Opening my eyes to a blurry version of reality, I make myself concentrate on my breathing. In, one, two, three. Out, one, two, three. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
This goes on for a good couple of minutes until the shaking stops. By this time, my breathing has matched Lorrie's and he is just simply holding me. I don't let go of him. I can't. With his face still in my hair, I feel his arms tighten around me protectively.
We just stand there, like that, for what seems like ages. There is no noise other that the gentle breaths that leave our bodies. It feels like we are on the bike again, just him and me against the world. This feeling is grounding, reminding me that everything is okay. Still in sync, with our arms wrapped around each other, his fingers continue to stroke my hair, untangling the curls from each other. I didn't cry. At least I didn't cry.
I peel my face from his sweater, after minutes of dwelling in my weakness. Lorrie doesn't say anything at all, he just holds me against his chest and strokes my hair the whole time.
"I'm sorry." I whisper into the darkness. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Looking down at the dark road, I watch as the yellow road markings disappear into the black abyss of the horizon. Where am I? The road is lined with crowds of dry shrub bushes and one lonely trash can. The grains of sand that line the sidewalk are rolling over each other, onto the road.
"Bumblebee?"
I turn around to face Lorrie again, his face is calm and collected. The only emotions that seep through his facade is a mixture of worry and confusion. The darkness eats his left hand side, casting dramatic shadows over his tall, sporty body. I feel so stupid looking at him. Why's he still here? I ran away from him. What kind of psycho runs away from Lorenzo Marchesi?
"I'm sorry." I say quietly, flicking my eyes to the ground where my bare feet meet the rough concrete. They look so small and pale. "I'm sorry." I say again.
"Stop apologising Gen." he says evenly, taking a huge step towards me so that we are close to each other again. I didn't even realised that I'd taken a few steps away from him. "I pushed you. It was all too soon for you. I'm the one that's in the wrong. Not you."
"All you've done is try to save me from that stressful party, offered to take my head away from it all, tried to keep me safe, and tried to make me feel better. It's just me, all me, and my stupid head." I say angrily, squeezing my hands into little balls to release some of the pressure inside of me.
"You don't have to do anything that you don't want to. Ever. I understand if it's all too soon. Sometimes I forget that this isn't normal for other people. Regardless, I'm not going anywhere."
The tears threaten to make a breakthrough again but I will not let them fall. Staring up at his green eyes, I can't help but think about my mind-set at the start of this big move and how I've failed it so terribly. I started out on this trip with the mind-set to be confident, bold and courageous, to allow myself to live. Truly live. The closest I've gotten to finding out exactly what that means is Lorrie. He makes me feel alive. So why am I allowing the old, too-comfortable-in-her-ways Gen to take over now? Over the past two weeks, I've overcome so much, I feel excited when I get out of bed these days. My life has actually began now. Yet here I am, trying to slip back into my boring old ways. I can't let that happen. I need to prove that I can handle all of this.
"I'm not either, going anywhere I mean." I look around us at the empty road and the open darkness that surrounds us. "Other than down the street I guess." I add.
In the darkness I can see a little smile grow on his face in response to my joke. The tension of the situation is broken, finally. He looks relieved, allowing his confusion and worry to evaporate slightly.
"And I do want to meet your team Lorrie, I really do. In fact I'm quite excited to meet them all, they sound amazing. I don't know what just happened if I'm honest, I think that everything was just a little too..."
"Much?" he adds.
"Maybe, maybe not. I can handle it all, I know I can. I think that tonight has just happened too quickly, I didn't have time to process everything that's been going on." I take his hand in mine and interlock our fingers. "Take me to meet them." I say after a few seconds.
He looks a little uncertain, as if he's unsure of whether or not I'm going to make for the hills again.
"I don't want to ruin this Gen. I thought that I had the moment you started running. It scared the life out of me because this hasn't even truly begun yet. I don't mind waiting." He says softly, taking my other hand and interlocking that one too.
"I can handle this." I say confidently, praying that my face conveys as much. Be confident. Be bold. "Please let me prove it."
We're both quiet for a long time after that. I have no idea what he's thinking. I feel like I'm holding my breath the entire time. After a moment of just looking at each other, Lorrie's face searching mine for any doubt, he gives in, releasing a long sigh.
"Come on then, you're about to witness a whole new level of bullying." At the look on my face, he laughs, releasing some of the built-up tension in his shoulders. "Aimed at me Bumblebee, I would never let anyone bully you."
......
As we walk, hand in hand, back up the street to the party, Lorrie begins to text 'the boys group chat' (as if a group of mercenaries even have a group chat...), letting them know that he's making his way to Federico's with me in tow. I don't know what else he types, but I get the impression that he gives them a warning to be nice to me. I let him get on with it because I think it makes him feel more in control, and that makes him feel better about the whole situation. I, however, still feel like I'm walking on thin ice. I could have ruined all of this tonight. The very thought of that scares me.
As the Chevy comes back into view, a couple hundred meters away, I spot somebody move in the shrub bushes, out of the corner of my eye. Was it a drunk person? Are they okay? I turn my head towards the darkness but nothing happens. Nobody is there. Strange. I could've sworn that-
"Okay, they're all there except Lucan but you already know him, sort of. You know the school version of him but that'll have to be good enough for tonight." Lorrie interrupts my thoughts, bringing me back out of dreamland. "I've told them all to be on their best behaviours. If not, then they get an extra thirty minutes on their cardio training tomorrow." He looks very proud of himself which makes me smile. His usual confidence is starting to return following my abrupt kink in our plans.
"Do you think they'll like me?" I ask, glancing up at him.
"Of course." He replies instantly. "Do you not remember when I told you that Italian's love to love?"
"I also remember the part where you said that they highly discourage dating and getting close to anybody. Especially after Thea." I say, raising a brow. My tone is light and airy but it's not enough to stop Lorrie from flinching slightly. As soon as I've said it, I want to take it back.
We stop outside of the Chevy so that he can unlock it. Then, silently, we both slide back in, allowing the rich smell of leather to drown us. He doesn't start the car up. After a few moments, Lorrie sighs.
"I will never allow what happened to Thea, to happen to you Gen. Do you understand? Not for as long as I live." He says oddly distant. Sometimes I forget that he watched from the side-lines as the whole situation with Thea and Enzo happened. He was part of Enzo's family, he still is. I wonder how badly that situation impacted him... Releasing another sigh and shaking his head abruptly, he seems to click back to the present moment. "They're going to love you, trust me. They all know that I wouldn't hang around with just any girl. Never mind bring her back to meet the team. They know you're something else."
"I shouldn't have brought Thea up, I didn't think-"
"No, no, no. Gen you have every right to bring Thea up, it's understandable. Part of this agreement we have is that I'm supposed to be honest with you. I will be. You're allowed to bring up anything you want to." He says, cutting me off. Unexpectedly, a weight feels like it's been lifted off my shoulders.
"I trust you. I want you to know that." I say quietly. He nods and allows a small smile to creep up onto his face. "And I'm sorry for literally running away from you, I promise that I won't do that again. It's out of my system now." I add, lacing my voice with compressed amusement. Letting out a breathy laugh, he starts up the engine and backs out of the mess of cars.
"Ahhh Gen, you definitely like to add some excitement to my life, you know that? I've never had a girl literally run away from me before." Some teenagers burst out of the house, staggering towards the road. "And even if you do, I'll always come and find you." He replies, giving me a wink.
Just as we are turning around, I notice a movement out of my window, causing my head to shoot to the side. Stood behind a dark blue car is a tall, bulky man dressed in black. I know that he can't see me because of the blacked-out windows, but his direct stare is boring holes through the glass at me. He looks middle-aged with a slightly wrinkled face and cropped greying-brown hair. Something in his eyes looks sinister, making my stomach churn. My skin starts to feel prickly.
"Lorrie?" I ask. He presses on the brakes, waiting for the crew of drunken teenagers to get out of the way.
"Yeh Bumblebee?" he says distractedly. He presses the horn, urging them to hurry up.
"I don't want to be dramatic or anything, but there's a weird looking guy over there staring at us. I'm getting a bad feeling."
Almost as soon as I've said it, Lorrie forgets the drunks in front of us and leans forwards so that he can see past me. I wait, hoping that he recognises him so that I can get rid of the sinking feeling inside of my stomach.
"There's no one there Gen." he says. What?
True to his word, when I look out of the window again, the lot of cars is abandoned. Nobody is there. Only the darkness.