✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
A/N: Play the song when you see the '~' at the change of scene for a better reading experience.
He was stupid. He felt stupid for loving someone who used him, yet he tried. The vivid nightmare he had the previous night became a reality. The reality was cruel and harsh, Jungkook did not want him nor their unborn offspring. Jimin took the initiative and left, for his and the baby's chance at living a life of love.
"Neo neun na~" Jimin sobbed and hung his head down with his black hat covering half of his face, waiting for the elevator to reach the lobby. Thankfully, no one had unexpectedly joined and he was glad. The adrenaline coursed through his veins from standing up to his now ex-boyfriend and his body didn't hurt for now.
"Na neun neo." He used his right index finger to press it against his own belly. "It's just you and I now. He won't hurt you. I promise. Over my dead body will he ever hurt you," he added.
A recollection of memories with Jungkook came to his mind, and then he realized that he had just done exactly what Taehyung told him to. "really left him when the time was right," he chuckled bitterly, using his hands to lean on the railings with his eyes boaring a hole down the floor. He left the building with a crying heart, and drove to the only place where he could confine in someone he loved. His hand felt heavy—like bricks of guilt were hanging over it—when he raised it to knock on the apartment where it all began. But he knocked.
Once
Twice
Thrice
F-
"Yeontan! Stop barking, you don't nee—What the fuck happened?! Who do I need to murder?" Taehyung exclaimed, opening the door with a barking Yeontan on his arms. He instantly pulled the male inside his apartment and let Yeontan on the floor before taking the black hat off Jimin's head and threw it back.
"I broke up with him..." Jimin trembled, his body aching, all adrenaline gone from it.
"What did he do to you?! You're shaking," Taehyung consoled, gently using his left hand and pulling on the writer's neck with his right hand on the waist to engulf him in a hug. "You're okay, Aegiya. I'm here," he continued.
The writer sniffled and hugged his best friend, his cheeks squeezed between the taller's neck and shoulder. He explained, "Jungkook went too far. My nipples hurt, my back aches, my ankles are burning and my pride has been shattered." The warmth of his best friend helped ease the pain inside his heart, but not permanently. The scars would take time to heal, but the mark will remain forever. "But what hurt me the most was... th-that h-he had the fucking audacity to say he wanted to a-ab—I can't even say that word." Seeing Jimin act so weak was painful for his best friend. He was a strong man, his emotions were usually calm, yet giddy with a joke or two, but it was almost never when he cried, more like sobbed.
"I'm going to kill him. I'll chop his balls off and wrap them inside a condom before shoving it up his ass," Taehyung grit his teeth as he spoke. His words made the writer flinch.
The memories of Jungkook explaining about suffering because of Min Woo filled his thoughts and no matter how much he despised the actor, he loved the man. And even if Jungkook had gone too far, he couldn't let Taehyung say that about Jungkook because the younger actor had also gone through much worse. He wasn't justifying his ex-boyfriend's actions, but rather trying to be mature.
"Don't say that!" Jimin jerked his head back and slapped the younger's back. He calmed down after a few minutes and then Taehyung insisted they sit in the living room and just talk in order to distract him.
"Hobi hyung will be arriving soon. I'll cook something up for the three of us." Taehyung became Jimin's anpanman. He already was and always would be. "What are you craving?" asked the actorS Now, Jimin acknowledged how he was really hungry.
"I want ...Lachibolala," He giggled, remembering their inside joke.
"Tony Montana?" Taehyung laughed, wiggling his eyebrows. Then, he added, "Carbonara it is! Let me search up for the recipe, though. I'm not responsible if you don't like the taste. I'm not a professional like Seokjin hyung."
The inside joke for them was how one time Hoseok wanted to eat Carbonara at a restaurant and since Jimin had been wearing headphones and listening to music, he mistook the word for Lachibolala and Tony Montana. The trio had a good laugh that night.
When Hoseok arrived, he, Taehyung and Jimin had small conversation here and there, but the couple were there for him. The model even insisted on him staying the night after they ate and that's how Jimin found himself between tears again. The sight before him was too much adorable. Taehyung and Hoseok sat at each side of his stomach reading a bedtime story to the offspring. "I love you three," he mumbled, observing how the two males mimicked the character's voice, adding their natural dialects in it. If Jungkook didn't love him—although it hurt him deep inside—he wouldn't pay attention to it anymore because now he had someone who will love him just as he will love them, unconditionally.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
March 15, 2019.
"You better have a good reason as to call me on the day I decide not to go to work. You woke Beomgyu up and now I have to cook breakfast," Director Min practically growled at the phone, clearly irritated that his peaceful morning was interrupted. Now, it was full of a whiney three-year-old wanting to eat breakfast. And he was about to give up and add some milk to a bowl of corn flakes.
"I have. Good morning to you too, Yoongi hyung," Jungkook expressed, voice tone off. It was plain, no acting, not his chuckles nor snarky comments nor any of his usual confidence nor the unusual happiness whenever he was with Jimin.
"Speak up before Beomgyu starts throwing his toys at me. He's feisty today," Yoongi stated, eying the little boy who pouted and curled his small fists to show he wanted food now.
"I need a huge favor. Can you change the days scheduled for Jimin and mine's recordings of the soundtracks so we won't collide or run into each other? Um... Jimin-ssi and I are not on good terms, probably for the rest of our lives," Jungkook declared, chuckling bitterly now. Wenever he spoke, he felt his morning breath fill his nostrils and it disgusted him, but he did not attempt to move from his bed to brush his teeth.
"Jungkook-ah, that's not professional of you. You've already asked me tons of things for this movie. I casted Jimin, I turned a blind eye when you two fooled around backstage as if hiding your supposed relationship wasn't a big deal, I even had to pay some media for them not to upload many news outlets. And I never told Jimin and dealed with it alongside his Literary Agent and your manager, just like you asked me to," Yoongi scolded, peeling a banana while balancing the phone on his right shoulder. The tone of his voice wasn't rough; more like a hyung scolding his dongsaeng.
"I know... But please, hyung, do this last one for me. We... uh— Jimin-ssi and I had a bad break up and it's complicated and delicate," Jungkook explained, rolling to his left side after hissing. He was still hurting a little on his right under-thigh.
At the other end of the line, Yoongi sighed very loudly. Beomgyu's pout could be heard faintly as well. "Fine, I understand. I'll call my secretary and deal with this. Don't go to the studio today," he complied.
Jungkook sighed in relief, "Thank you, hyung. Oh— And please, don't tell Jimin-ssi I called you for it. Make something up," he added. There was a chime in his phone while the call was still on.
"Yeah, yeah, kid. I do this because—although, you're a spoiled brat—you're one of my dearest actors and my friend. You better remember this. Now, I have to go before my son bites my finger off. Bye." And he hung up without waiting for a reply which was totally a Min Yoongi thing to do when he was busy.
Jungkook looked at his lockscreen and suddenly jerked forward on the bed. He gasped rather loudly and his eyes really did tear up, but he didn't cry.
His heart started to increase the beats it made. Would justice finally be served? His finger started trembling when he unlocked the phone and once he began reading, he shouted, "Fucking finally!" But it wasn't one of anger, rather a mixture of sorrow and pain.
Han Me-Ji was acting as his savior. She was completely set on winning their case and it hurt him because Jimin had found her for him. Now, he just forgot one detail. Would Jimin still act as a witness? Would Jimin stay by his side when the trials started until the end? He didn't know. He knew he didn't deserve it, so he didn't hope for anything. Those news brightened up his day, so much that he got out of bed and finally brushed his teeth as well as his face. Although he was hurting, something good happened.
~ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ~
Jimin found himself cleaning his teary eyes. The instrumental music in the background of the elevator just made his heart ache even more but he had to do this. It was how he expressed himself; not through actions, not through his voice, but through written words. He did what he did best. He wrote.
The last words he'd say to the man he loved was a form of closure. To make Jungkook know of his intentions and emotions, he handwrote him a letter. And he drove himself back to the apartment where the man he shed tears of love and pain for was. Frankly, he felt stupid for doing it, but it was the only way he'd calm himself.
It took him over seven knocks until Jungkook opened up the door. Through the same black Radios cotton bucket hat he used the last time he had come over, Jimin looked up at him. It was like when they first met. Gravity suddenly seemed heavier on both of their feet as soon as their eyes met. But instead of lustful desires behind their exchanged glances, it was full of longing and sorrow.
"Park Jimin-ssi, What are you doing at my apartment?"
Jungkook tried not to stutter through his broken composure because he clearly remembered how Jimin broke up with him. The writer had been clear, they would only meet if not during professional meetings, then through their managers or agents.
"Take this. It's me finding a type of consolation for myself. Don't open it now, wait until I leave. I'll send you your belongings at my apartment through mail, but I had to give you this personally," Jimin said, searching for the inside pocket of his dark blue coat. He grabbed the closed white envelope, then pushed it onto the raven haired's hands and turned around to leave.
"Wait!"
Jungkook grabbed Jimin's arm and turned him around. The touch against the clothing of his arm still sent a certain wave of goosebumps around his skin and so he flinched. In an instant, his free hand protectively hovered above his stomach and he lowered his head with closed eyes as if he was about to be hit.
"Let me explain what happened—" The actor noticed how much his touch scared the writer but he didn't let go.
"Let me go, Jeon Jungkook-ssi. This is harassment," Jimin spoke, facing him, the free hand still protectively holding his clothed stomach.
The writer's action forced the actor's eyes to trace his hand. He stuttered, "Y-You're really..."
"Goodbye, Jeon Jungkook-ssi."
Jimin forcefully broke free from his hold and Jungkook couldn't move. He didn't get the chance to explain himself, but frankly Jimin shouldn't know even if the writer needed to. It would break Jimin even more knowing Min Woo was present that day watching them. But the news would come to light soon, maybe then it would be time for the writer to know. He just began to hope it wouldn't break the writer further.
Full of sorrow, Jungkook stared at the wall at the other end of the hall, the white envelope was still on his hand, but Jimin's arm was no longer there. His presence disappeared again, and for him it really kicked in again.
Right now, Jimin wasn't the only one who left him.
And now it was breaking down his walls. Jimin was breaking his walls again. The disappearance from his life was all it took for the tears to come down again from his eyes. He returned to his bedroom and slid against the locked door until his knees were stretched out on the floor. The emotion causing all of this was the sole reason his heart was shattered. And it was late. Too fucking late. Because when he opened the envelope, he realized he didn't deserve the man called Park Jimin.
His legs had given up on him. The floor of his bedroom now felt cold against his still aching bottom but it didn't hurt as much as his heart did when he began to read the letter Jimin wrote to him.
To: 내 꾸구
How could I let myself fall this deep?
I let you be
The epitome of my happiness, The sun in my life
The moon in my dreams
The stars in my eyes
The flowers in my lungs
The sweetness of my heart
I felt used and I had a feeling
My heart is torn
The same phrase is consuming me
I love you
Doesn't mean anything anymore
Oh, ocean, you're dragging me down
If at any time you felt the love I gave you How could you not see it true?
I opened up myself
I was a fool
Those captivating eyes
Those captivating brown doe eyes
Those inviting lips
Those inviting rose precious lips
I gave in to temptation
and let you claim me
Oh, how much of a fool I was
Like rose petals my skin shined
In the closed space
I stared upon the lion like a lost prey
One smirk terminated me
Oh, had I fallen deep for you.
You once asked me
If I believed in love at first sight
My first answer was yes
Now, I look back and don't regret it.
But I don't believe in love at first sight
I don't anymore...
I don't believe in how the love
you said you had for me
Was true love
Yet the one I did for you was
The one I still have
Like Anakin and Padmé
Like Bruce Banner and Natasha Romanoff
Like Daenerys and Khal
Like Chuck and Blair
Like Min hyuk and Krystal
Like Kim Tan and Cha Eun Sang
Like Gu Jun Pyo and Geun Jan Di
Like Song Joong Ki and Song Hye Kyo
I was the Harley Quinn to your Joker
This infatuation over my eyes
This possession over my lips
This obsession over my body
This is not how we were meant to be.
I want you to see for yourself
You may be following into someone else's footsteps
And this probably sounds cliché
But I have to say it...
I don't want to let go of you
But you're too toxic.
I don't want your idea of "love"
I want your smile
I want your lips on mine
I want your eyes on mine
I want your body on top of mine
But...
If all you do is hurt me
Hurt me in a way nobody had done
I can't stay by your side.
I need to protect myself from your thorns
Because I already fell in your web
But now I'm breaking free
If all you see in my eyes is brown
Don't ever call me again
Because you haven't changed
And when you realize this...
You may still be the same
If you ever look back to our memories
And see something else in my eyes
Tell me what you feel
Show me what you feel, and
I'll be there for you
That's what I wany to say
But after all this time
I realized why a star shines
No one tells a star to shine
She shines for herself
Not for anyone else
I won't blame you for this
I can't find it in myself to do so
I have an angel
One you gave up on without a blink
That really broke my heart
The innocence of a pure being
Carrying your blood
Would love you unconditionally
But you gave up on that
Blinded in the darkness
A for Affectation
R for Rapport
M for Magnetism
Y for Yearn
This is my Valediction
The last time I'll share this
Because you still deserve to see
What the shape of love
Really looks like
This was your second chance and you wasted it.
Good bye, Jungkook-ah.
너와 정말 사랑했다
— 박지민
And Jungkook was crying, worse than he'd done when Jimin broke up with him. A few tears stained the white paper in his hands, but it wasn't the end. It was the beginning of an ocean swarming up. The cup was full and it spilled all the water held for years when he saw the other paper below the letter. With glistened eyes, he sobbed loudly looking at the picture.
The words BABY written in white marker forced another loud whimper to leave his throat. He turned the picture around and had to clean his eyes to be able to read the note.
2020년 3월 5일, 화요일.
4주! ❤︎
First appointment, average of 4 weeks.
Although, you may not know what love is Jungkook-ah, know that you had the chance to learn of it. This is the shape our love has, but it'll grow into something more beautiful. Sadly, one you didn't want to see. I don't regret this. I don't regret loving you, but I regret not finding out about your real intentions beforehand. Maybe then, things would be different.
This is the baby you wanted to give up on. Don't you dare say you want to be part of our lives after seeing this because it'll make me hate you and I don't want that because I know that deep down, the Jungkook I fell in love with is there but he will never come up again.
Stop ruining yourself. Open your eyes and get out of your shit hole.
"I didn't know that... you could be so loving, yet cruel at the same time. I'm sorry." Jungkook sobbed, bending his knees and holdinv the picture close to his chest where his shattered heart was. Just like Jimin had said to himself, an unconditional love. It's a pure instinct that comes naturally to you. Now, it had come to the raven haired male who cried his heart out for it was too late. Jimin had unblinded him at a certain level, but he felt back in square one. He felt scared.
They both left him for what he was and he needed to change, even if it was too late, for them and for himself.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧