Nico POV
I overstepped. God, all I've been doing lately is overstepping. All I've been doing is breaking away from logic, from rules. Someone was going to truly hurt me for all of this, much more than Reyna had. (A/N: Is this where it gets me? In my sleep? Seven feet ahead of me?)
I won't say it didn't even hurt, because it did, but the pain faded quickly. It was more like a memory.
A memory.
General Ares's face when I messed up, when I was young. His face...his fists. The whip.
This is where it gets me. (A/N: :))
I became robotic as dawn passed. The morning of the attack. I helped set up. People watched me with wide eyes. Pick up a weapon, pass it on. Pick up a weapon, pass it on. Everyone had weapons. Good. I need a sword. I didn't speak. I worked. I need a sword.
Reyna approached. The people around me froze. I straightened my back and saluted her. Staring straight ahead.
General Ares, stopping right in front of me. My back was not straight enough. Elbow not the correct angle. Face afraid. "1017, if you're scared, you gotta at least try to hide it, coward," he had muttered as he reached for the whip. I didn't know how to hide my fear. I shook. My stomach seemed to tear itself apart from either anxiety or hunger or both.
Reyna bowed her head. "Break form, soldier," she whispered. I did as I was told. I let my shoulders fall forward and my arm drop. I started picking out a sword.
"Nico, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry. I get it if you're really angry at me. I get it if you never talk to me again. I mean, you know, slapping you for disagreeing was bad enough but if you're anything like I was, I probably caused flashbacks?" She paused, hands shaking slightly. "And I wanted to let you know, it will not happen again. You will not be hurt again. You can sit out of the attack if you want. I would get that. You're not really in a state to fight, and I caused it."
I didn't answer. I lifted a stygian iron sword. It looked nice and felt right in my hand. I turned and swung it at the tree. I hit it. This was a good sword.
I killed an enemy soldier for the first time, and General Ares watched with narrowed eyes. He was not upset about the dead body at my feet. He told me my form hadn't been very good as I'd killed him. Taught me how to kill better.
I was a horrible soldier at heart. I hated this. I hated all of this. General Ares had seen it at first, but I'd learned to cover it up. I was a good soldier on the outside, with a coward's heart.
I hefted the sword again and turned it over in my palm. It was similar enough to the one I'd had to give up before my almost-execution that it felt familiar despite being new. Reyna watched me. She reached out as if to put her hand on my shoulder but then thought better of it. She let it fall to her side again. "I hope you feel better soon, okay?"
I glanced over without answering and without looking directly at her. She sighed and left after one last apology.
I carried my new sword with me back to where the troops were being sorted into groups. (Sorted into ranks, I'm young as they scrutinize me. Bianca is by my side. I'm having doubts about joining the army. They'd said the pay was good. And, besides, it was honorable, which was about as good as two orphans could get.) A woman I hadn't been introduced to was doing the sorting, asking about what we were good at and then sending us into a group accordingly.
She raised her eyebrows and rather than asking what I was best at, she said, "You're that soldier guy, right? You're the leader of group A. I'll be in a similar group to yours until we reach the other end of the soldiers' quarters, and then I'm splitting off to join the attack on the east side. You'll go straight (A/N: bisexual) into the castle to attack and arrest the king. Hopefully just straight-up kill him, if you get the chance." ("You'll want to get rid of that heart of yours, boy, if you're going to survive any of this," a fellow soldier told me. "You can't kill someone and keep that heart." And so, I took my heart out of the equation in order to stop the beating of others'. I felt sick as I grew up.)
She held her knife, which she'd been precariously using to point to where we needed to go, under her right arm and extended her left to me. "I'm Clarisse, by the way."
I shook hands with her tentatively. "Nico di Angelo. Soldier Ten-Seventeen." (I said with pride, and other soldiers stood in form as I passed. Ten-seventeen was a good number. I was a good fighter. I was merciless and brave on the battlefield, but I quickly realized my heart was still there. I killed, and I regretted. I was so afraid, I couldn't breathe. But I walked on stoically in front of my peers. I was a good fighter, but a bad soldier. But they didn't know that, and I'd be damned if I'd let them figure it out.)
She pointed her knife to where group A [E/n I read 1A, wrong fandom. XD] was meeting with a wide swing to her right, almost taking my head off. To my disappointment, Will was not in the same group. Although, I didn't see him in any of the groups, so maybe he hadn't been sorted yet.
(Waiting for Bianca to be sorted into the same soldiers' quarters as me. Standing at the door with the other children, desperate. She asked to go to a different bunk.)
I stepped out of line and searched for him. Sure enough, he was talking to Thalia a few yards back, waiting to be sorted. I went to my group, but still listened to what Clarisse told Will. Again, we seemed to be the exceptions for her questions about what we were best at: "You're not fighting. Reyna doesn't trust you around the king."
"What? But I'm a part of the rebellion, too. Besides, you need more people."
"Not really," she deadpanned, "considering the other rebel troops got here yesterday. We'll be fine without you. Well, without you, Hazel, and whichever poor soul has to guard you."
Will sputtered his arguments but she began talking to the next person in line, Thalia. Thalia was sent to lead group C, the group which would attack the east side as the diversion. Reyna approached my group. Luke was sorted into A as well. Most of my teammates appeared to be former soldiers, and the few that weren't were being taught a crash course of the rules.
(General Ares narrowed his eyes at me at training. "I see your form has improved," he said with an approving nod. I felt my heart stutter. Everyone was desperate to win the approval of the general, and I was no exception, especially with the scars on my back from his whip.)
Reyna addressed the group. "Nico is going to lead us through. He'll know the most recent rules regarding how to act and his memory will be the freshest about how the soldiers' quarters will be set up, though I'm sure many of you could do well, too. Nico?" She gestured for me to talk to the group.
What do I say? I've never been in charge.
"It sounds like most of you are caught up on the rules. Does anybody still need help?"
"Luke's helping me," one kid, the one who'd been banging the trash can lids, told me. When I gave him a questioning look, he said, "Leo Valdez, at your service."
"Nice to meet you, Leo. Luke, thank you and tell me if you need any help." I changed subjects. "Okay, for our group, it was already decided that we'll go through the training room, but—"
"No," Reyna interrupted. "There was a change of heart. We're going through the soldiers' barracks and we're going to recruit them."
I let out a breath. "Okay, then we'll need uniforms. Do we have those?"
"We could get them from the barracks," offered Annabeth. "We won't really need them until that point anyway, and the soldiers' quarters will have a full supply. We don't need that many anyway."
Looking around, I realized she was right. There couldn't have been more than fifteen of us; while I had figured we had more coming earlier, now it appears that everyone had already been sorted and we just had a small group. I suppose that's more convenient for getting into the castle.
"That's a great idea, Annabeth," I said. "After going through the barracks, then, is everybody okay with sending any soldiers we recruited to the east side to help fight?" There weren't any disputes. "Great. Then we'll go into the castle through a side entrance that probably won't be guarded anyway because of the attack on the east side; the king tends to send all his troops to one area."
Luke murmured, "That's kind of dumb of him."
I chuckled and moved on. "From there, follow me or Reyna, whoever's still alive. We'll find the king and make him call off any troops he has that are still fighting and hopefully, the rebellion will be able to take power and be in charge of the kingdom. Is everyone good with that?"
(General Ares watched us, his soldiers, with a piercing gaze. I was not going to be his victim today, or ever again. I was tired of sobbing after battles. I was tired of laughing with my sister. I was tired of not being their perfect soldier. I was changed now—there was not a mistake to be made anywhere in my form or my attitude. I would be a soldier.)
"Yeah, dude, let's get this show on the road," Valdez cheered.
(I was ready.)
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