Arthit's POV
"Do you want to have lunch outside?" Kongpob and I were driving back to the company, having attended a 2-hour long convention. We stopped at a signal and Kongpob rolled up the sleeves of his crisp white shirt. My eyes habitually drifted to his bronzed and now bare forearms as I felt the familiar urge to run my hands over them.
"I actually have a short video conference once I get back. I can drop you off somewhere, if you want."
"But you had no pending meetings, the last time I checked."
"That's because it wasn't pre-arranged. I got a call a few minutes back, demanding my presence."
"Is something wrong?"
He turned to me quizzically. "No, it's just for discussing the FPO."
"I meant, is something wrong with...us?"
His muscles tensed, and he shook his head while maintaining a firm gaze at the road.
"You've been avoiding me like the plague. Every time I want to spend time with you, you make a run for the hills and I can't seem to put my finger on the reason. Did I do something wrong? As a friend, I think you owe me an explanation."
"I don't know what you're talking about." Our bodies jerked faintly as the car lurched, bringing us to a halt. We had reached office and it didn't take Kongpob more than half a second to unlock his seatbelt and jump out of his vehicle.
I caught up to him and held him back by the shoulder.
I was taken aback by the look of irritation, his face held. So, I pulled my hand off him, instantly missing the warmth.
"Is it because of what happened that day? I am sorry if I did something that angered you. I didn't know what happened to me that day."
"What?" I was about to explain as he cut me off. "Never mind, I don't want to talk about it right now."
"But I want to. You'll leave for Taipei today; I want to clear the air between us by then. Just tell me what's wrong. Please?"
"There is nothing wrong Arthit." He enunciated each syllable with his eyes closed.
"Don't lie to-
"There is nothing that's freaking wrong Arthit!" His voice tremored, as if encumbered by anger mingled with vulnerability. It took him a while to compose himself.
"I think I am done for the day; you should head home too."
I tipped my back against a pillar after he left, fighting back tears that were threatening to spill. Why does he affect me so much? Even as I was furious, all I could think was that it'll be impossible to see Kongpob for a while and that I'd miss his presence. NO. I needed to get a grip, even if it's the hardest thing to do.
Yet, my resolve drew its last breath as I laid my eyes upon a raven, perched on a bark, right outside the window that cornered my cubicle. And it reminded me of Kongpob. Ravens always remind me of him. The weird analogy could be attributable to the it's jet-black colour, one which Kongpob's perpetually groomed hair had adopted. I glanced at the bird from time to time while working on my computer. Expecting its Kongpob-like presence to quench my longing.
It had been four excruciating days since I had last seen him. Even though I was angry with him and determined to give him the cold shoulder on his return, I couldn't disregard the blatant fact that I missed him. I missed the comforting but exciting stench, the capable arms that begged to be touched and the eyes that revealed pools of compassion.
Glancing at my phone, I vacillated between continuing my vexation or just giving in and calling him. But what do I say? All the required and strictly professional conversations happen via mail or text, leaving me with no defense if I decided on calling him. While I debated between the two, my phone rang. It was Siri on the other end.
"Hello."
"Hello P'Arthit, you need to get here quickly. It's Paa. Something is wrong with him. Please P'."
The whimpering voice of my sister, bolted me right out of my chair as my heart hammered inside me.
"Siri, sweetheart, you need to calm down and tell P' exactly what happened." I started packing my things with one hand, while the other held the cell phone to my ear.
"I- I was in the living room with Mae when we heard a loud th-thud from his room. By the time we reached there, he was on the floor, shaking and sh-shivering. I have called for an ambulance; it'll be here in f-few. Mae is with Paa. Please P' come s-soon" Siri was sobbing profusely. I ran out and hailed a cab back to my apartment. "Don't worry I am on my way. Till then can you do something for me?"
"Y-yes?"
"Stop crying and stay with Mae till I arrive, okay? Paa needs you to be strong right now. It's going to be alright, I promise. Hang in there."
"Yes P'"
"Now do what I told you to. Love you."
"Love you too."
After almost 3 hours of bus journey, I reached Kanchanaburi Hospital and made a run for the emergency ward. I was panting by the time I reached the waiting room, where I saw Mae sitting on a couch with Siri leaning her head against her shoulder. Siri ran up to me the moment she saw me and engulfed me in a hug. Mae followed with the same.
"Thank god you're here. I don't know what happened- Jack was trembling- It was so horrible to see him like that." I hugged her tighter in an effort to calm her down.
We waited for a while before we were called into the doctor's cabin. Mae and I entered the brightly lit room which resonated perfectly with his composed countenance. The scent that wafted within the walls, brought back a few significant memories which were akin to the present.
As we braced ourselves for what was to come, Mae let out an involuntary sob, trying her hardest to control it. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and held her against me.
"What is wrong with him this time?"
"His blood count has dropped again. He is stable right now and in therapy."
"How long until this reoccurrence stops?"
"That is what I wanted to talk to you about Arthit. His body is not responding to first line treatment. I suggest we go ahead with a stem cell transplant."
"I was hoping it would work, but since it isn't, do we have a choice?"
"No."
"How risky is the procedure?"
"As with all surgeries, it may have a few complications, but they're still not worth enough to avoid the procedure. It could completely rid him of the cancer."
The visit concluded with the decision of going ahead with the transplant since it was the best, and the only alternative.
We were then taken to a small private ward. Paa was on the bed, still unconscious as a result of the sedatives. I traced my finger along the deep creases that marred his face. Each, a distinct souvenir of the life he shared with us. The overwhelming fondness almost made me slump down on the floor, but I held up squarely as Mae and Siri clung on to me.
Paa woke up after a short period only to be engulfed in abundant embraces and kisses. I smiled, despite the situation, at the warmth and gratitude that filled the room.
We took him home the next day after scheduling a subsequent appointment, regarding the transplant. Paa was not very happy with the idea of being operated upon, but as I said earlier, it was the only resort left. In the time that it took to take Paa home and settle him, a call from Kongpob graced my cell.
"I heard you took a two day leave from work. What's wrong?" Seriously, the guy is a pro at giving mixed signals. One minute he acts like he doesn't care, the next, he is back to being the ever concerned Kongpob.
"What's it to you?" That might have come off as caustic, but I think he deserved it.
"Arthit."
His demanding voice did funny things to my heart and I relented, but not without the signature sass. "Paa fainted due to low blood counts. So, I had to rush to Kanchanaburi. He is fine now and I'll be back by tomorrow, completely ready to be persecuted by you."
"How are you?"
"More than fine." The slight tremble of my voice only apparent to me.
"Okay. Take care." Before I could inquire about him, he had cut the call.
That's it? The nerve of him! I hate him so much.
XXXXX
It took me four painful hours to reach home, one extra on top of the usual, due to a sudden rainfall. By the time I reached, I was dead tired to even mull over the former events. Even so, I dragged myself to the bathroom for a quick bath, hoping to calm the nerves, I had refrained from addressing till now. But as I sat in the bathtub, they shrouded all other thoughts and I was left feeling notably blue.
It was around 5 when I finally plopped face down on my bed, wishing for an intense session of sleep.
But I woke up to deafening bangs on my door. I looked at the clock near my bed that read 9 pm. It had only been four hours into my slumber. I never seem to be having it my way, although, all I wished for right now was a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. I hope whoever it is on the other side, rots in hell.
I opened the door, wanting to tell whoever it was off, however the dishevelled appearance of Kongpob stopped me in my tracks.
"The hell. Kongpob?! How? Aren't you supposed to be in Taipei?"
"Can I come in first?" He had brought along a huge suitcase. His hair was a mess, two of the topmost buttons of his shirt had come undone and his face looked haggard. A profile I had never attributed to him.
We were standing in the narrow passage that led to the living room. The proximity made me hyper aware of his presence and I stepped back to make space between us. He must've have noticed it too because he took a step back as well.
"Uh- is your father okay?"
"He is. We brought him home yesterday."
"And what about you?"
"I told you yesterday, I am fine. You didn't answer me, why aren't you in another country right now?"
"I left."
"You left in the middle of an extremely important business deal?"
"Yes?"
"Why?"
"Doesn't matter. I just did. And since I am here, why don't you stop lying and tell me what's wrong with you?"
"I am fine."
"Your father is seriously ill; how can you be unaffected by it? Can you stop pretending to be dauntless for a minute? It's doing you no good and I can see right through the ridiculous facade."
How did Kongpob notice what even my family had failed to. His perception was scary and I fidgeted nervously. Not wanting to face him anymore, I looked anywhere but at him.
"Look at me."
He took a step towards me and laced a hand through mine, effectively stopping the jumpy movements of my hands. The other hand forcefully grabbed my chin and compelled me to look right into his eyes.
"Arthit..."
All it took him was a word, and the layers of resolution I had unknowingly built, peeled off into oblivion. Hot tears rolled down as I threw myself at him, burying my face in his hard chest and wrapping two limp arms around his neck. I was finally allowed to let go and in doing so, I had completely sagged my body in Kongpob's embrace.
I geared up, knowing fully well that I had over stepped quite a few boundaries, and waited for a pair of strong arms to shove me away. But instead they pulled me in tighter and bolstered my entire weight.
He was whispering soothing words in my ears as I held on to him shakily, dampening his shirt with my uncontrolled rivulets. We stayed that way for a while before Kongpob shifted his head to face me. But I clung on tighter and shook my head fiercely refusing to let go, while he gazed into my eyes.
He nodded and immediately bent low to grab the back of my thighs and hoisted me up as I instinctively wrapped my legs around him. What should have been inappropriate, only seemed natural with him. He walked up to the bed , carrying me, and sat carefully against the headboard. I was straddling his body, with my head still buried into the crook of his neck. His musky smell was so comforting, I could have moaned in pleasure, if I wasn't a crying mess. He held me the whole time as I wailed my lungs out, pouring out years worth of emotions.
As my sobs developed into short hiccups and I realised sleep was nearing me, I voiced mentally what my body and heart had known all along. I was falling for Kongpob and there was no coming back. I only hoped it wasn't too late.