I!!!! Am!!!! Back!!!!
Dedicated to CrazyFangirl_otps for the ship;) Hope you enjoy!
T/W ; I have tried to describe a panic attack, so if you're not comfortable with that, I'm sorry;(
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The first time Dex had a panic attack, it was in the middle of elven history.
He was laughing and chattering (he should have expected it, Sophie had mentioned it--) as he made his way over to the desks, hitching up the silver cape over his slacks, settling into the chair with ease as he looked up at the teacher who had just walked in.
"Now class, we're finally moving on to the Moonlark era - which means you'll be learning about some of your fellow classmates and what they've done throughout their years in this school - other than just pass their exams of course."
As the rest of the class started in an uproar of laughter, the smile slipped off his face as he nodded uneasily. He scratched his arms while he faced the front of the class, trying to circulate the ice-like blood into his rapidly numbing feet.
The last thing he wanted to do was to deal with the stares and grins of his classmates.
But Dex just gritted his teeth, digged his nails into his palms and kept his head down, trying to ignore the soon circulating whispers. Having a half deaf ear from a great war sometimes did get in handy when trying to get through a particularly difficult lesson. Even when Marella, the only other person from the black swan threaded her thin hand through his, he squeezed back hard on instinct, ignoring the fact that she had even bothered to take care of him at all.
But the second that they started talking about his character, about how he had been stranded in the cave, all alone while Sophie had atleast waken up and helped vanquish them, about how he had briefly "worked and manipulated" the black swan on the orders of the council and made that ill-fated circlet (conveniently forgetting the threats that were given to him about his family) and how he even attempted to have a relationship with the star moonlark, before she, out of pity left him a kiss and deemed him her friend, Dex knew he was in trouble. The room seemed to close in around him and shaking, he reached up to loosen up his silver cape which now seemed to strangle him with silver like threads.
"Dizznee ? You there?"
Dex didn't reply. He didn't feel it was physically possible. The silver threads had somehow grown and started choking him, becoming a ticking bomb, a noose near his throat, while the walls also began to close in. He wanted to curl his hands into fists and punch right through them. He knew they weren't moving, it was just an illusion but his heart still started to pound erratically; his mind frantically searching for ways to escape. His stomach lurched, adrenaline pumping and he wanted to scream to let out all the fear that's been building inside him for so long.
"Dex, do you need anything?"
What he needed was for Professor Beckett to stop exposing him, telling everyone his flaws from back then, to stop regaling his classmates with his misdemeanours. It felt so personal, too personal to be written on a text book, to be taught in class, and to be made to be recited out loud for some exam. He had been detailing every single event that happened and his skin crawled with the familiarity of it all. With every word the professor said, Dex felt like leaping out of his chair to muffle every single whisper and unwanted stare. The feeling of being cut open, sliced apart like a corpse on a gurney lingered with him through every single point detailed on the wall. He felt the urge to rip off his skin and crawl away from all of this - his background, his stories, his entire life in the lost cities, so he could start all over again, fresh.
"Professor, do you mind excusing both of us for a minute?"
He took one look at Dex's face and the Professor nodded impatiently, motioning for them to hurry back as Marella helped guide a numb Dex away. He blindly followed Marella away, not exactly caring who saw him or not (but the whispers never stopped, did they?--) as he took short gasps, clutching his chest as he struggled to somehow break free of the stupor he was now in.
"Mar--Can't--Brea-breathe--"
She shushed him and guided Dex into an empty class, shutting the door carefully behind her as he stumbled into a nearby corner, shrinking in on himself as Marella frantically reviewed any of of the rare instances when her mother had panicked on her as she kneeled infront of him.
"Dizznee-Dex-We'll get through this together-just let me- just keep your eyes on me, okay?"
She swallowed hard as she suddenly remembered another way to help, before abandoning the idea with embaressment.
"Just- just breathe with me, okay Dex? When I say one, you take in a breath with me, okay? And when I say two, you need to breath out. Does that sound good with you?"
Dex didn't answer, but only seemed to shrink further in on himself as Marella still debated on whether or not to do it and possibly scare him further or set themselves up for a world of shock and rumours if someone went in.
"M-ma-Mar? P-please d-don't lea-"
Now working on pure instinct, Marella rushed and slid beside him and gently pressed him against her chest. Dex leaned back, focusing on her erratic heartbeat and breaths as he sunk deeper into her embrace, letting her familiar scent surround him as he focuses on the calmness he feels, like she was the buoy in the raging tsunami of emotions that were crashing over him. He was crying freely now, his tears falling like raindrops on her silver cloak, before sliding of the slippery material.
"Shh..You'll be okay, I've got you. I'm here beside you. It's going to be alright. I got you." Marella softly murmured over and over, holding the boy as she softly patted his chest in attempt to ease some of the pain that was there.
Dex just laid limp in Marella's arms as he focused on that low voice, which was husky and reminiscent of her personality, never completely a calming whisper because she always had a million reasons to shout. Maybe that's why he had fallen in love with her. No matter what, he could count on her to always stand with him, even metaphorically in his head as he focused on her voice, like a beacon of light in the receding fog in his mind.
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"Thanks...for staying beside me. Despite the fact I made you miss Elementalism."
Marella laughed as she slumped on the floor next to the now slightly better looking boy.
"Oh, Sir Conley's got nothing on spending time with you!"
Dex blushed a bright shade of red as Marella took one look at him and started cracking up.
"You know, this reminds me of that one time......."
As Marella continued on with her story, Dex felt his mind wander as he twiddled his thumbs absentmindedly. Sure, he had been worrying about it for a long time, and this panic attack may or may not have been a culmination of his feelings, but Dex desperately tried to block out his mind from going to that place again. Sure, he may collapse yet again from the weight of his thoughts, but was he actually worth help?
"Dex...is something bothering you?"
Dex scrambled to think of an excuse as Marella sighed and turned the other way. He stayed quiet, losing his nerve as he tried to shrink in from himself, for he had never felt so vulnerable, like someone had ripped off his clothes and had exposed his scarred body. Marella's eyes shined with concern, and Dex could have sworn he saw little lights dancing across her iris, similar to how flames would leap from her palm in a graceful arc.
Maybe he really could ask.......
"You don't have to tell me what's wrong, but atleast-"
"Do you.........ever regret....meeting me?"
The question was out of his mouth before he could help it and Marella's eyes widened as she understood.
"Of course not. Why would you ever think like that?"
"I-It's just-" . But he couldn't say it. He just couldn't. He gestured vaguely at his body and prayed she would get it. Marella's eyebrows furrowed and he tilted his head in a question.
"I'm just so weak......and pathetic. I can't even go one class without panicking!"
Marella's eyes widened as she pulled Dex into a comforting hug.
"Dex..."
Marella said his name as though she couldn't believe that would ever be a problem, and it made his eyes water. Only she...with less than a full sentence had somehow made most his fears disappear, be snuffed out like a candle.
"Listen to me. You're so perfect that, I sometimes wonder how lucky I was to have even met you. And nothing- you listen nothing - will change that fact. So what if you show emotions? That just makes you more human. And don't forget that for every single bad thing you've done, you probably have around a hundred more good ones. And just don't forget that I lov-"
Marella cut herself off. Not yet. Not for another few years, when they could both look back and laugh on this while her heart shriveled even further.
"What I meant is that.....I've got you."
Dex felt his eyes well up again as he wiped them and hugged Marella again.
"Th- Thanks..... I've got you to."
God, he loved her so much.
Marella pulled back with a gentle laugh as she tried not to stare at Dex. Even when he was at his worst, he still looked so beautiful. His hair was a mess, falling lightly into his periwinkle eyes as he rubbed his button like nose red.
"You're just so....perfect. I wish you'd understand that."
Dex grinned softly as he pulled himself up before opening the door a crack.
"Now come on. I'm pretty sure someone's going to notice if we miss all of lunch too."
As they both walked out, laughing about another joke, they both couldn't help mulling over those words in their head.
"I've....got you."
They couldn't stop smiling giddily throughout the rest of the day.
.
.
.
.
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A/N ; Don't you just love going crazy over mutual pining where they both won't confess to the other? Same, same
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The amount of times wattpad deleted this then made me lose my motivation huh
Anywhoo keep scrolling it's a double update time
⇢ ˗ˏˋ blxckholes;) ˎˊ