reading in black layout is recommended.
Dear Diary,
Men continue to prove to me they're pieces of shit. My intuition told me something was going on and Jaehyun was acting so weird. I chose to ignore my gut like an idiot now look at me, completely humiliated.
News broke around campus that Jaehyun and Mina Mazzini were an item.
In a small town like Stark, anyone is ready to get their hands on a piece of gossip.
At first I thought it was just rumors and gossip around campus until I seen Jaehyun blocked my number and all my socials.
Jaehyun was my first boyfriend and I suppose that's why I'm taking this so hard. The first guy to make me feel special. His charm and the bad boy demeanor he wore so effortlessly, which made any girl swoon for him. I let down all the walls I built up and fell madly in love with him.
Anyways, this entry has already been embarrassing enough. See you on the next episode of, "My life is a mess and I hate it here" :).
-Sincerely, Chae.
Chaeyoung closed the notebook letting out a sign. Writing had always been her favorite coping mechanism. She loved the feeling of when she actually got into the groove of it and inevitably lost herself in the ink. Writing away all the bottled up feelings she held in from the day.
"Love," Mrs. Lee said. "Love is something we can all describe differently."
She looked at her phone seeing a message from Jennie.
Jen <3
I may come back to the dorms late tonight :(. helping Jongin with his research paper. if you need me and want me to come back i will! love youuu.
Jennie is Chaeyoung's best friend and the closest thing she had to a sister. They met freshman year when they were assigned as roommates.
From the moment they met they had an instant connection. Chaeyoung didn't know what she would do without having Jennie by her side.
She texted Jennie back letting her know she'll be fine and will wait up for her.
Curiosity got the best of her and she decided to call Jaehyun again. She let out a deep sign after hearing the call go straight to voicemail.
Chaeyoung felt like life was unfair and her life had been a series of unfortunate events since the moment she was born. Her birth was an accident and to her she was probably her mothers biggest regret. Her mom had a rough childhood and had Chaeyoung at the age of sixteen.
Her mom wasn't able to love herself, let alone a baby. She only had enough love in her heart for Chaeyoung's father. No matter the abuse, her mother never left him in hopes he'd changed.
Hae-Jin died when Chaeyoung was eight and her mother never recovered from it. He died from a heroine overdose and Chaeyoung had found him one morning while getting ready for school.
Chaeyoung and her dad never had a good relationship. She didn't know a single thing about him. Even though they lived together she hardly spoke to him, he acted like she wasn't even there most of the time.
"Mr. Park thank you for joining us for our last ten minutes of class. I'm sure you have a pass."
The energy in the classroom shifted as everyone looked at who walked in. Sudden murmurs of gossip floated around the classroom.
Chaeyoung looked up to see Park Chanyeol.
Despite their best friends dating, Chaeyoung and Chanyeol never talked. Whenever either would hang out with Jongin and Jennie the other would never be there.
Chaeyoung had heard through school gossip that Chanyeol, who had been dating Mina for a while now, had broken up a few weeks ago. She wondered if he knew Mina had been dating Jaehyun this whole time.
His entire demeanor today was different. The charming boyish grin that he always wore was gone, his face being taken over by a stern look.
Chanyeol dug in his back pocket before setting a piece of paper on the teachers desk. He quickly scanned the room for an empty seat before taking a seat next to Chaeyoung in the back corner of the classroom.
That only caused the classroom to engulf in more whispers and murmured conversation. Chaeyoung straightened up, instantly feeling uncomfortable.
Chaeyoung hated having the attention on her. She got use to the looks and side comments from people who thought Jaehyun and her was a weird pairing, but having the entire school talking and staring at her did no good for her anxiety.
She played with a ring on her pointer finger to ease her mind.
"Your semester end project will be on love and the different variations of it will be the main focus. There will be sixteen pairs of two which mean four groups will have the same topic but the theme will be showcased differently in each book. You and your partner will write a paper on your findings from the book assigned to your group."
The bell rang cutting Mrs. Lee. "That's all for today. Next week we'll go further into depth and pick partners."
Chanyeol was on the field practicing with Sehun and Jongin.
"I don't want to be the asshole to say I told you so but," Sehun trailed off tossing the ball to Chanyeol.
"Fuck off Hun," Jongin said.
Chanyeol didn't say anything. Whenever he was in a bad mood he tend to keep completely quiet.
"I'm just saying," Sehun shrugged. "We're young and in high school after all, the perfect girl doesn't exist right now."
"That's a lie Jennie does," Jongin said with a grin.
Sehun rolled his eyes before throwing the ball to Jongin.
"Are you gonna be a mute?" Sehun asked Chanyeol.
Chanyeol shrugged his shoulders, "What do you want me to say?"
"That you want to get revenge or crash a party and get shitfaced." Sehun said in a duh tone.
"Forget option number one I like option number two way better," Sehun said quickly. "Taemin was telling me about this college party on Friday we can check it out."
"I don't know if I'm up for that this weekend." Chanyeol said dropping the ball to the floor.
Sehun let out a dramatic groan. "One hour, if it doesn't help we can leave early and hear you whine about Mina all night long."
"Thirty Minutes."
"Forty."
"Fine."
"That's the spirit," Sehun said tackling Chanyeol. "I heard Lisa's going to be there."
"I'm only going if Jennie wants to." Jongin said earning an eye roll of Sehun.
"You poor love sick puppies. Isn't her best friend the one who was dating Jaehyun?" Sehun asked.
Jongin nodded his head, "Apparently she's taking it hard because Jennie cancelled our plans to be with her tonight."
Sehun nodded his head, "I was surprised when I found out that guy even had a girlfriend. He's with a new girl every weekend. He's probably just with Mina to get back at you."
Everyone knew about the ongoing rivalry involving Chanyeol and Jaehyun. No one knew about the history or why they hated each other.
"Maybe you should revenge date her to get back at Mina." Sehun joked. "I don't understand why you two were together for so long, she was a hag."
Mina and Chanyeol met freshman year. Mina was his ideal girl. She was selfless, kind, and sweet. Any steps he took towards his football career she was there for him. She was always there for him when he needed her the most.
His parents loved her as well. She was the perfect girl in their eyes. The first year of them being together it was perfect.
The second year was a little bumpy. Their sophomore year was the first time she had cheated on him. Mina claimed it was just a drunken accident and it would never happen again and Chanyeol believed her and took her back.
Junior year rolled around and the road turned rocky. Chanyeol found himself getting insecure in their relationship. There was more cheating on Mina's part and Chanyeol kept taking her back. Every time they were off and Chanyeol felt like he was moving on, she'd call him crying and telling him how much she loved him, and he'd always go back.
"Has she tried to talk to you? Jongin asked.
"A few times but not as much as she use to," Chanyeol answered. "I guess she's really moving on this time."
"Why do I feel like I'm more mad than you are?" Sehun asked.
Chanyeol shrugged his shoulders, "I'm use to the feeling by now. Everyone is expecting me to be so infuriated as if this isn't her hundredth time doing this."
Chanyeol's life was like the ones you seen on TV. Two parents who were still together and very much so in love, an older sister, and a huge house. From the outside looking in you would believe Chanyeol lived the perfect life.
His older sister, Yoora, had moved away to New York City to work under a law firm. She was their parents golden child. Chanyeol and her weren't close. They had a massive age gap and it was hard to relate to her about anything. Yoora was so much like their parents. They were too type A. He felt like an outcast at times.
Chanyeol realized he was living for his parents for the most part. His dad desperately wanted an NFL son and that's who Chanyeol would become for him. Luckily, it was a sport Chanyeol was good at. Football was a stress reliever for him and it allowed him to feel free.
Chanyeol picked up his phone seeing the time hit seven as his coach and the rest of his team mates join them on the field for their late night practice.
Friday night came quickly and instead of going out like half of her classmates, Chaeyoung decided to stay in and work on homework assignments she missed during the week. She didn't think she could stomach seeing Jaehyun yet and she knew if she went out she was going to see him. Music played loud from the bathroom as Jennie got dressed, which left Chaeyoung unfocused.
Their dorm was set up apartment style. They had a bathroom that connected their rooms, a living room, and even a small kitchen.
"Hair up or down?" Jennie asked barging into Chaeyoung's room. "Jongin's outside and I'm barely ready."
"Definitely up," Chaeyoung said looking up from her phone. "You look great."
"Thank you," Jennie coo'd before walking back out of Chaeyoung's room to finish getting ready. "I won't be out for too long. Chanyeol wants to go out and Jongin refuses to go unless I come."
"Don't worry about me mom," Chaeyoung joked. "I have my assignments to keep me busy. Who's on driver duty?"
Chaeyoung got up from her bed to go into the bathroom to help her. Chaeyoung wasn't much of a drinker, so she was always on driver duty whenever she went out with Jongin and Jennie.
"Jongin is."
"Yeah right," Chaeyoung laughed. "We both know Jongin is a light weight who gets unnecessarily white girl wasted whenever there's a bottle around. I'll make sure to stay on standby if you need help."
"You won't need to I'll make sure he's on his best behavior." Jennie took one last look at herself before her phone lit up showing Jongin was calling her. "I'll only be gone for an hour or less, if you want me to come back home I promise I will."
"Don't worry about me Jen," Chaeyoung said as she walked Jennie to the door. "Have fun and take a lot of pictures you look great."
"I will," Jennie gave Chaeyoung a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you in a little while."
Chaeyoung locked and closed the door behind Jennie before getting back to her assignment. She knew there would only be a matter of time before intoxicated Jennie called her to pick them up because Jongin got shitfaced.
Jennie's words made her think about how different people's coping mechanisms were. She couldn't imagine going to a party right now, while Chanyeol felt like partying is what he needed.
Chaeyoung put her attention on her missing assignments until a painting idea came to her head.
She took her supplies out before setting up a new canvas on her easel.
Every time she painted she thought about how lost she was. Her mind always drifted to the future and how unsure she was of the path her life was taking. Chaeyoung hated that once she entered her senior year she was expected to know exactly which path she wanted to embark on for her future.
Chaeyoung always had a passion for art, but her mom always told her a career as an artist was unrealistic and she needs to find a career that would pay bills.
She started to believe her mom too, but every time she tried to picture herself working in a more 'realistic careers', she just couldn't. School didn't promote dreamers either.
Moments when she was painting made her feel alive and the next late night painting session was the only thing that had been giving her life any serotonin boost until Jaehyun came in the picture.
Chaeyoung painted for over an hour until the routined call from Jennie came in. Just as she thought, one shot led to two and Jongin got wasted.
Chaeyoung got dressed and left the dorms. Shortly pulling into the front of the frat house before calling Jennie. She hoped Jongin was coherent enough to get himself to the car because Chaeyoung didn't want to get out of the car. Just being in the area made her anxiety spike by one hundred in fear that she'd see Jaehyun.
A few moments later, Chaeyoung spotted Jennie with a stumbling Jongin on her hip and Park Chanyeol close behind them.
"I'm so sorry I pulled you out the house," Jennie pouted. "Jongin forgot where he put his keys and young college men peer pressure made him drink more than I told him to."
Chaeyoung shook her head, "Don't worry about it Jen. I was up working on a new painting anyways."
"Still," Jennie said before helping Jongin get into the backseat of Chaeyoung's car. "Do you mind if Chanyeol stays over tonight? I know if someone catches us we'll get in serious trouble, but his keys were in Jongin's car and-."
"I don't mind," Chaeyoung said giving Chanyeol a small smile. She could tell he wasn't drunk like Jongin, but a little tipsy.
"You can sit in the front with Chae, Chanyeol."
Chaeyoung zipped the hoodie that she was wearing as she watched Chanyeol take a seat in her passenger seat.
Her attention went back on getting them back home when she heard Jennie yelling at Jongin to drink the bottle of water she had. Chanyeol kept his eyes straight forward not once looking at Chaeyoung or acknowledging her. She put the car in drive before pulling off.
They reached the apartment complex in less then twenty minutes. Chaeyoung could tell Jennie was tipsy herself, so she found her trying to help Jongin when she could barely help herself comical.
"Oh shit," Jongin said once he got out the car. "What happened to Sehun?"
Chanyeol and Jongin shared a shocked look before Jennie reminded them that he went home with a girl he met at the party.
They entered the girls hall before Chaeyoung opened the door for them and they all got in.
Jennie helped Jongin take his shoes off before he trudged into her room. Jennie followed after him leaving Chanyeol and Chaeyoung alone in the living room.
"You can stay out here." Chaeyoung said breaking the silence. "There's clean blankets and extra pillows in that closet."
Chanyeol nodded before running a hand in his dark hair. Chaeyoung watched as he took a seat on the couch before excusing herself back into her room.
The paint on her palette had dried up so Chaeyoung decided to clean up her space before calling it a night.
A knock on the door took her out of her train of thought.
"Come in."
"Hey," Chanyeol said with a fake half smile. "Where's your bathroom?"
"We actually have a shared bathroom. You can go through that door."
Chanyeol nodded before stepping into Chaeyoung's bedroom. He shut the door behind him and followed where Chaeyoung pointed before mumbling a quiet thank you.
Chaeyoung fumbled with her TV remote trying to find something on netflix for her to end her night with.
Lately, Chaeyoung has become obsessed with docuseries. She read the description for a new one netflix had released called the Night Stalker.
"I didn't know that was out yet." Chanyeol interrupted.
Chaeyoung flinched not hearing when Chanyeol came out the bathroom. She looked up at him quickly before turning her attention back to the television.
"I read about him in one of my psych classes. I'll probably watch it."
Chanyeol nodded, "Thanks for letting me use your bathroom."
"No problem." She said giving him a soft smile.
She watched as he walked to her door to leave.
"You can stay in here if you want. I don't mind the company."
Chanyeol turned back around. "It's okay I don't want to impose on any plans you have for the night."
"Trust me you're not."
"Okay," Chanyeol said taking a seat on the floor with his back leaning against the foot of her bed. His attention only on the TV. "Jongin is always extremely loud when he drinks. Hopefully he doesn't get you guys in trouble."
"I doubt it. Other girls sneak their boyfriends in all the time."
Chaeyoung pressed play on the episode and shuffled a bit before getting comfortable in her bed. She wasn't sure what came over her when she asked Chanyeol to stay and watch Netflix with her.
They fell into a comfortable quiet only making small commentary about the show.