Flashes.
Memories.
The past unfolding.
I stood there face blank.
Staring at the wall.
Doing the "ifs" in my brain.
What if that accident never happened?
Would we be happy?
Together?
What if I never saw my dad?
Would we live happily?
Would we live together?
What if my brother was?
Why?
What if I never met theo?
Would I be like this?
Would I be here?
Would I ever met him?
Ever talked to him?
Known him?
All these questions were there.
Answers unknown.
Blake left after that.
His vacation was over.
He promised he would visit us soon and stay longer.
I want to live with him.
He has a girlfriend and a job he needs.
He has his life and I have mine.
He need to move on and forget.
Start a new one like this one.
He hugged us goodbye and left.
Part of me didnt want to leave him but the other part of me wanted him to be happy with his new life.
Mom and dad wohdl be so happy for us.
For what we have become.
There is part of me where I never told anyone.
Not even anyone.
Kept it to myself.
Not even freinds.
Too weird.
I wasnt safe back then.
My childhood was the worst and it is time I let it go.
But it comes back.
Like its attached.
Flashing me.
Giving me.
Telling me.
After he left theo stayed with me.
I was like a person experiencing a shock.
Theo would stay with me for long and do his work here.
Not wanting to leave me alone.
The days with blake were fun.
We all took pictures.
Together because we were a family.
Frames were changed in my room and everywhere.
The days we all took pictures.
Theos mom me and theo also.
He had a room for pictures.
Not albums.
A whole room with pictures.
Instead of mirrors.
That amazing.
Wonderful.
Special.
He was one of a kind.
Positive.
"Hey."
Theo interrupted me.
Handing me a cup of hot chocolate.
My favourite.
I didnt even notice that he opened the door.
I was so lost.
Thinking.
Replaying everything.
In my head.
Over and over.
All those events.
I realized one thing.
That theo loved me the way I was.
That he cared.
He sat next to me.
Wrapping his soft large hands on my waist.
Pulling me closer to his chest.
He knew something was wrong.
He always knew.
The days when we were with Blake he knew I was happy.
And he wanted me to be happy in any way.
Seeing my brother after years was so long.
No human can bear that.
I cant especially.
Finding him In a store.
That was lucky.
Really lucky.
After years of giving up .
I found him.
I believe it was fate.
Unexpectedly.
Theo put me against his lap.
My back infront of theo.
His hand rubbing my back in soft circles. Comforting me.
It's been weeks since I lived him I admit he's a fast learner.
He understands me more than anyone else.
He loves me.
Cares of me.
He knows whenever I feel sad and he is always there.
For me.
Unexpected.
Who would belive I , brooke west the nerd be with the most popular guy, theo walcott.
And now hes here.
Comforting me.
Not forcing me to do anything.
Rubbing back.
Serving me food.
Without him I dont knwo how life would be.
I'm glad I met him.
Would I end up in the streets?
Would I be a slut?
A stripper?
If it isn't for him I wouldn't be like this.
I am blessed to have him.
He would bring me breakfast.
My favourite.
Waffles and honey.
Snacks as well.
Anything I want he will give.
Hes like my genie in the bottle.
That important.
That special.
That unique.
He would stay by an do everything for me.
Take me anywhere I want.
I love him.
I snuggled in his chest.
He knows me,
He wants me.
He loves me.
All those means girls comment came back to me at the worst time.
When I was building up and calming myself.
Those harsh comments stung me.
"Bitch"
"Slut"
"Your a fuc5kung hoe"
"Whore"
I started crying his chest.
Why?
Why me?
Why do I deserve this?
I feel like I wasn't meant to be!
But all I know is I'm not alone.
Theo is here.
With me.
By my side.
I always thought that he was a play boy.
A rude person.
A jerk.
A guy who fucked everyone.
A guy who does every bad things.
But in real life he is nothing like that.
Be with him randomly and he will treat you like a queen.
Care for you.
Love you.
Need you.
Be with you.
Want you.
Positive.
Anyone would wish to be in the same position as me.
This is how much everyone wants him.
Some people would want to take advantage.
While some have just crushes.
One night stands as well.
Terrific right?!
I'm someone who who is afraid to be alone.
I was always with someone.
I would sleep next to mom.
I would always be with someone.
I have that feeling when someone is not there some thing is gonna get you and honestly its that feeling.
Every single time.
Whenever I'm alone it haunts me.
Gives me the worst thoughts.
Give me bad dreams.
Give me almost every negative thing.
But luckily I have a shield.
My protector.
My life.
Theo.
I feel safe in his arms.
Hes my life.
Without him lifes gonna be a pain.
I'm safe as long as hes with me.
Next to me.
Near me.
With me.
He belongs to me.
Forever.
He wont leave me.
I love him with all my heart.
He will fight for me.
He would.
He is my saviour.
He loves me.
Sleeping with him was the best.
He held me tightly in his strong hands.
Bodys pressed.
He gave a kiss and he drew soft circles on my back.
Soothing me.
Relaxing me.
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