Kopter
It took me a few minutes to remember why I was cocooned in around twenty blankets, clutching a still sleeping Park close to my chest.
My eyes drifted up and down the peaceful Park. Unlike the last time I'd stayed the night, Park hadn't shifted away from me at all. His arms were crossed loosely across his stomach, hugging either side of his waist. I could feel the back of his knees curved around my own, fitting together like lax jigsaw pieces. He always reminded me of a bunny when he wasn't scowling, with his chubby cheeks and faint dimples. His hair was strewn across his face, wavy from his towel-drying the night before. I reached my hand over and carefully pushed back a piece of hair that was covering his eye so I could see the small freckle that I knew was behind it.
Just then, Park's eyelashes fluttered open and he turned his head to groggily stare back at me, eyes half open. For some reason, I couldn't break his stare. His eyes were so black, I could stare at them for years without ever realising any time had passed. Park looked back at me, his face a mixture of confusion and alarm. Just as his lips parted to say something, a loud CRASH came from behind me as his bedroom door swung open.
"Park, Mom says you gotta hurry or else breakfast will-" Sunny stopped dead in her tracks. I quickly turned to see Sunny, fully clothed in her school uniform, standing open-mouthed in the doorway.
Park hurriedly sat up beside me, coughing nervously and smoothing down his wild bed-head hair. His face was bright pink.
"I'm sorry I didn't realise..." Sunny turned to me, confused and bewildered, then exclaimed, "I had no idea you were gay as well!"
I furrowed my brow in confusion. "Gay too? What do you mean?" I asked, turning to a now crimson-faced Park. "Neither of us are gay..." My voice trailed off as I finally connected the dots.
Park was the gay one.
"I'm going to kill you Sunny," Park muttered under his breath, still loud enough for Sunny to hear from across the room.
"My bad!" She exclaimed nervously, hastily fumbling for the door behind her. "Breakfast's ready when you want it!"
The door slammed behind her, leaving Park and I alone again. I turned to look at him but he turned away; his face had faded from crimson to a ghostly pale white. He silently got out of bed and made his way to the closet, picking out and dusting off his school uniform. I racked my brain for something to say, anything at all, but before I could even muster up a 'Good Morning,' the door had slammed once again, leaving me alone in his bed.
---
Park hadn't uttered a word to me all morning. Breakfast had been unbearably awkward. Sunny spent the whole time staring at her cereal bowl, glancing occasionally between me and Park at opposite ends of the table, screwing up her face, and hitting herself softly on the side of her head with her fist in remorse. Mr. and Mrs. Park had been particularly chatty this morning, regaling everyone with their tales of phoning the electricity board. Luckily, neither of them noticed the tension in the room and their chatter did wonders for uplifting some of the awkwardness.
The walk down to the station was completely silent. The early morning New York air stung harsher than it did when I was laughing with Park. A few minutes later, Park was forced to sit beside me in the crowded car of the subway, but there was no sign of a crossword distraction. He looked straight ahead, eyes unblinking and transfixed on an ad for toothpaste. I discreetly scanned him up and down. His entire body was tense and rigid; his knuckles had turned white from gripping his bag strap so tightly.
I wanted to say something, but I still couldn't figure out what to say. I was still in shock from Sunny's revelation. The truth is, I'd never even imagined Park being anything at all. To me, he was just Park. I'd never pictured him dating or in any relationship, girl or guy. We'd never even talked about romance or dating except from brief comments about my fake-date with Bianca. I desperately wanted to comfort him, let him know that it was okay.
Before I knew what I was doing, my left hand had made its way to Park's shoulder and gripped it tightly. Park turned to look at me, a look of confusion and suspicion etched across his face. I awkwardly cleared my throat and lowered my hand, darting my eyes to and from his gaze, unable to sustain it longer than a few seconds.
"What?" Park asked coldly, sustaining his steely glare. When I finally mustered up the courage and held his gaze, I felt my palms instantly clam-up.
"You know I don't care, right?" It barely came out as a whisper, but Park heard. I cleared my throat again and tried again, "It's not something that bothers me or that I'm not okay with. You're still my friend." This time my voice grew in confidence, but remained quiet to keep our exchange as private from the crowded carriage as possible. Park's gaze softened, he stared at me a few seconds longer, then nodded curtly before turning back to the advert in front of him. His grip on his bag loosened slightly and the tension in his body seemed to ease somewhat.
As I sat back in my seat, the sweat in my palms began to subside. I silently prayed that Park would realise my support for him. This changes nothing.
Park
"What's up with you guys today?"
Krishna studied us closely, peering through her round glasses. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kopter's face steadily grow to darker hues of pink.
"Nothing's wrong." I snapped, grabbing my bag, and sitting myself down at my usual desk on the opposite side of the class.
I grabbed my English textbooks out of my bag and stacked them on the side of my desk closest to Kopter and his friend's, blocking them from view and buried my face in my arms. 'Oh Lord, why?' was the only thought that had been spinning around in my head for the past two hours.
That was a lie; 'Oh fuck' had been in pretty prominent when it'd first happened. I swear to God, I'm going to be jailed for ten to life for murdering my own little sister. At least she hadn't meant to out me like that. While Kopter was in the bathroom this morning, I'd cornered her and she explained that from her view point in the doorway it had looked like we were kissing.
I let my head slide from my forearm and onto the desk with a muffled thud. Realising my unrequited feelings for my straight best friend and being accidentally outed to that same friend in the space of nine hours was not ideal. It was hard enough trying to hide the fact that every time he was near me my heart felt like it was taking part in it's own personal parkour stunt-show. Him knowing that I could actually have these feelings for him certainly didn't make things easier.
I raised my head slightly to peer over my stack of books, over to where Kopter sat. He absentmindedly doodled on his notebook, a glazed look covering his face. As awkward as it had been, learning that Kopter didn't care about who I liked made the whole experience slightly better. Would I have gone through it again just to find that out? Absolutely not. But discovering that Kopter was okay with me being gay did bring me some relief. I'd be lying if I said it hadn't been a niggling worry of mine all this time we've been friends.
Mrs. Humza strode through the door and slammed a heavy looking hard-back novel onto her desk. "Right class," she called out, causing the hum of chatter to subside, "Please turn to page three-hundred and ninety-four, 'Chaos Incarnate'."
---
I normally hated Tuesdays, but the fact that I only shared one class with Kopter today came as a relief. I had managed to avoid him all day. I had to skip lunch to do so but it was all worth it for the sake of my pride and dignity.
I was just collecting my final books to bring home for homework when I heard a voice call out my name. "Hey Park!" I slowly wheeled around, there was no way I could pretend I hadn't heard. To my surprise, I saw Darius run up to me, no Kopter in sight.
"Hey," he said breathily, screeching to a halt and doubling up to catch his breath. After a few deep inhales he stood up and placed a hand on my shoulder. "You free this afternoon?" I looked around, confused as to why he was asking me without the rest of the group present. He saw the look on my face and elaborated, "Don't worry, the rest of us will be there doing homework; they've just gone on ahead to my house. None of us had your number."
I nodded, hoping nobody was going to ask me to pull out my 2009 Nokia brick and give them my number. Luckily, he didn't. "So, you coming?" With no Kopter to intervene, I nodded in agreement. "Awesome, come on then."
---
Kopter
Darius' room actually felt like a teenager's room. A rich teen, but a teen nonetheless. His pale-blue walls were covered in band posters and pictures of expensive, flashy looking motorbikes, beneath which were some particularly plush looking beanbags. In the centre of his room was a small table which everyone was crowded around and strewed their homework papers across. Park sat next to me. I'd deliberately left it as the only seat open for when he arrived, forcing him to sit there. I knew things were gonna be awkward between us for a while, but I wanted that phase to be over as soon as possible.
He'd avoided me all day, and I'd let him but would rather not do it again. It had been such a boring day without him, I always hated Tuesdays. I missed his little sarcastic remarks when I would say something stupid and the way he screwed up his nose when he was thinking really hard.
"What the hell even is this!?" Darius exclaimed, throwing his pen back down onto his notes, clearly frustrated.
"What subject?" Krishna asked, not looking up from her own work.
"Stupid freaking Trigonometry." Darius replied, massaging his temple with his forefingers.
"I'm no good then, you'd better ask Park." Krishna replied, nonchalantly.
Darius looked up at a bewildered Park, anguish in his eyes, "Please?"
Park sighed and moved his seat away from me, placed it next to Darius, and sat down. I watched as he picked up his fallen pen and began murmuring advice into Darius's ear. I couldn't tear my eyes away from them; my stomach twisted and I felt my cheeks burn a little.
A few minutes later, Darius clapped his hands together in delight. "Park, you absolute genius!" He exclaimed, placing his arm around Park, and squeezing his shoulders in a side-hug.
My chair toppled backwards as I suddenly stood up, causing everyone to stare up at me, confused. Caught off guard with my sudden action, I felt a little dizzy.
"Everything alright, Kopter?" Dior asked, concerned.
"Yeah fine," I replied, shaking my head a little, "Just need the bathroom." As I stood up to leave, I saw Dior and Krishna exchange an uneasy look with one another.
In the bathroom, I splashed cold water over my face and then stared at my dripping wet reflection. 'What's wrong with me?' I asked myself, inspecting my face for some tell-tale signs of illness. My stomach still felt twisted and nauseous and I heard a faint, high-pitched ringing sound in my ears. Why was this happening? And why did I feel like it had something to do with Park?
---
Park
I stayed close to Kopter's side as we traveled back from Darius' house to the subway station. I closely examined his side profile as we walked; he didn't look well. His jaw was locked and he looked a little bit green, like he'd eaten something that had gone off. He hadn't spoken since he came back from the bathroom, simply nodded when Dior had suggested that he walk me to the station near his house since it was getting dark. The threat of Kopter being sick had completely eradicated my awkwardness around him and replaced it with concern.
"Are you really feeling alright?" I asked.
"I'm fine," he muttered, rounding a corner and picking up his pace a little. I kept studying his face as I practically jogged to keep up with his long legs. He certainly didn't look fine.
We arrived in front of the station and Kopter turned to leave. I held out an arm to stop him and looked up at him. "I can tell you're not alright," I replied sternly, "Just tell me what's wrong."
Kopter pushed back his curls in frustration, and took a sharp inhale of the cold night air. "I just don't like it when you and Darius are close, okay?" He said exasperatedly. I looked up at him in confusion as he scrunched up his face in annoyance with himself. "Look," he added, sighing and looking up at the sky, "I don't know why it is and I know it's irrational but I think that's what it is." He looked apologetically down at me, "I'm sorry, I'll figure it out and get back to you on it."
I pulled my scarf tighter around my neck and nodded shyly up at him. "Okay," I mumbled.
He smiled down at me and patted me on the shoulder, "Goodnight then." And with that, he turned round and walked back up the street, shoving his hands deep into his pockets and hunching his shoulders against the cold.
I watched him until he was out of sight, various thoughts and theories spinning around in my head. 'I just don't like it when you and Darius are close.' But why? Darius was his friend too, so why did he feel jealous?
My heart fluttered a little in excitement and I felt a small smile spread across my lips. Could it be that he felt similarly for me? But then my heart dropped like a ton of lead bricks as Kopter's defiant words from this morning rang through my ears.
'I'm not gay.'
I shouldn't get my hopes up for someone who'll never see me in the same way.