"You look a little rough around the edges yourself," I tell Sirius softly and he chuckles.
"Haven't exactly been sleeping well."
"Being in the hospital does that to you."
"More like worrying about you does that to me." He corrects and his hand is still on the bed where my hand previously was before being caged in my sling. I wish I could reach out to him. "I mean, what were you thinking, love? Diving like that?" He asks but my mind has stalled on love. He's calling me love again. "You could have killed yourself." Sirius continues and I blink as I come back to the conversation.
"I just wanted to protect you," I tell him softly and he runs a hand through his mess of waves.
"Protection in a relationship should go both ways! Honesty too!" He says heatedly and I lean my head back against the pillows for a moment out of frustration.
"I'm not picking a fight with you right now." I sigh, but his expression is earnest when I look back at him and he slides his chair closer.
"I'm not trying to fight with you, Arell, I'm not angry with you. I'm angry with myself." Sirius slumps back in his chair and rubs his hands over his eyes. "I treated you terribly and said such...horrible things."
"Hey," I call to him so he looks back up to me. "We both said horrible things. Besides, you were right. I don't know how to deal with people caring about me because no one ever has before. I'm still learning."
"But you aren't like your family." He assures me instantly and I half-smile.
"And neither are you," I say back and a shadow of that crooked grin appears.
"Guess we're both black sheep." He suggests and I hum in agreement with a smile on my face.
"Guess so." I relent and shrug with only one of my shoulders. That's going to get old fast. Suddenly his grin widens and he scoots forward so he's on the edge of his seat.
"It also means that you've still been crazy about me this whole time. Has it been hard to hide such raw passion?" I laugh but I'm blushing too and I don't fool myself into thinking he doesn't notice. The rest of the boys and Lily return before we can keep talking, but I'm happy about the food. It's nice being around all my friends again and Lily manages not to kill James, so I call it a win overall.
Later on, I convince Lily to go to bed since she's the one who has been taking my notes and has twice the workload. She takes Peter since he's practically asleep already while Remus is snoring ever so softly on the hospital bed next to us. It's just Sirius, James, and I now. James has snuggled next to me on my good side with his arm on the bed behind me while Sirius is at my feet. He's leaning against the metal rails and his hand is on my shin keeping me close to him.
"You know I'm writing to my parents about this, right Mane?" James whispers and I go to turn towards him but wince at the pain in my shoulder.
"Stay still, would you?" Sirius murmurs sleepily with an affectionate pat to my feet. I sigh before craning my neck to look at James' hazel eyes. His head shakes before I even start talking.
"I'm going to write to them. They'll want to know about it as well as the real reason why you left. Don't need my ma to box my ears over it." He tells me and I press my lips together in resignation. There's no stopping James when he puts his mind to something.
"Let me write to them." James' brows pop up as his eyes go to my sling and I huff. "Okay, would you put in a little bit from me? It won't be long." His face breaks with a wide smile and he nods.
"As much as you want, Mane." He assures me and that, at least, gives me some peace. "Hey, look." He murmurs and flicks his chin to the end of the bed where Sirius' head has dipped to his chest as he sleeps. I hum a soft laugh while trying not to move too much so I wake him up. "He's been up with you almost every night, so it's good to see him get some sleep." James reaches down and flops half the blanket over my feet onto him before settling back beside me. I smile softly and wish Lily was here to see this side of James. Sometimes he is an idiot, but he's an idiot with good intentions and a great heart.
"You're a good brother." The compliment slips from my lips without me really thinking about it, but when his wide eyes turn to me, I shrink a little. He chuckles softly and I feel his fingers idle with a few of my curls.
"Could be yours." His tone is nonchalant, but the look in his eyes is certainly not. Regret rises in my throat as my head shakes slightly.
"James..."
"Hold on Arell, just think about it. I know you want to protect all of us, but that's what Aurors are for." My eyes roll, but I let him go on. "I was angry because I saw how upset my parents were when you left, then they explained the adoption papers which made me even more confused. It didn't help that Padfoot was noticeably deflated without you either. I didn't understand why you'd just walk away from us and got pissed, but now that I know it was really a misconstrued gesture of your adoration-"
"Where the hell did you learn the word misconstrued?" I interrupt and my eyebrows shoot up when he actually blushes.
"Evans may have let it slip once or twice. Anyway, now that I realize you're just as crazy for all of us as we are for you, I don't see why you shouldn't be a part of my family. Well, you already are, but legally. So when you stay with me it's not kidnapping or whatever."
"James, just because you know more now doesn't mean our circumstances have changed. I'm dangerous." I tell him firmly, but all he does is shake his head and sigh.
"You know, every person in this room has said that to me." He whispers and I follow his eyes to Remus. "Moony first, for obvious reasons, then Sirius because of his family, even Peter when I caught him eating every single one of my sweets I got for Christmas one year. Even Evans is dangerous because I risk getting cursed near every time I talk to her." He goes on and I look back to him when he pauses and find that little glimmer of...indescribable something that's just James shining out of those hazel orbs.
"Every single one of you pushed away the very thing that you needed. Peter needed friends that wouldn't judge him. Remus needed friends who would accept him. Sirius needed a family to support him. And you," His hand in my hair ruffles my curls a bit. "you just need a family to love you, Mane. We're all ready and willing, but you've got to let us." Tears sting my eyes, but James doesn't look away.
"Why would you make me cry when I only have one hand to wipe away my tears with?" I accuse while laughing wetly, but James is quick to tug his sleeve down over his hand before dabbing away the tears on my cheeks. The gesture doesn't exactly help since I'm crying about how much he cares, but it's sweet all the same.
"Come here, you poor, pathetic, sap." He beckons and I lightly slap his chest before allowing him to guide my head to his shoulder. I sniffle before a thought comes to me.
"What about you, family matchmaker? You must need something." I ask and feel his chin brush my hair as he shakes his head.
"Nah, I've never needed anything. For me, it's more about what I want. What I've always secretly wanted."
"Then what do you want?" My head rises along with his chest as he takes a breath. Then he shrugs slightly.
"Siblings." His answer makes me warm all over and my arm that has found its way around him squeezes. Softly, he plants a kiss on my forehead. I don't give him an answer now and he doesn't ask me to. We simply lay there surrounded by family and it's just peaceful. A long while passes before I realize we're both falling asleep.
The next morning starts with a yelp that's immediately followed by laughter. My eyes open to find Sirius has fallen onto the floor and Remus is chuckling on the bed next to us. "Next time you fall asleep I'm tossing you on the floor and laughing in your face." Sirius threatens and Remus holds up his glass of pumpkin juice as if he's toasting the occasion.
"Looking forward to it."
"You all are the noisiest lot, I swear." James groans as he wakes up too and stretches, releasing me from his embrace. I move to reach out with my right hand before I realize it's still pinned in my sling thingy.
"Help sit me up, would you?" I ask and James instantly sets me back against the pillows instead of against his chest. A heavy sigh leaves my chest before I yawn just as Madam Pomphrey comes in. The boys shuffle away from me sleepily before she can shoo them and she instantly settles beside me to check my shoulder. Her fingers gently poke and prod until I make a noise, then her sharp eyes take in my expression.
"Healing is going well. Take this." She gives me more greenish-brown liquid which I grimace at before James starts making tweeting noises. I down it with a few gulps and hand the glass back to Madam Pomphrey with a soft throwing up noise. "Trust me, it tastes better than the vomit you'd be throwing up later with the pain." She tells me and Sirius makes a soft throw-up noise himself. Madam Pomphrey just sighs. "You're ready to go to breakfast. Remember, no writing, no casting, no swinging that beater's bat. This part of your body needs total rest." Her eyes on me are strangely threatening and I nod in acceptance of her rules. She softens and stands.
"No need to worry, we'll take care of her," Sirius assures her although I'm not sure if it has the proper effect because she just shakes her head before walking out. "Alright, love, let's go." He steps forward and goes to scoop me up, but I hold out a hand.
"My legs and one arm work just fine, thanks." I ward him off before scooching to the edge of the bed and standing. My vision teeters a bit, but Sirius is there in a moment with his arm around my waist. He steadies me and I turn to him to make a sarcastic comment, but it dies in my throat when his face is so close to mine. His lips quirk up.
"And I'm sure you'll also be able to get dressed just fine with those two legs and one arm?" He teases and I huff, shoving him off and waving to the privacy curtain.
"I'm sure I'll manage." I snap as he and James close the curtain around me.
"Mmhmm, just ask if you need help, love." He bids and the boys chuckle when I stick my tongue out at all of them.
"Idiots," I whisper before turning to my small pile of clothes.
"Heard that," Remus says and I roll my eyes before getting started. I manage my pants pretty well although the zipper was difficult and getting my tank-top with my sports bra off isn't too hard. My regular bra isn't even bad, but I cannot for the life of me get the clasp shut with one hand.
"Uh, Mane, if you think you're being quiet remember we all have sharper senses than most." James points out and my teeth grit together. My foot stamps and I stare at the ceiling with frustration.
"I...might need help," I admit and I hear the moment of silence as they either try not to laugh or blush.
"Okay, uh, who...who do you want to uh-"
"Sirius." I interrupt James before he can say something to make me regret this. Another moment passes filled with shuffling and a clearing of the throat before Sirius slides into the curtain with me. He gulps as he very purposefully keeps his eyes above my chin.
"What do you need, love?" He asks softly and takes a few even steps towards me. My body is on fire, but there's no helping that right now.
"I need help with the clasp," I tell him and wait for his answer before turning around. His brows furrow as he nods, so I slowly turn around and hear him take a sharp breath. He whispers something to himself before I jump at feeling his fingers take the clasps from me.
"Sorry, cold hands." He apologizes, but my head shakes.
"No, no your hands are always warm." I could slap myself. That sounds stupid as shit. Sirius clears his throat again before carefully aligning the clasps, then lets his fingers skate over the many scars that litter my back.
"I remember the first time you told me about your scars." His voice is barely audible so that the boys just beyond the curtain won't hear. "You told me about them a little after we first met in the common room, remember?" I can't do anything but breathe and nod. "Still, I didn't know the extent until that night in the shrieking shack. I only got a glimpse as you ran out with James, but at least I knew it was your whole back. Then the other day when you stomped out of the workout tent when we were arguing. You paused and I could see all your scars in stark relief to your dark skin." I shiver as his finger skims up my spine. "It still doesn't compare to being this close. Feeling them with my own hands."
My eyes are shut until his hands leave me and open to find him in front of me, eyes all soft around the edges. One of his hands still dances on my shoulder over the large scar that leaks over my skin there. "I'll never get used to seeing these on you. Someone so...good."
"I'm not all that, Sirius." I manage to whisper back and the corner of his mouth flicks up.
"You were willing to be miserable in order to keep us safe. As stupid as that was, it was also one of the most selfless things I've ever heard of." God, he's so close to me.
"Oi, breakfast is waiting and we won't wait all day!" James taps on the privacy curtain which causes both of us to jump apart. Finally able to breathe, I take a deep breath while Sirius chuckles and grabs the shirt Lily brought me. She must've just grabbed it off my bed because its Sirius' sweater that I've been sleeping with. He raises his brows at me and I shrug my left shoulder before returning to the subject.
"It wasn't exactly selfless. I couldn't lose you, any of you." I tell him as I slip my good arm and head into the sweater. The difficult bit will be my other arm.
"And that's my point." He reaches over and helps my arm out of the sling then gently guides it into the sleeve since I can't lift it up very far. We both sigh in relief once it's through and he helps me put the sling back on. "Your definition of selfish is keeping the people you love safe. That's not normal, love." He tells me before sitting me down and putting my shoes on while I smile softly at him.
"Thank you." My voice is soft and my heart warm at his touching words. He grins and lifts me back up onto my feet.
"Better head out before they come to get us. Heard Remus has a nasty bite."
"Really funny. I'm leaving." Remus answers back and we laugh softly as we rush after him to go to breakfast.
*A/N*
This little moment between Arell and James really gets me. I didn't realize how true it was that all James wants is more family until I wrote it. It was so soft and really fits him and I love it so much. What are your thoughts?