harper
i'm firmly pushed against the wall of my room as my hands roam ethan's hair, trying not to make a sound as he trails down my neck with his lips, biting gently and probably leaving marks behind.
"we said... never again..." i breathe out, trying to muster up some air to speak.
he stops, but doesn't pull away. "so you want to be done?" he mumbles against my skin.
i hate that i don't have the willpower, nor desire to tell him to stop.
"no, obviously not," i say, pulling his chin back up to connect our lips.
the truth is, i've been thinking about this moment for the past three days. all day thursday, friday, and today.
it's been torture for me to see things go back to normal and cautious around each other. it's like we were two months ago, barely knowing the other.
so i invited him over— to see ruby.
he quickly obliged, even though he definitely knows i don't have ruby on saturdays.
even if he thinks i haven't noticed, i see him staring me down as i do things around the office, eyes dark and clouded over. he's wanted this just as much as i have.
i don't have an emotional connection to ethan.
obviously we're friends and will always stay that way, but this is just an added bonus that we pretend never happened the next morning.
my mind can never stay off his touch for too long, even as i lay next to him in my bed at midnight, hearing his slow breathing that indicates he's sleeping. the second time was just as thrilling as the first, and leaves me with a pang of guilt just the same.
he's my assistant.
but a hot one.
sighing softly, i turn to look at him before shutting off my lamp light and flipping onto my side. if he wants to leave before i wake up, he can, or we could just get breakfast in the morning and avoid conversation about the previous night all together.
it's his call, because i'm fine with either.
i close my eyes, trying to ignore the warm presence beside me and how nice it feels to fall asleep next to someone.
*******
my eyes fling open as i hear a sizzling sound floating down the hallway and into my room.
i feel the spot next to me and my hand drops and lands on the soft sheets. ethan must've left earlier.
my attention is now back on the sizzling noise, and i quickly jump out of bed and pull on some shorts, fearing the absolute worst.
what if my kitchen is burning down? is this what a gas leak sounds like? i haven't even rented this place for 10 months and i'm already going to lose the lease.
i rush out my door slightly out of breath, but stop when i see ethan's back turned away from me, and him cooking something on the stove.
confused, i quietly pad over to a barstool across from the counter, and watch him closely.
he's completely oblivious to me behind him, and starts to him an ABBA song, like always. the sizzling noise intensifies, and i see a small droplet of oil jump up and burn his hand. he immediately curses, pulling his hand into his chest.
i slip out a quiet giggle, causing him to turn around swiftly.
"h-hi," he says quietly with widened eyes. "how long have you been there?"
"long enough. what're you making?"
he glances back at the stove for a quick second. "uh, eggs. and toast."
"that's weird," i wrinkle my nose. "i have that every single day."
"i know," he replies simply, shaking some pepper onto the fried eggs.
he must, because some mornings i'll be running so late that i'll have to take it in a plastic container and eat it in my office.
"so uh," i start casually. "didn't have anywhere to be this morning?"
the actual question is: why are you still here?
but obviously that's a little harsh.
he sighs, still turned away from me. "i would have felt bad if i just left, okay? can we not enjoy a breakfast together as acquaintances and ignore the elephant in the room?"
"of course we can," i reply. "i just... was confused. you left the first time."
"because i had to work in the morning, harper. so did you."
okay, that's a fair point.
i sit quietly as he makes breakfast, scrolling through my phone and ignoring emails i should be responding to.
after a couple minutes, ethan's phone rings. he glances at the screen, then sighs and brings it to his ear.
"hey, gray," he says. "yeah... no, that's fine."
there's some more silence and ethan looks conflicted and scratches the back of his neck. "where am i? i'm um, i'm at a friend's. yeah. that's where i am."
i pretend not to listen, but i actually am trying to make out what his brother is saying on the other end. he seems like a loud talker.
"yeah, you can drop it off later. i'll be home soon. okay, bye."
ethan slides his phone across the island again and turns off the stove.
"what was that about?" i ask nonchalantly as he slides me a plate with the egg on top of the toast, and a fork.
"nothing," he shrugs. "he just has to drop off a package that was too big for my mail box, so he took it to his place."
"what's in it?" i ask, a teasing tone to my voice.
"my mom's christmas gift," he suddenly laughs. "i broke her favorite wind chimes, so i bought her new ones."
i blink, remembering that christmas is a mere four days away. my family doesn't live far, just a little on the outsides of the city, but i still dread the trip there.
usually on christmas it's just my parents, my mom's favorite sister and her kids, and my grandma sometimes. if my entire family were to spend christmas together, we'd have to rent out a gymnasium to fit us all in there.
"i know you're overthinking. stop it," ethan says firmly.
i groan, shoving egg and toast into my mouth. "sometimes i wish we could skip christmas, you know? the mistletoe and hallmark movies and stupid, cheesy, cliché love stories boils my blood."
"woah there," ethan laughs at my sudden outburst. "if that bothers you, just wait until you find out about valentine's day."
i don't laugh at his joke, but instead give him a narrowed look. "you're so funny. teach me to be as cool as you someday?" i say, my voice dripping with sarcasm.
"it takes practice, harp."
i roll my eyes and get up to search my fridge for some juice. my favorite is cranberry, hands down. i always make sure to have some stocked up.
i pour myself a glass, and look to ethan, motioning to the bottle as if to ask if he wants some too. he nods, and i hand him the cup i just poured.
we make small talk, complaining about the things we still have to do this weekend, and even about how ethan is flying back to jersey on tuesday.
"will you be at work tomorrow then?" i ask.
"no, sorry. we went through this, remember?"
"no, i don't. that usually why i have you."
he chuckles, taking his plate to the sink and running water over it.
throughout the whole hour, we still managed to not talk about last night. it's like two completely different people take over our bodies, and we don't remember anything the morning after.
but in reality, the memories are very much there and filling up half my brain capacity.
"alright. i'm gonna head out."
"am i going to see you before you leave?" i question, tilting my head.
"probably not. so... bye."
i laugh. "goodbye, ethan. have fun back home. when will you be back?"
"december 28th. don't miss me too much?"
"wouldn't dream of it."
"good luck running your own errands," he teases as i follow him down the hallway, where his shoes that he hurriedly kicked off last night still reside.
"goodbyeeee..." i singsong impatiently, opening the door for him.
he gives me a little salute with a smile, and is out the door.