September 28th 1967
Paul couldn't form any adequate words to say to her. But soon, the silence was broken.
"You lied to me, Paul" she said now on the brink of sobbing.
Paul began to tear up, "I'm so sorry Amelia, I should've been honest with you. But I promise you it isn't what you think".
Amelia didn't believe a word of it. How could she believe what was now coming out of his mouth after what he said the previous day.
"I don't care what it looks like! The fact is that you are involved in this in some form or another and you haven't been honest with me!" she said on the edge of screaming.
"I knew there was something going on between you and the boys! This is just unbelievable" she exclaimed with discontent.
"Amelia I promise you, I haven't been taking drugs!" He insisted grabbing her hand but she pushed him away harshly.
"Then why on earth are these in your blazer pocket!" she said now screaming at him, she couldn't believe what he was saying to her.
"John pushed these into my hand, I didn't know what to do with them!" he said honestly, but Amelia didn't listen to anything he said.
She looked at him intently, hot and sweaty with anger pumping though her entire body.
"Now," she said addressing him and not blinking for a second, "You are going to be completely honest with me about this,"
Their eye contact stayed permanent. Paul couldn't even imagine what would happen if he took his eyes away from her.
"I don't care if you are using right now, but have you ever taken even just one of these things before".
Paul felt sick to his core. He never longed for something to end as much as he wanted this point in time to.
"Yes" He said, almost as a murmur.
"When" Amelia said instantly, forcing him to answer.
Paul breathed out then took a deep breath in to prepare himself.
"I started taking them when you broke up with me," he said truthfully.
Although it was true, Amelia hated it and wished he was lying. All the times when they had talked about how they hated the sensation of not being fully in control of your body flooded through her mind. She never felt so apart and different to him than in that moment.
"How long for" she said with tears wetting her face and neck.
Paul hesitated, "Until about... 3 months ago".
"WHAT!" Amelia exclaimed, she was now shouting at this point.
"3 MONTHS AGO?!"
Paul couldn't hold it in any longer and started to cry.
"It took some time to break away from them, I wanted to stop Amelia! I so desperately did!"
The pair of them sobbed on the landing.
"Why didn't you tell me Paul!" She said desperate for some clarity.
"I couldn't do it, I felt so ashamed of myself. I thought you'd never let me back into your life again if you knew!" he wept and so did she.
The pair gasped for air as they tried to calm themselves down and think rationally. Amelia had been so enraged that hadn't even noticed that Paul was holding something in his hand.
"What are you holding?" she said, now more confused than ever before.
True heartbreak overcame him as he remembered why he was even standing in the bathroom doorway in the first place. He looked down at his palm and handed her the box, unable to form any coherent words. She opened the box and revealed the dazzling ring that was held inside. Amelia began to cry for a whole new reason and Paul couldn't bare to look at her any longer. His whole world was crumbling in front of him as he watched his beloved partner stare at the ring. Amelia felt hurt. She was ashamed at what Paul had done, but nevertheless she still adored him.
"You were going to propose weren't you" she almost whispered.
Paul nodded defeated. He couldn't work out what Amelia was thinking, and neither could she.
"I don't know what to say" she said shaking her head and closing the box.
Paul closed his eyes, not wanting to see what he just witnessed again. His love was walking out again.
"I love you so much, Paul" she said weeping and Paul flew his eyes open.
"But I cannot accept this. Not now".
He nodded and feared that this would be her response.
"I love you, Lia" he said, completely full of remorse.
She bit her lip and handed the box back to him. It seemed as though every move she made caused him pain. She walked back into the bedroom and stood at the window, trying to recollect her thoughts as she stared out onto the street. She contemplated on what to do and decided what she needed was some time away from him to think.
"I think you need to go, Paul" she said trying to be sincere but still raging with pain.
Paul understood, "I'm so sorry".
And with that he was gone within minutes. She couldn't bare to watch him from the window as he left. Amelia was once again left alone and felt helpless. Why did problems keep appearing? Was something trying to tell her to stay away from this man? But still she loved him, and officially her heart was torn.