WARNING THIS CHAPTER WILL BRIEFLY MENTION PAST ABUSE
do you ever wonder why?
Louis' POV
——————————————————
Twitter is on fucking fire.
Everyone saw the way they all suddenly stopped laughing when she spoke. They all saw how Harry didn't talk for the rest of the interview. Everyone heard her as well, I'm not sure if she knows that though.
If I am being honest the fact she said that probably did the opposite of what they wanted. People think that it's proof that Harry and I are in a relationship that we aren't allowed to talk about. And I mean, they aren't entirely wrong.
They are talking a lot about everything Niall said. Me calling Harry baby, yes we all heard that. The comment about Harry's intentions.
And they are also talking about the reaction all the boys had to what harry said about my sexuality affecting our relationship.
To be completely truthful, I also laughed when he said that. I'm sure they are talking about that on twitter too. A group of girls were filming my reaction to the whole thing.
But the thing they are talking about probably the most is what Harry said before they asked about me. That it wasn't the fans fault he passed out. That he was already stressed. Even I didn't know that. The other lads also didn't seem to know why he was stressed either.
I wonder what got him so overwhelmed then. I wonder why he hasn't told me.
I hope Harry is okay though. He seemed so uncomfortable for the rest of the interview. He looked so upset. I just want to hug him. Tell him that everything is going to be okay.
Lottie rung me after I hung up the call with Harry. She wanted to make sure I was okay. She saw the whole thing happen just like everyone else. I assured her that I was fine. Which I am. I'm just worried about Harry.
Harry shows up at my house a few minutes after I get off the phone with Lottie. I put on a pot of tea as soon as I got off the phone. When I got home I changed into some comfy clothes. A pair of sweat pants and a white t-shirt.
When he steps through the door he wraps his arms around me. I can see now that the interview was very hard on him. When he called me it sounded like he was seconds away from bursting into tears. But with him in front of me now, I can actually see the emotional toll it took.
"You alright baby?" I hug him back, rubbing my hands up and down his back soothingly.
"I am now," He whispers into the crook of my neck. "I just needed a hug from my angel."
I blush when he says that. His angel. I'm his angel. I don't think I will be able to get over him calling me that anything soon.
I kiss his hair. "I made some tea, you can change into something more comfortable in my room."
He nods and goes into my room. I go into he kitchen and make our tea. I am just about finished the tea when I feel arms wrap around me from behind. Harry's comforting scent engulfs me. I lean into his touch.
He presses a light kiss to my cheek, and I can't help but smile.
"Are you sure you're alright angel?" He asks. I love that he is concerned about me, it makes me feel safe. "She was being an asshole."
I turn around in his hold. "I promise, I am okay."
I can see that he is wearing a hoodie of mine that it too big for me. On Harry it seems to fit him perfectly, the thought makes me smile. He is also wearing a pair of my sweatpants, and let me tell you he looks down right adorable.
"Now, come on, lets go to my room to drink the lovely cuppa I made for you." I hand him his cup and lead the way into my room.
I take a sip of my tea before setting in on the ground next to my bed. Then I flop down face first on my bed. I hear Harry laugh from the other side of the bed.
"Well?" I roll so that I am on my back. "Are you going to join me or are you going to stand there for the rest of this evening?"
He laughs and slides into the bed next to me. We are both looking up at the ceiling in a comfortable silence.
Comfortable silence.
Usually I think it's completely overrated. I would much rather be having a deep conversation with someone instead, but with this one I know that both of us are thinking.
When I first bought this flat, a painted my ceiling so that it was blue with puffy white clouds on it. I have no idea why I did it. It's only in my room. I guess it helped me wonder. Right now Harry and I are staring at it, thinking.
"I didn't realize you had the sky painted on your ceiling. " Harry comments.
I smirk. "Well, we were a little busy the last time you where here."
I watch as a blush spreads up his neck and over his cheeks. He rolls into my side, his nose pressed to my shoulder.
"Shut up." He playfully hits my chest. I can hear the smile in his voice.
"Why? It's true." I say, smiling down at the adorable boy. "And we had fun, right?"
"Right." He says quietly.
He lifts his chin and lightly pecks my lips.
"I had fun last night too." I add teasingly.
"Yeah?" We are both smiling. We press our lips together, but we are smiling to much for it to be considered a kiss.
"Yeah," I mumble, peck his lips again. "and I'm not just talking about the karaoke."
He giggles against my lips, and we kiss again. A little deeply. After a moment he pulls away, I'm slightly dazed. My eyes slowly flutter open, and are instantly met with the most captivating green eyes.
"It is okay," Harry says slowly, bitting his lip. "if we like... maybe... don't do anything tonight?" He looks worried, like he thinks I'm going to be mad. "I'm just not really I the mood."
"That's okay." I reassure. He takes a deep breath. "I'm not really in the mood either."
We are both smiling. I want to know what made him worried. But I don't push it, I get the sense that it is a longer story and he will tell be when he feels comfortable.
He lightly kisses the side of my neck before turning back to the ceiling again. His head is on the pillows but is resting against my shoulder.
I think about the reasoning behind the clouds on my ceiling. Why did I paint it?
"Do you know the reason why we look up to the sky?" Harry asks out of no where.
Anyone else would find that question funny but I can tell that Harry is actually wondering my answer.
"I'm not sure." I answer trying to think about it. "People have always had a fixation with what exists beyond. I think that's probably why." I pause before continuing. "Thousands of years ago people were looking at the sky and wondering, hoping that they could find answers. Human curiosity is a beautiful thing."
"Yeah." is all Harry says in response. He pauses, thinking, before continuing. "People have been trying to find the answers to the universe. And when they couldn't find them easily they asked others to give them answers."
I agree with that. I'm not religious, I can live my life wondering about the universe with no need for an explanation. But I know a lot of people need answers in order to get through the day.
"Hazza?" I ask nervously. He turns to look in my eyes making sure I know I have his attention. "Do you ever worry about holding on to the past?"
"What do you mean angel?" He furrows his brow. I can tell he is trying to understand my question.
"Do you ever worry that you think about the past to much? That you're wasting away your life because you are too suck on what happened in the past?"
"Are you talking about what happened in your book?"
I nod cautiously. He moves closer to me wrapping his arm around my waist.
"Lou," He takes a deep breath. "you won't ever really be able to let that go. It was and always will be a big part of your story. And I'm not talking about the one you wrote. I am talking about the one up here." He taps my head. "The one that no one except for you knows the entirety of. It's how you discovered yourself. It made you who you are. So it will aways be important. You just need to find a way to keep living through your life with it always in the back of your head."
I am looking deep into his eyes. I take a breath, soaking in the words he told me. I know he is right. He is always right.
I gently kiss the tip of his nose. "Thank you."
"Anytime." He smiles, looking back up to the ceiling.
He takes a deep breath, I can tell he is thinking of something particular. I nuzzle into the side of his neck.
"What is it Hazza?"
"I wish I could be more like you." He says.
I frown. "What do you mean? You are absolutely incredible."
"I don't know." He shrugs. "It's just you are so sure of you who are. And more than that you are allowed to be yourself." He breaths out.
I'm not sure where he got that idea. Sure I am allowed to be myself in a different way. But from a societal perspective, I'm still not allowed to. It's still not seen as something completely normal. And I am most definitely not sure of myself. Not at all.
Am Not sure how to explain this to him. I am looking at him as he stares off into space.
"Do you think it would be a big deal if I came out?" His voice so quiet. If there was any noise in my flat I wouldn't have heard him.
I contemplate his question for a moment. "It wouldn't be anything like my coming out." I say. "Lots of people will have lots to say about it." I try to explain what I am thinking. "For most people when they come out, they have to keep coming out to people. But with you, because you are famous, everyone will already know. That can both be a blessing and a curse." I explain.
He is looking deep into my eyes as I speak. "You won't be able to hide for your protection if you need to."
He nods in understanding. We are silent for a moment, just thinking and enjoying each others presence.
"I need to tell you something." Harry says suddenly. He looks nervous again. He hides his face in my chest and takes deep breath. "I don't really know where to start."
I can tell whatever it is he needs to tell me is difficult to explain. I wonder if it has to do with what happened in the interview. "Just take your time Hazza."
He nods taking another deep breath. Our arms are wrapped around each other. Our legs intertwined. My fingers are running through his curly in an attempt to calm him down.
"Uh- Well, you know how the boys are super protective over me?" I nod, letting him continue at his own pace. "The reason for that is my past relationship."
WARNING
I don't react, I just hold him closer and let him explain. "He was the only other guy I had ever dated." Harry starts letting out a shaky breath.
"He umm, he pretended to love me." I hold him even tighter, my blood boiling in anger. "He used me for money and uh..." He takes another deep breath closing his eyes. "sex." I squeeze him tighter. "He just wanted me there to buy him stuff and suck him off."
He is breathing deeply, I can tell he is trying to stay calm. "It took me a while to tell the boys this. But they found out after he um." He snuggles deeper into my chest. "After he hit me when I said no."
I am furious. What the fuck is wrong with that guy? Why would he do something like that?
END OF WARNING
"Hazza?" I ask, quietly trying not to let my anger show. "Is that why you were worried to show me your house?"
He nods slightly. "And why I was so unsure yesterday when you came over."
I don't really know what to do. I am so mad I that guy for hurting the kindest person in the world. He took advantage of Harry's kindness and that makes me sick. I pull him closer into his chest.
"Hazza, baby, I promise you that is not why I am here." I explain. "If you never wanted to do any of that stuff again it would be fine with me. And I don't really let you pay for stuff when I'm with you." He giggles. "I am here because I like you. I like being around you. I like whats up here," I tap his head like he did to me earlier. "and the rest of you." I look him up and down. "Well that is just a bonus."
He giggles, snuggling deeper into my chest. "And besides your my baby, I get to spoil you."
He blushes deep red. "I'm your baby?"
"Yeah," I say in a 'duh' tone. "if I'm your angel you get to be my baby."
"I like that." He presses a kiss to my collarbone.
I lean down and press kisses all over his face. He is giggling like crazy. It's so cute.
"Louis stop." He is still giggling. I listen to him, pressing one last delicate kiss to his lips.
"Come one lets order some pizza and and watch a movie." His eyes light up at my suggestion. I coo.
For the rest of the night we lay cuddled up on the couch watching Disney movies and eating pizza. And even though the evening feels a lot like a date. Neither of us mention it.
——————————————————
You thought you were getting smut, and instead I gave you this.
I hope you still liked it😊
tpwk❤️❤️
-B