'' Sometimes you have to make decisions that will break your heart but calm your mind and sould ''
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Words: 5539
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It has been a few months, I think. To be honest I have lost count of time. Everything has been going so fast lately. For the first time in my life, I am actually able to say that I am completely enjoying life to the fullest.
I have finally found my happiness.
And his name is River West.
It is mid june right now, I have had the two most rough couple of weeks behind me because of all the exams we had to take. But luckily I have finished the year and summer is behind the corner.
•
Finally I had finished my last exam of the year. With the biggest smile on my face, I walk through the once completely full hallway. It is strange to see absolutely no one here, everyone has probably already left and I am one of the few ones left.
When I walk out of the school building, my eyes spot a black bike with River leaning against it. Also another thing to add: River bought a fucking bike. Somehow it suits him just perfectly, especially with his black clothes. He has been obsessing over this bike for weeks now.
However I am just scared of it.
I practically run into his arms. He laughs a little at my sudden clinging onto him. His arms make contact with my back and he rests his head onto mine. Even though I saw him yesterday, I have missed him a lot. Especially his touch on mine that makes an electric wave of pleasure go through my body. His skin on my skin makes me feel sparkes everywhere.
We pull away after what seems like forever. He looks slightly amused.
'Happy birthday', he says casually.
Suddenly my eyes land on something in his hand. It is a small box. I look at it while curiosity fills my eyes. They look up to his glowing blue eyes. His messy black hair slightly falls over his eyes as he smirks at me. As if he knows I will love his present.
'Thank you but you really didn't have to.'
He just rolls his eyes while handing me the little box.
'Open it.'
Without another word I take the little box into my hands. Slowly I put the decorative paper of it. When the paper is of, I spot the little white box that is completely made out of velvet with golden letters on it. I read the text out loud.
'Pour mon amour.'
My eyes already start to water, and I haven't even see what's inside of the box. It doesn't take me long when I spot the golden necklace inside.
The necklace has a small heart form tangling down onto it. The heart itself is covered in bright red diamonds. My eyes widen even more and I look up at a curious looking River.
He wants to know how I feel about this. At that moment I could barely even speak. I forgot every word of english. This truly is the best present I ever had recieved from anyone.
'This...this is beautiful.'
•
I feel like I am at a point in my life where I want to capture my memories instead of destroying or hiding them. I am truly feeling like the real Angel, the girl who was happy before her mother died. The girl that liked the way she looked. The girl that wanted to live.
And I do.
To celebrate the ending of the year, our school is holding a gala this evening. It is a tradition to celebrate the evening of the last days of exams. They do this every year and all the pupils older then the second year of high school can attend. I never went to the gala. Last year I was at my lowest point so a party was the last thing I wanted to go to.
A year later and so many things changed. This change was for the better and I am happy for everything that happend.
Even though I am still living at the hotel, I have been spending lots of my time at home with my dad. I know he wants to ask me if I want to come back but he is scared and doesn't want to rush me. Strangly I have been open to a lot of new stuff lately. As an example, I have invited Sophia to the gala this evening . We haven't seen eachother since our first ever meet but I told my dad to bring her also. After all we are sisters and some day she will return and live with us. It is time to make everything alright and even beter.
These last few days have really made me tired and moody. I have been a studying mess these two weeks. But tonight I will let all my worries go and just have fun. These are the last days of the school year and I want to spend them with the people that made this year my best one yet. Even though a lot of shit went down, it went down for the better and honest future.
River takes me on his bike back to the hotel. He has been spending lots of nights at the hotel, on the couch. We decided not to rush because after all he is my first, in literly every single aspect of my love life. We haven't gone any fruther since that day at his apartment when he told me he loved me for the first time.
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After River had left, I had taken a short nap. When I woke up it was already time to get ready for the party. Then I literally scrubbed my sweaty nasty body clean and took care of my messy hair. I peacefully took a shower. After that I felt like a whole new person.
With the towel wrapped around my body and water dripping from my hair, I walked over to the large closet in the suite. There it was. The dress I dreamed of wearing for so many weeks. I had seen the dress online and it had immediately captured my gaze. I could not just scroll fruther. This was the dress of my dreams.
As careful as ever, I place the dress on my bed. Then I made my way towards the bathroom again, and started getting ready completely doing my make up and hair. Ever since I moved out of the house, things started getting beter and beter. Not only with my dad and River but also me as a person. I started making beter choices and more risky one's to get out of my comfort zone. For example, I have finally, after so many years of having the same lenght of hair, cut off till above my shoulders. Maybe it seems like something small, but for me it was a big change. I smiled at myself in the mirror.
This night would be unforgettable, I could feel it.
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I made my way into the black car that was waiting for me outside of the hotel. The car door opens and I head in.
When I finally sit down in the soft seat, my eyes scan over a very handsome River. He is wearing a pitch black suit with a white shirt underneath. It fits him perfectly. With his hands on the steering wheel, we drove off to our school. I felt my hands get a little sweaty. Multiple thoughts were filling my mind, negative and positive one's. It scared me a little. In particular I was scared of one thing.
Seeing Sophia
It had been so many months since the first and last time I saw her. Her pretty face appeared in my mind and I couldn't stop thinking about her. It was haunting me, the fact that I was enjoying life right now and she had to stay in Greenpeace. My dad told me he wanted her to move in a few months back, yet she still hasn't moved out of Greenpeace. It is a sensitive topic for my dad so I don't dare ask him about it.
She was my sister after all, we have the same blood popming through the both of us. Family over everything.
Even if it's family over love ?
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We arrive at the busy parking lot in front of my school. Never thaught I would actually go to one of the gala's at school.
But then River happened.
I look over at him as a smile creeps up my face. He seems very focused on something in front of the school but I do not pay any attention to what he is looking at. We are quietly walking towards the entrance. My eyes don't dare to look away from him. He looks so good in that suit.
As we are walking, I wonder away in my thoughts, my eyes look over to the school building. That's when I realise why River was so focused on the it.
Not the actual school building but the young woman standing in front of it. My eyes scan over her. She seems very calm, middle aged but with a special beauty to her. Her eyes are a bright blue color, from up close they even look better. Her brown hair is loosely put in a low messy dot. She is wearing a brown jacket that she clings to her tightly. As we walk closer I feel River stiffen besides me. Even though I realise who this woman is, I keep my mouth shut because this is none of my business.
'What are you doing here ?'
River sounds mad, like actually mad. I can feel the anger through his whole body. He is trying to keep himself calm in front of me but I know he is breaking down inside. we finally walk up to the doors of the school wich are decorated for the gala. River's mother is standing right besides the door. We are now face to face and I have no idea what to say or how to act. This woman is a complete stranger to me, yet still she has so much power over my life and the people in it.
'River, please listen to me.'
She speaks slowly, it sounds more like a whisper. By her cracking voice it seems like she is really worried about something. I furrow my eyebrows a little because I have no idea what is happening between those two. I look back at River who looks even more mad now.
'I didn't need your worry sixtheen years ago, and I don't need it now.'
My breathing stops.
'Don't say that, you need help my son.'
'I definitely don't need your help.'
'I want to help you, don't you understand?'
'No I don't, go away mom. Angel let's go', River speaks coldly while lightly pusing my body towards the huge wooden doors. My eyes scan one last time over Samira West before she disappears out of my sight, however I hear her last words.
'You can't live like this anymore !'
As we walk through the empty hallways with the music already heard from here on, I finally take the time to slow down walking. My eyes meet his again and he still looks worried and mad at the same time.
'What is she talking about ?'
'Nothing important.'
'It doesn't look like nothing important.'
'Angel', he warns me through hooded eyes. I know that I have lost the discussion. He isn't going to tell me shit and a part of me really wonders why he doesn't truts me enough to tell me.
'Let's just have fun okay ?' I brush his arm lightly.
'Oh we are', he looks up at me. His eyes are no longer glowing with madness, they are filled with desire. I step back for a moment, my back slightly hits the wall of lockers. My eyes pierce into his.
'We ?'
'We.'
He walks over to me. His hand is placed on the lockers while the other one grabs onto my waist. He pushes his body onto mine, with no space between the two of us. Our faces are both glowing as we can feel eachother's breathing's. This is a moment I would never want to forget.
'Let's have fun now, we have much time for the things I wanna do to you later this night', he breathes out against my hot skin. I slowly nod while adjusting my dress. My words are stuck in my throat.
River and I enter the beautifully decorated gala room. They have turned it into a real gala. It is crazy to even think we are in a school building. Music with the sickest beats is blasting through the whole room. My eyes fall onto all the teenagers who are literly having the time of their lives. I was one of them. And I was so thankful for that.
I smiled to myself as I took in the place I was currently at. This was everything I ever wanted, and now that I have it. It feels so surreal. I grab onto River's arm and practically pull him into the crowd with me.
I have no idea how long we danced.
•
Time flew by, I was completely out of breath and a sweating mess. While leaving all of my friends and River there dancing, I went outside to take a breath of fresh air.
I really needed it.
I really shouldn't have.
I had completely forgot that there was no sight of Sophia. She hasn't text or called me to say she wouldn't come . It is pretty off because she said she really wanted to come. I would call her tomorrow asking why she didn't come. Right now I needed fucking cold air.
As I walk through the empty hallways, my footsteps and the music in the background is the only noise heard. My eyes scan over the lockers while I keep walking. My breathing is still heavy as I make my way towards the wooden doors.
I finally make my way outside. Only then I spot the two figures outside talking to eachother in a serious tone. My eyes scan over the two people I know too well.
'Sophia ?'
So that's where she was.
'Angel, what are you doin here ?'
A dressed up Sophia is looking at me with worried eyes while she keeps looking back to Samira who looks just as worried.
'What are you doing outside ? You said you would be here at seven, it is already eleven and I only see you know...talking', my voice wonders off somewhere else and so do my eyes. I feel really uncomfortable in this situation but I still want to know what is happening because it looks pretty serious.
'Angel Rodriguez', Samira speaks in a low tone before Sophia does.
'I am sorry for how I acted before but it is nice to finally mee you', she gives me a small smile and I smile back at here. However this whole situation is still a big mess.
'What is happening ? Please someone explain to me why you look so worried for River and you guys are talking outside.'
Sophia looks up at me with guilty eyes. She is wearing a milk color silk made dress. It compliments her body perfectly and her make up is on point also. Her light brown locks fall over her shoulders. 'River.'
'What is it with River.'
I am genuinely confused.
'She doesn't know does she.'
My eyes shoot up to Samira who is now speaking to Sophia. She just slightly shakes her head as an asnwer.
'What do I not know ?'
'River is not in a good state, Angel', She says slowly as she is scared to break me ',he has some serious issues.'
'Sohia wasn't the only one who was mistreated and abused by John, River has been there also. He has been through some of the stuff also. And we have seen him develop an disorder over the years as he grew older.'
'Disorder ?'
All of this made no sense.
'He blames it on his dad, but John has been in jail for over a year now.'
My eyes grow wider. I start shaking my head.
'Wait no that can't be, River...that day I went to his apartment and it was completely ruined. He had told me it was John.'
Samira and Sophia both look at eachother and then back at me.
'River has a bipolar disorder.'
My world stopped.
'H-he lied.'
'He is in a really bad condition. Every day is getting worse. He needs help Angel. We can't let him live like that.'
'He never told me. He always looked so good. But now that I think about it.'
It was so obvious. I asked myself how could I have not seen in sooner. All those months with him and yet I never even thought about it. There is no emotion written on my face. I am in pure shock about all of the things happening right now.
'He needs psychiatric help.'
'How can we help him ?'
'He refuses to even talk to a psychiatrist. But I can see it, his mentall health is it's lowest right and his bipolar disorder is more frequently seen, then in the past.'
'How can I help him ?'
'Talk to him, make sure he goes and actually tries this time.'
'I- I want to help', I blurt out with my weak voice. I am still hit by this news.
'Ange-', I cut Sophia off.
'But not right now, I- I need to go home.'
I practically run out of there. With my steps faster and louder then ever, I leave both my sister and her mother alone. Leaving them like that is not right and I know that. But right now I am not in the state to talk to River. He lied to me again, he never told me this huge part of his life. It breaks my heart.
The tears build up themselves and while I am dialing my dad's number, they fall onto the screen of my phone. I am a sobbing mess. There is no point in stopping my tears from streaming. I haven't cried in months and now it feels as if I am pulled back into the past. All the happy moments with River disappears and I only see them as lies. The pain cuts through my heart.
After a few ringtones, my dad finally picks up his phone. I leave out a sigh.
'Angel ?'
'Dad', I sob again ',please pick me up.'
I keep walking fruther into the parking lot. There is no sight of Sophia nor Samira and I am thankful that they didn't follow me. The only person I need right now is my dad. Even though he has hurt me a lot as well. He has been there for me since day one, right now our bond is stronger then ever. And I can completely trust him again.
'What happened ?' he asks in a worried tone.
'I just want to go home.'
•
'A bipolar disorder ?'
My dad furrows his eyebrows. It turns out he didn't know River had such disorder as well. We were both dumbfounded at the news of it. While sitting on the couch, I nod. My tears have dried out by now. I haven't changed yet.
It feels weird being home at such late time. I haven't been here this late since I moved out. My dad is also sitting on the couch while trying to comfort me. He can see how hurt I am by all of this and I thank him for being the only person that actually cares about me. I would have said the same thing a few months ago but here I am, looking into the eyes of the person that does care about me even after everything.
'Maybe he was scared.'
'Of me ?'
'Yes, maybe he thought that if he would tell you, you would break up with him.'
'No because he knows about my episodes and everything else that happened in my life. It wouldn't make sense.'
My dad raises an eyebrow but remains silent.
'He lied all this time. He lied that John came to his apartment and ruined everything. He did it himself and then lied to my face.'
I put my face in my palms. I hear my dad leave out an frustated sigh. He is just as taken back as I am. It feels like this on going pain never ends. Every time I think that everything is going, there needs to happen some shitty things.
Wait for the shittiest of it all.
'I need to see River', I finally say.
'You should talk to him, I don't think he wanted to hurt you.'
'I know', I answer while grabbing my phone. Only now I turn it on and see all of the missed calls and messages from him. I only have been gone for thirty minutes and he is already worrying like this.
'He has called me as well, speak to him please', my dad nods my way while standing up and leaving me alone in the living room. I sigh as I look at my screen. I don't even know what to tell him. I start typing.
< 2 R 😈
Where are you ?
angel
11:23pm
answer me
what happened?
where the fuck are you
11:29 pm
angel please
11:32pm
im worried
11:46pm
you are not at the hotel
please answer me
11:52pm
meet me at the library
at midnight
I sigh as I put my phone down. I have no idea how to even speak to him. He has obviously no idea what is happening and a part of me feels guilty for just disappearing like that. That is beyond wrong of me to do but now that I have calmed down at least, I will be able to talk to him.
I go upstairs to wash my dirty face that is covered by dried out tears and mascara everywhere. This will be an interesting conversation.
•
My eyes scan over his dark figure leaning against his motorcycle. He looks worried and mad at the same time. I finally get out of the red car. My dad has strangly let me leave the house at this time, probably because he doesn't want to make the situation even worse. I walk through the empty parking lot. The space is belighted by all the little lights.
As I come closer to where River is standing, I notice his expression softens. He looks at me like I am something breakable and soft. I love and hate it at the same time. He is no longer leaning against his bike. He now proceeds to walk towards me as well. River is still wearing the suit that still looks good on him, despite his hair looking more messy. I am still wearing my dress as well.
'Thank god you are okay', he pulls out his hand as he stops in front of me. The heat of his body radiates to mine. He gently places his hand on my cheeck. I shiver and a wave of comfort floods through my whole body. As I look into his eyes, I finally decide to speak.
'You lied.'
My eyes are not locked with his anymore. I look around the place. His eyes are too overshadowing my own feelings. I feel him stiffen besides me.
'About ?'
'You have a bipolar disorder', I don't stop there ',You lied that day I came to your apartment. You lied and made me feel so bad for you even though you ruined your place yourself. You could have just told me the truth just as I told you mine', I speak with slight anger building up in my voice the more I say.
'My mother told you didn't she.'
'It doesn't matter. You are the one that lied to me. I don't even know her and even she cared to let me know what was happening.'
'There is nothing happening !'
'Yeah right, that's probably why you have trashed your own apartment.'
'I was angry.'
'That is not a fucking excuse.You shouldn't just keep your feelings and hurt to yourself. We all want to help you.'
I yell. My lungs break down and I feel the need to cry but right now the anger completely takes over me. This whole situation makes me feel hurt and mad at the same time.
'You wouldn't understand.'
'Yeah whatever', I say now more annoyed then mad. I take a step back. There is no need in going on with this discussion because frankly River doesn't care what so ever. He just tries to act as if nothing is wrong with him.
I turn my body to head into the direction where my car is parked but I am pulled back by two strong arms. A hot chest against my back and his breathing on my neck make me feel some type of way. I fail at pushing that feeling away again. River whispers into my ear.
'Please don't leave me.'
That's when I smell it, the alcohol. He is completely wasted and I only now realised it. That's probably why he is acting so immature. I turn my body around again. I am facing him now. He just looks at me through hooded eyes.
'You are drunk.'
'So ?' he raises an eyebrow ',can't I have some fun ?'
'You can, but not like that.'
'I am a grown man, I can take care of myself.'
'No River you can't. You need help, actual help from a psychiatric.'
'No I don't. Everything is good with me. Can't you and my mother just fuck off already. Just because your life's didn't work out, doesn't mean you have to destroy mine.'
My eyes widen a little. I take a step back. He realises what he said but it is too late. It is out there. Those words cut through me. The words coming from someone who I saw as the person that loved me.
'You are the one that came into my life and completely destroyed it.'
'Well if you think that I might as well should get out of your life.'
He has never been this angry before.
'You should.'
Before he has the chance to say something else, I move my arms up. My hands make contact with my neck and I unlock the necklace he had given me earlier this day. I practically throw the necklace into his arms.
'And take your fucking present with you.'
I act as if it doesn't hurt me but deep down I know I don't want this. But maybe this should happen. Maybe we were way to instable without eachother that it wasn't healthy for us anymore. We had to deal with our own problems instead of using eachother to calm down the pain. That is not how it works. You should right your own battles, no one is going to do that for you.
'I fucking will.'
'Then leave.'
And as I glanced at those beautiful blue eyes one last time, he turned around. His loud stomping feet were heard through the whole parking lot. With him this angry, I didn't know what he would do. But without another word, he got on his motorcycle. River didn't glance at me again as he roared out of the parking lot with his bike making a lot of noise. The noise faded away after a few minutes.
I stood there for a while. In the empty parking lot of the library. The place where it all started, and the place where it ended. Finally, I let my tears fall down. This time, there is no explanation needed. This was the end. Our story had ended.
It was for the better. We relied to much on eachother while still being scared ourselves. I shook my head as I look into the beautiful dark sky.
This was it. I had to let go of River.
I don't know how long I stood there.
But after I got into my car, the tears still hadn't stopped streaming. I drove off back to my house. With River still consumed in my thoughts.
I drive on the empty roads of the little town. While my tears have dried out, my heart is still pounding fast. He is probably already home. I shake my head as I try to remind myself that this is what was needed to happen.
We were not supposed to be together. Our pasts wouldn't let us.
My eyes spot something on the road. My breathing suddenly stops. I recognise the bike on the side of the road. There is a car, it is ruined on the front and a little fruther from where the bike is lying on the ground there is a figure on the ground.
That was when everything stopped. It is one thing when you dream or think about something scary, but when you actually see it happening in front of you. The horrible feeling of fear bursting through you. Your heart racing and your breathing a mess, that is what I was feeling.
I stop my car immediately. My car door bursts open and I run as fast as I could up to where River is lying on ground. He is back is facing me and in no time I am on my knees shaking his body to face me. Slowly I turn him around while still screaming his name. I am a crying and screaming mess at this point.
My eyes widen even more and I have gone quiet as I take in River's hurt body. He is completely ruined. His face is covered in bruises and he is losing a lot of blood. There is a huge wound right on legt side of hus chest. The blood doesn't stop streaming. His eyes are closed and he doesn't move an inch. I try stopping the blood, it just gets worse.
I try to calm myself down. There is no way he is dead. He can't die. He can't leave me in this dark world without him. I look up only to see a young girl who looks my age call the ambulance. The girl looks so frightened. She is still in the car so I bet the accident just happend a few minutes ago.
My eyes convert back to River. He moves a little but I felt it. I pull myself even closer to him. He looks at me. But I know he is way too hurt too right now, there is a big chance he won't make it. He smiles a little.
'Angel', he breathes out. He says it so quietly that I could bearly even hear.
'River, everything is going to be okay. There is an ambulance coming', I whisper with my gaze completely blury but I adjust my eyes and hold in the other tears to give my full attention to him.
'Promise me something', he says.
'Anything.'
'Find love again, be happy and let people see the real Angel.'
I shake my head as I can no longer hold in my tears. They quietly fall onto his chest. Our faces are so close and I kiss his lips in fear of this being our last one.
'Please hold on.'
'Promise me.'
'You are my only love, I can't live without you.'
'Promise me.'
'I promise', I cry out.
He smiles a little again. His hand quietly goes up to my cheeck. He brushes over my cheecks wich are covered in tears.
'I'm sorry, I love you', he slowly speaks but then he slowly closes his eyes and the little hope that had build up inside me, completely disappears.
As the only thing I have left to do, I slowly put my fingers in his neck. My fingers search for a pulse but utterly fail. I stay like that for a while. I tried convincing myself that he was alive. He had to be. He couldn't die, not another person that I cared about.
My hand finally go up from his neck to his face. I silently comfort him. I place my head onto his chest, there is no pulse what so ever. He is not moving at all. His hands are icecold yet his chest feels a little warm still.
I take his other hand, only to notice something glowing. My eyes soften at the necklace laying in his hand. He truly was the love of my life and now he had left me in this dark world. A live that meant nothing without him.
'I will forever love you, River West.'
With tears streaming down my cheecks, I silently comforted River's lifeless body while the sounds of sirens came closer.
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Thank you for reading. This was the last chapter of my story 'error'. I never expected it to get this much reads.
Thank you !
I will be coming out with two new story's soon. So don't forget to vote and follow me for more !
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