"What are you doing here?" She blithely said to him. Keep it casual, she told herself over and over again.
"Don't make a big deal out of anything. Don't be too excited to see him. He is going to know that you missed him and then he might use that against you." She thought severely to herself.
He smiled at her. She really did hate it when he smiled at her like that. He had such a handsome face, that became even better when he smiled. Why did he have to do this to her? Why did he have to torture her like this?
"Why do you think I am here?" He pulled her into a bear hug. A tight hug where she could feel the contours of his toned body. She had truly missed this. How long had it been since she saw him last? How long had it been since they touched like this? Too long. She wanted to stay in his embrace for longer. It felt too good. "I take my eyes off of you for two seconds, a brief moment, and look at what you are doing here."
"I have my reasons for what I am doing. But I ask again, what are you doing here? It can't be a coincidence that you are here as well. Have you been stalking me? That's a very bad habit you have, my dearest husband."
He grinned at her, and nipped at her ear. "Ah, it feels good when you call me that. I thought that you had completely forgotten about me and our relationship. It's been 85 years since we saw each other. I know that's just a drop in the ocean of time for you, but for me, it has been agony. Each moment that I waited for you to come back was pure torture. Finally, I decided enough was enough and I came searching for you. And what do I find? You dilly-dallying with some random stranger? Have you started committing adultery, my dearest wife?" He seemed a bit angry.
This was nice. Was he actually feeling jealous for once?? She hoped so. It would be delightful if she could use this against him somehow. Maybe, she thought, I should let him simmer in his jealousy for a bit. Normally, he never paid a jot of attention to her, letting her frolic about the world without any restraints or conditions.
She pushed him away from herself, even though she really didn't want to.
"What, you are actually concerned about what I do?? Are your other wives not satisfying you enough?" She bit her tongue. She shouldn't have said that. That was a mistake. Now he was going to know that she had been thinking about him, and missing him. Pining for him, even.
His eyes looked surprised for a second and then he smiled. "Don't tell me you were doing all of this to gain my attention? I have told you before, there's no need for you to do that. We are husband and wife and you always have my full attention no matter what. And you know my other wives are just different forms of you, so I don't know why you are so jealous of yourself? It has to be the weirdest thing about you. I don't get it."
"Different forms of me??? What the hell was this man talking about?" She could feel the rage inside her boiling up. She wanted to annihilate him right here and now, but she also really wanted to make him suffer somehow.
She decided to use her best weapon. Her tongue. Lashing out at him will be the best medicine for both of them, she decided.
"When you say that they are different forms of me, you are surely joking. It would be fine if they were just different forms of me. But I can assure you, my dearest Shiva, that I do not like it, not one bit, when you favour the other forms of me, Sati, and Parvati, in particular, over me. I know you are biased towards them. I know that they are your favourite wives. But what about me? You don't know how I suffer when you ignore me like that. Just because I am blacker than them? Just because I have more rage and blood thirst inside of me. You should love me for who I am, but alas, you don't." She felt empty inside. She had said everything she wanted to say. Molten lava-like anger that had been surging inside of her, cooled down and turned to stone. She felt nothing anymore. She didn't care about him getting angry with her anymore. At least she had been able to open to him about her true feelings.
"Is this what's been eating you up from the inside all of this time? Is this why you have been away from me for so long? Why have you been roaming about wreaking havoc in this universe?" He looked shocked. Did he really have no idea at all? How clueless could he be...
She wanted to get angry. But what was the point? He didn't really care for her, so she decided to pretend not to care for him as well.
"Oh my god, if you had only said something. My dearest Kali. Your black skin is one of the reasons I adore you - it glows and shines with the blood of all of the demons you have partaken. I love everything about you, especially your red-hot anger, and your raging bloodthirst. It is what entices me to you. You are captivating to me. In your own special way. I love Parvati and Sati, that is something that I cannot deny. But you, you are precious to me in your own way. I do not love them more than you. It's like saying that there is one star in the sky that is more precious to the Earth. They are all unique in their ways. I have missed you more than you can realize. But I did not wish to come to you, because I believed you were busy doing your thing. Like you always do. I remember I came searching for you in the past and you got angry with me for being too clingy. I decided to give you your space. But if I had known you were feeling this way, I would have come looking for you, much, much sooner. Please don't be mad at me anymore. Can we be together now? I just want to feel your heart beating against mine."
He held his arms out trying to bring her into his embrace. He stood there, shining as he always did. Shiva, the most divine of all men, the most powerful of all Gods. She still couldn't believe that she got to be his wife, it had to be a miracle in itself.
Why did she have these moments of feeling unworthy? She knew everyone looks at her and thought that she was full of confidence and self-worth. But when she was on her own, in those solitary moments, these feelings of unworthiness popped up into her consciousness. In those moments, she felt like no matter what anyone said or did, she would be unworthy of receiving love. Who was she to be able to receive Shiva's love? Every woman in the world wanted to be Shiva's bride. Every woman in the world wanted to feel his tight embrace. To feel his chest against theirs. His cock against their cunt. Or even inside it. So why her? Out of all of the others out there, why her?
As soon as she went into those spirals of depression, she had to pull herself out immediately. Otherwise, the danger was that she would never be able to come out again. And in those moments, she had tried this little technique. She went to her favourite tree in the world. There was one that was planted when she was born, so it was the same age as her. She pretended that they were friends. That they were compatriots and partners-in-crime, so to say. He knew her and she knew him. He was flawless, being an old tree.
She went to him and said, "Hello, old friend." And he smiled, lets his hair flow in the breeze, and says hello back to her.
And then she asked him, "Do you love me, tree?" She didn't give him a name, because as a tree, he was connected to all of the trees in the world, through the soil, the fungus, and the roots in the soil. They were all the same. One huge network of trees. They were one, just like we were all one. "I love you, Kali, my friend." He always said, in that deep rumbling voice of his, that shook the Earth, and terrified every little creature near him.
That was all she needed to hear. That was all she needed to feel. As soon as he said those words in that soothing voice, she felt at ease. She was worthy of love, because a tree, a friend, a being like him who had seen her in so many incarnations, who had seen all the good and the bad in her, still loved her unconditionally. So why wouldn't she be worthy of love? If a tree like him can love her so easily, anyone else should be able to love her much more easily!
Shiva was still waiting there. Calmly, peacefully, patiently, holding his arms out to her. She could feel the heat in his body calling out to her. She could feel every cell in her body tingling, as if they knew what was coming. He was close to her. She could almost hear his heart beating. Was it beating the rhythm of her name? Kali, Kali, Kali, with each beat, as if he were yearning for her as she yearned for him.
Doubt begone, she wanted to say. She wished she had a spell to dispel all of this madness inside of her heart. But there was nothing like that. The only weapon she had was trust. She had to jump into the abyss, and hope, pray, and wish that the universe would catch her. That infinite and pure love would hold her, and not let her fall to her death. She knew that it would happen. It had happened many times before. She had taken many steps into the unknown, and every single time, she had been caught by the bosom of eternal love. She had been held and she was safe. She knew it would happen this time as well.
All she had to do was take that first step. That first, oh-so-scary step. That was the one thing that no one else could help her with. No matter how powerful the being by your side, even if he be Shiva, he could not help her take that first step. He couldn't bridge that gap between them. She had to be the one to bridge it. She was Kali, after all. She could do it. If she didn't do it, he could potentially burn himself in her fire. She had to take that step towards him, to show herself and her fire that it was okay to trust him. He was safe.
She took a deep breath. She could feel prana surging through her body. Ah, how joyful that moment of reunion would be. She was going to savour each moment right now.
Shiva had been holding his breath, which she didn't realize. As soon as she started walking towards him, the world shifted on its axis, and he started breathing again. Relief poured through his features. His face relaxed, and his shoulders lost their tension. She took another step towards him, and he smiled at her, his heart beating faster and faster now. The music of his soul was pulsating towards her. She sensed a bulge in his tiger-skin loincloth. She sensed that it was meant for her. That gave her further courage. She took the final step and fell into his arms. He squeezed her tight.
She was finally home.
She tried to savour this moment as much as possible, but this was just the beginning. They were about to mingle their bodies, spirits, and souls with each other. Their Atman was calling out to each other, as if it was the only thing that they needed to survive anymore. Thankfully, neither one of them was wearing many clothes. At this moment, she truly began to hate clothes. Despise them. They held people back. They covered them up. They hid their desires, and sullied their temptations. They were evil, she laughingly thought to herself.
The clothes in a pile on the ground, they grinded their bodies and hot skin against each other. She didn't even care about the union anymore. She just wanted to feel his beautiful body against hers. It didn't matter what happened now. She had taken that first step and now the universe in the form of her beloved Shiva was holding her. There was nothing to worry about now. He would take care of it all. He was consciousness after all. She had given him her energy by taking that first step. She had given him her Shakti, her divine power, her divine being. And now he was complete. There was nothing else that he needed.
He had been perfect before this. He was even more perfect now. Shakti and Shiva together at last.
The act of sex could be such a pure thing, if allowed to be. Sometimes it could be the most impure, most dastardly act on the planet. That was alright as well. Which way were they going to go today? She had no idea. She was going to let her partner dictate that. She hadn't seen him in a while, so today he had the reins of their amorous act.
He touched his forehead to hers, connecting their third eyes together. He invoked some mantras and let them both be connected to each other in a way that they hadn't in a while. Suddenly, she could see what he wanted her to see. She could see within his heart and his mind. A huge palace had been built inside his heart for her. As far as the eye could see, it was her in there. Kali, not as she saw herself, but as he saw her. A blinding beauty of a being with light emanating from all four corners of her spirit. Such bright white light that she had a hard time staring directly at it. Was that how he thought of her? How was he able to transfigure her in such a beautiful manner?
She also saw his mind and the words that he used to describe her within. She saw the days and months that he pined for her, and waited for her return. The days and months that he thought of only her, day and night, waiting, wondering, wanting.
Sore from the ecstasy of longing that she witnessed in him, she wanted to come back to their physical bodies. But he had still more to show her. She saw the inside of his testicles, and penis - and every bit of it was written with her name. Litres and litres of sperm, sitting there within him, waiting to be poured into her. His seminal fluid. His juices. His lifeforce was waiting to enter her.
It was all quite exciting to her. She had been waiting for so long as well. She started to kiss his chest, but he pushed her away.
"I want to see inside of your heart and yoni as well. I want to see my name imprinted on the insides of your skull. I want to feel your longing, your wanting, your love for me. Your desire - I wish to feel it pumping through your heart walls. I want to see it all."
His deep rumbling voice. She had missed it so much. She opened herself up to him. And he saw what was within her. In her anger, in her jealousy, in her rage against his assumed infidelity, she hadn't looked within her heart for a while now. She knew she loved him, but she didn't know how it manifested within her body and her heart. What did it look like now? She remembered when they had first fallen in love, every inch of her body was imprinted with his name. His scent was in every crevice of her body. Every breath she took whispered his name. It was as if they didn't know where she ended, and he began.
They were one. But these weren't just silly words. They were the truth.
She opened herself up to him and she saw what he saw. Something she had been ignoring in herself, it was suddenly revealed to her like a sunflower opening up to the sky. Beautiful, she gasped, before she could stop myself. Was this really me? she wondered with awe.
There were hundreds of thousands of butterflies inside of her heart, each of them imprinted with Shiva's name. He was the God of all Gods, but he was also her lover. How did she distinguish between the two? Or did she even need to?
That dilemma has plagued her through the ages. Was that why she ran away from him? Because she felt uncomfortable with the dichotomy. He would lay there beside her, and she would wonder if it was the God that lay beside her, or the lazy, casual, playful lover who loved playing with her nipples. The confusion that every Shakti-filled female felt around her Shiva.
The butterflies saw Shiva and instantaneously they started fluttering about even more. The sunshine that was his light, his gaze, and his joy filtered through to them, and they moved about, a canopy of colours, a cacophony of movement, taking off into flight, wanting to get closer to their God. He smiled at her, and said, "I have seen enough, I am satisfied that you are still mine."
They stepped away from each other. Their foreheads were slick with sweat from all of the activation, from all of the energy of intermingling. She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand, and droplets of sweat fell to the ground, where they started blooming into flowers. Ah! This hasn't happened in a while. Even her sweat was filled with joy and beauty now. Was this what true love does to Shakti?
He put his hand on her breasts. Each hand on each breast. His hands were warm. Her heartbeat grew faster. He wasn't massaging them or anything. This was just foreplay. Or maybe not even foreplay. It was just the initiation. The beginning. They had forgotten what each other's bodies looked like, in the months that they had been far apart. It was time to relearn the contours of their lover.
"Your breasts are as supple and divine as ever. So soft, and yet so substantial. Feather-like. I am glad to see them again." Again, he didn't move his hand, even though she wanted him to massage her nipples, or flick at them, or even bite them hard. But he just stood there, touching them lightly, holding them, learning the shape of them.
She placed her hand on his abdomen. She had missed the rippling muscle here. No matter what he did, his body looked like it belonged on the cover of a magazine. She would be jealous, but he had always loved her belly, with its little soft paunch. Curves, and more curves, he would intone whenever he moved his hands about her body. More curves than I can handle, he used to say. She wondered if he would say that to her again. She did love hearing him say that.
He moved his hands down her bum and cupped them. "Hmm, isn't this just the most delicious thing in the world? How much rice did you have to eat to get this ass?? It's just perfection. I wouldn't want to touch anything else in the world after this, so that the feel of your bum stays on my fingertips forever." He said, and she swooned. Not exactly the words she had wanted to hear, but even better.
Such a poet he was. Using words and hands and more to entice her to throw herself into his arms. To let herself drip into his being slowly and surely. She felt like she didn't even exist anymore, if he weren't touching her. It felt like she needed his touch to feel alive. The parts of her body that were ignored by him, went invisible. But it wasn't as if he were truly ignoring them - it was only that he hadn't gotten to them yet.
He bent down and sniffed her yoni. Letting out a sigh, he said, "Smells like it always did. Like it could create the whole universe and more. It smells like space and the ocean. It smells like salt and the earth. Everything and more within you." But still he didn't touch her down there. He smelled it. And moulded her ass. He slid his finger down her inner thigh, to her knee, and her calf. Her ankle, and finally, her feet. The arch of her foot, and the big toe.
He let the big toe into his mouth and slurped at it, as if he were hungry and it were manna.
The left leg and foot. And then the right leg and foot. And then back up again.
Foreplay. Delicious foreplay. Necessary foreplay. A man only needed maybe ten minutes to fire himself up and go. But a woman needed much much longer to heat up her yoni's water. Maybe up to 25 minutes. Sometimes more. Which means that foreplay was the only way a man can really pleasure his woman.
Shiva wasn't always the God of pleasure, as he was now. A lot of what he knew about foreplay came from the women in his life, Sati, Parvati, and Kali. It was something that he had to be taught. He had to be taken by the hand, and led to the Garden of Eden. To the Garden of More Orgasms for his partners.
Without it, he was just like every other man out there, pumping deep and hard into his woman, and forgetting about her pleasure, focusing entirely on himself, and coming way too fast, to do anything for his partner's yoni. It was something that needed to be taught, slowly, patiently, and carefully to every man.
Men always thought that they knew the best way to pleasure a woman. If someone told him that he still has a long way to go, some of them get angry and start thrashing about like little children, throwing tantrums, and running away. If they stick around though, or deign to come back after that tantrum, a Shakti can assuage them, placate them, and teach them the mysteries of the Yoni.
A woman herself was sometimes mystified by the power of her yoni. What was this beautiful implement that had been gifted to her, she wondered? It was powerful, and has the clitoris which was made entirely for pleasure. Why would God bestow her with such a tool? It seemed absolutely crazy, until you realize that the female pleasure, and the yoni in turn is the only reason any physical manifestation actually exists.
The world as it was, the universe as we knew it, the physical realm that we were privy to, it all wouldn't exist if the Maha Yoni, the yoni to beat all yonis, didn't exist. If the Maha Yoni wasn't pumping away, experiencing pleasure, communing with consciousness, and creating life, everything in this universe, and all universes would be barren. Absolutely barren.
But coming back to the mysteries of the yoni. She had sat with her yoni many times, staring at it, trying to meditate with it, trying very hard to understand the yoni's needs and desires. It sometimes felt like it was not even a part of her anymore. As if it were a being unto herself. With completely perplexing wants. She wanted to understand her so badly, but then she understood that it was not her place to understand her Yoni.
"It was my place to let the Yoni be, and to let her free. To let her roam and explore herself. And once she knows herself, once she has explored all of her domains, she would be able to come back to me, and teach me. Until then, all I could have done was sit and wait. Sometimes patiently. Sometimes not." Kali thought to herself. "When she did finally come back to me after traversing the world, after all of her travel, she taught me the importance of pleasure and love. A lesson that cannot be beaten in any part of the world."
Shiva was still kissing and exploring her feet. He had a thing for her feet. They weren't beautiful from her perspective. But he could spend hours and hours on them. Her legs were becoming a little unsteady from all of the attention being bestowed upon her wanton toes. She knew that after her yoni, her toes were the most desirous of pleasure. Her toes, heels, the arch of her foot, and her ankle - they housed a lot of need and desire in them. Surprisingly.
When Shiva first discovered this, he was delighted. He loved feet - he might even have a foot fetish. So this came at the most opportune moment for him. The opportunity to spend hours on her feet. Without feeling guilty about it. He was ecstatic. Even now, she could tell from the bouncing motions of his penis that he was getting close to being aroused himself.
All she had to do here was show him her feet, and he went into rapture. He wanted to go into divine communion with her feet. Did he even remember that the rest of her existed? Probably not.
Did she feel upset about him ignoring the rest of her body? Not even a little bit.
Her legs really started wobbling now, and she had to say something. "I need to sit down, or I will fall."
He moved into a cross legged sitting meditation position, and said, "Okay, now you can sit down on my face, and it will be easy for me to spend some time meditating on your beautiful yoni."
He didn't get embarrassed by this stuff. And she didn't either, when she spent a lot of time with him. But today was the first time he had seen her in decades. How was he so casual about it?
He started making an adorable face. "C'mon, hurry up, I can't wait any longer. I want to smell your essence. And taste your sex." Words, words, words. They seem like they shouldn't matter. They seem like they were just thrown out from his mouth without any thought.
But if he was the Shiva that she knew and he was, then every word that came out of his mouth was filled with diamonds, and strife. Each word could cut a man to pieces, or build him up into a God. Even a goddess like her could in turn be enamoured by his words.
Her legs wanted the relief. She moved over to him, close enough, that he was able to pull her to sit on his face. His head was bent back just a bit, but instantly she could feel his nose sniffling away at her down there.
"How are you going to sit like that for minutes on end?" She asked him.
She could sense him grinning down there. "I could sit like this for hours, if your yoni was as close to me, as it is now. Now hush! All I want to hear from you now are moans and groans."