I don't always feel human.
This body doesn't always feel like its mine.
It feels more like a vessel for the mind than anything else.
If it is so keen on protecting itself without my saying, why should I claim it at all.
I've been thinking about that for the last hour.
Ever since Shoto said the words I'd always feared he would.
I don't need her.
That's what he said right?
I don't need her?
I remember the look on Endeavor's face when he rescued me 10, 11, so many years ago.
He said I could be useful.
That I could make his son stronger.
But I remember the look on Shoto's face too.
The one who never wanted to use me.
The one who was supposed to love me just as I loved him.
And though I remember so many smiles, I remember the first look.
I try not to.
Because all I see is the fear in him.
But that's the problem with introspection.
With thinking about who you are.
The more you focus on yourself, the more you begin to define yourself.
And I refuse to define myself as the monster I saw in the reflection of his eyes...
But now?
He's not here.
He doesn't need me.
No one needs me.
That reflection is all that's left.
I smile at that.
Monster. Monster. Monster.
Like a lullaby in the voice of my parents' corpses.
Monster. Monster. Monster.
I smile again.
It doesn't sound so bad in your lonesome.
Thank you for your fear Shoto.
It proves I no longer have to fear myself.
***
You opened your eyes to the sound of the stands coming alive above. So many cheers of anticipation, so many yelling, yelling, yelling.
It would have bothered you before.
Made you wince, cover your ears, yearn for your headset and Jirou's playlists-- it didn't now.
Usually your quirk would rage to get out, build up, make the yells sound like screams, each whisper at such a high frequency it made your ears bleed.
But the blood was dry.
And your quirk was having a field day.
5689 people.
The percentages of each element every single one of them was letting so apparent,it may as well have been like a display on a screen in your mind.
Nothing hurt.
Nothing felt too loud.
Rather than a sea of confusion blinding and deafening your body, it was just information.
Useful. Attainable. Clear.
It was like breaking down a wall you'd been building for ten years.
Never using it.
Burying it.
Denying its existence.
Now?
This quirk of yours wasn't a caged wild animal.
It wasn't one caught escaping either.
It was tamed.
You let out a little chuckle, cracking your neck each direction before rising the steps to the platform where all the legendary UA festival matches took place.
The crowd wanted a show after all.
All 5689 of them.
Might as well give them one.
The moment you were in sight of the cameras, you let out a smile, one so convincing it could've been thought genuine by anyone.
Anyone but the boy paying closest attention to you from above that is...
"Next!" Present Mic began his announcements. "It's the boy with the electric personality in the hero course: Denki Kaminari!"
You cocked your head to the side, looking to your first opponent.
"His power? Electricity! He can discharge electrical currents from his body with incredible force!"
He stood so casually, cracking his knuckles with a smile just like yours- only his was real.
You liked Denki.
He was a bit of clown, not very smart, but humorous and kind nonetheless.
More of a gentle thing than a brute, but there was this strange aspect to him.
As if his quirk should've been more powerful than his personality.
"Versus F/n L/n. A front runner from the start of this festival!" You didn't budge when Present Mic said your name. Didn't even look away when the cameras panned to you. "Her quirk? Atomic. She can feel and control the attractions between atoms of any element. Not very showy but definitely grade A handy!"
"Y/n's quirk is a bit of an enigma." That was Aizawa's voice. You gazed up at the Press box. "But one thing is for sure." Your teacher said, waiting for that distanced eye contact he needed with this particular student. "Used with the right control, it can render even someone with a 'showy' quirk useless."
He gave a nod.
An unmistakable one.
You stared up at him.
Stone faced.
Control. He said.
Little did he know, control was all you had in that moment.
After all, who has greater control over a situation that one they don't care about.
And make no mistake, you didn't care about winning.
You didn't care who they put in front of you whether it be a friend or someone you despised.
You didn't care about anything then.
You just wanted to fight.
"Miss!" An usher's voice whispered loudly.
You turned to face them.
"You forgot these."
They held up a small clear box, one containing the earpieces you'd put aside on the bench before taking your place before the fight.
Your quirk chuckled at the sight.
"No." You shook your head, a crooked smirk lighting your face. "I didn't."
"Alrighty then!" Present Mic announced, the usher hesitantly walking away. "Let's make this battle more interesting! Because the last one was kinda boring!"
Denki shuffled in his steps.
The excitement bled through the way he smiled so wide, teeth bared and eyes bright.
"Ya know, I've always thought you were kinda cute Y/N." He said, extending one of his legs back, Midnight readying her whip to signal the start of the fight. "What do you say, me and you go out after this? I'd be happy to treat you to a bite and comfort you for your loss. Cause this is all gonna be over in two seconds."
Confident today aren't we Denki? You thought, watching your friend get into his fight stance.
"Indiscriminate shock." He said, and the second Midnight commenced the match, he raised his fists, waving his arms back down to release a storm of electricity your way. "1.3 million volts."
You closed your eyes.
Denki Kaminari.
Limited intelligence.
Incredibly threatening stunning attack, but limited in time span.
Becomes useless if he uses his power to its full extent.
Intelligence: 2/10
Attack Power: 8/10
Technique: 5/10
Defeating him is simple once he's used his quirk. My only task is to evade his offense.
You have .6 seconds.
Think.
Electricity travels through electrons.
Any space in the atoms where there's an opening fries the connections between positive and negative particles.
Essentially it fucks up the already electric signals in your own body.
Poor Denki. You thought. How could you know?
Your eyes opened.
My quirk runs on the same electricity as yours.
"What's this!?" The entire crowd was silent, aweing at the sight below.
Because as Kaminari's electricity shown with blinding intensity, ripping apart the cement below, cracking the platform, wreaking havoc to everything around it?
It wasn't even touching you.
"Is Y/n immune to Kaminari's electricity!? But she doesn't seem to be moving at all!"
Aizawa grabbed the microphone forcefully from his colleague.
"She's insulating the air around her." He said. "Using the space between atoms to redirect the flow and keep it from touching her body." The man took note of the sheer focus in your eyes as you stared down your opponent. "It requires an extreme amount of concentration."
"How neat!"
Kaminari was close to running out of steam and there was only so much energy his body could release in one sitting.
Perfect. You thought, watching the boy's eyes start to flutter as he struggled to remain from going brain dead.
It felt like your quirk was dancing.
Jumping from one atom to the next, to the original, through the other, back and forth through the trillions of them just as you commanded.
You'd never used it like this before.
You never knew you could.
You were too afraid to find out before.
But now?
You just wanted more.
Your quirk's greed to be used became your own.
Exhaling into your mask, you carefully, slowly, rose a single arm.
You had to do it precisely, measure each and every microcentimeter you moved in order to avoid the lights of pure energy still being fired from that boy's body.
Holding it straight out in front of you, you let your hand extend forward, as if pointing at him.
You only needed to wait a few more seconds.
By that point, Denki would be immobilized, done for.
It'd take just a slight push, and he'd be out of bounds, defeated, you'd move on to the next round and keep on fighting just as you wanted...
But what's the fun in that?
Using the arm you'd extended, you closed your fist with such rashness, you swore you felt a slight sting of Denki's electricity.
With that slight sacrifice, though, you may as well have called that electricity yours.
Your quirk smiled.
Able to harness the energy from Kaminari's quirk, it collected, paired it with different atoms, charged them till the air around your body began to glow.
You said you didn't care about winning.
You didn't care about losing.
You didn't care about anything.
You didn't feel anything.
So why be someone you didn't need to be.
Why be anything but a monster, monster, monster, monster, monster...
All the noise went quiet.
All 5689 enzymatic forms of chemical exchange went quiet.
Even your quirk for a moment.
It let you bask in the energy.
And with a final exhale, you released the fist, making a little noise in only a whisper.
"Monster."
A blasting sound coursed from the pit of the arena all the way up through the stands.
The glowing air exploded, seeped through the already existing lines of electrical currents and straight back at their founder.
Kaminari's eyes went wide and a fraction of a second later his entire body seized. Flashing light that seemed to be his own creation stunned his muscles.
You sent the current right back at him.
Only you'd collected it first.
It was still 1.3 million volts.
But it was nearly twice the amount his body could even contain.
Eventually, his body realized this fact.
And the very thing he was made of threw him out of bounds.
"And he's out of bounds!" Midnight wove her whip. "Match is over in an instant! The winner is Y/n! She advances on."
The crowd cheered, Kaminari standing back up dazed, his head spinning on his neck, mouth wiggly, eyes all the same.
He was fine.
Just a bit of an extended 'yay' mode.
That arm you'd extended remained for a few seconds after the matche's end.
In fact it was shaking till you saw Denki stand.
He was your friend.
You could've seriously hurt him, killed him had you not been careful.
And though you thought about that for a bit, that same numbness that'd saved you from breaking down less than an hour ago reared its head. It took your hand and brought it back down to your side. It soothed your worries, made them fade away. It crept from that arm and slithered up your spine till it rested on your shoulders and whispered the promise of peace.
Then you felt nothing again...
Bakugo watched the whole match without blinking once.
In fact, it didn't seem like the match had been long enough to have the need to blink.
The entirety of your class sat wide eyed, unaware you were capable of ever doing such a thing before.
Even Bakugo himself, who always knew there was something you weren't showing of yourself, was surprised.
He didn't care though.
All he cared about was the deadness in you.
This wasn't you.
The girl he trained with would never act that way.
And by the end- your eyes.
They weren't cold or numb or anymore.
They were only quiet.
Ruthless even.
Ruthless with the prospect of violence.