Warning: mentions/depictions of rape
Yn's POV
"Yn" Jay said when he saw me walking up the stairs to the bullpen. "You shouldn't be here. You should be at home resting." "I uh, I wanted to come see you guys. I don't think I ever really thanked you guys for catching Y-Yates" I say, my voice wavering as I said his name. "No problem" Antonio said. I walked over to the white board, glancing at the papers that were hung up. "A bombing case? How's it going" I ask. "We still haven't really figured out much. Erin and Al are out right now looking for leads" Adam said. "Cool. That's good, I guess" I say.
Being in a room with everyone who knew what had happened to me was kind of weird because I knew they were all trying to step around the topic. "You guys don't have to be weird around me. I'm still the same Yn" I say. "We weren't trying to be weird" Jay said. "Yeah you are. Archie is being the same way. You're all tiptoeing around me because of what happened" I say. "You went through a traumatic event, Yn. We just don't want you to freak out if we say something wrong. We want you to remain calm" Antonio said.
"You know what the funny thing is? Even when Yates was violently raping me, I wasn't freaking out. I asked him to stop, he didn't, so I calmed myself down and just let it happen. The same thing happened the second time when he was sexually assaulting me. I was calm when that happened. The only time I was freaking out was when I knew I was probably going to die. I was going to be burned alive, and there was nothing I could do to stop that" I say.
"Yn, you shouldn't be telling us that. You don't need to relive what happened" Adam said. "I'm fine, guys" I say. "Yn, you and I both know that you're not fine. If I were to step towards you and try to give you a hug, you'd back away" Jay said. "I would not" I say. Jay then took a step too close to me, and my mind flashed back to when Yates was roughly pounding into me. His skin was pressed against mine, and I could feel his breath on my face. When I flashed back to reality, Jay was centimeters away from me, and I could feel his breath hit my skin. That was what broke me. I took a few steps back, my hip hitting the corner of someone's desk.
"See" Jay said. "Maybe that's just my response to you" I say. "Yeah? We'll have Adam try it then" Jay said. Before Adam could even take a step, I moved towards the stairs. "I'll um, I'll see you guys next week" I say before taking off. When I got into the lobby there were patrolmen everywhere. My eyes gravitated towards the front desk in hopes of seeing a certain face, and I found it. "Bye Platt" I say and wave to the woman. "What's the rush, Ln? Want to catch up" Platt asked. "I've uh, I've got to go. We'll talk later" I say quickly and try to exit the district. However, because the lobby was so crowded, I bumped into many men, which only caused the memories to become stronger.
By the time I got to my car, I was shaking, and tears were gathering in my eyes. Those men in there, they could easily take advantage of me just like Yates did. The memories of my kidnapping all hit me at once, and they caused me to sob. Why did this have to happen to me? Why couldn't I just be normal again and not be scared of every single man who attempts to or does touch me? While all of those questions plagued my brain, I had no answers, and I don't think I ever would.