I wake up with a start. Sweat drips badly from my forehead as a result of my nightmare. My ears just barely pick up the faint sound of leaves crumbling in the distance. I'm in a familiar area, but mystified as to how I got here. I'm outside in the woods. I can tell by the tall trees surrounding me and the rain pouring heavily on my already soaked body. At least the rain sort of hides me from whatever possible predator is stirring in my same area.
"Katniss!" I hear. "Katniss, where are you?!" That's when I realize it isn't a predator near me. I think it's Gale.
I shudder at the thought of him, remembering the nightmare I previously had of him getting drunk. I then try to think back to what I remember last.
I fell from a tree.
I had a miscarriage.
Gale was missing.
I went searching for him.
I ran to our spot . . .
It takes me a minute of thinking about where I could've fallen asleep. Then suddenly, I remember. I'd laid right on this log, dozing off, and I must've fallen asleep. Anything after that had all been some realistic nightmare.
"Katniss?!" I hear the voice who I think is Gale's say again. He's much, much, much closer now.
"Gale!" I call, sitting up, my drowsiness fading. I suddenly feel so relieved that him getting drunk was a nightmare. I need him so much right now to cry to about our miscarriage.
"Katniss!"
And suddenly the sound of the leaves goes wild and I know it's the sound of him running toward me. He must've found me. But I was wrong. It isn't Gale. Gale is who I'd like to see, but instead, it's Peeta.
When he gets closer, I can see through the frantic rain his blond curls bouncing up and down as he runs. My heart sinks, but at least someone is here. Without another word, he lifts me into the air, throws me over his shoulder, and begins to run at a wild speed. The rain only seems to pour heavier as he runs and I realize suddenly how bad I'm shivering. Peeta's curls now all hang in one wet, knotty pile over his face, weighed down by the water. I begin to wonder if he can even see at all.
He lets me down when we get to the fence, allowing me to crawl under it. The fence is a brand new white one, but I don't understand why they haven't made it a gate. If they did, entering and exiting would be much easier.
Once I crawl under and Peeta does as well, he tries to lift me up again, but I refuse. I won't allow him to baby me. I have legs and I can run even though they might be shaking badly at the moment. I can see by the way his hair is hanging over his face like a mop, how he is shivering, and the way is prosthetic leg is twitching in this furious storm that carrying me would be a burden, and I'm not going to give him that.
So, we grab hands in order to stay together and run. The sky lights up with lightning streaks and booms with thunder as we do, making the need and want to get home more intense. I can hear a sloshing noise each time our shoes come in contact with the muddy ground. As the ground gets muddier and muddier, the mud sprays up at us each time we step and by the time we get to my house we're a rainy, muddy, and sweaty mess.
We stop just outside my door, breathing heavily, a tiny roof above us protecting us from the rain. Once our breathing calms down, Peeta speaks up.
"Don't you get yourself into anymore trouble Katniss . . . you hear me?" Peeta smirks. I laugh lightly.
"Sorry I keep dragging you out there," I say. "Next time, just let me be. Okay?"
He lets out a deep sigh shrugging his shoulders and regretfully concurring to not do as he's been doing.
When he turns to leave, I place my hand on his shoulder.
"You don't have to go. You can wait out the rain in my house," I suggest.
"Well my house is right across the street, I think it'll be alright," he replies, but I don't allow it. I take his hand and pull him inside.
When we get in, it's just him and I. I realize that my mother must've went to bed and Hazel must've went home. So, I put a mental note in my head to be quiet.
"I'm gonna go and get you some of Gale's clothes," I say. I grab two blankets and place one over the couch so that Peeta can sit and the couch doesn't get dirty and give the other to him to cover up in.
"Make yourself comfortable for now."
With that, I turn the corner and head upstairs, but something isn't right. The closer I get to the top, the louder the sound of footsteps coming from Gale and I's room gets. Naturally, I'm enveloped in fear and warning. I'm not sure who would be in there. So, I instinctively -from all I've been through in the past- prepare myself for battle.
I walk slowly down the hall, drifting toward our room with quiet steps becoming stiffer and stiffer the closer I get. Then finally, I brace myself, my back leaned against the wall before I turn toward the doorway to reveal myself completely to the owner of those footsteps. But I don't just reveal myself, I knock right into the possible predator who's mouth was just beginning to call out my name. Naturally, I utter a high-pitched scream.
"Katniss!" a male voice gasps with relief inevitable in his tone.
I kick him in the shin, an instant reflex gained from my past. When he lets go of me, I fly backward into the golden railing that boarders the hall and my silver stairs. Then, realizing who it is I feel embarrassed and ashamed immediately.
"Gale!" is all I can manage to say as I crawl over to where he sits on the carpet of our room, wincing and holding his shin while rocking back and forth.
Sitting beside him, I feel helpless. My mind is completely blank. I forget what to do. That's when Peeta comes running up the stairs, calling my name and asking if I'm alright at the same time. I can hear the sound of his boots colliding with the wooden hallway floor. He stops talking and moving when he reaches us, taking in the pitiful scene he's just stumbled upon.
"Get me a bandage from the bathroom downstairs please Peeta!" I order, feeling like my mother when she would yell things at Prim to gather.
"I'm fine!" Gale groans, clearly in pain. I hush him, waiting impatiently for Peeta.
"Where's my mom Gale? Do you know?" I ask to get his mind somewhat off the pain he's struggling to bear by gritting his teeth.
"I just got home, but it sounded like she was sleeping when I walked by her room," he replies. Then, the thought randomly crosses my mind that he has no idea all that has happened today.
I place my hand on his chest and gently push him back to lay on the floor. I smile down at him, my heart hammering in my chest. I can feel my face sag at the memory of today's events. I wish I could take it all back. All of it. Right up to this very moment. And I guess my mood appears more crestfallen on my face than I wanted it to because Gale says,
"Don't be sad Katniss, it was just an accident, a misunderstanding." But he doesn't know why I'm truly sad. I give a hollow smile anyway though, pretending to be alright for now.
"I know," I whisper, holding back tears making my throat burn more than it was way earlier today.
"You feeling better?" he asks.
"Mm hmm," I answer. Sickness wise, I think. But maybe my cold has only been hidden by the things that are much more of a priority to me right now.
"And where were you?" he asks. "Hunting? I came home and you weren't anywhere! I was just going to search for you when this happened . . . and you're soaking wet!"
Before I can answer him, Peeta comes back holding a roll of a thick, tan bandage. I thank him over and over and he helps me by lifting Gale's shin off the floor while I wrap it. When Peeta asks, I tell him what happened and suddenly he begins to chuckle. I give him with a menacing glare. How could he be laughing when Gale is almost in tears because of what I did?
"What?!" I snap, only sending him into a deeper fit of giggles.
"I thought you promised me you'd stay out of trouble," he jests. I snort, smirking a little.
"And you actually believed that?"
We're snapped out of our brief lightheartedness when Gale groans in pain, but when I stop wrapping he demands me to keep going. Soon enough, I'm finished and have tied a sloppy bandage around the bottom area of his leg.
Peeta and I then each pull Gale up and onto his feet. Peeta flickers on the light to our room and then throws one of Gale's arms around his neck. I throw the other around mine, but Gale immediately disallows this.
"You're pregnant Katniss, you shouldn't have half my weight on you," he states. I exchange a depressed and awkward look with Peeta and turn my face away, my lower lip beginning to quiver as a tear escapes.
"Don't worry about it," I mumble, "let's get you in bed."
Eventually, he is finally tucked in. It's now that I realize the tears nonchalantly rolling down my cheeks. I look at my faint reflection in the window to see my red-stained face and know I need an excuse to leave for a second. I don't want to tell Gale right away. And I just want it to be him and I, not with Peeta present too.
"I'm gonna grab you a glass of water," I say in a croaky voice that I blame on my sickness coming back falsely, just as an excuse.
I can hear Peeta following me and Gale's loving voice urging me to hurry back before I'm out the door along with Peeta. We walk downstairs in silence, unsure of who's gonna say anything first. He knows I'm bound to break at any moment and that he's gonna be the one who comforts me when I do. Maybe he doesn't want to though or is nervous he's forgotten how because he awkwardly says in an unsteady voice that he's gonna go home to get cleaned up and get to bed. I nod solemnly, pretending to be okay with that, but right when he reaches the door I say his name desperately to stop him before storming in his direction as he turns around to face me. Within a second he remembers what to do and his arms open widely for me to fall into.
Sobs escape uncontrollably from my throat and tears fall onto Peeta's shoulder. I feel his strong arms squeeze me with great pressure, but it does little to relieve my pain. I can feel him kissing the my hair, something that might usually be considered to friendly. Right now, however, I could care less. I just want comfort from anybody in anyway.
Unfortunately, Peeta can't stay forever, hug me while I cry, and listen to me rant on and on about what I could've done to prevent the miscarriage from happening. He insists that he could stay, but I try not to cling onto him much longer. I realize that I have to tell Gale. My mind won't be able to hide it throughout the night. I still need to cry and to be comforted, and he has to know sooner or later anyways. He'll be angry if I don't tell him now.
So I travel back upstairs with a glass of cold water in my hands and lay it on the table next to Gale and I's bed for him to sip on at anytime. Then I climb under the covers with Gale, snuggling into his side to receive his warmth which he immediately reacts to by enveloping me in the comfort of his dry body. Fortunately, the room is dark and so my sadness isn't seen right away before I get the chance to tell him in a somewhat relaxed manner.
"Katniss honey, you're wet, muddy, freezing, and shaking!" he exclaims. I watch as he sits up in bed and removes his shirt. "Take those clothes off and get in this," he suggests, throwing me his shirt. I don't even think about arguing back. His idea actually sounds beyond delightful.
So I strip off my clothes and throw them on the floor until I'm in nothing but my undergarments. I then quickly slip on his shirt that is way too oversized for me to stop the cold shivers that continuously run up my spine. I sigh in satisfaction, crawling under the covers again and burrowing myself into his now bare chest as his heat radiates onto my cold olive skin.
Soon enough he's asked the same question he never got an answer to earlier. Where I was at. So I undesirably tell him in small bits, stopping purposefully at places to let him reply or question further. I don't wanna tell the story in one huge slice. I guess you could say I was procrastinating a bit to get to the part where I tell him about our nightmare that has come true.
"You weren't home yet!" I begin to answer "I thought maybe you went to hunt after work so I went to go find you," I cry, beginning to explain myself, pulling my head back to look at him.
"No sweetheart," he says calmly. "I worked overtime."
"Well, you should've called me! I went searching and then fell asleep in the woods and then Peeta had to come get me and it started raining!" I yell, anger now rising and becoming evident in my tone.
"I did! I did call, but no one answered! I was worried sick, but I kept working anyways concerned for you the entire time! I knew we needed the money so we could provide more for our babies!" he replies innocently. At that comment, everything feels foggy and my stomach starts to hurt and churn and tears fall from my eyes and noises of sadness escape my throat
"Catnip, don't cry. I'm sorry! I'm sorry if I said anything wrong or if I raised my voice to high," he says, frantically apologizing. His thumbs brush over my cheek to erase the tears.
"No Gale, it isn't that," I whisper, barely able to even manage anything at all anymore. "I have something to tell you," I say my tears uncontrollable now. Gale isn't an idiot though and he knows immediately. His eyes grow big and he suddenly realizes how much lighter I feel against him and shakes his head as if trying to deny the obvious.
"Yes, we lost them. We lost our babies," I confirm, my voice barely even audible.
"No! No! What happened?!" he asks, sobs escaping his throat and a strong of curse words slipping past his lips.
Seeing Gale cry makes everything so much worse. Holding my head in my hands, I turn my back to Gale. I feel so ashamed. I don't deserve to have Gale and I most definitely never deserved to carry his children. I begin to cry hysterically for the millionth time today, my body tucked into a ball.
"I'm sorry! Gale it's . . . it's my fault!" I choke out. "It's all my fault! I knew I wasn't ready for kids. I'm too young and yet you're so mature. I'm sorry Gale! I'm so sorry!"
Before I know it, I feel a hand touch my shoulder and I hesitantly turn around to face the man who has loved me unconditionally. Through everything we've battled, we've stuck together. And I guess he thinks there's no point in stopping now because he suddenly takes my face in his warm hands and kisses me.
It feels like forever since I felt this sensation. It reminds me that I couldn't kiss him cause of my sickness. Now I can. And it feels good. This moment is too good, too special for someone like me to have the advantage of experiencing. And I take it for granted even though I don't deserve it. I don't deserve the shivers running up my spine. I don't deserve the feeling of my quickened heartbeat as Gale drops his lips to my neck only to return back to mine gradually. I don't deserve the way his gentle hand brushes back a wet knot of my hair and then glides down my cheek to rest on my neck. I don't deserve any of it. I never have. Especially after I am the reason for the death of two children who never even got to see the world with young eyes. Yet I accept this moment. I accept it for one simple reason. It is impossible to deny.
Gale pulls away, keeping our foreheads pressed together. Just as I'm opening my eyes, he has leaned in again. This time he has a motivation, a desperate need, a burning fire that has just been fed. His lips crash so perfectly against mine and I find myself gripping onto the collar of his shirt to pull myself closer to him. I want to feel all of him. All of his presence. We have both just remembered all the pain of our past by this loss. We have been exposed to the one thing that is all too familiar to us. Death. And this time we solve it in an entirely new way. This time, we're resolving our difficulty in a manner that won't cause destruction. We fix it with a rarity in our time now. Something that's always been scarce in my world and the world as a whole. Something that will most likely remain meager in life, but something I'm fortunate to have a bit of. We clear our trouble with one short word with so much meaning. Love. And I think to myself,
We can get through this. Together. Just like we always have.
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A/N
Hey y'all! So sorry it took me a while to update! I'd been debating on rather or not I should make the miscarriage be a nightmare or not... But it's not! & I know some of y'all are disappointed about that, but please don't get too upset! Understand that their life can't be perfect cause that'd be unrealistic & I'd have nothing to write about...
Also... I know I am already writing two fanfics, but I started another one that I really enjoy writing, but I haven't posted it on Wattpad! It's called "Begin Again" & it also takes place after war & everything except it's slightly different... there's a twist to it! (& duh it's an Everthorne fancfic cause I'm team Gale all the way)... but what I want to know is if y'all would like for me to post another fanfic taking place after the war right now? Let me know.
Sorry for the long A/N! & make sure to comment if you'd like another fanfic taking place after the war! Also, please vote for this chapter! Thanks!
~Maddy :)