Alright friends. I hate to put this long of a note, but I need to address this. I am 100% done dealing with comments regarding Ava's intelligence in The Girl and Tom Riddle or Voldemort. To put it simply we need to stop assuming everyone knew who Tom was, or the fact that he was Voldemort. If any of us were in her position, we would be just as confused.
Listen: Palladio by Karl Jenkins
40| vertigo
February
One cool morning, Ava was sitting in a little alcove looking out the window. She liked to find these hidden spots in the school to have some peace and quiet. Lately she's been needing the time away from others. Even though they've only been back for a few weeks now, Ava found herself seeking out solitude even more. Perhaps that had to do with her wanting to put some distance between her and Tom. Well she didn't necessarily want more distance, she was just avoiding the reality of the real issue between them.
A few days prior, Ava had finally accepted the fact that she had feelings for Tom. They had been working on an assignment together for charms and for once she needed to help him. Granted it was due to a change in technique since the forties. But it was a nice change in pace to have to teach him something rather than the other way around. She found it absolutely adorable when he became embarrassed by the situation. So she decided to go easy on him and didn't call attention to it. The smile on her face wouldn't go away after that however. Until she realized what the butterflies in her stomach meant that is.
Ava knew Tom must have noticed the change in her demeanor upon her realization. To her surprise he didn't comment on it. Now she wished he would have, if only to save her from torturing herself like this. She couldn't take the constant doubt and uncertainty anymore. So she would need to work up the courage and finally ask Tom about where they stood.
"This is certainly an odd spot to find you."
Ava jumped as Tom's voice came out of nowhere. She grabbed the book she had in her lap just before it fell and looked up at him. "Not many students come up this way." She placed the book securely on the ledge of the window. "But I guess you found it," she said while giving him an awkward smile. Of all the moments to face Tom, this was not the time for it.
Tom quirked a brow at the off-putting way Ava was acting. "Do you come here often to study?"
"Just when I'm feeling overwhelmed," Ava stated casually.
Tom nodded more intrigued now. "You've been feeling overwhelmed with classes?"
Ava shook her head slightly, "not with classes really." She gave a shrug then. "Just life in general I suppose."
"I see," Tom said slowly. He glanced to the book she was previously holding then back to her again. "What class are you working on?"
"Defense."
Tom put his hands in his pockets, deciding to let the short response slide. "Would you like any help?"
"No I'm fine," Ava said curtly.
Tom paused at Ava's swift rejection. "Alright, I'll leave you to it."
Ava sighed realizing how awful she came off. "Actually I'm going to go back to the common room for a bit." She gave him a softer smile and tried to salvage the situation. "If you're going that way to," she added as a hint to walk with him.
"I am."
Ava nodded and grabbed her things before joining him. She let silence hang between them for a while until she worked up the nerve to broach the subject she'd been fretting over. "Tom?"
Tom hummed, "yes?"
Hugging the book closer to herself, Ava felt her confidence disappear almost immediately. "It's not life that's overwhelming to me," she said instead of what she really wanted to. "Being captain for Slytherin is more involved than I thought it would be."
"Is your team continuing to struggle," Tom asked only half interested. He knew from their first practice that the Slytherin quidditch team would be far from perfect.
"You have no idea how difficult it's been to organize all of them." Ava could tell Tom didn't truly care about her quidditch problems. "I just hope our next practice goes a little better."
Tom nodded with her in agreement as he said the password for the common room. "You might be hoping for too much," he said flippantly. He's seen the way some of the other players act in classes, and he didn't hold much confidence in their ability to follow direction.
Ava let out a sigh, "you might be right."
"All you can do is try your best."
Ava held back a laugh at his horrible attempt to sound positive. "I'm doing everything I can," she said with an amused smile. She then gave him a small wave before going off to her room. She needed some time to herself to figure out how to approach Tom about her feelings. Clearly, she wasn't quite prepared yet.
During dinner, Ava found herself zoning out and ignoring her friends again. Tom typically didn't comment if he noticed, and Mia was too busy arguing with Liam to notice. She was barely able to eat anything either with how conflicted she was with her own emotions. But Liam was able to eat just fine for the two of them, which is what prompted the next little spat between him and Mia.
"How in Merlin's beard are you able to eat so much?"
This statement broke Ava out of her revere and she looked across the table to see the disgusted frown Mia was directing towards Liam. He merely rolled his eyes in response and took another bite while staring at her. He started to smirk when she huffed angrily at him.
Liam swallowed the food in his mouth, smirk still present. "Why does it matter how I eat to you," he asked snidely.
Mia scoffed, "it wouldn't if you had some self control."
"Self control is for the weak," Liam commented casually as he pushed his plate away. "I'm done, happy now?"
"Yes."
Ava sighed to herself and shook her head at them. Her attention moved to Mia's left where Tom was and accidentally met eyes with him. Startled, she quickly averted her gaze and tried to act like he hadn't just caught her looking his way. She had hoped he wouldn't call attention to it. But that hope was immediately crushed when Tom caught up to her in the hallway on their way to the common room afterwards.
"I need to speak to you," Tom whispered to Ava once he got her attention.
Ava swallowed nervously. "You do?"
Tom nodded and grabbed her arm once they were in the common room. He made sure no one was looking their way as he pulled her towards his room. It would be the only place where they could talk privately without any interruptions. It was time for answers.
Once inside, Ava went to stand in front of Tom's bed while he closed the door. She crossed her arms defensively and mentally prepared herself for whatever he was about to say. But she was caught off guard when he didn't immediately turn around to face her. Instead he stood braced against the door, seemingly trying to gather himself. Or work up the courage to start the conversation. Either way, Ava grew even more nervous.
Deciding to get it over with, Ava made the first move. "What's going on Tom?"
Tom took another breath before turning around. "I should be asking you that," he stated casually.
"What do you mean?"
"You're the one who's been acting odd lately," Tom said impatiently.
That made Ava pause. "I've been acting odd?"
Tom frowned slightly. "You've avoided me at times, even refused to look in my direction." He studied her reaction to his observation. He was both relieved and bothered by her obvious distress. "Did I do something," he asked suddenly upon thinking she was upset with him again.
"No," Ava was quick to say. "Well not exactly."
"What does that mean?"
Ava sighed in frustration, "I didn't mean to make you think you did something."
Tom lifted a brow. "You're not solely troubled by being captain or classes, are you?" Ava shook her head while biting her lip. "So there is something else bothering you."
Letting her arms fall to her sides, Ava finally gave in. "Yes, you were right." She sat down on Tom's bed with a huff. "I've been trying to find the right time to bring this up with you, but I guess you beat me to it." She grew slightly annoyed when Tom didn't move. "Just come here and sit with me please."
"Alright," Tom said in response at her demand. He slowly went over to his bed and lowered himself next to her. "Now explain what has been distressing you recently," he requested.
Ava took a few seconds to get the nerve to spit out her question. Once she did, it came out quite abruptly. "What are we to each other Tom?"
Tom just stared at Ava blankly, not at all understanding her question. "Pardon?"
"Thinking about what happened between us during break made me question where we stood." She averted her gaze when she noticed his perplexed expression. "You can't tell me we're just friends after all of that." She started to fiddle with the end of her jumper nervously. "Unless that's all you want," she added.
"I don't really understand what you're saying," was all Tom managed to say in response.
"Things changed between us."
Tom nodded in agreement to that. "Yes but not completely." He assumed she meant that negatively and wanted to reassure her. Unfortunately, it didn't work as it seemed he only managed to upset her further.
"You don't get it," Ava said softly. "I don't want all the moments we shared to mean nothing. Because I know there was something to them." She tried to keep herself from becoming emotional, but it was a struggle with how aloof he was being. "To me at least."
Tom sucked in a breath, now understanding her. "You want more than friendship."
"Don't you?"
There was an awkward silence that followed Ava's question. Tom was genuinely unsure of how to respond. "Truthfully I'm not sure what I want," he eventually said with trepidation.
Ava nodded, "of course that's understandable."
"But," Tom went on to say, "I do agree about our moments meaning something more."
"You do?"
Although he still retained his confusion, Tom nodded anyways. "However, I don't understand the first thing when it comes to...courting."
"There's nothing wrong with that," Ava insisted.
It was Tom's turn to look away. "I hope so." He looked back up to her to see her waiting for him to continue. "You consider me as more than a friend?"
Ava let a minuscule smile show. "I do, and I had hoped you would feel the same." She shrugged when he tried to interject. "It's alright if you don't," she claimed dimly.
"Will you allow me the time to figure that out?"
"Of course," Ava said reassuringly. "Take all the time you need."
Tom smiled grimly. "I apologize for making you feel as though you couldn't talk to me sooner about this." He placed his hands against his legs and moved his focus to the wall.
"Tom," Ava breathed out, "it wasn't you."
"Meaning?"
Ava also looked at the wall, wanting to avoid direct eye contact like Tom. "I was worried about ruining things or making you uncomfortable." She laughed a bit to break up some of the tension. "There's a reason I'm not in Gryffindor," she joked in reference to her lack of commitment for having this conversation in the first place. Truth be told her suffering was her own fault.
"Where do we go from here?"
"I'm not sure," Ava whispered. She turned her head just slightly to see him. "I guess that's up to you, whatever you decide."
Tom nodded mutely. He didn't have anything else to say regarding the topic, causing the conversation to die there. This was an entirely new experience for him, and he would hate to make the wrong decision. His newly discovered friendship with Ava was dependent on his next move. But now wasn't the time to think only of himself. As mystified as he was about Ava's admission, he knew she was even more conflicted. But above all else, one thought struck him the most; he actually cared for another person's feelings. And that gave him much more to consider moving forward.
...
It was only the first quidditch practice of the term and Ava already had a headache. Although there was slight improvement, their team was still a mess. Her teammates continued to struggle with the concept of working together. Or listening to their captain. It absolutely frustrated her to no end, but at least she had Liam there to back her up.
Currently Liam was helping her monitor the team taking laps. She had noticed in their last match that the beaters in particular had a hard time balancing properly on their brooms. Laurie, being already skilled as the seeker, could easily outfly the rest of the team. The two other chasers, Martin and Elric, were moderate but quickly fell behind Ava once she joined in. She sighed to herself when she heard Liam call out to Colby for nearly tipping off his broom. He was by far the most challenged when it came to that area of playing quidditch.
Ava pulled off to the side and returned to observing. She signaled Liam to add in the practice quaffle once again for the team to pass back and forth. She really needed them to work on communication with each other. Looking over to the stands then, she noticed the Gryffindor team starting to line up. They were reaching the end of their allotted practice time.
Liam clapped his hands twice to get everyone to stop and face him. "Alright, well that was a lot of fun to watch." He smirked as the practice quaffle was thrown his way. "Thanks for playing, but that was still lousy work."
"What he means is," Ava quickly interjected, "we still have some improvements to make." She shot Liam a glare when he snorted out a laugh. "But we are out of time for today."
The others didn't wait for her to say anything else before leaving the pitch. Ava groaned in frustration and lightly pushed Liam when he flew by her and laughed. Once they were back on the ground, she caught sight of Emilie. They shared a smile and Ava waved when Emilie approached her.
"Hey captain, how did practice go?"
Ava laughed awkwardly, "not horrible."
"But could have been better," Emilie finished for her.
Ava nodded. "Exactly what I was expecting out of our first practice." She leaned her broom against the stand and took off her gloves. "Forgive me for not asking before, but what position are you?"
Emilie shrugged, "I'm a chaser as well."
"Oh really," Ava asked surprised. She couldn't believe she didn't know that sooner.
"I initially tried out to replace Harry as the seeker, but that didn't go very well."
Ava laughed along with Emile when she rolled her eyes. "Well you did well enough to get on the team anyways."
Emilie hummed and nodded. "I suppose that is true," she stated.
Ava glanced behind Emile to see Ginny wave to her. She sent a smile back before noticing the other Gryffindor players on their brooms. "I'm holding you up, you should probably get ready."
Emilie looked over her shoulder, "you're right." She turned her attention back to Ava and gave her one last smile as she backed away. "Nice talking to you again."
"Hopefully we can chat soon," Ava called out to her.
Not wanting to intrude on the other team, Ava grabbed her broom and left the pitch. She had yet to have one-on-one time with Emilie and barely knew her. She figured it would only be right if they got to know each other more now that she's dating Allison. It was only fair. But the topic of dating brought her cheerful mood down slightly. Things were still weird between her and Tom, more now than ever. She hoped he'd come to a conclusion about his feelings soon. The anticipation was becoming quite exhausting, not to mention distracting.
"Oi!"
Ava flinched at the sudden yell. She then saw Liam walking towards her. "Was that necessary?"
"Yes," Liam stated simply. "You were clearly out of it." He threw his arm over her shoulder and pulled her roughly into his side. "Had to get your attention somehow."
"Well now you do," Ava replied in annoyance.
Liam laughed when Ava shoved his arm off. "Come on, don't be like that."
"Must you be annoying all the time."
"Again, yes."
Ava rolled her eyes, "what did you want anyways?"
Liam smirked at Ava's annoyed demeanor. "Just doing the right thing and waited for you." He lightly swung his broom to hit Ava to irritate her even more.
"I can't stand you sometimes," Ava muttered.
"Love you too."
Ava didn't comment further as they walked towards the castle. She knew he was purposely trying to bother her. And she wasn't in the mood to feed into it. So she put up with his antics until they reached the common room. But there was no describing the relief she felt once she was in her own room away from him. At least until after dinner that is.
Liam pulled Ava aside once they were back in the common room that night to discuss the team. Well, it turned more into a complaint session on Liam's end. He was beginning to be more irritated at the team's lack of communication and coordination than Ava. In fact she would say he was frustrated enough for the both of them. Except for him it was more serious; Liam hated losing to the teams he deemed less competitive. Their next match would be against Ravenclaw, which Ava wouldn't have worried about initially. But practice that day caused her to doubt them. She had overheard good things from Allison about their team this year, and they would most likely lose if they didn't sort out their issues.
Liam casually tossed a ball of parchment up in the air. "Who do you think has the most problems, the beaters or the other chasers?"
Ava looked up from the fireplace. "Definitely the beaters," she stated without having to think about it.
"I think I agree," Liam stated thoughtfully. "Although, I worry about Martin and Elric's ability to be team players."
"They do struggle to share the spotlight at times," Ava conceded.
Liam tossed the ball up higher and had to lean over to catch it again. "At least you know when to pass the quaffle," he grumbled. "The last thing we need is someone who refuses to give in when they need to."
Ava smiled slightly at the irony of Liam's words. "You would be the same way if you weren't the keeper." She lifted a brow when Liam threw a scowl her way. "Don't try to deny it," she insisted with a laugh.
"Whatever."
"Come on," Ava sang, "you struggle to share too."
Liam scoffed, "I do not."
"Yes you do!" Ava quickly swatted the parchment ball out of Liam's reach when he threw it up again. "You always hate it when Mia and I go off with Allison instead of hanging out with you."
Liam rolled his eyes at her as he went to grab the parchment from the ground. "I have no idea what you are talking about." He purposely ignored the knowing look Ava was giving him as he sat back down.
Ava continued to smile at him knowingly. "Oh please," she said with another small laugh, "you get this little pout when we tell you what we're doing."
"I doubt it."
"It's actually adorable," Ava said softly while disregarding Liam's disagreement.
Liam threw the parchment ball at Ava, prompting a louder laugh from her. "Don't call me that." He couldn't fight back a smile of his own anymore. "But you know who does have an adorable pout whenever you're not around?" That peaked Ava's interest enough to sober her up. "Tom."
"What?"
"Tom," Liam repeated. "He's always so mopey when he can't be with you."
Ava huffed out a disbelieving laugh. "I don't know if I can believe that," she said awkwardly.
Liam shrugged, "it's totally true though." He looked away from Ava briefly before turning towards her to ask what's been on his mind the whole time. "So what's the deal with you two?"
Ava looked back at Liam startled. "What do you mean?"
"What's going on between you two?"
"Nothing," Ava stated sharply.
Liam's brow raised in surprise at her abrasive tone. "It was a simple question." He waited for her to relax again before questioning her further. "But there's been this weird energy around you guys since we got back."
Ava let out a long sigh, "honestly I'm not sure."
"What do you mean you're not sure," Liam asked confused.
"Well," Ava started reluctantly, "we didn't discuss what was happening between us until a few days ago. And we haven't really spoken about it since."
Liam chuckled at that. "You two are so strange. Just hook up and call it a day." His smile fell off his face when Ava glared at him. "It's pretty obvious you have a thing for each other," he stated with an indifferent shrug.
Ava nodded distractedly, still not on board with the direction their conversation took. "Maybe you can get him to figure out where he stands then." She crossed her arms and pulled her legs up on the chair. "I know what I want but he doesn't."
"Meaning you want to go steady right?"
"Liam," Ava snapped. She didn't appreciate his slight jab at Tom's previous life. "Jokes aside, yes I do."
"And he doesn't," Liam asked bewildered.
Ava shrugged again. "I don't even know," she claimed dejectedly.
Liam lost all amusement he felt at that moment. He hated to see his friend so put down, especially when there was no need for her to feel that way. "I'm sure you guys will figure things out, he just needs time."
"You're probably right."
Ava gave Liam a tight smile, deciding to drop the topic there. She could tell Liam was uncomfortable about it as well, and she didn't want to unload those particular issues on him. Mia would be better at talking through it with her anyways, if she could find the time to talk about it. Until then Ava planned to focus her mind on other things. And who knew, maybe Tom would make up his mind. But for now, the only things Ava would allow herself to think about were classes and building a stable quidditch team. Hopefully she'll have more luck with those.
...
Of all things that could have happened that term, the news Ava just received was the last she expected. Someone had snuck into the school last night and attacked Lucia. She knew something felt off when she woke up that morning, but when Professor Snape caught her as she was leaving the common room she knew why. He wanted to inform her first that Lucia had been in an accident the previous night. While she was reassured that her godmother would be completely fine, as the stab wound she received was only minor, she couldn't stop worrying for the rest of the day. It was difficult to focus in classes, and she barely spoke to anyone throughout the day. She felt sick knowing everyone was going about their normal lives after what happened.
Thankfully, Headmistress McGonagall made a brief announcement informing the students to not expect Lucia in classes for a few days. She didn't go into too much detail about what happened, only that they had an intruder with a grudge against the Ancient Runes professor. Ava did everything she could to avoid the looks her friends were giving her, she didn't want to talk about it in all honesty. Instead she settled on sitting in her room alone to work on assignments.
Ava's solitude continued until a week later when Lucia was released from the hospital wing and back in her own chambers. She had planned to go see her to make sure she was alright, especially since she had started teaching her classes again. The only problem was the news she would be sharing. Unfortunately on the day Lucia left the hospital wing, a student had seen her with Snape. They saw the way he had his hand on her back as they walked down the hallway and were apparently quite close to each other. This student then wasted no time in telling everyone that the two professors were together. In fact, that was all Ava heard about for the next week.
"Can you believe it," Mia had asked all of them at breakfast one day. "Because I still can't wrap my mind around it."
Liam shrugged, "I thought Professor Ravenwood was married."
"She divorced him at the end of the summer."
The table went silent and the others all looked to Ava when she said that. "You didn't think to share that with us?" Mia was affronted at her friend for not saying anything. Liam nodded along with Mia in agreement, and even Tom raised an eyebrow in curiosity. Then something else dawned on her; Ava wasn't shocked about the rumors surrounding her godmother. "Wait a second, did you know she was dating Professor Snape?"
Ava just stared at Mia and couldn't come up with a response. She eventually sighed when all three of them continued to look at her expectantly. "Alright, yes I knew."
"For how long?"
Ava shrugged noncommittally, "just a few months."
"A few months," Liam repeated in exasperation, "and you didn't tell us?"
"It wasn't my business."
Mia looked down at the table in bewilderment. "I can't believe you knew about this all along, and are completely alright with it."
"What's that suppose to mean," Ava asked in concern.
Tom decided to interject then. "Two of our professors are in a relationship and you don't seem to be bothered by that."
"Why should I be?"
"Because," Liam said slowly, "it's weird."
Mia nodded before coming to Ava's defense. "But it does make sense." She looked between the others with a light cringe. "They are both on the younger side for being professors. I suppose they have quite a bit in common too." She stopped talking when Liam and Tom both seemed unconvinced.
Liam shook his head insistently. "No it's still weird."
Mia scoffed, "why?"
"Because two of our professors are shagging. How wouldn't that be weird?"
"Alright that's it," Ava stated suddenly as she got up. "I'm not going to do this anymore," she added while quickly walking away from the table.
Ignoring her friends calling out her name, Ava just focused on going back to the common room. What her godmother did in her personal life was none of her concern. And she didn't appreciate being interrogated over it. If they wanted to sit and gossip like the rest of the school, then so be it. But she would take no part in it and be by herself instead.
In an unfair twist of fate, however, she ran into the last person she wanted to see once in the common room. Rowan was sitting with a few of his friends by the fireplace. She tried to sneak past them to the girls dormitories, not wanting to interact with any of them. But to her bad luck she was sighted halfway across the room. She let out a quiet groan when Rowan called out her name and approached her.
"Whats got you in such a hurry?"
Ava sighed to herself and turned halfway towards him. "Nothing, just didn't want to deal with you."
Rowan smirked. "Why would you want to avoid me," he asked innocently,
"I'm not in the mood for this," Ava commented after a slight pause.
"That's not really fair," Rowan said to prevent Ava from leaving as she started to turn from him. "I'm not that bad."
Ava turned to glare at him. "You're like a bug that refuses to die," she stated bluntly.
Rowan chuckled at her honesty. "I always enjoyed how straight forward you could be."
"I don't remember you liking it when I told you that you are the worst person I've met last year." Ava quirked a brow when the amusement on Rowan's face died a bit. "You're still the most obnoxious person I've ever had the displeasure of knowing." She figured that was enough to shut him up and tried to walk away again.
"So you refused to be with me because of my personality," Rowan said indignantly. He pressed on when Ava didn't stop walking. "That's funny since you didn't waste any time hopping into bed with Lord Voldemort."
That stopped Ava in her tracks. She turned to look at Rowan in disgust. "That's not what's happened," she started but stopped herself. She didn't want to play into his game. "My life is none of your business."
Rowan let out a humorless laugh. "Everyone knows you're with him." He raised a skeptical brow then, "unless you're too embarrassed to admit it."
"We are not together," Ava nearly shouted. She glanced over to Rowan's friends and took a few steps closer to him so they wouldn't hear. "We're just friends," she insisted.
"Is that a hint of bitterness I hear?"
Ava scowled and resisted the urge to slap the smirk off of his face. "I think you're just hearing things."
Rowan shook his head, "no I think you're in denial."
"That's it, I'm done," Ava said in response. She walked away from him without stopping this time, but she still managed to hear his last statement before reaching her room.
"Do you know how disturbing that is?" Rowan was determined to embarrass her in the same way she did to him. "You gave me such a hard time for being an 'arrogant git' but look who you chose instead."
With that Ava went into her room and slammed the door closed. She barely made it to her bed before collapsing. Her heart was racing from her encounter with Rowan. She wished she hadn't heard what he just pointed out. Because truthfully he wasn't wrong. And she hated that she had to acknowledge that. Rolling onto her side, Ava grabbed a pillow and screamed into it as loud as possible.
After everything going on with Tom and Lucia, this was the last thing she needed. She normally didn't put much stock into Rowan's opinions about her, but tonight struck a nerve. A very delicate nerve that had been nicked far too many times since the start of term. The issues with Tom, concern for Lucia's safety, Rowan, and the pressure of being captain only added to her anxiety. There was only so much she could take before falling apart. And she was dangerously close to that happening.
AN: Looks like Tom isn't the only one struggling...and yes, I know the transitions between sections are a little abrupt 😅