Chapter Fifty Three
"Scandals are just Scandals"
Daniel Rouge Gustilyo's Point of View
Everyone was staring at me. Gawked at the horror that I was in front of them. Some were laughing some were pretty confused. It must be terrible to witness a pretty skinny body in front of everyone.
I wasn't scared to be naked in front of some people.
What I was afraid was to show people how my body looks right now, how the medicine has taken its own toll on my body, and how almost three months of suffering alone, starving myself and losing appetite did to my body. I am anorexic.
I gritted my teeth in anger and quickly covered my body with the remains of the clothe that I was ripped of. With her annoying chuck, Stephanie laughed beside me, and I just gave her the death glare that I have been holding on for quite awhile now. I wanted to scream and strangle her to death 'till my nails bury its self inside her neck, so I could pull her diaphragm from her neck so she could never live her life again.
I am furious.
But I have to act professional.
Gustong lumabas ng mga luha ko dahil sa kahihiyan. Why? Why do I always have to suffer alone? Ano ba ang kasalanan ko sa mga tao at bakit ito nangyayari sa akin?
I tried to hold my tears back because I am Daniel Rouge Gustilyo. I don't portray emotions.
Nahihiya akong nakatayo sa harap ng mga tao pero nabigla ako nang may tumakbo sa taas ng stage at hinubad ang kaniyang polo.
Someone came to rescue me.
And it was Eric who took his long sleeves off and gently covered me with his clothes. "Thank you" was the only word I could mumble, I was tired.
Tired of everything.
...
I cried, I started breaking down when the curtains closed.
I swear that will be the last show I am going to attend to. I'm quitting this career.
Ayaw ko na talaga.
Although the event was spectacular, it ended quite roughly. Eric was quick to come to my rescue but he didn't have to make a scene.
Alam ko na saksi lahat ng tao sa sakit ko. Kaya ako ngayon umiiyak, dahil nakita nila ang kahinaan ko.
Tahimik lang si Eric habang nakaupo kami sa loob ng kaniyang sasakyan. Matapos kasing mangyari ang bagay na 'yon ay agad niya akong hinila palabas ng venue at pinasok sa loob ng kaniyang sasakyan. He was just silently watching me cry in front of him.
"I'm so sorry." His voice was breaking. "Dan, I'm sorry dahil nangyari 'yon sayo. I-I'm really sorry you're going through this." He cupped my chin and turned my face to face him.
"Eric, tell me why do I feel so miserable?" Naiiyak ko nang tinanong sa kaniya. "Masama ba akong tao? Ba't nangyayari 'to sa akin?"
"Hush Dan... you're not a bad person. I don't know why people hate you and why you're feeling like this but I'm pretty sure one day they will realise how beautiful you are." Mahabang litanya ni Eric sa akin atsaka ako pinalapit sa kaniya para yakapin.
He suddenly mumbled something to me, "I heard about your family. I'm so sorry." Ani Eric sa akin atsaka hinigpitan ang kaniyang yakap. "I'm really sorry."
And that made me tear up even more.
...
That show made a pretty big news the next day, not because of it's intention to showcase diversity but because of what happened to me. It was because I made a scandal in front of everyone. It wasn't a wardrobe malfunction, it was setup, a prank led by the sinister Stephanie.
"Are you sure it's okay for you to go to school?" Tanong sa akin ni Theo. Tiningnan ko lamang ito.
"I don't really care what they think of me. Do you think I should give a damn about their own opinion on my body?" Inis kong tanong sa kaniya. Ilang ulit na nito akong tinatanong tungkol sa pakiramdam ko.
Ngayon niya lang nalaman na anorexic ako.
"Look Dan, I'm concerned about your health."
"I'm fine." Binigyan ko siya ng tipid na ngiti. "Save your own sympathy to someone else."
First day of school ngayon at nag-aalala si Theo sa kondisyon ko at kung ano pa ang mangyari sa akin sa school. Ayaw niya na maging laman na naman ako ng balita sa loob ng paaralan, so as much as possible he advised me to stay at home for a week or two to at least let the issue cool off.
"But Dan." Theo tried to hold my hand but I was quick to push it away.
"It's my body." Ani ko rito. "Wala akong paki-alam kung ano ang tingin nila sa katawan ko."
"Dan, you should take care of yourself."
"I am." I added. "Trust me." 'Di na ako ngumiti sa kaniya kasi ayaw kong makipag-plastikan kaya't binigyan ko na lamang ito ng masamang pagtitig.
"Look." He took a deep breath, and tried to hold both my shoulders so I could stare right at him but I shrugged his arms off of me. "I'm just worried about your health. Ayaw ko lang talaga na pati sa school ibubully ka dahil nakita nila ang katawan mo. I don't want anyone to bully you."
"You should go and tell that to your ex-girlfriend." I retorted. Napataas ako ng boses sa kaniya.
Kung 'di lang sana ginawa ng bwiset na Stephanie ang bagay na iyon. Sana naging matiwasay 'tong buhay ko. "You should tell your ex to stop being a deranged woman instead." I added.
"Alam mo naman na wala na kami diba?"
"I don't really care Theo. Wala akong paki-alam sa inyong dalawa."
"Dan.."
"Should I waste my time arguing with you here?" Init ko nang sinabi sa kaniya. "May klase pa tayo."
I changed the subject. "I don't want to be late in school." I added.
'Di lumaoy pinagbuksan na lamang ako ni Theo ng kaniyang sasakyan at agad na kaming umalis papunta sa school.
Pagdating sa school ay as usual, nakatingin lahat ng mga tao sa akin. 'Di ko na lamang sila pinansin at nagsimula nang maglakad papasok sa loob ng classroom. I know what happened to me last night made rounds in the school — everywhere rather. But what can I do? The thing happened already, and all I could do is to live with the embarrassment that it has on me.
"Scandals are just scandals", i soghed to myself, although im pretty sure any minute soon, im going to break in front of everyone.
I know this is part of being exposed to everything.
And I just have to live with it.
© 062621
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