"I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere."
this is me trying Taylor Swift
R U T H
I pulled back from Rueben's grip the moment my eyesight cleared and watched his eyes return to their human state. My head spun; not with confusion but with nausea. It was like this when he sent me into that memory of Jerome's brother. The quick notion of being somewhere else then back here again made me feel sick to the stomach.
I guessed he was used to it because he didn't look sick at all. Reuben was frozen before me, his eyes trying to pick up on any hint of emotion on my face. I gave nothing back. He grew impatient, drawing his eyebrows together with confusion as he tilted his head.
"I-I don't know what to say," I whispered in desperation to say something instead of glaring into his eyes feeling flustered.
"Start by telling me how you feel," He suggested, his voice steady as if he was waiting for an outburst.
Angry, exposed, violated. My face heated with all three emotions and Rueben took it in, clenching his jaw.
"Do you have access to all my memories? Can you just look through my entire life like my brain is some sort of file?" I spluttered, taking a step back.
He'd taken memories away from me. Did he take more away? Was there something else that I needed to remember but couldn't because he took them away? Did Jerome do that to me? Did Sheila? I felt sick everywhere.
"Ruth," He started, holding a hand out so that I wouldn't run away before he could explain. "You have to understand why I took them away."
"Did you take more?" I tried not to raise my voice, but it was no use.
My brain didn't feel like mine anymore. It was the one thing I thought I had control over the most, but that was inaccurate. Rueben just shifted something in there. He'd given me memories and taken them away like they were nothing. But they were something. At least the first one was. The first time I met his wolf. The first time we touched. That was important, and he took away my right to know that. He wasn't allowed to do that.
"No, and I won't ever do it to you again," He replied firmly, his eyes trying to find mine as I glanced away from him.
My eyes locked on the door behind him, and I wanted to leave, to make a run for it. Though I had decided against it. I had chosen to stay. So I would. But that didn't mean I couldn't catch a break, because I desperately needed one.
"If I left you like that - if you had suspected something about Theodoros not being just a wolf, you would've investigated. If you had found out on your own about the kind that I am, you would've been in danger. I would've broken the most important law," Rueben explained, straightening his posture. "Don't leave before giving me a chance to explain myself, Ruth."
I shook my head, glaring at him.
"I won't do it again," He promised with a more gentle tone. "I promise."
"I don't believe you," I confessed.
"Yeah, I know," He sighed, running a hand through his hair before giving me more space. "I broke the little trust you had in me. I get that, but it was for your safety."
Eventually, I nodded, understanding that was his priority at the time. It hurt, though.
"Did you see every memory there was in my brain?" I had to ask.
"No," He reassured me quickly. "And if I did, I wouldn't go through them."
"Okay," I whispered, feeling defeated.
An ache in my chest tightened, and I suddenly missed my mother. I missed comfort and peace and familiarity. Maybe I was homesick for the life I had before Jerome; the life I'd never get back. It was unfair. All of this was unfair.
"When I touched your wolf - when I first met you - was that when it clicked into place? The mate bond?" My gaze remained on Rueben's eyes. They didn't move away from me for a single second.
"Yes, for me at least. Humans don't usually feel it as strongly as we do."
"And you wanted to make me forget the possibility that werewolves exist, why? Because of your fear of hurting me, right?" I shifted balance to my other foot, and Rueben caught my move.
He glanced around the room before looking at the door. When he met my eyes again, they held a silent question, but he voiced it anyway.
"Walk with me?"
"Where?" I asked suspiciously.
Rueben's expression faltered, morphing into one of hurt as he realised my trust in him had wavered. Then, as if he wasn't hurt by it at all, he cleared his throat and answered.
"Around town."
I stared at him. "Town?"
"Yes."
My breath hitched, and a familiar tightness clawed at my chest.
"This town hates me. Not you," Rueben tried to reason.
"Maybe not today. We can walk somewhere else," I suggested, shrugging my shoulders like it was no big deal.
I didn't want to see the town yet. Maybe it was because I was scared of confrontation. I was scared that this town would not be so different from mine. The gossip, the sneaky glances, the murmuring. I'd heard of the way they'd seen Rueben. Would they see me the same after knowing my story or for simply being with him? To them, I was about to be another victim.
Were they right to be afraid for me? We had no way to confirm for sure that he wouldn't harm me. And this minor inconvenience of Rueben stealing and giving my memories back had been enough to make me doubt, even if it was for a second.
"I want to give you something before we go." He reached into his pocket.
I mindlessly nodded as Rueben's hand back came into view, a gold chain dangling from between his fingers. It took me a second to recognise it. With determination, Rueben untangled the necklace and held the charm within his palm.
"I made an adjustment to it a few days ago."
It was the one I'd worn to the gala. I remembered the look of defeat on his face when he saw it later that night. He hadn't wanted me to wear it, I'd concluded. I assumed it was made for someone else, but the way he looked at me right now with desperation made me believe otherwise.
"The pendant. It was thick enough that I had one of the warriors install silver inside it," He explained, tilting said charm to the side. The thickness left room for another element to be hidden inside. "And this little clasp at the top-"
Rueben flicked it, and my lips parted when a blade unfastened from the bottom.
"Silver blade," He murmured, lifting his gaze to find mine. "One slash can weaken a werewolf. Silver weakens us, can kill us if it's straight to the heart. The metal contains the main moon principles - its chemical properties. That's why it's so lethal to my kind."
I continued to gape, taking a look at the necklace again. It was a weapon. He'd installed a weapon into such a pretty, elegant looking piece of jewellery, and I wasn't sure what to make of it.
"I want you to keep it," Rueben stated firmly, like he wasn't giving me a choice. "Wear it at all times. If you're in danger, I want you to use it. If I put you in danger, I need you to use it with all the strength you have. Do you understand?"
Gulping, I nodded again. I didn't cower away when he moved close to me, unclasping the necklace and flicking the hook to hide the blade.
"Turn around."
I did so, moving my hair to the side, allowing Rueben to bring the necklace over my neck. It was cold as the charm sat against my skin so smugly as if it had meant to be worn by me.
"What if the blade accidentally unhooks and stabs me in the chest?" I blurted out.
Rueben's chest brushed against my back as he released an airy snort. "It won't. The hook is secure. I had my best people work on it for you."
I hummed, reaching a hand out to touch the gold pendant as Rueben secured the clasp at the vape of my neck. Holding my breath, I closed my eyes as his gentle fingers skimmed my skin. Warmth swirled in my stomach at the sensation, awakening a wave of chills to run along my spine.
His soft breath caressed the side of my neck for a second before Rueben's hands cupped my shoulders, urging me to face him. Gradually, I turned until we were face to face again. Rueben didn't remove his hands. One of them slowly slid upward to hold the side of my face.
"You'll use it without hesitation, Ruth," He ordered me, gold eyes staring into mine with such anguish that I tensed my jaw to prevent myself from frowning. "On anyone who poses a threat to you."
Including him, were his unspoken words.
"Alright," I agreed.
"Promise," Rueben's voice dropped to a whisper.
"I promise," My own voice lowered to match his.
We were too close. Our noses almost touched and our breaths almost mingled. Seconds passed before Rueben's eyes brightened - the gold glow beaming into mine. For a moment, I was afraid he'd take this memory from me, but I learned that his eyes glowed for different reasons.
This time, it was because his wolf was trying to communicate with me, and Rueben wasn't letting him.
"I don't trust my wolf around you," He confessed, reading the expression on my face. "It hurts for him to stay put, but-"
"My safety comes first," I finished for him. Because I was starting to learn that was what mates did for each other. Protect. "I understand."
Sighing, Rueben pulled back, taking his warmth with him. His hand moved from my face as he stepped away. Avoiding my eyes, Rueben gestured toward the door, and I followed him out. I didn't miss the sight of the tips of his ears turning a deep shade of pink. A blush.
Rueben Andino was blushing.
Minutes later, we were walking side by side, falling into pace with each other. The path beyond his gated home led to the warrior compound, Rueben told me. He mentioned the other path would take us to town, so we took another. Occasionally, our arms brushed and I held my breath every time. His presence was intoxicating, more so when we were alone.
"There's a University here," He spoke up after we passed the compound.
I spotted Elias Zhang and Grant O'Brien in the field before the building. They were in fighting stances for a few seconds before throwing punches and kicks. Dodges and hits were made, sharp and swift.
"In this pack?"
"Yeah, further into town," Rueben answered, following my gaze to the sparring men. "It's not as occupied as most Universities around the world, though. Most of us like to keep to ourselves, and others join Ander. He trains almost a quarter of the pack now."
My eyebrows raised in amusement.
"Everything's here, then? It's like a normal town," I commented, a spark of interest igniting in my mind.
"Normal," Rueben scoffed under his breath before turning to face me again. "So, you like the University you attend now?"
I held his gaze. Why was he asking so much about my education? Did he want me to transfer here? I didn't know how that would work with him not wanting me to stay here and all.
"Yes."
"Right," He hummed, turning his eyes away from me again.
My focus lowered to his hand, the delicate lines of veins decorating his skin. Rueben's gold bracelet reflected the sunlight, and the simple band contrasted beside it. A memory flashed in my head from the time I'd been in his office, the day I'd slapped him before he told me to leave. Rueben had been bleeding, practically drenched in blood.
"The day I left," I started, watching as his gaze shifted to me again. "You were hurt. In your office. What happened? Was it another rogue?"
Rueben's chest expanded as he inhaled and thought about his answer.
"No," He stated, and cleared his throat. "I told Ander to fight me. Test of my strength, I guess. Werewolves aren't meant to deny the matebond, and in doing so, my wolf was weakening."
And still is, I wanted to say. But I didn't think I could convince him much more.
"And you lost the fight with Ander," I finished for him.
He nodded once, as if ashamed, and glanced away.
Faint sounds of squeaky laughter interrupted the tension. I gazed around to the park on our right. Children ran around and giggled, their entertainment chasing them. Mae and Eve pretended to heave behind them, and when they stopped running after the children, the little humans returned the action until the twins were tackled to the ground.
I smiled at the sight. Kids were hilarious sometimes, and so easily entertained.
"Your sisters seem so good with children," I remarked, the smile on my face brightening as the twins got back up and resumed the chase.
"They get it from my dad. He used to be the same to us when we were little," Rueben said. He sounded amused.
The previous Alpha of this pack, Ezekiel, was Rueben's father. I'd heard good things about him so far, and a part of me was curious to meet him. I looked forward to doing so when the time came - if Rueben would allow me to. I had a feeling his father had plenty of stories to share, and I wanted to learn everything.
"Ander says he visits him - your dad."
I eased into the topic, not wanting for Rueben to be hesitant with the topic of his family around me. I enjoyed their company, even if it took a little getting used to. As long as they didn't give and take my memories freely, I'd grow to love them.
When Rueben didn't reply, I moved my focus away from the energetic children and to him. He was already looking at me, and the sight was like a kick to the stomach. How did one look at him make me feel so nervous? It had to be more than the matebond. Maybe I was developing feelings of my own.
"He's a good man," Rueben stated firmly, quick to honour the mention of his own father as he stared me right in the eyes.
"I'd like to meet him someday," I spoke in an equally firm voice, not backing away from his gaze.
If this town had feared and speculated Rueben as their current Alpha, I assumed they had done the same to their previous Alpha. I remembered the infamous war mentioned, and knew Ezekiel was involved. That would've been the beginning of chaos in this pack. He must've faced difficult decisions and torn himself over them.
Not knowing the entire story, I tried not to let my mind go too far down the blame game. I didn't want to cause trouble with my opinions. I had no right to do that when I barely knew the context of the war yet.
"My father?" Rueben blinked at me as if he had misunderstood me.
"Yes, your father," I confirmed, fighting a little smile.
He looked like a lost puppy, tilting his head at me like that.
"Why?"
"Because he seems like an honourable man." And because he was the father of the man I was destined to be with.
Rueben narrowed his eyes on me, trying to find a hidden agenda. I didn't have any, and when he realised that, he let out a small breath.
"Okay," He finally let out. "Let's go."
I gaped. "Now?"
"Might as well," He nodded, regarding me with a look I couldn't read.
"Okay," I echoed.
Nerves like no other consumed me as Rueben led us back to the house and through the stone driveway. He mentioned the personal hospital was a few minutes away from the house, and that it was protected, heavily secured. I let him open the car door for me and hopped in.
By the time Rueben had taken a seat on the driver's side, my fingers were fidgeting with my bracelets again. Why had I agreed to meet his father at this very moment? I wanted to hide and object and back out. I wasn't ready to meet his dad. What if he didn't approve of me? What if he didn't want me to be with his son because I was human? What if he wasn't actually bedbound and attacked me and I died dead on the ground-
"I can't read minds, but at this point, I'm hearing ten different conversations happening from inside your head," Rueben stopped my mind from rambling.
I exhaled sharply, chuckling softly at his comment.
"Like I said, Ruth, my father's a good man," He reassured me as we backed out of the driveway and onto the road.
I nodded, knowing he'd see me from his peripheral vision.
When Rueben parked the car in front of a large white building, he got out and opened the door for me before I could even reach for the handle. I thanked him and headed to the multi-storey private hospital.
"You will always have a choice, Ruth," My mate reminded me as we walked through the open sliding doors. "Don't forget it."
"I'm choosing to stay," I confirmed.
My eyes caught onto the white and beige interior before landing on the receptionist to our left. The white counter before her was decorated with candles, indoor plants and stacks of paperwork. The lady behind it had her eyes strained on the computer in front of her, her fingers clicking at the keyboard.
The familiar scent of medicine and chemicals roamed through the air, and I felt a shift in the atmosphere when the lady looked up to greet us. She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped when her eyes landed on me.
"How's my dad doing?" Rueben asked her without a 'hello.'
The lady didn't reply. Her eyes narrowed on me, and I felt like she was judging my every deed. I hated it. I thought I'd escaped that look from my town, but having her scrutinise me with her eyes like that brought me right back. She must've picked up on the fact that I was a human moving into her territory.
Her Alpha was standing right beside me, and still, she glared at me.
"Rebecca," Rueben's tone hardened. "I asked a question."
Finally, the receptionist's focus shifted. A genuine smile was plastered on her lips and I started to second-guess myself. I was lost in my mind while she exchanged a few words with Rueben. It took them a few more minutes before he began to walk away.
Once we took a turn into a hallway from the lobby, Rueben turned his face to look at me. He must've sensed my overthinking again.
"C'mere," Rueben's warm fingers interlaced with mine and I could've sworn my heart stopped beating for a millisecond. "She's only wondering why you, a human, are here." His face moved closer to mine, his nose almost brushing against the side of my face as he whispered to me. "She didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
His words flew through one ear and escaped from the other because my eyes were fixated on our intertwined hands. His warm skin against mine made me feel dysfunctional, and suddenly I was afraid he'd see how red my face was turning if I looked up at him again. So I nodded without saying a word.
I held my breath until we reached the elevator. Rueben tensed, as if finally realising we were still holding hands, and let go. The disappointment in my chest made me sigh.
But all of that was forgotten the moment we reached a door on the second floor, which led to Ezekiel Andino, the previous Alpha of Europa.
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a/n: Happy Easter to those who celebrate <3 stay safe and happy!
[NOT EDITED]