It was a day just like any other in the 🅱ase of the hitman team. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and they had managed to go almost the entire morning without any broken bones or unnecessary shouting. That might just have been their new record.
That was, until Risotto came storming into the living room where the rest of the team sat. A look of pure aggravation on his face.
"Ghiaccio Cubetti!" He shouted, pointing toward the blue haired ice cube, who was currently digging around the cushions of the couch in front of him. Melone couldn't help but let out a small snicker. Knowing full well what was about to go down. Earning himself an elbow to the ribs from Ghiaccio. Occurrences such as these weren't all that uncommon amongst their team. What with the constant state of chaos they all seemed to be in. However, when their Capo was involved, things were certainly going to get interesting.
"I'd like to know exactly why the dashboard of our car has been completely smashed in. I figured you'd be able to tell me." Risotto said. His voice remained calm. And yet if looks could kill, Ghiaccio would've certainly died a painful death.
"Oh come on! I didn't hit it THAT hard!" He replied as he turned around to face the Capo. His face contorting into one of pure rage. One that almost matched that of the giant goth rice man that towered in front of him. Though he looked a bit more constipated than he did intimidating.
Risotto however, wasn't having any of it.
"The HOLES in it say otherwise." He began. "You should be grateful that it was starting to break down already anyway. I was able to purchase a new one yesterday. And you're going to clean it."
"The h*ll would I do that for?!" The very thought of this was enough for Ghiaccio to become even more enraged than he already was. He was joking, right? He had to be. But Risotto certainly wasn't very well known for his sense of humor. And by the tone of his voice alone, he was dead serious.
"Because you aren't getting those glasses of yours back otherwise. That is what you're looking for. Am I wong?"
Ghiaccio's eyes widened. He couldn't have--- He wouldn't--- Yet there was no other explanation as to why his glasses had suddenly disappeared from his bedside table that very morning. But to think his own father would do something so cruel---
"You expect me to be able to clean a freakin car when I can't even see where it's dirty?! I was barely able find my way out of my own d*mn room!" He shouted. The angrier Frosty became, the more Melone began to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of the entire conversation. And the thought of Ghiaccio blindly spraying everything within range of the hose in hopes of actually hitting the car was definitely amusing to say the least. Though he was quick to shut his mouth after the death glare shot a hole in the side of his head.
"Clean everything then. Even the who d*mn driveway. I couldn't care less."
Ghiaccio let out a sigh of defeat. There was no way he was getting himself out of this one. And given the fact he could barely see a few inches in front of his face, he was at Risotto's mercy. How he was going to manage to properly clean the car, he didn't know. But if he ever wanted to see again, there was no other way.
"Fine. But your seat is gonna be wet." He said as he began to walk toward the front door. He was in for a long day...
"It'll dry."
About half an hour later, Risotto decided to check on Ghiaccio. He had expected to find him face first on the ground with the hose ripped in two and the car frozen in ice. But what he certainly hadn't expected to see was him angrily attempting to wipe down the dashboard.
"I'm cleaning it. You happy?" He asked.
If he was being honest, Risotto had figured Ghiaccio would've given up and thrown a tantrum by now. But to find him actually trying to wash the car properly without destroying it? He knew he must be desperate. And if that was the case...
"Good. Now do it with your tongue."
Upon hearing this, Ghiaccio became so angry that he ripped the sponge in his hand clean in two just by squeezing it in his fist. Telling him to clean the car with barely any vision was one thing. But trying to humiliate him like this? That was something else entirely.
"Oh h*ll no! Have you lost your freakin mind?!" He screeched intensely.
"Then those glasses are mine."
Once again Ghiaccio let out a sigh of defeat after attempting to compose himself. He knew he wasn't going to win this one. But he'd rather die than put his tongue anywhere near anything that wasn't meant to be licked. But thankfully, he had a plan.
"Fine. I'll just buy a new pair with Melone's credit card." He said. A wide and rather smug smirk crossing his face. It was at that moment that they heard a loud gasp coming from the bushes behind them before Melone emerged. Quite dirty from sitting in the dirt and leaves all that time with his lack of proper clothing.
"I hate to burst your bubble. But I took his credit card away for awhile." Risotto began before glancing at Melone, who he'd seemingly known had been there all along. "So you're not getting that either."
However, Ghiaccio's smirk only grew as he blindly felt around for the glove compartment of the car. And upon finding it, pulling out one of those small plastic rocks they use to hide house keys. And revealing a small rectangular object that was hidden inside.
"Well you aren't very good at hiding things. Cuz I found it. Leave no stone unturned as they say." With that, he leaped out of the car before activating White Album. "Now I book it!"
Melone, who had still been observing them from behind the bushes, only snickered. Knowing full well he couldn't get very far with how blind he currently was. Risotto however, looked more concerned than anything. His eyes suddenly widening. He almost looked fearful. An emotion one wouldn't expect to see from the Capo.
"That's a mfing bomb son." He exclaimed as he began sweating nervously.
Ghiaccio stopped for a moment, turning to face the man. "Even better. The glasses dealer can't charge me if he's in pieces." He said before beginning to run again at an even quicker pace than before. That smug tone still very much present in his voice.
"That's a mfing bomb son!" Risotto shouted. Now very visibly afraid of what was about to happen. "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE SON!"
Ghiaccio only ran faster upon hearing this. "Free glasses." He stated simply. Very confident in his current plan. What could possibly go wrong now? After all. He had a mfing bomb son!
Risotto took a moment to calm himself before letting out an annoyed sigh. Oh how tired he was becoming of these rebellious children. "I'll just have to break them then. Your old ones too. Actually, I'll burn them while I'm at it. No perfectly clean car? No glasses." He began with a proud smile. "I'm the best dad ever."
With that, Ghiaccio stopped dead in his tracks. Whether or not he wanted to admit it or not, Risotto had won. It was pointless. Besides, covering up an explosion like that would be pretty difficult to pull off if he was caught fleeing the scene with a shiny new pair of glasses. He groaned before pulling his arm back and throwing the bomb as far as he could to hit whatever poor civilian happened to be in it's path. Though thankfully it was rather small and wouldn't cause THAT much damage.
"Man. This is why I like mom better." He muttered before heading back inside. He'd find a way to get new glasses eventually. But right now? He was tired.
The rest of the day somehow managed to go by without further incident. At least any kind of life threatening incident that is. Risotto was jamming out to his Metallica CDs, Melone was playing Minecraft on Babyface, you know, as he does whenever he's pretending to work. Ghiaccio was, probably punching something right about now, and the others were off doing... Whatever it is they do.
"Ok! It's bedtime!" Risotto announcement as he entered the living room later that evening. It had been a long day. And he just wanted to rest without having to worry about anyone else deciding to get into trouble. "Everyone get in bed. I'll tuck you in. It's time for your lullaby and bedtime story."
"Yay!" Shouted Melone before running into the bedroom and leaping into bed. Quite eager to get a break from his "work" for the day and get some "much needed" sleep. "I wanna hear the story of how we kill the boss!"
"Gross. I'm not two." Ghiaccio grumbled. Refusing to move from his position on the couch. Far too tired and definitely not in the mood to deal with his father's shenanigans. He'd be just fine sleeping on the couch anyway. Especially if it meant not having to be in the same room as Melone. Who had a bad habit of snoring in his sleep.
"Be nice bro--" Melone began. But he was quickly interrupted by Risotto, who suddenly looked somehow scarier than usual as a very dark expression washed over him before he spoke.
"And I'll hit you over the head with a frying pan."
Ghiaccio pulled his phone out immediately upon hearing this. Risotto was a man of his word. The incident from this afternoon was enough to prove that. But after everything he'd been through that day, Ghiaccio was NOT about to allow anymore pain to be added to the list of things that went wrong.. "HELLO POLICE!?" He shrieked.
Risotto's eyes widened in fear. The police?! Was he serious!? He didn't really just-- "OH FU---"
"That's right dad. I'M CALLING ABBACCHIO!" The small ice cube laughed evilly.
Risotto began to sweat nervously. If Ghiaccio really was telling the trough, he'd be screwed. Not because he threatened him with a frying pan. The fact he even thought the police would care about that in the first place was ridiculous. But because his entire team were literal criminals. Including Ghiaccio. A fact that seemingly slipped his mind. Regardless though, there was no way he had actually called the police. And even if he had, he could just impress them with the fact of the day and they'd leave him alone! Right? So he might as well continue to tell Melone his story. "Anyway. Once upon a time..."
As the story went on, the more Risotto's nerves were calmed. And the more confident he became that he was just being messed with. Some sort of revenge for making Ghiaccio clean tbe car, he assumed. That was until, Frozone spoke.
"Just you wait dad. After this story is over, you're gonna be hanging out with Polpo in jail!" He laughed before putting his phone away.
So it was true after all... "B-but I'm your dad!" Risotto cried before running back into the living room and dramatically falling to the floor on his knees. How? How could his own son betray him like this?! He felt so hurt. As if someone had stabbed him straight through the heart. At least he had the common decency to let him finish the story... But surely Melone would never do such an awful thing. He'd be on his side for sure! "Melone! Do something!"
Just then, the faint sound of sirens could be heard from the distance. Getting closer and closer by the minute as the police approached the 🅱ase. Ghiaccio looked Risotto straight in the eyes heading toward the front door to greet them. "Arrivederci, father."
"Sh--- I GOTTA HIDE!" Risotto screamed before yet again, running into the other room and nearly knocking over an extremely confused and mildly concerned Prosciutto in the process. He sure was doing a lot of running back and forth today...
"We live in a two room base. There's only so many places you can hide." Said Ghiaccio with a blank stare. Though unbeknownst to him, Risotto had managed to crawl out of the window and into the backyard. "Hehe... They'll never catch me alive." He thought to himself. What a genius he was.
During all the commotion, Melone had managed to grab a tiny kitchen knife, of which he somehow believed would be able to scare away the police, before running right past Ghiaccio, out the front door and right toward the officer that had stepped out of the car shouting "Stay back! I have a knife!"
"Uh... Sir? This that sicko you were calling about?" Abbacchio asked, squinting suspiciously as he pointed to Melone. Who was still flailing around with his little butter knife as if he was actually scary in any way.
"A sicko is an understatement. But sadly, as much as I'd love for you to take him too, I was calling about my abusive, glasses stealing father." Ghiaccio began.
"Um. Ghiaccio that's a tree."
"Shut up, you stupid toe sucker!" He screamed. Now both angry AND embarrassed. But the ends justify the means as they say. And if making a fool out of himself for being heccin blind meant that Risotto would get arrested and he'd be able to buy new glasses with Melone's credit card in peace? It was a small price to pay. "Ahem." He coughed as he turned, thankfully toward Abbacchio for real this time. "I uh... Don't know exactly where he went. But he couldn't have gotten very far. You won't be able to hide forever, chuckleschmuck!" Ghiaccio shouted. Hopefully loud enough for Risotto to hear and realize how futile his attempt at hiding was.
Upon hearing this, Melone's flailing suddenly came to a halt. A look of pure confusion crossing his face before he turned to Ghiaccio. Looking at him as though he was just plain stupid. "Did... Did you forget he can turn invisible?" He asked.
"FUUUUU---"
The next hour was spent looking for Risotto. But no matter where they looked, there was no trace of him to be found. Eventually, Abbacchio was forced to give up, deeming the incident as a prank call. Much to Ghiaccio's dismay. Once the police were no longer in sight, and the sound of the sirens had completely faded away, Risotto crawled back into the house through the window before sending both Ghiaccio and Melone to their room. He was in no mood to deal with them due to how late it had gotten and how tired he was from spending an hour in a tree, and having to use to good deal of his energy to remind unseen. But the both of them were going to be in for it the next day for certain. Especially Ghiaccio, as he'd been the whole cause of this mess.
"We're one big happy family." Melone laughed sarcastically. This day couldn't have possibly been any worse.
"Of course... Very happy... I love my sons." Risotto replied. An eerily threatening tone in his voice. One that made it clear he wouldn't be forgetting about what had occured that night anytime soon. Or ever for that matter.
"X for doubt. If that's true, buy me new glasses." Ghiaccio said angrily. Tired of crashing into everything within range. "You got a job. You have the money."
Once again, Melone looked at him like he was crazy. "Money? Who says we get paid?"
"Exactly." Risotto agreed. "Besides. I spent all the money we had on the new car. Now go the h*ll to sleep before I beat you both." With that, he walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
Ghiaccio and Melone deadpanned.
"Just another day for La Squadra. Ba-da-bum."