"Minhyuk... I'm such an idiot, aren't I?"
----
Kihyun's eyes suddenly began to sting with tears. Somehow, deep in his heart, he had known this was going to happen, and yet... he still wanted to believe that it wouldn't. He wanted to force himself to be naïve as to not hurt himself, just as he never hurt his friends. He wanted, even yearned, to believe that Changkyun wasn't what the rumors had said him to be. The male wasn't so horrible of a person. He wasn't his actions. He wasn't a liar. He wasn't... who he was. He wanted to believe that Changkyun was still the flirty, beautiful, kind person he had fallen in love with. He just wanted to believe.
Even in the moments where all of the evidence sat before him, and the main suspect in the crime of heartbreak sat before the jury, tearfully confessing to his sins, he just wanted to believe that he was hearing wrong, that he was seeing it wrong, that he was wrong.
But there it was.
Right in front of his face.
There was no more denying it.
He had been the only one willing to believe.
"Kihyun, what do you mean you're 'such an idiot'? You're one of the smartest people I know! And what's up with your eyes? Why do you have to look so..." Minhyuk's breath hitched in his throat when Kihyun glanced up from his lap and allowed their eyes to connect. He couldn't even finish his sentence before he was worriedly setting a hand on his friend's cheek. "... Sad?"
The older just shook his head, brushing the blonde's hand away as he let out a slight chuckle. His shoulders shook, but not with any real amusement. "Nothing. Nevermind." He cast his gaze downwards, then, wanting to hide his frown and the mist in his eyes and the crack in his heart. He just wanted to hide; maybe because he was so naïve, or maybe because he was ashamed that he had allowed himself to be played as easily as the others were. Or maybe even... maybe even because he was scared of allowing anyone to know that he still had feelings. If they knew, if he knew, surely it would happen again... right? Surely he would be hurt again?
"I thought I saw something on my phone, but I guess I saw wrong. That's why I'm a little dejected. There's nothing to worry about."
And then there it was.
That smile.
That bittersweet smile.
"Thank you for worrying, though."
----
"What would you do?"
Those four words flashed before his eyes in a sequence of pictures, like a movie on repeat.
"What would you do?"
"What would you do?"
"What would you do?"
Kihyun had to scribble the words down over and over again just to get them somewhat under control. Each time he rewrote the sentence, the pressure of his pen grew harder, more urgent, and before he knew it, he had ripped a hole in the remaining pages of his notebook.
"What would you do?"
He let out a sigh of exhaustion and fell back in his computer chair, his eyebrows pulling together. The question was still there, lingering behind all of his other thoughts.
The more he thought about it, the more useless he felt.
For the longest time, he had thought he and Changkyun were close, thought that maybe the younger even considered him to be his best friend. After all the moments they had spent together, happy or not, could they have been anything less?
But the text disproved all of this.
If Changkyun truly cared about him, or even respected him, he wouldn't have sent him that text. He would have just left it be, maybe even pretended to forget that the confession ever happened. He would have continued on with his life as he always had. Yet that text, that damned text, revealed what emotions were really hiding inside of him.
To the younger, Kihyun was nothing more than another plaything. He was nothing more than just another person to manipulate. He was nothing more than prey, nothing more than everyone else.
He was just like everyone else.
There was no connection keeping them bound together.
No red string.
He was useless, truly.
He meant nothing.
He was nothing.
Nothing at all...
And so after a while of thought, he sat down in his bathtub, the water cold, his mind even colder, and slowly slid himself down, down, down...
"Kihyun?"
The male jolted and resurfaced, his wide eyes looking to the doorway.
There stood Minhyuk, the spare key in his left hand. He had known there was something up since their time together on the bus, and he wasn't just going to pretend there wasn't, not when it came to Kihyun.
The blonde rushed over to the bathtub and immediately stuck his fingers in the water surrounding Kihyun's shivering body. Goosebumps shot up his arm. "Dude, what the hell?!" He didn't care that his friend had no clothes on as he frantically cupped his hands under the male's arms and forced him upwards, trying to keep himself from panicking--while panicking. "Do you have any idea how cold this water is? Better yet, do you have any idea how cold you are? What the hell is going through your mind, Yoo Kihyun, because if you don't tell me, I'm going to force it the fuck out of you!" In his angry and concerned rage, he threw a towel at his friend, only to grab two others from the cabinet and wrap one around his body, draping the other over his head.
The older frowned softly. He wanted to be strong, wanted to pretend he was okay, but he had had a lot of "wants" lately, and all of them had stored up inside of him. There wasn't room for any more.
He sunk to his knees in defeat, eyes fluttering shut as he pulled the towel up to his face to cry. One piece of cloth covered his head, the other covering the expanse of his body; yet in his mind, all of that still wasn't enough to hide it: the sadness, the emptiness.
Just as his desires had been building up, his loneliness had been, too. Now, it was too late to deny that with Changkyun no longer being there to look forward to, he was left empty, so, so empty.
Worthless.
Ugly.
Undesirable.
With only one text from Changkyun, his world had been turned upside down.
"Minhyuk," he sobbed into the towel, holding it so close to his face that his words were muffled. He was always trying to help others, always. Was it okay now to ask for help in return? "I feel so worthless. I was nothing more to him than just some useless... thing. I feel so empty, really. It's like there's nothing left anymore."
The pinkette heard a gurgling sound in his ears, and he knew that Minhyuk had pulled the drain in the tub.
"I don't think I can do this. I've always been lonely. He was the only thing that made it not so bad, but now... I really don't know what to do anymore."
Minhyuk carefully crouched down in front of his friend, nudging the cloth away from his face. Watery eyes stared back at him. "Listen..." He let out a quiet sigh before sitting himself down on the ground. "I think... everyone feels lonely in their own way. Some people are just better at dealing with it than others. Some people try to bring others down, some try to take advantage, and some try to make others happy to forget the unhappiness inside of themselves. You're that kind of person, Kihyun. When constantly making other people happy while discarding yourself, it's all gonna build up. That's why it's important to take some time for you, you know? Take some time to stop looking at others and look at yourself. Only look at the people surrounding you when you need to remind yourself that you're not alone, that we're here, that we're all here, because trust me..." He tucked a loose strand of drenched pink hair behind his friend's ear, smiling with the utmost warmth. "We are here."
The blonde reached out to rub the towel against the older's locks, drying them as he continued, "So tomorrow, I want you to do something for me. I want you to take a 'you' day. I want you to stay home from school, treat yourself to some junk food and some movies, maybe even some very, very, very, very nice smelling bath salts, and just relax. Cry it out. Smile. Do whatever you need to. And when you feel better, I want you to think about whether Changkyun is really worth all of these tears, because really, is he? The dude's most attractive feature is a piercing, I mean, come on."
The older couldn't help but let out a small chuckle.
"We'll get through this, we will. I promise."
"... Okay."
Kihyun had no other choice but to believe him.
----
I think we're about half way through the story now, guys, whoop whoop! Also, I should be updating more because I'm in California and my choices of activities are limited to: playing Super Mario Galaxy, studying Korean, and writing.
-Author 🖤