I never really imagined myself as claustrophobic. Small spaces had often been my friend when I was little. Let me tell you, I was the bomb at hide and seek. Julien and I used to play all the time, actually. I would always find myself in the smallest places imaginable, often times in little nooks and crannies that 6 year olds totally shouldn't be able to fit into. The tiniest of cupboards, the tv stand, under countless couches and smashed between it and the wall. Julie could never find me. I always had to give hints like making sounds or opening drawers. It would take him forever, but after our hide and seek game turning into "hot or cold" he would usually find me.
Something about being in a crammed space always comforted me. It's like a hug. Maybe it had something to do with being crammed in the womb, too. Being swaddled as a baby. I'm not too sure on the exact science, but small spaces were comforting. I'd say still to this day they are.
Or at least they were.
Until now.
I found myself in an interrogation room. I honestly felt like a prisoner. The room was harsh and cold and completely slate gray. Like boring and empty could scare me into talking.
I'm not sure if it was working, but that was mostly because I hadn't done anything. I didn't have anything to talk about.
Before me on the opposite wall a mirror. I stared down my sorry reflection as if she was the one who had something awful. My eyes were red and bloodshot, looking like I'd done copious amounts of crack in the last two seconds. My hair was an absolute mess and my face five shades paler than usual. To put it short and sweet I looked like the living dead.
Which was fair considering it had just been a few days since I discovered my dad was dead. Murdered, actually.
I snapped out of my stare down with myself when the door to my left opened with a squeal. I glanced, then diverted my gaze. Sheriff Plandiv settled down before me, gently setting a small Manila envelope before him.
I had known this guy for as long as I lived here. So, my entire life. Plandiv was a tall, lanky man. He had a deep southern drawl and after was seen with a sweet tea or a cup of black coffee. He was always kind to me and my dad, often times going fishing with my old man. He was not as... partial to my twin as he had been with my dad and I. I was grateful that he wasn't quick to judge me based upon some rash decision Dani had made.
"Hey kid. How you holding up?" He asked, southern dancing off every word.
I shrugged, as if it was that simple. It wasn't. "I've been better."
Plandiv just nodded, not wanting to press into my wounded and aching heart. Mad respect.
He opened the file before shaking his head and closing it again. I knew full well what was in that envelope. I didn't have the heart or stomach to look at crime scene pictures a second time. I swallowed back tears as the questions began.
"Do you know of anyone who would have wanted to hurt your dad?"
There it was. The million dollar question that I had running around in my head. Rampant, and without anything to silence it, the thought had held me captive over the past few days. I had no answer to the "who?"
So I simply shook my head. "No. No one ever threatened him or seemed aggressive towards him." I gave a small shrug. "Not that I knew of, of course."
Plandiv nodded. He glanced over his shoulder at the mirror, quick and sharp before plowing on. "Of course." He repeated what I said and I squirmed in my seat. "Was your dad planning on going out the day of his death?"
He danced around the final word as if it was a bomb. I should have given the man a tutu with the way he pranced around the word death.
I shook my head. "No. He was gonna stay home with me and help me do inventory in the shop. When he was gone in the morning, I assumed he had gone out for groceries or breakfast or something. It's not unusual for him to do that. I just thought..." I trailed off and my eyes dropped to the metal desk, tears spilling from my eyes. "I though he would come home..." I whispered, the words barely audible.
Plandiv let out a breath through his teeth and he shook his head. "It's such a shame what happened to him, sweet pea. I really am sorry." He fell silent for a few moments and I heard him shuffle in his seat a few times before clearing his throat. "I'm sorry, but I still have a few more questions."
I took in a quick breath and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "Oh, of course." I grumbled, taking in a shaky breath.
"Where were you all day Wednesday?" He asked. I knew what he was implying. I knew I had to be ruled out as the murderer. It still made my stomach churn that I was suspected. I knew it was coming and still the question socked me across the jaw and made me want to hurl all over the pristine cold space.
"I am afraid I can't answer that." The quick answer came and Plandiv recoiled. The sheriff blinked the confused look away and met blue eyes.
"Julien, you are aware that this is a murder investigation, right? I'm afraid I'm going to need an alibi, son."
The ninja shook his head, blond hair swaying with the movement. "I go by Zane now, sir. My whereabouts on Wednesday are classified."
"I was stocking the shop all day."
"Was there anyone there with you to confirm that?"
I nodded. "Yes, sir. Jay Walker and Kai Smith were with me. My dad also got security cameras last year installed in the store room. I can get you the tapes to prove I was in the shop all day, too."
Plandiv leaned closer to the boy, eyes narrowing and Zane didn't flinch.
"Well I hereby unclassify that information." His southern tone dropped an octave, harsh and cold.
Zane shook his head again. "Only the ninja are allowed that information, sir."
"And what about your new friends? And... the prodigal friend?" Plandiv raised a brow at me and I frowned, confused.
"Julien? And his friends? What about them?"
"We have reason to suspect that Zane might have something to do with this."
"Then you are officially a suspect in this investigation, kid. Stay in town."
I was released from the questioning another hour later. I provided as much information as I could and hoped that it could help in any way. My bones felt like jello as I walked from the precinct and I tripped over my own two feet multiple times. My knees were bruised and bloody from where the sidewalk had grazed them as I stumbled. My mind raced a million miles an hour, gone off in four different directions. I knew that they were wrong. They had to be.
You haven't seen him in years. He could have changed.
How long does it take for someone to become a murderer? Is it something that happens over night or does it take years? Is someone always a murderer? Could I have seen signs from our childhood?
He shows up unannounced for the first time in years and you don't know what happened to him or what he's done in that time.
But I know Julie. He's kind and caring and he held me tight after I found out dad was dead.
Why wouldn't he give an alibi to Plandiv? That's suspicious.
"Get your chin off your chest, idiot. You look like a slumping 80 year old."
A voice snapped me from my trance and I jumped out of my skin.
Oh.
"When did you get home?" I pushed past my twin sister and into the shop. The door jingled and Mavis pawed at my feet as I made my way in.
"What do you care? It's not your business, jerk." Dani hissed, and I'm sure behind me she propped her hands up on her hips.
I seethed, spinning on my heel and facing her. "Why are you acting like this? How could you? Our dad is dead and you're still being a pest." I shook my head.
She gave a wicked grin and shoved me, hands flinging me backwards into that ugly sea shell lamp. I gave a yelp as I tumbled backwards, the lamp shattering into a million pieces beneath me. Glass shards stuck into my thigh and I hissed through my teeth, tears welling up. Again.
Dani snickered and leaned close to my ear. "Go clean that up, Cinderella."
I'm pretty sure I flooded the shop with salty tears. The surf boards floated out the front door, the stream taking Salem and Mavis with it. Or at least, with how much I bawled just then, that should have happened.
The blood from the glass trickled onto the hard wood floor, staining it I'm sure.
I wished so much in that moment for my dad. Dad had always loved both of us, but he was always always there to fix the mess Dani made when she came crashing back into my life. He was there to sooth my tears, or get me a piece of frozen meat for my black eye, or clean my cuts, or hold me tight when I was just so scared. I wished and I hoped and I prayed for him then.
He never came.
Of course, I knew this. I knew that he was gone and that he would be gone forever. That nothing could bring him back. I knew that. That didn't really stop me from begging the universe for my dad back, though.
As you imagined, he never came.
And so the sun set and rose again and I never moved from my spot on the cold hard floor. I waded in and out of sleep and crying. I waited and waited and my eyes always were always glued to the door. I left it unlocked for him. In case he left his keys at home.
I pretended and sat in my pool of blood and denial willing myself to believe my dad was fine and that he was just out at the grocery store. That this all was an elaborate prank and he would come and scoop me up, patch me up, and take me for icecream. Any minute now, he would plow through the doors, singing some old 80s song and carrying on about a new ship wreck he found while diving.
But alas, all that came through the door was the harsh light of morning and the harsh reality that my wishing would never get me anywhere.
And so, I picked myself up. I pulled the glass and broken pieces of shells from my skin. I wrapped myself in warmth I could only pretend was my dad's hug and shoveled down an entire carton of icecream.
No one else was going to do it, so I decided I should.