"Hello Hayley, this is June – June Schwartz. I don't know if you remember me, it's been a while, now," she chuckled a little, and this noise alone made me shiver. Even though the sound of the machine was very low so that Michael wouldn't hear anything, hearing her voice in the place I used to call home made me sick to my stomach.
"I hope everything is alright for you. I went to UCLA Medical Center with my daughter the other day, a few months ago, and I was told that you weren't working there anymore. I wanted to catch up with you and see if you were doing better since the last time we saw each other," she explained, faking concern. "Also, I wanted to congratulate you on your engagement, you secret thing! You're all over the press now! Jordan was so impressed to learn that you were engaged to the Michael Jackson. He's such a huge fan, he loves him to pieces. I was wondering if, maybe, you could ask your fiancé to meet him? In the meantime you and I could catch up. His birthday is coming up and—"
Anger was boiling in me at each word she spoke. I pushed the stop button on the answering machine without a word, and everything around the loft became silent again. I could feel the stare of my friends and my brother on me, but I didn't lift my head up to look at them.
"You need to say something, Brit," Alice encouraged me, but I couldn't speak a word.
I gazed into space, not knowing what to do or what to say. I never thought I would hear this name ever again. I couldn't believe this was real. A part of me expected this to happen with old friends and acquaintances that would want to reconnect with me just to be lucky enough to call Michael Jackson's fiancee their friends, but never in a million years did I think that the Chandlers would do the same as I barely knew them. I thought this was all over, that I would never have to hear their names again. When I had my vision about this particular phone call, I wasn't aware it was an actual vision, so I concluded this was nothing more than a dream and that everything would be alright.
I was wrong. Dead wrong.
Without a word, I left my stool and went down the hall to Faraji's bedroom. I put my ear on the door, but I didn't ear anything. Carefully, I opened it only to see my son in his father's arms, both asleep. My vision instantly got blurry because of the tears that gathered in my eyes. At that very sight, a feeling of protectiveness invaded me. I knew that I would give my life for theirs, that I would do anything to keep them safe. I would never forgive myself if I didn't do everything I could to protect them. I knew this feeling all too well as I spent years of my life thinking I pushed my parents towards their gruesome fate.
I closed the door quietly and leaned with my back on it. I closed my eyes for some long seconds as a heavy sigh escaped my trembling lips. A tear rolled down my cheek as I was overwhelmed by different emotions: anger, frustration, sadness and above all, guilt. If I had the opportunity to change anything from the past, it would probably be my encounter with the Chandlers. At the time, I didn't know how to handle the matter and keep Michael safe, but now I realized that it wasn't it.
The loud voices coming from the kitchen tore me away from my inner battle. When I returned in there, Carl and Alice were arguing as Hayden seemed completely helpless regarding the argument they were in.
"You should learn to have some damn tactfulness, Alice, that's all I'm saying!"
"Tactfulness? Okay big guy, then you tell me. How do you tell your best friend that some greedy ass bitch she thought she got rid of is trying to get back into her life and destroy her future husband's life? Huh?" Alice asked, putting her hands on her hips.
"Not like this, for fuck's sake!" her husband yelled back at her, throwing his hands up. "You told her and then you just put the damn machine on! What if she didn't want to—"
"Guys, enough!" I hissed, getting tired of their yelling. "This shit is messy enough for you to fight about it," I told them, rubbing my temples as I sat back down on the stool. "Michael and Faraji are asleep, you should keep it down before they hear you."
"I—I'm sorry," Alice apologized, rubbing the space between her eyes. "I didn't how to tell you this, I just... I'm sorry I forced it on you. I didn't even ask you if you wanted to listen to it in the first place."
"It's okay," I simply said, immersed by my own thoughts. "Where were you when she called?"
"We were out with Faraji, in the park. We would have told her to stop calling if we were there when she called."
"Hale," my brother spoke after he had been silent for a while. "We get it if you don't want to address this issue," he reassured, grabbing my hand on the table as he was sitting across from me. "You need time to process, to know how you want to approach this."
I just nodded, staying mute once again. As silence reigned in the kitchen again, Hayden reached his inner pocket and pulled a folded paper out of it that he slid across the table in my direction.
"What's that?"
"Sangye gave me that and asked me to give it to you," he let me know. "He said that you might find some comfort in this. I guess you could use some right now."
With a hesitant hand and a frown upon my face, I unfolded Sangye's letter. Apprehension coursed through my entire body as I started reading the beautifully hand-written letter I had just before my eyes.
"Ms. Thames,
It was important to me to write you a letter before I leave your country. I wish I could have said goodbye to you directly, but you have so many wonderful things to take care of that I did not want to interfere more in your life. Coming uninvited was enough.
It was the first time I came to America, and I do not regret anything. During this trip, I discovered a strong and capable woman. You were the proof that the legend I had been told during my childhood was true: any person capable to overcome the second step of their journey is stronger than most people on the planet. Meeting you was the biggest privilege of my existence. I wanted to apologize if sometimes my explanations were blurry. Being in your presence was overwhelming for me. It was sometimes hard to focus and forget about the fact that you were the incarnation of the legend I had been told in the past.
You have come a long way, Ms. Thames. Now you have reached this step in your evolution, know that the best is yet to come. But stay vigilant: even if the comas and unbearable pain your visions caused you are gone, you're still human, and you have your limits. Don't forget yourself in the process of saving your fiancé and making a better life for your family. You told me some people were after your fiancé and that he might still be in danger, but listen to yourself: don't put any unnecessary pressure on your shoulders. Lean on your family, because they can handle it.
I know you must have many questions regarding what I told you about revealing the truth to him. There is going to be a moment in your life when you will understand that it is time for you to tell him, a sort of epiphany. Confidence will take over you completely, and you will be able to speak the words you dreaded ever since you met him. This ability you have is just a myth for the majority of people on the planet, and I know how frightening it is to tell someone that we actually exist. You are scared to be rejected, called crazy... Sadly, you experienced that in the past, and I am sorry about that.
But I need you to remember this: the bond you and your fiancé share is special, it is stronger than you can imagine – unbreakable even. I know this feeling of completeness you have when you are in Michael's presence is the best feeling you have ever experienced. He brought back the light in you after the loss of your parents, and you made him feel alive again by gracing him with your presence. He was the missing piece in your life, and you were his. If we believe the Chinese belief, you both got linked by an indestructible thread, and now you have found each other, nothing can come in between you both.
Also, there is one thing I forgot to tell you. Know that, this time, the visions cannot be triggered, contrary to the ones you used to have. They happen when you need to see them, all it takes for you to see them is to fall asleep. Keep in mind that you can travel from one world to another, and that everything you do could have an impact on the present: a good one... or a bad one.
I do not know if your ability will evolve again in the future, and I wish I could tell you, but I cannot. Before you, I only met one person who succeeded in reaching the second step, but he was taken from this world shortly after it due to a long disease. I will not stop my researches, and I will keep in touch with you. I dedicated my life to finding people like you, and now I found you, know that if you ever are in danger, I will do whatever I can to keep you safe. If the time comes where you need guidance, Hayden knows where to find me.
I hope you will find comfort in these words, and that they will help you deal with this new ability of yours, and this new life awaiting for you. My people would be amazed to meet you, I hope one day in the future you'll grace us with your presence there, too.
Take care of yourself and your wonderful family,
With endless admiration and respect,
Sangye"
I folded the papers and gazed into space again, processing each and every single word that was written in the letter. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as everything Sangye wrote touched me deeply. In thirty one years of existence, I had never felt so understood and supported regarding my ability. No matter how supportive my parents were throughout my childhood, I knew they were scared and lost concerning my difference. After many so-called specialists called me weird, deranged or sick, the idea of getting guidance somewhere else faded away.
"What does it say?" Alice wondered, as she touched my shoulder gently.
"I—I need some air," I simply said, feeling smothered all of a sudden. Not by my friends' support, but by these thoughts that were running through my head. "Can I have your car keys?"
"Hale, where are you going? Can you even drive in that state of mind?" Hayden asked me, thick worry in his voice.
"I won't be far and I won't be long, I just—," I took a deep breath to keep the tears from falling. "Please. I—I really need to go."
"Do you need me to come with you?" Carl wondered, but I shook my head no right away. "Alright, then. Here," he threw the keys in my direction that I caught mid height. "Just be careful, okay?"
"If Michael wakes up, tell him I'll be back soon," I told them, already walking towards the door.
It took me a second to leave the loft and get into Carl's car. I tried my best to stay focused on the road, the same road I came to hate with every fiber of my being. I gripped the steering wheel tightly as I tried my best to contain my tears. If I broke down at that instant, I knew I would totally lose it when I would get to where I was heading. I needed to be strong, I needed to keep my head up.
For them.
I parked the car outside the gates of Los Angeles' National Cemetery and headed to my parents' final resting place. Truth be told, I always avoided to go there as I always thought I was not strong enough to go.
In years, I never felt the need to talk to them more than at this precise moment. A part of me thought they would eventually hear me and that they would give me the strength I needed to go through the guilt and fear I was feeling. The guilt of knowing that, because of the way I handled things with the Chandlers, Michael might still be in danger and the fear of telling him that his fiancee had been lying to him since the day we met.
I grabbed a couple of roses from the garden at the entrance of the cemetery and headed to my parents' graves. The wind was blowing in my hair as everything was ever so silent and peaceful around me. The atmosphere was in total opposition with the battlefield that was going on inside my head.
"Hey mom, hey dad," I greeted them, putting a rose on each of their tombstones. I knelt in between them, resting my hands on my thighs. "I know, it's been a while I didn't visit. I'm sorry about that," I said, looking down for a second. "It's not that I don't think of you, because I do. Each and every day. I'm just always busy, sort of...," I narrated, sighing. "There's so many things I want to tell you, I don't even know where to start. I should probably tell you that I finally met my brother, Hayden. I'm not mad at you, dad. Not anymore. Haze is probably the most wonderful thing that's happened to me. He taught me so much about our ability – yes, because we share the same one. That's crazy. He even went to Tibet for me, to get answers. He came home with a Tibetan monk who helped me a lot understanding my ability. And guess what? Apparently, I'm a miracle," I told my parents, a small smile touching my lips, in opposition with the tears that were gathering in my eyes.
I took a deep breath as I didn't realize how quickly I was talking. In almost a decade since they were taken away from me, I had never felt the urge to talk to them this strongly. It's like only them could give me the answers to my questions.
"I—I also came to tell you that I'm getting married next month," I announced, my voice breaking. "Mom, you would have loved him. He's the sweetest, most caring person I met in my entire life. And dad, I know you would have been fascinated by his genius," I cried, imagining how delighted they would have been to meet Michael and see how happy he made me. "He is the love of my life, I... I never loved anyone the way I love him. He makes me laugh, he is kind and thoughtful and he is a wonderful father to your grandson, Faraji," I smiled through the tears. "Even though he is the biggest star on the planet, he makes time for us," I took yet another deep breath, looking at my fingers.
"But I... I feel so lost right now," I said as more tears fell down on my cheeks. "I... I may have put him in danger, just like I did with you. I—I saw his future, I tried to make it right and I think I messed up. I know you would probably advise me to tell him how I messed up before it's too late, but I can't—," I stammered. I exhaled loudly as nervousness washed over me, enabling me to speak. "I—I mean technically I can, I just have to wait for the right time to tell him, some kind of epiphany and I don't know when is that supposed to happen and—" I stopped in the middle of my sentence, trying to catch my breath.
As my breathing became steady again, I thought about what I had just said. My own words went on repeat inside my head, as if they were yelling at me to listen to them. I blankly stared at the distance, trying to break the code of my own thoughts.
"The right time to tell him," I repeated under my breath. "That's it. That's the right time, the epiphany," I said louder this time as my eyes lit up. "What if telling Michael about my ability is what I need to do to keep him safe? If I tell him about June, then he'll do everything in his power to stay away from her. I—I have to warn him," I told myself out loud, standing up from the grass. "Mom, dad. I think I got it! E—Everything is so different from before but... if I tell him everything, then he'll know he is in danger and I'll be able to keep him safe. I—I mean, the risks are huge because he could just call me crazy and just give up on me and the wedding but... Sangye said it would be okay."
A trembling sigh escaped my lips as I processed everything that I had just said. I felt overwhelmed, even numb because of all the feelings that tumbled down inside of me.
"I—I have to go. I have to tell him. I promise I'll come back, there's so many things I need to tell you," I cried, putting my hands on top of the gravestones. "I love you so much. Thank you."
Without any further due, I jogged back to the car. I passed a woman that looked at me as if I was a ghost, but I didn't question it, too focused on what was next to come. It is when I reached the car that I saw a couple of paparazzi that I understood: they knew who I was.
"Hey Ms. Thames! Can you say hi to us, please?" one of them asked, pointing his camera in my direction.
"Hi," I mumbled, covering my face because of the blinding flashes of their camera.
"Where is your fiancé?" the other one asked, and I ignored him. "Is Michael home?"
"Yes, he is. Please, I need to go," I told them as I opened the car door.
"Is he going back on tour soon? What's your plans after the wedding? Are you expecting?"
I didn't answer as their questions became more and more personal by the second. Instead, I got in the car and drove off as quickly as I could. I looked in the rear mirror to see if they were following me, but they weren't.
I didn't need any complications, certainly not at that precise moment.
***
When I opened the metallic door of the loft, I was welcomed by worried stares from everybody in there. I scanned the room, looking for Michael, but he was nowhere to be found. The feeling of confidence Sangye told me about was there, clouded by fear and apprehension yet strong. My hands were shaking and my heart was racing inside my chest because of what I was about to do, but at the same time, I felt supported, encouraged even. I knew I had a supportive family and a mentor who taught me more than I could hope for behind me.
"Brit," Alice softly called as she made her way up to me. "Are you okay?"
"Y—Yeah," I stammered a bit, trying to be reassuring. "I—I need to tell Michael. That's the epiphany Sangye talked about in his letter. I have to tell him to keep him safe. No matter what happens next, he needs to know. It's time."
"Uh, M—Michael had to go, Hale," Hayden said, limping to reach me. "Bill came to pick him up because he apparently missed an appointment with his attorneys."
"W—What? I was gone for less than an hour!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands up.
"It's probably for the best. You need to be alone with him to tell him all about you," Carl pointed out, and I sighed heavily, sitting down on the coffee table.
"I can't believe I'm about to reveal my biggest secret to him. I thought I would never have to do it, to protect him. Even though I didn't like the idea of lying to him for the rest of my life, I was adjusting to it since it was the right thing to do for his safety," I told them, looking at the ground. "Now everything is reversed and I have to tell him for his own sake."
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Al asked, concern filling her voice.
"I am," I answered with confidence.
"I read Sangye's letter," Haze told me in a soothing manner as he sat next to me, putting his hand on my shoulder. "He is right about your bond with Michael. It's unbreakable, and I know he won't go anywhere."
"I acted like an ass when you told me about your ability, but I came back," Carl added, squatting next to me. "I am a man of science, and I couldn't stand not to know what was wrong with you on a medical level. Michael is a very spiritual, non-judgmental and curious guy."
"I'm pretty sure Michael's reaction will be similar to mine, Brit. I can't imagine him reacting differently," my best friend reassured, as she sat on the couch in front of me and placed her hand on my knee. "You've got this, girl. If you're ready, then we're ready to support you through it all."
"If he runs away, at least I'll still have you guys," I joked, tears falling from my eyes. "I love you. Thank you for bearing with my weird ass."
I knew I was heading to a new chapter in my life. I didn't quite understand how I went from being frozen and terrified to tell him, to being ready in a matter of a few hours. I was still frightened, though. This fear of rejection was still there, omnipresent. I couldn't help it, no matter what my family or Sangye said, the worst could still happen.
What mattered most was that, at the end of the day, I knew this was the right thing to do.
I was frightened, but above all, I was ready.