"Are you ready, Muna?" Miss Rose asked me.
I was seated in the driver's seat of one of her car's. Miss Rose had revealed to me her grand plan of teaching me how to drive at breakfast this morning. I had tried to get out of it, I really really tried, and then Miss Rose had played the 'I pay you to drive me' card and there was nothing much I could do from there.
I had insisted that if she were to teach me to drive, she'd do so using her cheapest car. I thought this would have provided me with some form of comfort and reduced my anxieties until I found out that her cheapest car cost more than what most people made in their lifetime.
Here I was; seated in the driver's seat of said car. Its exterior was white and smooth, with its inside being a direct contrast: jet black color.
"Are you ready, Muna?" Miss Rose repeated her question, seeing as I had not answered the first time.
"Not really," I said, turning to look at her.
Miss Rose was seated next to me, in the passenger seat with her head resting against the car window as she calmly watched me panic and combust within myself. She laughed at this. She was the only one laughing as I found nothing particularly funny about the fact that she was about to trust me with her life.
Luckily (or unluckily) for me, Miss Rose had a large expanse of land just outside her house for me to practice driving without having to worry about other cars on the road. She had even gone the extra length of placing cones and obstacles along particular points to stimulate a more realistic driving experience. The land was closed off by two walls, parallel from each other.
"Remember what I told you, Muna. Safety checks always come first."
I let out a breath. It appeared we were really doing this. I had been hoping that somehow this whole thing was just another of Miss Rose's jokes, but she seemed hell-bent on teaching me how to drive and it was clear I wasn't getting out of here. Not until she had achieved some of that.
I checked my seatbelt and adjusted my side mirrors, and the overhead mirror like Miss Rose had instructed. She smiled at me with satisfaction once I had done those checks.
"Okay, now adjust the vehicle so you are comfortable in your seat. Here I'd help."
I sat in silence as Miss Rose clicked off her seat-belt and reached over me to the side of my seat and began to press some buttons.
"Tell me when you feel comfortable, Muna."
"When." I mumbled after a few seconds of Miss Rose moving my seat back and forth.
She sat back down in her seat, sweeping her hair out of her eyes as she re-buckled her seat-belt. "You're off to a great start, Muna. Put the gear in Drive and press down on the accelerator. Do it slowly first, then apply more pressure as you go along."
I looked at Miss Rose in one desperate final attempt to get out of this, "are you sure about this? I really don't want to harm your car."
"You won't harm my car, Muna."
How was she so sure?
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened them again and cleared my throat as I placed my foot carefully on the accelerator. The car slowly but surely lurched forward.
"There you go, Muna!" Miss Rose said beside me, "now slowly increase your speed. Slowly."
I did just that, all the while my heart beating really fast in my chest. My palms were sweaty against the steering wheel of the car, and I gripped it painfully to keep my hands from suddenly slipping off.
"Okay Muna, now let's practice using the brakes. Lift your foot off the accelerator and place it on the brake. Not too quickly."
I took another deep breath before lifting my foot off the accelerator and carefully placing it on the brake instead. The car came to a smooth halt.
"That was absolutely perfect." Miss Rose said, reaching over and squeezing my arm.
I immediately felt warmth in my heart. I couldn't tell if Miss Rose actually meant that, or she just said it to boost my confidence. Either way- it was working. My palms were no longer as sweaty as before, my heart no longer felt like it was going to leap out of my chest at any second. I felt relaxed, more in control.
"Okay Muna, put the car in Park so I can explain reversing to you."
I followed Miss Rose's instructions for the rest of the lesson. She was very patient when I messed up and encouraged me numerous times. She put me onto an obstacle course which I failed badly at; I ended up hitting over most of the cones and almost driving Miss Rose's car into the wall. But even then, she didn't get mad at me. She just laughed it off and told me to try again. After some time I stopped seeing this driving lesson as a life or death experience but rather, just a driving lesson. I stopped worrying and focused on enjoying myself and following the instructions that Miss Rose was giving me.
When I practiced reversing, Miss Rose got out of the car and stood at the back in order to guide me better. My anxieties came back briefly at being left in the car alone, but as soon as they came they were gone. I reversed the car smoothly, which earned a cheer from Miss Rose and caused my heart to swell up with pride.
"Wow, Muna," Miss Rose said as she got back into the passenger seat, "you did pretty amazing for your first day."
"Thank you," I replied grinning up at her, "I had an amazing instructor."
The smile Miss Rose gave me almost made my heart stop, and I sat there staring at her as she looked at me with her intense eyes.
"Why didn't you learn to drive in high school like everyone else?" Miss Rose suddenly asked, breaking the silence between us.
"I was busy," I replied, "I had to go to school and work a couple of jobs to save up for college. And I didn't learn in college either, cause I had to keep working to afford to stay in college. So you know, no time."
Miss Rose nodded her head at me. She seemed deep in thought.
"Lemme guess, you learnt to drive at 15 and were gifted your first car the second you turned 16?" I asked.
"Is that what you think?" She had a small smile tugging on her lips.
"Well, that was the case for most people at my high-school," I replied, then paused. "Or is it different in Australia?"
Miss Rose chuckled as she glanced down at her lap, "nope. It was pretty much the same thing in Australia. However, I didn't learn to drive till freshman year of College."
"Oh," I said in confusion, "why not?"
"Well," Miss Rose said, looking up from her hands and meeting my eyes, "between schoolwork and being bullied. I didn't really have much morale for anything else."
My eyes widened slightly in shock. Miss Rose was bullied? How could someone like her ever be bullied? She was so confident, intelligent and beautiful. What was there for her to be bullied about?
Miss Rose chuckled, "well I'm glad you think so Muna."
My brows furrowed in confusion, then I realized I had actually said my thoughts out loud. "Shit, Miss Rose, I'm sorry."
"It's okay," Miss Rose said, grinning at me. She didn't look the slightest bit offended by anything I said. "I was bullied because of a number of things. But mainly because I'm gay. You know, people don't really tend to like people that are different."
I nodded, completely understanding what Miss Rose was saying. I had been one of the few Black students at my high-school, which was why I never came out then. I was already 'different' enough and people did go out of their way to remind me of how 'different' I was.
"To be fair, I graduated early. I wanted to get out of High School as quickly as I could," Miss Rose said, "it was quite a dark time."
I watched as Miss Rose's eyes seemed to cloud over. Without thinking, I reached my hand over and gave her a reassuring squeeze like she had done to me earlier. She looked up at me and smiled, her eyes softening. "I know how much it can suck to feel alone. I never want anyone I care about to feel alone or unworthy."
Miss Rose's eyes connected with mine and my breath caught in my throat, I just stared at her. Getting lost in the green abyss that were her eyes.
"How are the nightmares?" Miss Rose asked, her voice was barely above a whisper.
I gulped, remembering the night back at the Cabin. The nightmares had calmed down but had not stopped entirely. I got sudden glimpses of my past from time to time: faces, memories, sounds.
"I mean," I began staring down at my palms, "they have calmed down significantly. Just flashes here and there from time to time. I'm able to sleep through most nights."
A hand reached over and grabbed mine.
"Well, I'm glad about that," Miss Rose said smiling at me, "I can now sleep at night knowing that you're sleeping at night."
Was Miss Rose losing sleep, worrying about me?
She slowly traced patterns in the palm of my hand that were now lying in her lap. I felt little fireworks wherever her pointer finger touched. It seemed to leave a trail.
"If you get one of your nightmares again, don't be afraid to give me a call, okay?" Miss Rose said, looking at me with the full force of her intensity, "I don't care what time of the night it is. I will always pick up for you, Muna."
Miss Rose looked at me with seriousness etched into every corner of her face. She had now stopped tracing patterns in my palm and her full attention was on me. I noticed the way her brows were furrowed. I noticed the way her cheekbones ran down her face: sharp and slanted. I noticed her jaw: firm. Last but not the least, I noticed her lips. Her plump pink lips. I noticed the shape of her lips, how her bottom lip was twice the size of her upper lip. The ratio was exquisite. I looked up into her eyes once more. She was gazing at me intently, unblinkingly.
I don't know what came over me. Maybe it was the confidence I had suddenly gotten from the driving lessons. Maybe the confidence had always been there, waiting to unleash itself. Maybe it was just a desire that I just couldn't hold back on any longer. Maybe it was something else entirely.
I reached across the centre console and connected my lips with Miss Rose's. Her lips lay there, hungrily waiting for me, and the second my lips touched them, they responded. I was kissing Miss Rose. Miss Rose was kissing me. Her hands moved up to cradle my face as I kissed her, they held my face firmly against her own as our lips attacked each other's. She tasted delightful; she tasted like pure joy. That was all I felt as I kissed her: delight and poor joy. Without breaking the kiss, Miss Rose picked me up from over the centre console and placed me in her lap. My hands were suddenly in her hair and she traced her hand along the side of my face as she kissed me deeply.
We broke apart. Foreheads pressed against each other's, panting deeply as we looked into each other's eyes. We stayed like this for a while, our chests were touching and I could feel our hearts beating in sync. Time seemed irrelevant in the grander scheme of things. Nothing else existed whilst I was seated in Miss Rose's lap, feeling her run her hand slowly down the side of my face as we stared into each other's eyes. My head was blank. Nothing else mattered.
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Q. Where was your first kiss?