-in himself. John moved towards us, he appeared ethereal to me, it was as though his feet didn't touch the ground. He came and stood in front of me and extended his hand, "Let's practice kissing." I blushed intensely for the millionth time and the rest of the stand-ins laughed at his witty comment. I took his hand and he led me to the main set area.
He brought me to a halt under the intense lighting. I stared into his eyes, I was a nervous wreck. Yes, I would love to kiss him even though it was him practicing his technique, even though it was him acting, even though it was for a movie but what I was truly worried about was if I'll be even slightly good at it, if he'll even find minuscule appeal in the process. He held both my hands in his, "Relax, Glenn. It is only practice, you are not running a marathon. You are just going to kiss a man!"
Somehow him saying this didn't improve my disposition, he knew he was no ordinary man, he was so absolutely charming to me even when I had behaved like an utter dolt in front of him and he was handsome, so very handsome. I was now pretty certain that a lot of women's hearts fluttered at the sight of him. How could I possibly not shake and shiver like crazy before kissing a man like that? He didn't wait for me to calm down, one minute I was nervous, the next minute utterly encapsulated in his hypnotic stare; he was looking at me like a man who was about to do something very serious and meaningful, as if kissing me was something he really wanted to do. He turned on the charm, it was so hard to hold on to reality after that point- once his eyes held mine I was completely gone, he bent his head in my direction and I closed my eyes... when his lips touched mine, I heard deafening clang of bells in my ears. His mouth tasted like the sweetest fruit; he moved his lips over mine with such expertise that I experienced such pleasure in a kiss that I had never before experienced even in sex. My blood rushed through me with forcefulness, amplifying my realization of being alive; my mind abandoned all logical thought. I put my arms around his shoulders because I felt weak in the knees. He encircled my waist in his sinewy grip and dragged me closer to him. He brushed his lips over mine and then pulled away a little and looked at me with his brilliant eyes, and smiled a little and then bent his head down on me again. He kissed me so thoroughly that I felt I was going to pass out with pleasure. I heard a voice in the distance, to me it was the strange calling of an alien species from another planet, it said something and then repeated it, I still didn't understand a thing because I kept fervently kissing the mouth on me, the voice slowly registered through a haze of aphrodisiacal smoke, "Enough both of you. John! Stop it! We have to start shooting the scene." John replied still kissing my mouth, "Five more minutes, Alfred. I think I am almost ready."
"Enough! I won't have any gimmicks on the set. Release the girl. We have to shoot the scene. The studio doesn't pay you to provide comic relief." Alfred angrily replied.
John's mouth curved into a smile and he finally paused the kiss and lifted his head from my lips. The fact that he was finally not kissing me helped me come back to my present reality. I realized the fact that John was laughing, as was everyone else. Was this a joke? Was he just kidding around trying to have a good laugh at my expense? Looking around myself I realized that that was indeed true. A moment ago I had experienced the depth of desire I hadn't ever experienced and now I felt remorse and hurt that was far beyond anything I had ever know. Tears stung my eyes and I was dangerously close to crying, I saw everyone laughing because they treated it as a funny joke. I suppose most of them expected me to play along with it, I know how it must have been appearing to them, perhaps Hollywood was way more casual than I had originally imagined it to be and a steamy kiss between coworkers was more of a joke than a thing borne out of passion. I, however, was not like them. I had meant the kiss, I had been totally immersed in it, I had responded genuinely to it and now I couldn't help shedding tears. As everyone laughed, so did John. But he finally really looked at my face and realized that I wasn't playing along with the joke, that his actions and his words had actually hurt me and for a minute there I saw incredulity on his face, like he hadn't expected this of me, like he hadn't ever expected this of anyone. With his realization of the fact that I was close to tears he stopped laughing and became solemn and since everyone was still being merry he yelled with furious authority, "Shut up!"
The entire crew went silent, everyone was looking at me and realizing that I had been hurt by the incident. The joke was not a joke. Everyone accepted that and then Alfred spoke on the loud speaker, "Places everyone, we start shooting the scene now. Someone go call Claire. We have had enough fun for now."
I dejectedly started moving off the main set area when John's hand shot up and grabbed a hold of my upper arm in a tight, reassuring grip, "I am sorry, Glenn."
I broke myself free of his grip with a gentle shake of the hand, he let me go and I moved off without looking back in his direction or murmuring a word of acknowledgement.