CHAPTER TWENTY
TALK YOU DOWN — CHARLOTTE LAWRENCE
Irrational fears are calling
Irrational tears are falling
Baby, I swear, I promise
That I will talk you down
JJ'S GRIP ON the steering wheel never loosened as he drove to Barry's house. Even after Stella placed a hand on his thigh to calm him down, his knuckles remained white from how hard he was holding on. He couldn't think straight. He was angry and tired of being pushed around—by the Kooks, his father—and Barry was the last straw. He wasn't going to let this go without justice being served.
They pulled onto a dirt driveway and stopped in front of a run down house that looked more like a trailer than anything. It was unkept and there were random objects littered around the property. It was quiet, the only sounds in the air being that of the ocean. No one was home.
"Welcome to Crackhead Wasteland," Sarah said, voicing what everyone was thinking.
Pope shifted nervously in his seat. "I don't know about this, man."
"Dude, why are we at Barry's?" John B asked from the back seat. He thought JJ's little rampage was a big waste of time. They could be thinking of ways to get the rest of the gold, but instead they were feeding JJ's desire to get even.
The van came to a stop and JJ put it in park. "This'll only take a second," he said as he got out of the driver's seat.
Stella sighed. "JJ," she called out through the open window. "Where you going?"
JJ didn't turn back as he walked up to the front door. "Yo soy justicia!"
"Did you glean anything from that?"
Pope turned to his friends, mainly focusing on John B and Stella. "You know somebody should probably—"
The pair cut him off with a nod. "Yup, we've got it," they assured in unison.
John B and Stella got out of the Twinkie and followed JJ into the house. The latter was still bitter about all of the unfortunate events that happened earlier in the day, but pushed her feelings aside for the sake of everyone around her. She knew it wasn't good to bottle up her feelings, but she didn't want to lash out at her friends and dealing with JJ's impulsive decisions took precedence over her daddy issues any day.
Stella understood where JJ was coming from. He had all of this pent up anger from being pushed around and it was only a matter of time that he did something reckless like this. When JJ was hit, he hit back harder. That's how he worked.
Did she think Barry deserved a little grief for what he did? Yes.
Did she think JJ was being excessive? Definitely.
John B pushed the door open and leaned against the frame with his arms crossed over his chest. Stella stood behind him and copied his stance on the other side of the doorframe.
"Yeah, so what's your plan, slick?" John B spoke, taking the reins.
JJ continued to rummage through the house. "Well, as thou hath stealeth from us, we shall stealeth from ye."
"That kind of got lost in translation."
"An eye for an eye, John B," JJ stated as he moved massed the door and into the kitchen.
"Yeah, that's great, JJ. But what happens after you rob a drug dealer, huh?" John B moved further into the house, but Stella stayed where she was. "He knows who we are!"
JJ scoffed. "I'm not scared of this guy." When the kitchen was searched, he walked into the bedroom.
"JJ, don't—"
When JJ was in the bedroom, John B turned to Stella. "So, are you gonna help anytime soon or...?"
Stella raised an eyebrow at him and opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by JJ's voice ringing through the air. "There we go," the boy said from inside the bedroom. The two teenagers outside could hear shuffling.
"What are you doing?" John B called out, turning away from Stella.
"Getting even!" JJ answered. A few moments later, he walked out of the room with a small bag in his hand. "Alright, took care of business."
John B stopped JJ from walking past him and leaned forward so he was in his face. "Hey, look at me. If you keep going down this road, you're gonna end up just like your dad, do—"
JJ grabbed the front of John B's shirt with a hard gaze of anger. "You watch your mouth, man."
"That's enough," Stella scolded with blatant disapproval, stepping closer to the two boys. "Both of you."
The two boys released their hold on each other at the harsh look she was giving them.
A beat of silence passed before JJ looked between his two friend. "Aren't you tired of being messed with?" JJ questioned, his voice having a sharp edge to it.
"That's not the point, JJ," John B stressed. He glanced back at Stella for help, but she just looked to the side.
Stella was fortunate enough to have Kook privileges. She had money, she had her mom to bail her out, and other Kooks rarely started fist fights with her because their parents would get mad for beating up a fellow Kook. She was well aware of her privilege and even more aware of her friends' lack of. She had it easier than them and was tired of seeing them mistreated.
JJ shook his head, answering his own question. "'Cause I am." He pushed past John B and headed towards the door, but Stella got in his way and stopped him. "Move, Stella."
"You're not the only one Barry will go after, JJ," she pointed out, looking up at him. "He'll come after all of us. If we didn't have a target on our backs before, we do now. You're asking us risk our necks and I don't think everyone's up for that."
"Are you?" JJ asked, clenching his jaw in the process.
Stella knew what he was asking. Are you willing to risk your neck for me? Are you going to stand by me in this? He didn't need to clarify what he was asking. She knew. She always knew.
With pursed lips, she gave a curt nod. "You know I always am, but do you want me to?"
JJ knew his answer to her question. He'd rather die than have Stella hurt by something he caused, but he could have lost her today. The one and only thing he had to lose and he almost lost her. All it took was the slip of Barry's finger and the sun his world revolved around would have burnt out. He wanted Barry to pay for what he had done—for what he could have done—and there was nothing drug dealers loved more than their money.
At his hesitation, Stella continued with a softened tone. "This is reckless, JJ."
Without another word, JJ pushed past her and left the house.
Stella followed with John B close behind.
"Alright," JJ said as the rest of the group crowded around, "so we're looking at five grand each for reparations for putting us through that bullshit. Sorry about that, y'all."
"So that's what we're doing now?" Kie asked him in disbelief. "We're robbing drug dealers?"
Sarah moved to stand between Kie and Stella. "This Barry guy's gonna find out, and he's gonna come after us."
"Yes, he will." Pope nodded. "This is not the time to start wildin' out."
Feeling ganged up on, JJ spoke up. "How'd you like havin' a gun pulled on you?" When John B stepped forward to calm him down, the blond pushed his hand away and in a low voice so no one else could hear, said, "He put a gun to Stella's head, John B."
"Relax," John B warned, trying to place his hand on him again.
"He had it right here on you, bro." JJ pointed his finger right in John B's face.
"Look. We've gotta go get the gold, okay?" John B reached down to grab the bag JJ was holding. "Just give me that shit. We're putting it back."
JJ stopped him by shoving him against the Twinkie. He held them there with a hard look on his face.
On the sidelines, Stella fiddled with her necklace, nervously debating whether or not she should step in. This argument was not going to end well and everyone knew it.
"Do you feel like a tough guy? Huh?" John B edged on. "What are you gonna do when he comes for us? For Stella? You just gonna let her get hurt?"
The thought of someone hurting Stella again caused scowl to grow on JJ's face. He leaned closer to John B's and said, "we punch him in the throat."
"Yeah, good fucking idea, JJ."
The blond shook his head. "I'm not putting it back." He climbed into the van and waited for the others. When he realized they weren't coming, he got back out and gave them an expectant stare. "What?"
"We're sick of your shit," John B snapped, pushing off of the Twinkie and moving closer to JJ.
Stella furrowed her eyebrows. She felt very ganged up on and she wasn't even the person they were mad at. Knowing JJ, that feeling was probably amplified by two hundred percent.
JJ scoffed with a humourless smile on his face. "Oh, my shit?" he repeated in disbelief.
"Yeah." John B nodded. "Yeah. Your shit."
"Yes," Kie added in support. "Your pulling guns on people shit."
Pope chimed in as well. "You acting like a maniac—"
"Okay, Pope, I took the fall for you, man!" JJ rushed up to him with frustration written all over his features. "D'you know how much I owe because of you?"
"I'm gonna pay you back, and I didn't ask you to do that!"
"I just did!" JJ shouted, his face starting to get red. "Pay it back. Right here, right now, by myself."
There was a pause of tense silence.
"You know what?" JJ said, his eyes sweeping over everyone but Stella. "That's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm gonna go off by myself."
He turned to leave, but stopped when Stella grabbed his hand. He turned, feeling the anger in him fall at the sight of her, and placed both hands on her cheeks. "Stay with them," he said, looking down at her. He planned to go home to his father and he didn't want Stella being anywhere near him. And between him and Barry, she'd be safer with the group.
"I'll be okay," he whispered before kissing her forehead, though he wasn't sure if he was trying to convince her or himself. When JJ pulled away, he saw the immense sadness spread across her features. His jaw clenched at her downcast eyes and he pulled his hands away from her face. He didn't say anything else before turning around and walking away.
Stella took a few steps after him. "JJ," she called.
John B rushed after her and place a hand on her shoulder. "Stella, wait."
Kie shook her head as she watched JJ's retreating figure get smaller in the distance. "Just let him go."
"Let him go?" Stella repeated in disbelief. She pushed John B's hand off of her shoulder and spun around to face the group. At their stone faces, she nodded and wiped away the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. The negative feelings she tucked away in her mind came to the surface. "You wanna talk about JJ's shit? Okay, let's do it."
"He pulled a gun on Topper to save you from drowning," she said to John B before turning to Kie. "He stuck up for us when John B brought Sarah around and refused to pick between us! And Pope, he took the fall for you because he cares more about your future than his! You didn't need to ask him to do that, because that's the type of friend he is. It's loyalty."
Kie and Pope looked away and said nothing, knowing that she was right. John B, on the other hand, didn't know when to stop and tried to calm her down. "Stella—"
"No! What about your shit?"
John B let out a laugh. "My shit?"
"Yeah." Stella nodded. "Ever since this whole treasure hunt started, it's all you seem to care about! But you want to talk about JJ? You don't have room to talk when lately all you've been about is yourself."
She paused, thinking about that psychology paper she had read about grief. Her voice lowered and she stared at him with sympathy. "Look, I get it, John B. I do. Your dad is gone and you feel like the treasure is the last thing you have of him so you're holding onto it for dear life. But you don't get to shit on JJ when everything he does is for us. For his friends. His family. None of us do."
Silence filled the air as Stella's words sunk in. No one moved to challenge her, and for a moment, they were reminded of who she was and the contents of her soul. They often forgot that both honey and wildfire were golden.
Kie sighed and walked over to Stella. "Okay," she said softly, placing a hand on her arm. She turned to the rest of the group and nodded towards the van. "We should go before Barry get's back."
THE GROUP WAS now sitting in The Wreck, trying to decide what to do with the gold. The car ride to the seaside restaurant was tense seeing as Stella and John B didn't talk to each other at all. Sarah, Pope and Kie tried not to draw attention to the tension between them, but it was getting harder as each second passed.
John B tried to pry ideas from his friends, but when he saw that they were too wrapped up in their concern for JJ, he sighed and moved over to the nearby door. "Look, he'll come around, alright?" he said, staring out at the ocean. "He's doing a JJ thing."
Out of everyone in this group, John B had known JJ the longest. They had grown up together as brothers which meant that he knew JJ better than most, the only exception being Stella herself. He knew that JJ could handle being on his own. If he didn't think that, then he wouldn't have let the blonde walk away. He would be fine because he always was as long as he was breathing.
"You think he'll go home?" Kie asked her friends with a frown.
Stella sighed. The possibility of JJ going back to see his dad was very likely and if she knew JJ the way she thought she did, his house would be the first place he went to. "I hope not."
"There's about a zero percent chance JJ goes home," Pope said, twirling the cup he was holding on the table.
"I don't know." Stella shook her head and fiddled with the necklace around her neck—a nervous habit she had picked up since JJ gave her his ring. "He has enough money for his restitution. JJ going home isn't outside the realm of possibility."
The four Pogues sat in silence for a moment. John B was thinking of ways to apologize to his friends as Stella's words from earlier circled his mind, and Kie, Pope, and Stella were beside themselves in worry over the well-being of their friend.
It was common knowledge within the group that JJ's dad wasn't the best father on the island. It was the reason JJ spent the majority of his nights bouncing between Marx Mansion and the Chateau. John B knew more about it than Kie and Pope, but Stella was the only one who knew about the severity of the situation.
They were twelve when JJ tried to teach Stella how to skateboard. John B was sick, so he was forced to stay home and couldn't join them on their trip to JJ's house. Usually, JJ wouldn't let any of his friends come over whether his father was home or not, but since they were just picking up his skateboard, he didn't see the harm in Stella tagging along.
Luke Maybank was waiting for him when he got home, high out of his mind and angry about the empty beer cans littering the living room.
The sound of fists flying and shouts of uncontrolled temper flowed through the air as Stella waited outside. The moment it reached her ears, she knew what JJ had to come home to every day. It was too familiar for her not to recognize it. And when he emerged from his house with a split lip and tired eyes, she decided to ditch the skate park and the pair walked up and down the beach for hours, talking about everything and nothing.
Even before they were dating, JJ and Stella shared a different bond from the rest of the group. JJ, who avoided feeling vulnerable at all times, felt at peace with Stella. He knew there was no judgement and that talking to Stella was safe. He felt comfortable enough to talk about the shadows that plagued the corners of his mind and things he was ashamed to admit. He opened himself up and Stella was able to read him like an open book.
After that day at twelve years old, Stella made a point to be there after every fight, ready to tend to JJ's wounds. She was the shoulder he cried on when things got too much. She was the open ear for when he needed to vent. She was the home he had been deprived of.
She talked him down from the ledge of giving up, she always has, and she didn't want him to be alone right now.
"I'm going to find him," Stella said as she stood from the table. She turned to leave, but Kie grabbed her wrist.
"Stel..." Kie's gaze softened as she stared up at her. Her eyes were rimmed with sadness, feeling the girl's pain and worry. She knew how concerned Stella was and a part of her wanted to join her search for the blond headed boy. But she knew JJ too. When it came to Stella, JJ didn't play around. Her safety was his top priority. If he instructed Stella to stay with the group, then he was obviously doing something he didn't want her around for, whether it was too dangerous or because she wouldn't approve. "He'll be okay."
Stella sighed. "Kie—"
"Just stay with us," Kie interrupted with pleading eyes. "Barry knows who we are."
Sarah, who felt slightly out of place because of the tension surrounding JJ that she didn't understand, nodded her head in support. "It's not safe to go off on your own," she said, giving Stella a comforting smile.
There was a moment of hesitation as Stella considered their words. After a few seconds, she nodded her head and sat back down in her chair. "Okay," she said in defeat.
Pope clicked his tongue, then turned to the group. "Okay," he began, standing from his chair to start pacing. "It's too dangerous to pawn this thing off piecemeal. So our best bet is to go down there and get the rest of it. Bring it all up at once. Put it in a safe, or a vault, or something. I— I don't know. Just until we can find someone who won't rip us off."
Stella leaned forward and rested her elbows on the table in front of her. "How soon do you think we can get it?"
Pope shrugged. "I can figure it out tonight, get it done, and we can be out there tomorrow morning."
The three other Pogues nodded. The plan sounded good enough and it gave them the rest of the day to gather all the supplies they would need. "Alright, let's do it."
"What about that thing with my dad?" Sarah questioned, looking up at John B.
He turned to his girlfriend and his expression fell. "Shit," he cursed, running his hand down his face.
Stella's eyebrow raised. "What thing?" She looked back and forth between Sarah and John B, hoping that the former would answer her question so she wouldn't have to speak to John B. There was still tension between them and she didn't want to get into another argument.
"I have to go fishing with Ward," John B responded.
Kie, Pope, and Stella looked at him like he grew an extra head.
"You can't get four hundred mil 'cause you're gonna go kill fish?" Kie asked incredulously, voicing what the other two were thinking.
"Look, I have to go."
"Blow it off," Pope said as if the solution was the most obvious thing. "It's four hundred million in gold!"
"Make something up!" Kie added.
John B shook his head and he shared a look with Sarah before turning back to his friends. "Look, I— I have to, okay?"
Stella's eyes narrowed as she stared at him. "You have to?" she pressed, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. "Is the world going to end if you don't go? Is he holding a gun to your head? This is your dad's life work, John B."
"Stella." He let out a sigh as he tried to reign over his exasperation. "He... he saved me, alright? If it weren't for Ward, I'd be in foster care. I have to go. Plus, it'll be better to do it at night. Right?"
Stella shook her head in disbelief, her eyes still locked on John B as he turned away to avoid her hard stare. "You wouldn't have to avoid foster care if you moved in with us when my mom asked to, but okay," she muttered as she looked away. No one heard her, but they knew what she was thinking.
Pope pursed his lips. "Fine. Fine, go fishing," he said bitterly.
"At least JJ will probably have shown up by then," Stella added, hoping that for once in JJ's life, something actually went the way he wanted it to.
THE GROUP SEPARATED with John B and Sarah dropping everyone off at their respective destinations.
Stella opted for going home instead of tagging along with Kie and Pope, just in case JJ decided to climb through her window in search of comfort. She waited by her bedroom window until night fell, but JJ never came. So when Pope and Kie came to pick her up in Heyward's truck, she sighed in defeat and climbed into the back seat.
She listened to her friends as they worked out the details of their plan, careful not to say too much so Pope could get some one-on-one time with the girl he was so enamoured by.
After what felt like hours of being the third wheel, Stella was over the moon when they finally pulled into the Chateau's dirt driveway.
"We gotta be done before my scholarship interview in the morning," Pope said, shoving his keys into his pocket. The whole operation was cutting in very close to his interview time and he couldn't help but feel nervous about it.
The two girls followed his actions and walked over to the bed of the truck. "Okay, well, we gotta focus," Kie said with a nod.
Stella could sense his anxiousness and sent him a reassuring smile. "It's gonna be fine," she said, patting his shoulder.
He nodded before lowering the tailgate. "We got John B and JJ inside the well, and me and Stella up top," he started, turning to Kie. "You and Sarah will be outside transporting."
"Yeah, we got this."
"Cool." The four letter word came out more awkwardly than expected and he grabbed the miniature crane from the bed of the truck in hopes of diverting the girls' attention. Kie didn't notice this, but Stella did. "Uh, I got a winch."
Deciding to give the pair some space, Stella moved past them and grabbed the rope from the truck. She mumbled something about finding a big enough workspace and walked away from them. As she headed further into the backyard of the Chateau, a nauseating feeling erupted in her stomach. Something wasn't right and her gut instinct was screaming at her to figure out what it was.
A whirling noise sounded through the air.
Stella turned back to her friends with a look of confusion as the entire property lit up with colourful lights. "What the...?"
"Who the hell is that?" Pope and Kie voiced, causing Stella to shrug.
The power was predicted to be out in the Cut for at least another month and the Chateau didn't have generators. There was no way for there to be any light other than a fire, unless the house had generators—which it didn't.
"Shit," Stella swore in realization. She dropped the rope she was holding and followed the sound of bubbling water.
When she fully entered the backyard, she saw JJ sitting in a very expensive looking hot tub holding a bottle of champagne. He was surrounded by coloured string lights and pool floaties, wearing his aviators on his face with a wide grin.
When JJ saw his friends approach the hot tub, he popped the champagne and smiled at them.
"JJ," Stella gasped. "What the hell is this?"
Pope and Kie came up beside her. Their eyes were wide and their hearts dropped to their stomachs. Dread set in before they could even process their shock.
"What did you do, JJ?" Pope questioned in utter disbelief.
JJ ignored his disapproving tone and pointed to the water. "I got a jet going straight in my butt right now. Y'all should get in immediately, you hear me?"
"How much did this cost?"
"Uh..." JJ stalled for a second before pointing around the backyard. "Well, with the generator, the petrol, and oh, hey, express delivery..." He let out a breathy chuckle. "Pretty much all of it, yeah."
Pope leaned forward as if he didn't hear what he said. "All of it?"
JJ nodded. "Yeah, all of it."
"You spent all the money in one day?"
"Yeah, burned a hole right through my pocket."
Stella felt like she was going to throw up. She was used to JJ doing wildly unpredictable things, but she didn't expect him to blow almost thirty thousand dollars in less than a day.
What could've happened to make JJ abandon any shred of common sense he had? Did he not think before spending it? The money could've gone towards his restitution, at least that way, something good would've come from robbing a drug dealer.
It seemed that Stella wasn't the only one swimming in disappointment, because Kie and Pope were looking at JJ the same way she was.
JJ waved his arms around. "But, I mean, like, come on, guys, like, look at this!" His voice raised an octave higher as he tried to make his purchase look better than it actually was. "Finest in jet-based massage therapy, that's what they told me."
Beside Stella, Kie shook her head at the blond.
"Kie, what?" JJ asked, taking his sunglasses off.
He didn't understand why his friends couldn't see the good in his bad decision.
When JJ bought weed from his cousin, he was happy. When his father bought coke, he was happy. When Pope got a new video game, he was happy. When Kie bought a new reggae album, she was happy. When Stella bought her favourite bag of chips, she was happy.
Money and the purchases made with it were always tied to happiness, so why were his friends so disappointed in him when everything he bought today was for them?
"Can't a man have a little luxury in life? Come on, all this scrimpin' and scrapin'..." His smile faded for a mere second before he plastered his deteriorating mask back on again. "I mean, like... guys, we— You only live once, right?"
JJ's voice grew weaker as he spoke, causing Stella to frown. His impulsive behaviour became clearer as the water swirled around him. There was a shard of irreparable vulnerability that wasn't in his stare the day before and she immediately understood that JJ was falling apart before their very eyes.
And then came the guilt of not being there for him.
Her best friend was breaking down in front of her and all she could wonder was how she could've missed it. Where was she? Why wasn't she there to talk him down from the ledge like she promised? How could she have missed the cracks of his broken heart? How could she have let him fall so far?
"Enough of this emotional shit." He waved a dismissive hand. "Get in the Cat's Ass. Come on."
"In the what?"
"In the Cat's Ass," JJ answered with a little smirk, tapping the side of the hot tub. "That's what I named her. Oh, hey, yo. I almost forgot."
JJ leaned over and clicked a button. A disco ball lit up above their heads and lights started to dance around the trees. "That's right," he mused. "Disco mode."
There was a beat silence. The shock Kie and Pope felt was quickly replaced by anger. "Are you kidding me?" Pope thundered. "You could have paid for restitution!"
"Or literally given it to any charity!" Kie added.
"Guys..." Stella warned gently, knowing that now was not the time for judgement.
"You could've helped us buy supplies to get the rest of the gold out of the well!"
JJ looked off to the side, pinching the bridge of his nose while his friends yelled at him. "Okay, well, you know what?" he started, standing from the water to reveal a torso full of bruises. "I didn't do that!"
Tears rimmed her lash line as Stella's arms slowly fell to her sides and her gaze ran over her boyfriend's battered body.
"I got a hot tub! For my friends. I got a hot tub for my friends. No, you know what? Screw friends. I got a hot tub for my family!"
"JJ, what the hell?" Kie questioned with her jaw dropped in horror.
"Guys, look what I did for you! Alright?" JJ continued, slowly crumbling under the stares of his friends. His voice was breaking with every word. "Look at this! Look at this!"
Stella let out a shaky breath. How could she have missed this? "JJ..."
"No!" JJ protested. He was on the verge of tears. "You stop being emotional. It's fine, okay? I mean, it's sweet, right? Everything—"
He never got to finish his sentence because Stella moved from her spot and climbed into the hot tub, ignoring the pulsing jets that hit her thighs and the steam rising in the air. Her arms wrapped around him and he clung to her immediately, sobs wracking his body.
"I just couldn't do it," JJ cried, his voice straining. "I can't take him anymore! I was gonna kill him!"
Stella could feel his tears splash over her shoulder.
"I just wanna do the right thing."
Stella tightened her hold on him, thinking that if she held him tight enough, all of his broken pieces would come together once more. "I know," she whispered. "I know, baby. We know."
She held him in his arms, shutting her eyes and praying to the sky that everything would be okay in the end. Behind her, Kie stepped into the water and wrapped her arms around the couple. Moments later, Pope joined in.
The quartet didn't know how long they stayed like that, but after what felt like hours, JJ assured them that he would be alright.
Stella didn't sleep that night. She spent the early hours of the morning staring at JJ's sleeping figure. His head was on her chest and he was holding onto her like she'd disappear at any moment. Despite what had happened only an hour before, his face still looked at peace. She had one hand running through his hair and the other one fiddling with the promise ring around her neck.
Looking down at her boyfriend, she swore to herself that when the sun came up, she was going to ask JJ to move into her house. He deserved better than what life provided him with. He deserved a loving home with people who cared for him. And under the quiet of the night, she promised herself what she'd do everything in her power to give that to him.
RAE SPEAKS !
stella when she was going off on her friends to defend jj: