~Everytime I trust someone new, they end up reminding me why I shouldn't trust anyone at all~
"I am really sorry. I didn't know you were allergic to peanut. The jelly would not taste good, that's why I brought that. I am sorry," he said with a sad face.
"No, that's fine. I should have told you that I am allergic to it!!!" I reassured him.
"What do the allergic does?" Siddharth asked me.
"I will get fever. But, I ate just a little. Some more I vomited some of it. So, I guess the fever might be a mild one!!!" I said and smiled at Abhi. After that, we ended the game and everyone left.
"I am sorry guys. We were having fun but now because of me..." I stopped midway.
"Nope, you take care please and call me if anything. Have rest. We will continue this another day!!!" Harish said and I nodded.
"Siddharth, please take care of her. Call us if you need. And, Ananya I am really sorry for this," Abhi said again.
"Abhi, stop apologizing. It's fine!!!" I said again. After they left, Siddharth made me lie down in the bed.
"Siddharth, I am fine. I am not sick yet. I don't want to sleep," I complained.
"But..." he said. "No buts please. If I have fever I will eat medicine. But I don't want to sleep," I said and he nodded.
"Since when you have allergic?" he asked me.
"When I was a child, I had a viral fever. When we went to hospital, the doctor told that I had allergic to peanut. Since then, my brothers have made sure, there is no peanuts in any of my snacks or food. It's been so long since I had fever because of allergic. It's always my brother who protected me," I said and smiled, thinking about the love my brothers had for me. I missed them so much.
"I am really sorry. I promise I will protect you after this," Siddharth said and I smiled again.
"Do you have any other allergics?" he asked me and I shook my head negatively.
"That's good!!!" he sighed in relief. After that, we talked about something else. I felt my body temperature rising slowly. He gave me medicine and asked me to sleep, even after I refused so many times. At last, I agreed and drifted off to sleep.
When I woke up, I saw a note beside my bed that says,
Have dinner. I had some issues at work so I have to go. After dinner, take medicine and sleep. I will be back home late I guess.
Siddharth
I mentally smiled. Maybe having him in my life is not that bad. I went to the dining room and had my dinner. I ate my medicine as per his note and laid on my bed. In this few days, I and Siddharth became very good friends. We got close by sharing a lot of things. I just want things to work between us, because I am really not good about aborting this baby. But, if I have no choice, I have to do it. What if he doesn't like me and wants me to abort the baby.
I really liked him but love? I am not sure. I don't believe in love at first sight. According to me, love only happens when you get to know someone. If things work out between us, I will be happy. I just kept on thinking about Siddharth until I found myself sleeping. The next morning, I woke up Siddharth was not at home. He went to work early, I guess.
Breakfast was ready at the table and I ate it silently. I booked a cab and went to work. At work, I received a message from Siddharth apologizing for not dropping me at work. I messaged him assuring him it was fine.
It's been two weeks and I only saw him twice. He will always go to work early and come back home late. Why do they have to keep him this busy? He is also a human and he also needs rest. He will always prepare breakfast for me and I will eat my lunch at work. I will buy my dinner when I come back from work. I was in my thoughts when I heard the door knob twisting.
"Hi, you came back early?" I said, surprised that he came early.
"Hi," he said indifferently and went inside. Oh, poor him. He looks exhausted.
"Do you want tea?" I asked him.
"No," he looked irritated, so I didn't disturb him after that. He locked himself in his room and didn't come out after that. Normally, he will come out after freshening up but he didn't this time. I was waiting for him to come until I eventually slept on the couch.
The next morning, I woke up from bed. Who put me to bed? I thought to myself and I know the answer. Obviously, it's Siddharth, who else? As usual, he left home early.
That night, I waited for him to come home so that I could ask him to accompany me to hospital for regular check-ups.
"Ananya.... Ananya.... Why do you keep sleeping in the couch?" I heard his voice and I opened my eyes. When did I sleep?
"No, I was waiting for you," I said and he gave me a what-is-it look.
"I just wonder if you could bring me to the hospital for the baby check-up tomorrow," I asked him. I thought he was okay with that. But what he said next shocked me.
"Can't you go yourself? You are not a kid anymore right?" he said, shocking me.
"No...It's just that..." I couldn't tell anything. He looked like he didn't care and went to his room. Wow, where is the sweet Siddharth that I met weeks ago? Now, he looks like a totally different person. The past few days, he is behaving like a different person, who is less caring and more hurting.
I felt hurt of him talking like that. I don't know why. Was the Siddharth weeks ago real or the Siddharth now is real? I felt confused. Tears rolled down my cheeks, even though I didn't wanted it to. Why I felt hurt when he said that words. I thought he cared about me but now.... People hurting me is not new. But, he hurting me is very new to me. I wiped my tears and lied down hoping it would all be a dream.
The next day, he still behaved like a rude man. I couldn't care less. I felt very bad for believing him. I felt very bad for always depending on him. He didn't even prepare breakfast for me, as he will always do. I felt really hurt. His words hurts me more than his actions.
I booked a cab and went to hospital. I want to be independent. I don't want to get hurt, depending on him too much. The doctor did some scanning and said the embryo is safe and healthy. She even pointed to the screen and asked me whether I can see the baby. I just nodded, even though I couldn't really see anything.
"Your husband didn't come?" Doctor Suganya asked. "No, doctor. He is really busy recently," I said the half-truth.
"No matter how busy, husband should stay with their wife at this kind of time. I have to meet him and put some sense into his head," he doctor said and I smiled. What would she do when she finds out I really don't have a husband?
When I got into the cab again, I got call from Siddharth. I didn't pick up the call and switched off my phone. I wasn't interested in talking to someone who doesn't care about me. I was angry with him.
When I stepped foot inside the house, I heard an angry voice. "Where the hell were you? Why were you not picking my phone? Why is it switched off?" he shot me with questions.
"If you forgot, I told you last night that I had doctor's appointment. My phone was out of battery so it switched off," I said in a slightly higher voice.
"You asked me to follow you and you went on your own!!! Do I look like a fool to you? I came back early just for the sake of the goddamn appointment!!!" he shouted at me.
"DON'T shout at me. When I asked you, you should have said yes or no. But you asked me whether I was a kid or not. I thought you were not interested in following me so I went on my own. I won't disturb you after this!!! After this I will do everything on my own," I shouted as well.
"What do you think of yourself? Don't raise your voice at me!!!" he said. "So, you can raise your voice and not me? How is this fair at all?" I retorted.
"Gosh, you can't even understand what I am trying to tell!!! What wrong did I do to have met you?" he shouted. "You are just bad luck for me," he mumbled thinking I didn't hear him. But, I clearly heard him and my mind just stopped working at that time.
"What did you say?" I asked and his face changed.
"Ananya, I didn't mean that. I...." I stopped him, raising my hand.
"I can understand. I know I am just bad luck, not only to you. To everyone. But, I just didn't expect you will tell it straight to my face," I said, controlling the tears that is threatening to fall. "Even I don't want to be here Siddharth. Honestly, I don't find pleasure making your life difficult. But, I thought you understood that I was undergoing same mental pressure as you. I lost my brothers who loved me so much. I don't even know whether they will accept me again or not. But, until the moment you came back just now, I thought maybe even if my brothers didn't accept me, I would have you. Thanks for showing me my place Siddharth. I will soon move out. i don't wish to have anything related to you. I don't want to share anything with you, even if it is my bad luck. Thank you for the last few weeks," I said and went to my room, leaving a astounded Siddharth behind.
He stood rooted to his place, contemplating my words. I closed my room door behind and collapsed to the ground. I brought my knees close to my chest and sobbed uncontrollably. I never thought in his mind, I was nothing but a bad luck. I thought everything was okay. What the hell suddenly happened that caused him to be like this? The friendship we took weeks to build, just broken.
I couldn't resist crying and I let it out. I cried as much as I can to reduce my mental burden. But, it just kept increasing. I cried until I slept without having dinner. Okay, it was a mistake. I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling hungry. I tip-toed to the kitchen to make myself scrambled egg, the only thing I knew how to cook.
After I finished eating, I washed my plate. I remembered how last time Siddharth showed up when I was eating ice cream. I could not take it that, the Siddharth that time was fake!!! I turned towards his room to see if he would come just like last time. But, instead I noticed his door was open.
I peeked inside and found out that he was not at home. I noticed the time was 2 in the morning. I immediately called him and I heard a different voice.
"Mam, sir have lost conscious, drinking too much. We could not wake him up. Can you please come and get him?" the voice said.
Thank you for reading.