The three weeks after Carter and Johnny's reunion, on the first weekend of the year, flew past them in a blur.
A happy, blissful blur, but a blur nonetheless. Before anyone could so much as blink, it was the last Friday of January and Johnny was dropping Carter off at home, after they had spent the time after school together.
When Carter walked into his room, he immediately spotted Seth's black duffel bag. He'd been spending quite a few nights with them, just as he used to do when Carter lived alone with his mom in a much smaller apartment. Thanks to that, Seth had also been missing a lot less classes this semester.
Since his best friend wasn't in his room though, and he hadn't seen him downstairs either, Carter knocked on Bella's door and pushed inside. Seth sat at Bella's desk, which was piled up with random papers and books on one half, and completely cleared out for a pristine Olympus and a single Polaroid on the other.
Jack and Bella sat together on Bella's bed.
"Didn't know you were coming home this weekend," Carter said as he saw his stepbrother.
Jack flashed him the friendly, handsome Santoro smile. "Spurt of the moment decision."
"As always," Bella retorted.
Seth's eyes lit up with a smile at that and Carter's lips betrayed a little smile of his own.
The four of them came down for dinner a few minutes later. It was Tony's night off at the Ristorante, so he was joining them for the meal he'd made himself. With him and the two extra seats for Seth and Jack, it was a little crowded, but Carter was slowly caring less and less about that.
"I'm confused," Frankie declared, after everyone was served.
"What else is new," Bella shot back dryly.
Frankie narrowed his eyes at her. "I mean, is Seth your boyfriend now? Because we've all seen you two suck-face already, but is this more of a fling or is it serious?"
Tony facepalmed. "Frank..."
Frankie scoffed. "You should care too, old man. This is your only daughter. You should be interested in who deflowers her." He yelped loudly as Bella kicked him under the table. "And you should be concerned for your safety." He pointed at Seth, rubbing his shin. "She solves all her problems with violence."
"I think Frank's got a point," Luca said.
"That doesn't really weight much in his favor though," Mike chimed in.
Jack snorted, just as he was taking a sip of his water, next to Carter.
"Seriously, hear me out," Luca spoke again. "This is the old man's only chance at a boyfriend speech, right? 'Cause he never gives those to Jack's guys."
Jack raised his eyebrows, as though he didn't think that scenario would favor anyone at all, and Carter laughed.
"If you give Seth a speech, I'll move out," Bella announced.
"And go where?" Frankie asked.
"Lauren's."
"Can I go too?" Little Charlie asked to Jack's other side.
"No, you're staying," Carter's mom, who usually remained a mere amused spectator at dinner time banter, said.
"I don't need to give Seth a boyfriend speech," Tony intervened calmly. "I trust my children to handle their relationships responsibly."
"Also, he got Richie and Jack to do it for him," Mike added in an even tone, before sipping his water.
Bella's eyes widened. "What?" She exclaimed. Across the table, Seth pursed his lips tightly looking down, surprising Carter.
"I didn't get them to do it for me," Tony denied.
Abby hummed accusatorily. "Is there a Lying Jar?"
Luca and Frankie shot their dad an outraged look, booing loudly.
Tony turned to his wife, with a look of exasperation. "Look around you, darling. The kids outnumber us by a lot. We need to be a united front."
"I could say the same thing about men in this house," Carter's mom retaliated.
"Yes, thank you, Abby," Bella said. She turned to her right next, and Carter leaned back so he wasn't caught in the crossfire of the glare she was shooting Jack. "Now, what's this about you and Richie grilling Seth?"
Jack rolled his eyes dismissively. "We didn't grill him," he said, looking at Seth who appeared to be trying to make himself look as inconspicuous as possible. "It was just a friendly talk at the end of winter break. Make sure he knows how to treat women."
Carter raised his eyebrows at that. Hopefully, Bella's oldest brothers didn't know of Seth's reputation with girls. Mike, Frankie and Luca probably did, since they all went to the same school. It didn't exactly paint Seth in the most flattering colors.
Bella glared at Carter and he lifted his hands up in surrender. "Don't look at me. I didn't even know about this," he said. It was true. Seth hadn't told him.
"He passed, Belz," Jack soothed her. "Plus, we also needed to make sure he knew basic self-defense. We were honestly as concerned for him as we were for you."
Frankie and Luca nodded understandingly.
"You are kind of vicious, Belz," Frankie mused.
As though set on proving his point, Bella kicked her brother below the table again. As Jack and Mike laughed, Seth shot Carter a look across the table.
Somehow, his friend had easily slipped right into the Santoro normality. In their truly characteristic fashion, the Santoros had received him open-armed into their chaotic home. And Seth had let himself be taken in. Having him around made it somewhat easier for Carter to feel at home too, and sitting all together at the dinner table felt right.
Frankie and Luca had to clean up the table and load the dishwasher as a debt-relief condition for the money everyone agreed they owed to the Stupidity Jar, after that dinner conversation. Mike went up to his room to study, earning himself a booing chorus from Jack and Bella—and Charlie, who copied them. Tony took his youngest upstairs to bed and then joined Carter's mom downstairs in their room.
When it started getting late, the rest of them went up to their rooms. Jack followed Bella into hers and Seth followed Carter to his. They got undressed in silence and then slipped under the sheets; Carter in his bed and Seth on the camping mattress rolled out on the floor.
"So," Carter mused, supporting his upper body's weight on his forearm to look down at his friend. "This talk with Richie and Jack?"
Seth breathed out a silent laugh, laid out on his back. "I didn't tell you, because I honestly don't think they know how intimidating they look. Kinda felt like a mafia warning."
The thought of Richie and Jack Santoro, both pretty big guys, cornering Seth, who had a bit of a tough guy reputation of his own, away from everybody's eyes, at some point during winter break, was somewhat entertaining.
Carter tilted his head. "Well... I'm not sure what it is Tony's family does in Italy."
"Bella mentioned a farm."
Carter snorted. "A fucking farm?"
"Yup." Seth nodded. "Like wine and cows, I think."
"That feels so out of character," Carter mused, shaking his head.
Seth laughed, shrugging. "I guess." Shooting Carter a curious look, he rolled onto his side. "What about you and Johnny?" He asked, neutrally.
"What about us?"
"Take it your problems were solved. You look like you've been good lately."
Carter couldn't keep the smile off his face. "Yeah, we're good," he said. And then, on impulse, "I'd kinda like you to meet him actually."
"I have met him, Cart."
Carter shrugged, the action made awkward by his position. "You know of each other, but you don't really know each other," he said. "I think you'd really get along if you got a chance."
"You think or you wish?" Seth asked musingly.
"Both," Carter confessed. "Can you blame me for wanting my best friend to get along with my..."
"Your what?" Seth asked slowly, after Carter trailed off.
He bit down on his bottom lip and shrugged again.
"You haven't talked about it yet?"
"There's a lot we haven't about yet, to be honest," Carter muttered.
The corners of Seth's lips curled upward. "Sounds impossible. You spend every day after school with him."
Carter averted his eyes, blushing. That was true. He and Johnny had spent a lot of time in the library after school, like they used to. And a lot of time in Johnny's car, too. Or his house, that one time his parents and sister weren't there.
"Oh. Got it."
"It's not like that," Carter said, flustered.
"I don't need the details."
"There are no details," Carter insisted. "We haven't done that much."
Seth's smile betrayed his amusement. "You want to, though."
"I don't know what I want."
Seth frowned at that. "Really?" He didn't sound like he thought that to be plausible.
Carter gulped. "I just..." He bit down on his lip, looking down at his hands. "I do know what I want. But I don't think I know how to go through with it."
"Are we still talking about intimate stuff or is this deeper now? Because you kind of have a tendency to ramble, dude."
Carter huffed, rolling his eyes in exasperation. "I know," he mumbled at his hands. "It's both."
Seth's eyes held a slightly entertained smile, even as he forced his lips to stay put.
"Do you get freaked out by the idea of being intimate with another guy?" His friend asked evenly, with only a touch of humor to his tone. "Because, if that's it, you might want to reconsider the whole gay thing, man."
That made Carter's head snap up and his heart sped up a beat inside his chest.
"Yeah, no—That's not it. Or, better yet, it's exactly that."
"I don't think those words go together like that," Seth said.
Carter let his head fall, resting his forehead on his forearm. "Sorry... I just..." He looked up again with a sigh. "I've been with girls all my life. And it was something I thought I knew how it worked. And I just can't believe I've been so off."
Seth's face fell back into a neutral expression, as though he understood what Carter meant, even though he was having such a hard time phrasing it.
"I think you can like both," Seth stated simply.
"I don't think I do," Carter said. "Not after I met Johnny, at least. Not after feeling the way I feel around him."
"Okay. Then you're gay."
"Yeah."
Seth shook his head, smiling a little. "Why does that make you so conflicted?" He asked, lightly. "It really doesn't have to be such a mind-churner. Even if you've been... off, like you said. So what?"
"It feels like it changes everything," Carter admitted. "Like, I've been living my life thinking I'm someone and suddenly I kinda feel like I never knew myself."
"Okay," Seth said again, taking a breath in. "You're seventeen, Cart. You're sort of entitled to not knowing yourself completely yet, right? And also, being gay doesn't change anything you already did know."
Carter twiddled with his fingers. "Feels like it does a bit," he murmured.
"It doesn't," Seth said plainly. "Even if you feel confused, just take my word for it. I've known you almost your whole life, I think you can trust me on this. Nothing I knew about you changed. If anything, it just added another extra detail. It's not character-changing, though."
Carter looked at Seth for a while, a little at a loss for words. He swallowed down on a dry throat.
"Thanks."
Seth smiled. "Anything else?" He asked, slowly.
Carter snorted, burying his head in the crook of his arm. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "Is this weird? We never talked this much."
"Maybe that was wrong," Seth said.
Carter looked at him. "Yeah, maybe."
Their friendship had always hung on unsaid truths and unspoken events. They knew each other and they knew one another's lives. That meant a lot didn't need to be said. Which perhaps didn't necessarily mean that it shouldn't be said nonetheless. Maybe knowing something without saying it or hearing it didn't mean it shouldn't still be talked about.
Seth raised his eyebrows inquisitively. "So?"
"It's just more of the same," Carter told him. "I've been with other people before, but I've never been with a guy. And being with Johnny makes me so nervous. And he looks so sure and confident all the time. And... experienced, somehow."
Seth bit back a smile. "Got it."
Carter felt heat rise to his cheeks. He couldn't hold the eye contact.
"About the nervous thing, I think that's normal," Seth said. "Being with Bella makes me nervous sometimes too."
Carter grinned. "Seth Queens nervous around a girl?" He teased.
Seth shrugged. "I like this girl. I guess that changes things. It feels like there's more at stake, you know."
Carter nodded emphatically. "I do."
"But you need to relax," Seth said in a tone of finality.
"I just don't know what to do with myself," Carter confessed. "Or... to him."
Seth couldn't hold his smile in and Carter blushed furiously. Seth laughed shamelessly. Carter grabbed his pillow and threw it at him. Seth caught it before it could hit his face.
"You're an asshole," he accused.
Seth didn't stop, falling on his back, shoulders quaking. "I promise I'm not laughing at you," he said, voice choked with laughter.
"Liar."
"Okay, maybe a little," Seth conceded. "But—"
Carter threw the tangled ball of his headphones on the nightstand.
"Stop throwing stuff, dude," Seth exclaimed after he couldn't catch it. "Just..."
He shifted back to his original position to look up at Carter, after composing himself.
"You're a guy, right. And Johnny's a guy," Seth started calmly. "You know what works for you, he shouldn't be all that different. You know, in a general way, you two kinda have advantage. It's all roughly–" he cleared his throat "–in the same place."
Carter's cheeks raged hot in embarrassment again, but he fought the urge to hide his face.
Seth smiled.
"I think you're just overthinking again, man."
Carter shot him a disbelieving look. "I never thought I'd ever hear advice from you on this," he said. "Let alone about another guy."
Seth snorted. "What are friends for?
Carter narrowed his eyes. "Have you ever...?"
Seth raised his eyebrows. "With a dude? No."
"You did hook up with a lot of people before, though."
"All female."
Carter cocked his head. "I'm not sure I believe you now," he mused.
"Why would I lie?"
"You just sound too comfortable with the topic," Carter taunted.
Seth rolled his eyes. "Because I'm not a prude. And I'm trying to be a good friend."
Carter hummed skeptically. Seth threw his pillow back at him and Carter fell back laughing. Seth joined, before somebody came knocking on their door.
"Will you two keep it down?" Bella's voice sounded from the other side, making them both stifle their laughs behind their hands. "There are other people in this house."
***
So... There are now fifteen chapters left, and then I promise I'm done! I'm really grateful for everyone that has read on so far and I hope you'll bear with me for a few more chapters.
I'm committing, right here, right now, before you, to mark this book as 'complete' on October 18th the latest!
Thanks so much for reading! And if you liked it, maybe consider voting/commenting :).