A/N
.......... = perspective/place/drastic time change
Example text = flashback
..........
Steve made his way back to the mans room. Still a little shaken up from the meeting with Wanda. The same thing had happened months before, at least this time he stopped it before it got a little more serious. He shrugged off the feeling and looked through the glass, slightly excited to see the man waiting upon his return.
He opened the door and walked inside, the man looking at him and smiling instantly, Steve returning the smile. "So.." Steve said, picking his notebook and file up off the chair where he'd left it and sitting down. "You were about to tell me your name?"
The man shook his head. "Where did you go?" He said, very quietly. His voice raw from not using it in so long.
"Excuse me?" Steve asked, sitting back in the chair a little more comfortably. The man looked away from Steve, staring back at the wall blankly as he had done yesterday. "Sir?"
"You heard me." The man said, still in the same whisper. "You left. Again."
Steve felt almost bad and nodded. "Yeah..I did. But i'm back now. Back for the whole day-"
"Then you're just gonna leave again?" The man cut in, glaring back at Steve.
"It's my job. I have to leave when it's get dark." Steve told him, holding onto the notepad tightly. "I'm sorry, I do apologise for the way I left earlier."
The man nodded. "But where did you go?"
"Well, last night I went home." He said. "Then today, a..friend needed help."
"The guy at the door?" The man asked, intrigued in the first conversation he'd had in what felt like years.
Steve nodded. "Yes the guy at the door."
The two sat in silence for a while before Steve eventually spoke up. "I still haven't caught your name?" He said, clicking his pen. Ready to scribble down whatever the man said.
The man looked lost at Steve, like he didn't remember. Like he couldn't remember. "Everything okay?" Steve asked, feeling concerned for the man.
..........
"James? James, Jimmy dinners ready. Will you please come out your room?"
..........
"The 107th. Sergeant James Barnes, shipping out to England first thing tomorrow."
..........
The man swallowed and looked down. "Sergeant..Sergeant..Sergeant.." He mumbled under his breath for a while, before eventually looking up at Steve. "James. James...Barnes."
Steve wrote it down and shrugged, looking back at James.
"You don't look like a James. Anything else I can call you?"
..........
"James? James? You sure as hell don't look like a James.." The smaller boy said, looking up at the other.
"I'm telling you, it's my name!" He said, laughing slightly. The smaller boy shook his head and scrunched his face up.
"You got a middle name I can call you by?" He asked.
The taller boy smirked slightly and laughed a little more. "Buchanan." The smaller boy let out a small laugh and covered his mouth.
"Sorry..sorry." He said, taking his hand from his mouth. "Bucky?"
..........
The man nodded. "Bucky." He said, Steve immediately writing it down as he had done before.
"Alright, Bucky. That's better..." Steve said, smiling a little more. "Do you know who brought you here?" He watched as Bucky shook his head.
"No, sorry." He said, looking down at his wrists. At the straps that bound him to the bed, once again trying to break free of them, but failing. Steve watched him struggle and felt bad, he couldn't do anything. Could he? Bucky didn't seem dangerous.
"Hungry? Notice you haven't eaten since they brought you here." Steve said, looking over at the untouched tray of breakfast he'd brought in earlier.
"Well, if you know how to eat with your hands bound be my guest." Bucky chuckled slightly, looking up at the ceiling.
Steve looked down in embarrassment. "I could, get someone to spoon feed you?"
"Please, I have a bit more dignity than that." Bucky told him, chuckling a little more.
Steve nodded, his ears turning slightly red and hot. He quickly tried to shake the feeling. "Anything else I can interest you in?" He asked, already knowing the answer.
"A bit of freedom might be nice." Bucky answered, exactly as Steve thought he would.
Steve joined in with his chuckle and nodded. "I see how you could benefit from that, yes." He said, looking back up at Bucky briefly. Both making eye contact and looking away quickly.
"So can you?" Bucky asked. "You know..just for an hour or so.." He pleaded. "I promise I wouldn't hurt anyone..if that's what you're scared of.."
Steve sighed and nodded. An hour couldn't hurt, right? He thought for a moment, before standing up and putting the notepad and file down on the chair as he did so. He walked over to the bed cautiously, carefully removing the bounds from his right arm as not to hurt him and then moving away, not wanting to have been wrong about Bucky. Bucky looked at him hurt, hurt Steve would think he was actually going to harm him. Steve moved over to the left side of the bed, examining the metal arm in bewilderment. Before eventually removing the bounds from there as well and going back to his seat.
Steve watched as Bucky brought his hands up in front of his face, shaking. As he teared up slightly, fixating his attention on his left arm, the metal arm. As he bit his lip in frustration, to keep himself from screaming.
"Are you alright?" Steve asked him, moving his chair slightly closer. Bucky flinched and looked at him, nodding quickly.
"I'm fine." He said, wiping the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand, hoping Steve hadn't seen him nearly cry. Steve pretended he hadn't.
"I asked this yesterday, but may I ask about the arm?" Steve said, sitting up in the chair. Bucky shrugged.
"I don't want to talk about it." Bucky said, gritting his teeth. It seemed Bucky knew a lot more than he was letting on.
"Are you sure?" Steve asked, Bucky nodded quickly.
"I said, I don't want to talk about it." He said sternly, almost making Steve flinch at the tone of his voice.
"Fine. Okay. What do you want to talk about?" Steve asked. Bucky relaxed, knowing he could divert the conversation as far away from his arm as possible.
"You." Bucky said after thinking carefully, turning his attention back to Steve.
"Me?" Steve said, his voice going a little high in shock, causing Bucky to start laughing.
"Yes, you." Bucky said, nodding and sitting up, keeping his eyes on Steve. "Tell me about..well you."
Steve nodded along with Bucky and opened his mouth to speak, but pausing. Not quite knowing what to say. "Well..." He began, thinking. "I really don't know what to tell you without it sounding..unprofessional." Bucky rolled his eyes.
"Come on, Steve." He said, shaking his head and smirking. "Just-"
Bucky was interrupted by a knock at the door. Steve looked at the door as opened, Bucky following his gaze.
"Lunch for..." A lady began as she stepped into the tray.
"Bucky." Steve said, standing up. Noticing it was the same nurse from earlier. "Peggy? Right?" He said, smiling. Her looking at him and nodding.
"You'd be correct Steve." She said, picking up the uneaten breakfast tray and looked at Bucky. "Please make sure you eat this one." She told him. Bucky rolled his eyes and looked away. Peggy turned her attention to Steve.
"I know it's, unprofessional.." She said, lowering her voice to a whisper and pulling Steve to the side. "But are you free tonight?"
Steve looked at her slightly confused. "I'm free most nights, why?"
"A date.." She mumbled, feeling a little embarrassed for asking.
Steve smiled a little more and nodded. "When do you get off work?"
"5pm." She said, adjusting her apron around her waist. "You?"
"7." Steve told her. "I can..make reservations for 8?" He offered, watching as her face lit up once more. "I know a new place that's opened up. Give me your email?"
"Email?" Peggy asked, laughing slightly.
"Yeah..I don't have a phone." Steve told her, rubbing the back of his neck slightly. She shook her head and laughed a little more, picking up the notepad from the chair. She turned a few pages and wrote her email down, handing the notepad back to him.
"I'll meet you there." She said, smiling and walking out the room.
Steve stood, stunned for a second before looking back at Bucky. "So, Bucky."
"Save it." Bucky said firmly. "Go away."
"What?" Steve asked, slightly taken back.
"Leave me alone." Bucky said, raising his voice. Refusing to look at Steve. "Just tie me back up and leave me."
Steve nodded hesitantly, watching as he lay down and waited for Steve to tie his bounds once more. Steve did so, leaving them a little looser than before, so Bucky could be more comfortable.
"I'll..i'll see you tomorrow?" Steve asked, gathering his things and standing by the door. Bucky didn't respond.
..........
At 7pm Steve left his office, writing a note to Bruce that he was in a hurry and had to leave quickly. He'd already emailed the details to Peggy prior. He got in the elevator and waited for it to go down, hoping to sneak past Tony's office without being stopped for a 'quick' chat.
"Woah, woah. Slow down their Captain." Tony called out, getting up from his desk and making his way quickly over to Steve.
"What, Tony?" He said, impatiently.
"Little bird told me a certain Steve Rogers has a date tonight, with a certain Peggy Carter." Tony said with a smirk.
Steve rolled his eyes. "Yes I do. I'll tell you more about it tomorrow okay? I really have to go-"
"Okay. Have fun." Tony said, sounding a little too excited for his friend.
Steve rolled his eyes once more and left the building.
..........
Steve arrived at the restaurant at 8. Sitting down at the table and ordering a wine for the table. He checked his watch every few seconds, terrified he was going to be stood up. Again.
When Peggy finally arrived Steve sprung up from his chair and pulled hers out for her. She smiled and sat down, as did Steve.
"Sorry i'm a little late." She started. "New York traffic is a nightmare. Especially in a cab."
Steve shook his head. "Don't worry about it." He said, excited for his first date in..well a while. "You look beautiful tonight. Not that you didn't look beautiful earlier. Or yesterday-"
"Steve." Peggy stopped him, laughing. "You have no idea how to talk to women, do you?"
Steve smirked slightly, going a little red.
"No, not at all." He said, laughing along with her quietly. "Last date, stood me up. And the one before that. And, in fact-"
"The one before that?" Peggy asked, continuing to laugh. "I don't see how anyone would want to stand you up."
He smiled wider, putting his hand over hers on the table. "So what made you become a nurse?" He asked, examining her features. She really was beautiful.
"Well, I always liked helping people." She said, looking at their hands and smiling to herself. "So I thought, why not become a nurse? Not sure how I ended up at the institution though."
Steve chuckled quietly. "How about you, what made you want to be a psychologist?"
"My dad wanted me to." He said, nodding.
"And, what did you actually want to do?" Peggy asked.
Steve thought for a few moments before sitting back in his chair. "Make my dad happy." He said, nodding. "And, psychologist is pretty cool anyway. I like it. I'm happy, he's happy." Peggy smiled and nodded.
The two continued their evening ordering their food and talking. Both getting slightly drunk and returning to their separate homes hours later.
..........
Meanwhile, Bucky lay alone in his room. Watching out the barred window, at the people. The free people walking the streets as it got dark and the street lights turned on. The free people laughing and talking with their friends. The free people able to do whatever they wanted.
While Bucky lay trapped. Trapped in a life he did not want. Not like this. Trapped in a world where no one knew him. Trapped in a world where Steve couldn't remember him. Trapped in a room without Steve.
Steve, one of the free people. Out on his date with that nurse he disliked oh so much.
He lay alone. As the lights dimmed into his room until he was plunged into darkness. No one had come to check on him. Not since that nurse Steve liked more than him had brought him his dinner and told him off for not eating his lunch. That stupid nurse. She didn't know anything. Nothing about Steve. She didn't know Steve like he did.
Yet, Steve liked her more. Yet, Steve was more interested in her. Why? Why because she was a woman? Why? Why because Steve was still confused? Why? Why because Steve could do stuff with her? The stuff Bucky yearned Steve to do to him once more.
..........
Steve woke up the next morning with a headache. Hastily turning his alarm off to keep it from blaring any longer. He never really did handle alcohol well.
He had a quick shower and carried on with the rest of his morning routine, adding in a few extra steps to take some painkillers.
Once he got to work he tried to sneak past Tony's office once more, failing.
"Captain!" Tony said, jumping up from his desk and running over. He punched Steve on the arm in the friendly way. Tony's excited energy was too much for Steve.
"Morning Tony." Steve groaned out, holding his head. The painkillers having done nothing so far.
"Rough night?" Tony asked, chuckling. "How'd the date go?"
"Fine, fine. Went well." Steve nodded. "Better than any of those dates you set me on."
Tony looked down and nodded. "Hey, you get that name out the patient yet?"
"James Barnes. Likes to be called Bucky." Steve said, remembering the way he'd left Bucky yesterday, feeling bad.
"Is that all?" Tony asked, crossing his arms and leaning against wall by the elevator, preventing Steve from pushing the button.
"Yeah. Not much of a talker." He said, nodding and looking down at the ground.
"And the metal arm?" Tony asked, Steve shrugged.
"You saw that?"
"Came as quite a shock but yes, I did." Tony answered. "Guessing he didn't tell you about it."
"Nope not a thing." Steve said, pushing Tony to the side and pressing the button quickly.
Tony rolled his eyes. "Catch you later Captain." He said, walking back to his office. Leaving Steve in peace once more.
Steve stood in the elevator, looking at the keypad. Something was stopping him for pressing the button for the fourth floor. A sudden urge was begging him to go to the third floor. He caved in.
He made his way to room 207. Expecting his patient, Bucky, to be there as he walked in. But the room was empty. "Bucky?" He called out, turning around the middle of the room in circles. "Bucky?"
"Got moved this morning." A voice said, causing Steve to flinch and look at the door where Bruce was standing.
"Banner." Steve nodded hello and walked over to him. "Where's he now?"
"Medical wing." Bruce answered, watching the look on Steve's face change from confusion to worry.
"Why? Is he okay?"
Bruce nodded. "So far so good." He said.
"What happened, Banner?" Steve asked, becoming slightly impatient with the man.
"Well, once I realised he'd been left alone since lunch yesterday, I went to check on him. About half an hour ago." Bruce told him. "He was up, threw hell of a fit."
"About what?"
"No idea." Bruce shrugged. "Passed out." Steve grew increasingly more worried.
"How?" He asked, crossing his arms, frustrated.
"Some guards came in to help me out. They took off his bounds to sit him up and calm him down. He fought them off then got up off the bed.." Bruce said, pausing for a breath. "Guess he hasn't walked in a while. Fell straight to the ground and hit his head unconscious." He noticed the look on Steve's face and sighed. "Like I said, medical ward. Sixth bed along. Pull back the curtain, he's there."
Steve pushed past him and ran to the other side of the institution. Why he cared so much for this man he would never know. It was a strange feeling, he didn't think he'd ever cared for anyone in this way before.
Once he got there he stopped to catch his breath. Resuming his walk down the ward counting the beds as he went. "One, two, three, four, five, six." He stopped by the curtain, waiting a brief moment before pulling it back.
He looked at Bucky. He was dazed, confused. Awake yet unresponsive.
"Sergeant. 32557." He heard Bucky mumbling, over and over again as he got closer.
"Bucky?"
..........
Bucky sat at the top of the tree, young around 11. He sat in silence, trying to hide from everyone below. Wanting to be alone.
"Bucky?" He heard a voice shouting from below. He stayed still, knowing who it was. The smaller boy he'd met last week. "Bucky where are you?"
"Go away." Bucky said, sniffing and wiping his eyes.
Bucky watched as the smaller boy stood at the bottom of the tree, looking up at Bucky and smiling weakly. "Bucky please?" The smaller boy pleaded. Bucky side and climbed down, holding an arm out to help the other boy up. The two sat on the branch, sitting opposite.
"You haven't been at school today, are you alright?" The smaller boy asked.
Bucky shook his head. "No..but it's fine."
"Are you sure, Buck?" He asked, turning his head to the side.
"I'm sure, Steve." Bucky told him.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Steve asked, Bucky shook his head. Steve nodded. "Wanna go play baseball?"
A smile grew on Bucky's lips and he nodded.
"Yeah." He said, climbing down from the tree and helping Steve down once more. "Race you." He shouted, starting to run through the wood, knowing the field was on the other side. Steve groaned and went running after him, not nearly as fast as Bucky but still trying.
The two boys kept running until Bucky tripped over a tree root sticking out, falling and hitting his head on the ground. Steve caught up with him and crouched down. "Bucky?"
Bucky groaned, rolling onto his back and holding his head. He started laughing slightly.
"Ow." He said, looking at Steve, continuing to laugh.
"You alright?" Steve asked, standing back up and holding a hand out to help him up. "Come on, let's go back to mine." Bucky took Steve's hand and stood up.
"Your mom won't mind?" He asked, following Steve as he walked on, limping slightly.
Steve shook his head. "No she won't mind."
..........
"Bucky?" Steve asked, looking around for a chair. Being unsuccessful and standing by Bucky's bed.
"Sergeant. 32557." Bucky continued to repeat under his breath.
"Bucky." Steve said once more. He wanted Bucky to be okay, he wanted to shake Bucky so he would wake up. But he couldn't. "Bucky." He said a little louder. Bucky was still unresponsive.
Steve sighed and left the medical ward. He'd go back later, he had more work to do. He walked up to his office to find Bruce waiting for him.
"Bruce? Everything okay?" Steve asked, taking his key out his pocket and unlocking his office door.
Bruce shook his head. "Blood tests came back."
"On who?" He said, opening the door and walking inside, holding it open for Bruce to walk in. Bruce did so, Steve closing the door behind him.
"On your patient." Banner told him, leaning against the wall by his door. Steve was taking his coat off and froze slightly.
"Bucky?" Steve said, pulling his chair and sitting down. Bruce nodded. "I already told Tony, I got his name."
"I know you did." Bruce told him. "But still, they were already doing the tests."
"And?" He asked, turning his computer on. "You look like you've seen a ghost Banner." He laughed slightly, shaking his head.
"Well, technically.." Bruce mumbled. "Just, check your email okay? Results came in 10 minutes ago."
Steve nodded and looked through his emails, one from Peggy. He smiled slightly to himself, he'd open that later. One from Tony, one from Bruce. "You forward it?" He asked, looking up at Bruce who nodded.
"Yes." Bruce said, standing behind Steve's chair.
Steve opened the email, clicking the link and waiting for it to load.
"So how bad is it really, Bruce? Got me worried.." Steve said, turning to look at Bruce.
Bruce sighed.
"Not great." He said. "Might wanna..stay cautious."
"Cautious? Why would I need to be cautious?" Steve asked, confused.
"Just..read it over okay? Carefully." Bruce said, watching as Steve turned back to the computer. He put his hand over the mouse with a shaking hand. Scrolling down.
Name.
Blood type.
Family.
Birthplace.
"Bruce I don't see a problem.." Steve said. Bruce sighed and moved closer to him. Taking his hand off the mouse and scrolling all the way down to the bottom of the page.
"There." Bruce said, standing back up and crossing his arms. Steve's eyes darted to the screen, reading it over. He froze again, pulling his chair back and standing up. Almost as if he was afraid of it. He stuttered slightly.
"No.." Steve said, looking at Bruce who looked down.
"I'm sorry, Steve." He said, walking over to the door and putting his hand on the handle. "Stay safe with this one, okay?" Steve nodded and Bruce left the room.
Steve stayed, staring at the computer screen. He was in disbelief, Bucky couldn't be. Bucky was the complete opposite, Bucky wouldn't do something like that. Any of those things. Bucky was..well Steve didn't really know what Bucky was like. Could Bucky be him? No. Steve wouldn't allow it. But Steve didn't know Bucky that well. What's to say he was?
It would explain the arm. And the injuries over his face. The metal arm, mostly being covered by his blood stained shirt. Steve sat back down at his desk. Holding his head in his hands.
Steve didn't want to believe it, but deep down he knew it was probably true. He didn't want Bucky to be him, but there was no evidence to say he wasn't.
Bucky was him.
The winter soldier.