As a radio host, Present Mic is accustomed to dealing with odd situations on the radio. A fan phones in and promotes his Instagram for clout? Mic's got the fix for that. A guest comes in and starts talking about the cult he wants to start? Mic's got it handled. Mic doesn't realize he's live and is having a very...mature conversation with husband on the phone? Tricky, but Mic can fix it. He has to do an hour-long live stream with one of his students wearing giant fake boobs? Suddenly, Mic has no fucking idea what to do.
Midoriya had strutted down the stairs with all the confidence in the world and asked him to wait a minute to go up while he 'went to get his jugs'. Mic had innocently assumed they'd be one of those weird internet challenges he sees all the time and the jugs would be part of a game. He was mistaken. Jugs meant very fake tits that Izuku somehow had the confidence to wear in front of thousands of people on a live stream. Why oh why.
"Listener, do you realize that those are extremely fake looking? The only person who will think those are real is Mineta." Hizashi awkwardly gestured his hand towards Midoriya's... breast.
"Oh, I know. I may only have eyes for a very explosive manly man, but that doesn't mean I didn't notice that boobs aren't actually giant balloons. But I also know that 1A is gullible and I want to see if anyone thinks their real. I promise you at least 4 will." Midoriya said, and did a little bounce on his toes to check the bounce of his 'breasts'.
"The future of heroics is truly bright," Present Mic nodded solemnly as they headed up the stairs to continue the stream.
~~~
Katsuki was known for many things. Screaming, yelling, his hatred for all things pure are all classic examples. But what he is not known for is giggling like a child because of boobs. Yet, here he was losing his absolute shit because Zu looked like he was having the time of his life. He had strutted into the room, with a bounce in his step, and acted like the huge watermelons taped to him were natural. The looks of pure shock coming from multiple factions just made the situation even funnier.
"Those can't be real. There's no way." Hagakure gasped, leaning in uncomfortably close to the screen.
"I'm sorry to tell you this, but I'm a man with many years of experience with life, and I can safely guarantee that those are real.. breasts". All Might coughed awkwardly but still put a mark next to Midnight's name.
"I hope they're real. It'd be totally unmanly to lie to us like that." Kirishima was going to have an awful time when he finds out the truth.
Katsuki, unlike Kirishima, was having a great time.
Every time Zero even slightly moved he laughed harder. Not to mention, Present Mic looked absolutely traumatized. He attempted to answer questions and not stare at the obnoxious chest, but the look of genuine fear was just too much. Katsuki made sure to screenshot the moment Zu grabbed both tits and Present Mic tried to pretend he wasn't mortified. When they get married he was definitely going to get that picture printed on to his tie. It was golden.
~~
NezuButGreen<3:
How many of them think they're real?
Goose-aphobe<3:
Most of the males. All Might said he has 'life experience' and can confirm they're real.
Fucking dumbass
They're not even paying attention to Mic's beautiful singing >:(
NezuButGreen<3:
They're missing out. At least the comment section is going wild with love for his pipes. Class 1-Lame could never.
Goose-aphobe<3:
Damn Right. These losers don't know culture.
But I do know that those tits are gonna make me collapse if you keep moving around. That shits too funny. They look like helium inflated cantaloupes.
NezuButGreen<3:
Fuck you, I was going for a watermelon vibe. These tits are stunning.
~~
And thus went an entire hour where everyone was so fixated on figuring out Zero's giant tits that nobody paid attention to what he was actually saying. Poor Mic, he even gave them ACTUAL hints to who Zero is.
~~~~~~~
Another half an hour of Mic's under-rated singing later and Zero was now in the kitchen with the newest guest and he was positively ecstatic.
"Alright. Welcome to my new segment: Snackin' with Zero. Lunch Rush here has some time to spare to teach us how to make the godly Katsudon he makes all the time. It's brilliant. I promise." Zero said cheerfully bouncing up and down. Katsuki really wished Izuku would take off the watermelons for the sake of his reputation.
"Can't wait to cook! It'll be great!" Lunch Rush cheered. This man deserved more recognition.
"Heck yeah!" Zero fist-bumped the air and ran around showing off ingredients.
"A-ha! He's eating Katsudon!" Todoroki yelled.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Katsuki scoffed, part of him wondered if Icyhot had figured it out.
"Okay, hear me out. Midoriya constantly talks about how he would kill to get Lunch Rush's katsudon recipe right?" Todoroki started. Katsuki eye's widened because someone in 1-A finally had a fucking brain.
"What do you mean? Are you trying to say Midoriya is dating Bakugou?" Shouji asked, eyes still focused on the stream.
"Of course not, they're brothers. I'm saying that Monoma is very dedicated to ruining the lives of everybody in 1A, so he would totally hunt down the Katsudon recipe just to spite Midoriya! It's so obviously Monoma!" Todoroki shrieked. Katsuki's faith in humanity went straight out the window.
"I don't listen to people who try to convince themselves they're a robot to spite their father." Uraraka shrugged. She may be on thin ice, but she has good judgment.
"That was a perfectly valid theory." Todoroki glared.
"You called Midoriya and forced him to pretend to be your cellphone talking, so you could say you were communicating with your fellow computerized life forms. There is nothing valid about that." All Might snickered. He was there to watch Midoriya make that call, and he had looked so genuinely done with his life.
"Ha! Fucking loser!" Katsuki laughed.
"Shit! That fucking burned! I'm selling this pan! It's after me!" Zero shrieked from the live stream.
"Zero! Watch your language!" Lunch Rush chastised, shaking a spatula angrily at Zero.
"Sorry Lunch-sensei, but that burned like hell," That swear earned him a swat on the back of the head from Lunch Rush.
~
"SENSEI!?" Mina yelled.
"Does Lunch Rush teach? I thought he just worked in the cafeteria?" Shouji pondered.
"He teaches a morning class for 1-B, dumbasses." No, he fucking doesn't.
"It's all just adding up in my favor. And you all thought I was crazy." Shouto smirked, putting a mark on his board.
"Not so fast, Kendou is in 1-B as well." Shouji sent a small glare at Todorki.
Katsuki really wanted someone to throw a punch.
~
"And that's how you make the world's best katsudon!" Zero 'beamed' at the camera, "Now since we cooked it, it'd be a real shame not to eat it and gossip like old women at a Bingo club."
"Am I allowed to gossip? I have a reputation?" Lunch Rush asked, "Can I even eat? I don't really have a mouth," Lunch Rush pondered, and scratched his forehead.
"Ah, you're right," Zero pouted and crossed his arms, " Why don't we just have another QnA open to all the fans? You've got a bit of time for that right?".
"Totes. Please keep them appropriate, " Lunch Rush pleaded. The man really has a rep to keep.
"We can try. We really really can, but I make Zero promise. Get it? Zero? I'm a comedian." Zero is truly the only funny person left on Earth.
"Truly a comedic genius. Mrs.Joke would love you." Lunch Rush nodded.
"Alright, Mr.Lunch! The first question is from @Zero_The-Gayo, Good name, they ask Who your favorite hero to work with is? Your least favorite?" Zero readout with a mouth full of katsudon.
"That's a good question! I've actually worked with quite a few underground heroes who I can't talk about, but I really enjoyed working with Midnight. She is super cool and a fantastic strategist. As for least favorite, I would say Endeavor? He was a hothead." Lunch Rush explained, consuming katsudon through his... tube?
"Oh my, slandering the number 2 hero? Better watch out for the government hired assassins. I'm every- Sorry. They're everywhere."
~
"AIZAWA IS THE ONLY ONE WITH THE ABILITY TO ASSASSINATE SOMEONE!" Ochako shrieked. There were several eye rolls.
~
"Next question is from @Grape_Flavored_Sex, Zero, have you and Kat done i t?" Zero read, and tilted his head in confusion, "I'm sorry I don't know what you mean by it? We've done a lot of things together. Do you mean drugs? Because no we haven't. Our homework? We sure have. Explicitly illegal activity? Nope. Battled to death via dance? Sure have, and I'm still reigning champ. You have to be more specific with questions like those," Zero hummed. He was obviously playing coy, but if he was right about who grape was he deserved the disrespect.
"Mi- Zero, you promised you'd keep it pg!" Lunch Rush squeaked!
~
"DID YOU FUCKING HEAR THAT!" Todoroki shot up from his seat, his eyes wide and crazy, "HE SAID 'M' HE WAS GOING TO SAY ZERO'S NAME THAT STARTS WITH AN M! IT HAS TO BE MONOMA!"
"or it could be Midnight!" All Might pointed out.
"Yeah! Or it could be Mina!" Kirishima shouted.
"Or it could be Modoroki Mouto! Don't try to throw us off with fancy mispronunciations!" Mina glared.
~
"Alright and another question frOM HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THAT!" Zero shrieked. He panicked and jumped onto his chair at the sight of something on four legs scurrying under his desk. IT WAS A RAT!
"What am I? A mouse? A bear? Nobody knows! But what's important is I'm Principal Nezu and I'm right on time!" Nezu popped out from under the desk, way too cheery for having nearly caused heart failure to Zero.
"I'm... just gonna take that as my cue to leave. I have to get stuff for lunch tomorrow. It was fun though!" Lunch Rush waved and quickly made his way out, he was not one to deal with Nezu.
"Well, that's unfortunate. I was hoping to speak with him for a bit." Nezu shook his head sadly, "Oh well, not to worry. Your boyfriend is outside. I saw him on my way, but I scurry a bit faster than he walks." Nezu hopped up into the chair next to his desk, feet dangling off slightly.
"He is?!" Zero yipped and jumped out of his chair rushing towards the door, "KAT!" an exciter Zero squealed, Zero leaped up and latched onto Katsuki who nearly dropped him to the ground in surprise.
~
Meanwhile, class 1-A was about to riot.
"HOW THE HELL DID HE ESCAPE!" They all yelled, all eyes were fixed on the chair Katsuki had previously been at, which now just held a sticky note with an angry penis flipping them the bird on it.
~
"Ha. I'm pretty sure the Shipper's of the Round Table just realized I escaped. Dipshits didn't even notice me running out the door," Katsuki laughed at the camera.
"Of course they didn't, didn't half of them sleep through the lecture on reconnaissance?" Zero snorted, leading Katsuki back to the desk by the camera, "Anyway, Everybody this is my boyfriend Kat that you saw pretending to be Endeavor earlier, and this is the esteemed principal of UA. You've probably heard me refer to him as Rat God on multiple occasions," Zero laughed, looking at the chat that had filled with thousands of comments that read 'Praise Rat God'.
"Did you start a cult around me? I've been planning to do that after my retirement. You stole my fun," Nezu smiled at the comments that were starting to roll in.
"Ah, my bad. Me and Katsuki just say Nezu instead of God a lot, so it just kind of stuck. Now you have a cult. Congrats." Zero informed him while Katsuki snickered beside him, "Topic change. I think for this segment we should try to do a couple of mini analyses about different pros or students from the comments? Kat, you can just insult people as you see fit,".
"That sounds lovely," Nezu clapped and pulled out a large thermos of what could only be tea, "Would you like some?".
"Why does he have that?" Katsuki mumbled.
"I wish I knew." Zero sighed, "I'll have some please,".
"Wonderful! I'll grab cups and you can pull up the first name," Nezu scurried off cheerfully.
"Why do we praise him again?"
"He radiates power."