Hara stared at the grave. It was early in the morning, wearing her coat on a cold morning. She was supposed to be on her office but her mind suddenly changes and she found herself driving all the way to Seoul's cementery to visit her husband's grave.
The grave was build inside a small house. Private. With swirling patterns on the iron windows, the tiled floor was neatly cleaned. Beside Baekhyun's grave was her mother's. Baby blue marble while his was matte black with golden letters.
She sat there in silence for the past couple of minutes? Hours? She couldn't count. Her mind was blank, not really knowing why she had came in the place rather on her office and a interview on CNN.
Finally, after hours of staring into nothing she had manage to speak.
" Beak... I can't do this..." She teared up. Puffy eyes was streaming with tears once again as she pulled her knees and covers her face with her palms to cover her crying face. She sat on the cold white marble floor, even if there's a huge bench at her back.
" It pains me Beak... It pains be that I couldn't bring up your existence to the kids...it pains be that they will be calling someone a daddy and that it's not you... It pains be that all my-my decision would just go to waist... I'm scared. I fear that they'll choose their biological father than you... Than us. I'm not a great mother Beakhyun, I gave my children worry and just materials to make them satisfied and I know it's not what a mother should suppose to give. I should show them that I love them...I tried but I think it isn't enough. I love my babies. I really do, but I'm not good enough to show it to them. I'm scared..." She sob. Gripping the edge of her sleeves as her oval shaped average nails dug its way to her palms. Biting her bottom lip she prevented herself from letting out a cry or a sob.
She hoped that he's there. That he's listening to her cried and would help her. Funny how she wishes to Baekhyun being alive.
" I don't know what to do...I'm loosing them bits by bits" she held her gripped hand on her chest. Feeling of beat.
She gave herself some minutes to scream, to cry and tall nonsense in thin air. It was only her and the stones so she gave herself a freedom to cry the pain she felt. The pain of loosing a lover.
Sure it's been years, but she hasn't yet moved on from that matter. If she swore or promise herself, his memories would just haunt her mind. She misses him so much and she's beginning to go insane. She has no time with her children, spending it on locking herself alone and flooding her time with interviews, paperwork's and documents. She needs a distraction from the pain.
"I apologise Mom... For crying to your son and from disturbing you from you sleep" she said. Feeling the need to say it because his mom's grave are beside his. Bowing with respect she wore her sunglasses to cover her now puffy and red eyes. She bid her farewell.
"I'll be leaving now" she unknowingly wave and gave one last glance to the matte marble before she went off to her car and driving off to buy some toys or foods for her kids.
Baekhyun together with her mom stared at her frame with sadness as he sigh. He shouldn't have left her. If only he was strong and healthy enough, he and her are probably happy.
But he couldn't do anything just to stare and watch his wife, crying her heart out. Alone and no one to comfort her. He so badly wanted to hug her and kiss her, tell her that she was a great mom and a brave woman, but he's just a mere speck. He's just air and couldn't be seen. He's just a soul.
~•~
"Guys mommis here!" Jaeneung whispered scream to his siblings and the adults as they hide themselves under the table, or on the huge cabinets displayed on the living room. Jungkook pulled him on the side of the cabinet as he let out a giggle of excitement.
"I'm going to fetch her" their Grandpa, Jiyon said as he skipped to the front door and saw Hara dropping some stuffs on the floor. It was toys. The maids helped her, hiding their excitement also with a smile.
"Oh you're here Early.. thought you have wrestling class with Heun?" She said, walking toward story Jiyon and hugged him, as a welcome.
" My bones been cracking, need some rest you know..." He let out a laugh. His eyes are beaming with happiness not until she removed her sunglasses. Her puffy and red eyes came in view for him to see and his smile fell down.
" What did Baekhyun wrote?" He asked with worry in his voice. She folded the arms of the sunglasses and pined it on the collar of her dress.
" He wanted the kids to know who their biological fathers are...just like what you told me. It's nothing Jiyon..." Hara shortly smiled to the old man. Ever since Baekhyun's death, she couldn't find herself to call Jiyon as dad. She and Baekhyun are over and she just couldn't bring herself from calling him that word because they no longer hold a tie. Jiyon respected her decision, but he insisted it because he couldn't loose another child. From time to time Hara would call him dad and sometime by his name. Jiyon was totally okay with it.
" Welp you look tired. Let's go to the dinning" popping the 'p' Jiyon pulled Hara by her shoulders.
" Wait I need to see my-"
"No need. Let's goo" he shakes his hands as Hara complied and began to use her fit to walk to the dinning. She side needs a good cup of chocolate milk.
When the dinning room popped opened, balloons appeared on of no where and shouts of Surprise filled her eardrums.
"Surprise mommy!" Her babies cheered as they ran in a hurry to hug their mommy. Due to the amount of three year olds, Hara broke down her knees trying to hug all of her angel in both of her arms.
This is all she needs. The love, comfort and warmth her babies gave. It warmth her heart and made her happy. She watched as the table was well and childishly decorated with balloons, flowers—that she knows Keul and Meosjin made, poorly design cupcakes that she would eager to try because it's her children's hard work.
A faint and joyful smile made it's way on her lips as one by one they gave their mother a letter and a kiss on the lips.
" I love you and I love you very much" said Jaeneung as he placed his letter the very first and kisses her mother's lips by holding both of her cheeks on her small hands and hugging her neck.
" Be happy mommy! I sarang you so so so so much" Jijeo kissed Hara and placed his paper on her palms. The rest began align themselves. Excited to kiss and give their masterpiece to their mother.
" I made the letter as pretty as me mommy so you don't have to worry!" Meosjin earned a proud smile from Seokjin who stood with Jungkook on the sidelines and watched how the babies feed their mother with love.
" I made this superheero! It will protekt yyou!" Heun showed his boxy smile to his mother as he maid flying noises on the card where a huge Superman mark was drawn.
" I added sparkles mommy! But I sneeze so only the front had sparkles" Keul shyly smile to her mother as she handed her card to the pile of papers. Hara smiled and kissed Keul's forehead before the little girl could kiss her.
" I have help from grandpapi! Look there's a huge Cooky!" Huin pointed his short fingers on a brown circle on the white sheet of paper. Hara praised the little boy and he kissed his mommy on the lips.
"MOMMY! LOOK I DRAW FLOWER! RAINDBOW FLOWER! AND you said Jaeneung's gong to the police station and so Jijeo called the police to bring the police here than to brng' Jaeneung's to the poloc!" Due to how fast Keun reported what had happened Hara shush the little boy and hug Keun. Now finally acknowledging the two male who stands awkwardly.
" Why would you call the police?" Hara looked at Jijeo and then finally to the guys. Jungkook bowed formally to the older woman, still wearing his police uniform.
"Because mommy..." Jijeo trailed. Skipping though his sibling and wrapped his small hands so that he could whisper to her mother's ears.
"Me and Huin thought Jaeneung's father is bad-is a criminal so we prevent it since Jaeneung will be sad"
~•~