Chapter 24
Yes, I Am
Third Person's POV
"If you didn't ask her to meet you there, none of this would've happened!" Sehun yelled on his face as their tears continue to trickle down their faces. He was holding unto Jungkook's collar. The latter doesn't even budge every time he pulls him recklessly.
"She died because of you! Don't you really have any conscience? You even dare to show yourself here!?" He shouted once again before pushing Jungkook down on the floor but still the latter expressed no words. He stayed down, his head hanging low as he cried in grief.
Some men tried to pull Sehun away from quickly before he does anything Jungkook. His mother, whose tears came nonstop, went in between them and tried to stop his son's anger.
"Calm down, Sehun, please. Do it for me," she begged and hugged her son.
"It's all his fault. . ." Sehun sobbed weakly in his mother's embrace.
He spaced out as he come across their old picture which he still has on his laptop. He didn't know why and how it was there but it was. . . there.
"I'm asking you," Taehyung snapped him out of his thoughts.
He almost forgot that he was there inside his office.
"Why are you doing this?" Taehyung asked.
Sehun sighed and drifted his gaze on the papers in front of him, shrugging off the memory. "What do you mean?"
"I know you hate Jungkook. But why are you helping him now?" Attorney Kim asked in disbelief, really in doubt that he is willing to help his former best friend.
"I'm not helping him," he replied without looking.
"Technically, yes, you're not. But Lisa is Jungkook's family now. You're helping in protecting Lisa, that means you're helping Jungkook too. Why? What made you change your mind?"
Sehun stopped himself from rolling his eyes and only lazily bore his gaze on the paranoid lawyer walking around his office as if he was invited when he just barged in demanding to talk.
"I didn't change my mind. And I'm not helping anyone. I'm just doing my job and minding my own business," he said with a hint of dismissal.
"I know you don't want to engage with anything about Jungkook. But here you are, trying to help his in-laws, and for what?" Taehyung didn't stop. Sehun thought, he would probably continue on with this argument until he gets the answer he wants.
Taehyung reminded him of himself. "You think you know me very well? Why don't you answer your own question?" He taunted but the latter remained serious as he looked at him.
As Taehyung stared back at him, Sehun's smirk slowly faded.
"You're just like him, Sehun. You two are just the same. Both trapped and scarred. Both scared to make the same mistake again. Although it's not your fault, you both think it was and now you're living in fear that it might happen again," Taehyung uttered and Sehun hated how he knew it exactly.
And it was also the same thing his mom told him.
"I heard Jungkook's wife was almost kidnapped," his mom suddenly brought up one time while having dinner.
Although he was slightly triggered upon the mention of his name, he stopped himself from saying bad things as he knew his mom wouldn't like it. "Hmm. I heard about it from my colleagues too."
"You haven't forgiven him yet?" his mom asked carefully. He sighed and put his spoon down.
"We already talked about that, mom," he faced his mother seriously.
She smiled sadly. "You always say that you can't forgive him that easily, that you won't forget what he did. But was it really Jungkook whom you can't forgive? Or yourself?"
"You're both caging yourselves in regrets. Instead of relying on each other, you chose to abandon each other in the hardest times of your lives. All because you both can't forgive yourselves."
He remained silent as the words traveled deeper into his mind. He looked away. He knew but refuses to acknowledge that in front of his mother or rather, to himself.
It's always harder to forgive oneself than to forgive another. It's true. We can't deny this truth but also can't admit it to ourselves.
~*~
Jungkook could feel Lisa's intense stares as they both sat down for dinner. If she wasn't giving him the cold shoulder, she would be all out irritated at him and for what reason? The same thing every time - still the polaroid.
"Should I burn it?" He asked her pertaining to the picture.
"Why are you asking me that?" she spoke in monotone.
"Then why are you mad?"
"I'm not mad."
"Really? Then can I get a bite on that cake you made?" he pointed the cake she was eating with his lips. She baked it earlier and he thought she made it for them but now she's eating it alone.
"You can bake, right? Then bake your own cake."
Jungkook knew he wasn't suppose to find that funny but he can't stop himself from smiling because of it.
"You're being so immature," he muttered under his breath but there was definitely no hint of grudge, just pure amusement.
"What are you doing?" he asked when he came down on the living room with an extra pillow and blanket.
After sleeping on the couch last night, he realized it was far more comfortable than the divan in their room so he voluntarily made a decision instead of getting himself kicked out of their room again.
Lisa only glanced at him for a second before pouring wine on her glass. Jungkook's eyes narrowed at the sight of the alcohol.
He put the pillow and blanket aside and made himself comfortable beside her, on the long couch. He saw that there was another empty glass on the coffee table and he smirked thinking she wanted to drink with him.
"You could've asked me to have a drink with you politely, you know," he grinned as he poured himself a drink.
"You didn't even asked if that's for you," she hissed in disbelief.
He shrugged it off, knowing she was probably too shy to admit it.
"You seem to like drinking at night," he said , recalling all the nights he went home and found her drinking on the living room, the times when the both of them were distantly cold towards each other that they can't even share a conversation or sit together over a glass of wine.
"Hm, it always taste better at night. The deeper the night, the sweeter the taste," Lisa said staring at her glass.
Jungkook chuckled. "For me, it taste the same though."
"Maybe because you don't appreciate it that much. You only drink when you're upset and angry, and you're always angry," Lisa retorted.
"I wouldn't argue on that one," he smiled to himself, admitting the fact.
"But why are you always angry?" Lisa asked that made Jungkook looked at her.
The lights were already dimmed and the lamp that stood on the corner of the room was the only source of clear light aside from the moonlight that peeks on the glassdoors of the villa.
He knew her for quite some time. And it would be a lie if he says he never admired her even once. Even in the dark, she is still beautiful.
"Honestly, I don't know," he replied.
"You don't know?" Lisa shifted on her weight on the couch. Now, she was fully facing him, her left arm draped on the backrest of the couch.
He didn't take his gaze off her. "I guess I was. . . too tired?"
"Tired? Of what?" her brows furrowed in confusion.
Jungkook shrugged. "I'm not sure. But I felt tired."
He looked away and drank from his wine. He could be more specific about what he meant, but doing that doesn't feel right to him and to her.
Lisa noticed the sudden change in his expression. The teasing and menacing Jungkook who was there a while ago was replaced by the sad and forlorned one.
She watched him played with his glass as they both fell silent. Funny how they were just quarreling over dinner and now they're drinking and talking as if they're strangers who just met each other for the first time in a bar.
That thought made her smile. "You kind of remind me of someone," she mumbled and sipped on her wine.
Jungkook snapped his head towards her direction. "Who?"
Lisa smiled. "Just someone whom I met at a club a few years back," she answered honestly, thinking about a boy from her memory.
"Someone you met at a club? Who is it? What's his name?"
She almost spit her wine at his consecutive inquiries.
She laughed and shook her head. "Sorry, but I don't remember."
"You're just making excuses."
"Nope. It's true. I don't really remember."
"So, you met Mark at a club too?"
Lisa's brows creased at the unexpected mention of the name. "Mark?" she repeated not sure of she heard it right.
Jungkook nodded but he looks unhappy. She saw his jaw twisted as he raised an eyebrow at her. "Your ex-boyfriend," he spit out the words with obvious irritation.
"You know him?"
"He's your ex-boyfriend," he said, just repeated his previous answer.
"Yeah but how'd you know him?" Lisa asked because as far as she remembers she never told him anything about her life. But he knew her ex-boyfriend!
"Why the hell would I want to know your ex-boyfriend?" Jungkook snorted.
"I wasn't asking if you want to know him. I was asking if you know him?"
"Well, I don't. Good for him, I don't," he muttered the last words in gritted teeth.
Lisa laughed at his annoyed face.
"What? Does thinking about your ex-boyfriend make you happy?" Jungkook snapped at her.
She shook her head when recovered from laughing and realized how unhealthy it was hearing him repeatedly say those aweful words. "Would you stop saying that? I know he is but please stop mentioning that word."
"Why? Does it bring back memories? Your memories together? When you were still happy and -"
"Yah! Shut up. I'm not someone who dwells in the past. I'm not like you who suddenly became sad and almost cried after seeing an old photo of his ex-girlfriend and even yelled at his wife-"
"I didn't cry!"
"I didn't say you did! I said you almost cried!"
"That's the same thing!"
"No, it's not. Why are you so defensive? Did you really cry?"
"No, I didn't! But why do you have to bring that up?"
"Bring up what?"
"I asked you if I should burn it but you didn't answer me and now you're getting jealous over that picture again?!"
Lisa gasped in shocked, couldn't believe what she just heard. "How many times do I have to tell you I'm not jealous?! And for your information, you were the one who talked about my ex in the first place!"
"You say you're not jealous but you always talk about that picture as if it's the only thing you see and think about."
"That doesn't mean I'm jealous. How about you? You talked about my ex-boyfriend out of the blue. So does that mean you're jealous?!"
"Yes, I am!"