I made a playlist for the story! Here's the link:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2Zu40WISl9eg0eCpYTg8Rl?si=gcHUQe-wR7uCImhHJcRCXg
***
Noise was always such a funny thing.
No one else had trouble discerning what was real and what wasn't.
You would tell Todoroki of the trees when you were younger; how you could hear them shivering when his ice came in contact with their leaves. You told him when he asked why you woke in the middle of the night of the clouds raising a racket, forming for a coming rainstorm. The water rising from the earth into the sky. The air cooling and heating up again when different beings walked in and out of the house.
None of it was real to anyone else.
"It's all in your head." Endeavor would say. "Ignore it." He'd add, dropping little suppressors to put in your ears so in-attentively in your hands.
It turns out, he was wrong.
It was all real.
Only no one else could hear the minute voices of the little existences in the world.
Only you.
Problem was, you started wishing you couldn't.
Because the more you heard and felt the trees shiver and the clouds form, the more you heard remnants of your parents.
Their voices.
Their endearments.
Their kind little gestures. Like moving a hand through your hair or a kiss on the nose.
Their less than kind gestures. Like moving away when you cried or flinching when you reached to touch them.
Their hands pulling out of reach.
Their coughs.
Their breathing, fading, fading, fading.
You didn't want to hear any of it anymore.
So you took those little things your new parent had so carelessly put into your possession. You kept them and their ideology close.
You fought with your body rather than your quirk.
You forgot the trees, the rain, the minute voices of the world.
You became who the ideology wanted you to be.
And for the first time in your life,
You reveled in the joy of not being able to remember.
***
The crowds were muffled beneath the weight of your panic-- no-- the weight of the boy's head that went lax between your hands.
Monoma's hair fell back over his face, his eyes loosely shut.
He was still breathing, but he'd never heard the world before.
And his consciousness faded with the pain he'd endured those few seconds of realizing it.
Wide eyed, barely breathing yourself, you tried to feel for signs of life.
His heart rate, bp, O2 levels, electrical signals in his brain, all of it.
They all seemed... strangely normal.
Normal for someone who'd simply fallen asleep.
It took a moment for you to realize what'd happened.
A moment longer for those dots to connect.
With a hitching breath, your head snapped up.
Past the stands, above all of the cheering fans, to face the press box where Aizawa and Present Mic sat apart from the rest.
Faintly, behind the glass, you caught sight of your teacher.
And as if he'd answered your calling, there he was, staring down at Monoma, hair risen, eyes red just as his erasure demanded.
You-- You thought, blinking up at him. stopped his... my quirk.
You were interrupted all too quickly though; A few on-sight paramedics shouting for room. They knocked you out of the way without care, pushing you from the boy, still unmoving.
Taken out of your trance, you stuttered a few apologies, crawling from where he laid.
Looking one last time up at Aizawa, you whispered "I'm sorry," and rose yourself back to your feet.
Your knees were covered in dirt, your palms scrapped at the heels.
And your earpieces.
They'd fallen out.
It was only when you noticed that you just realized how... loud it was.
The people in the stands.
4- no 5000.
5672 people.
No. 5674, two more just walked in.
5673, one just walked down the stairs.
5673, their breathing, their voices, their movement, their everything--
Your quirk woke.
It didn't enjoy being in another body that wasn't its own.
And now that it was back, it flowed and ebbed in your nerves, shook everyone of your muscles with the wish to be paid in attention for its troubles.
Grunting and shutting your eyes, you grabbed at your hair.
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shutup. Shutup. Shutup. ShutupShutupShutup.
Shut! Up!
But it didn't listen.
It felt your fear. Your fear that Monoma wouldn't heal from his pain.
It felt the scrapes on your palm and the blood dripping from your ears.
And as you looked around you, looking for a place to hide, a place to run away, all you saw were Monoma's friends, his horses that had been cast aside by your quirk gone parasitic in his body.
Their hearts were beating fast, almost as fast as yours and their uniforms were torn from the blast, one of them bleeding from the forehead, the other needing help from a paramedic to stand, all of them keeping their distance.
And it's their fear your quirk felt.
The fear in their eyes as they looked at you like a dangerous animal let loose from its cage.
"I'm sorry." You said again, only none of them heard you.
No one, but your quirk heard.
And it was not here for apologies.
In the distance, sounds of explosions caught your attention.
Not just explosions.
Ice.
Shadows.
Fire.
You were a good 30 meters away, but you couldn't mistake it.
Bakugo hadn't even noticed your absence. Or if he had, it didn't phase him.
He was charging at Shoto.
Shoto who was fighting against Midoriya with everything in his might.
The scoreboard.
He had the ten million points.
Points Izuku wasn't going to just give up.
And neither was Bakugo.
There was only a few seconds left in the game, but bad odds never stopped your leader before.
Your team had 780 points.
Second place.
You didn't need the ten million.
But Shoto did.
He needed it.
And neither all the noise or frightened faces in the world could distract you from that.
You put up a hand.
You'd never used your quirk from this far away, but somehow, at that very moment it felt possible.
Possible to just let all that built up energy flow from your body and straight at Bakugo.
But your arm just shook.
Something in you was holding back.
A sound above the rest ricocheting in your mind.
Don't let me down.
That's what he'd said.
Don't let me down, Headset.
It was that voice, so prominent in your thoughts.
Not his screaming, his tantrums, or his insults.
Just his pride.
The pride in him, the pride in his voice, you felt it.
You felt it watching his red eyes shine with the prospect of winning.
Even from so far, you felt his will push him forward.
He was so ready to throw himself at first place, take those headbands, take those points and prove to himself- prove to you- just how good it felt to be indisputable champions.
But just past him in the far ground, your brother stood atop his horses with that same look on his face. Determination thinned his eyes, flexed his muscles as he readied himself to block Mydoria, both ice and fire shielding his body.
He was using his left side.
That side he was so determined to deny.
You spent so long worrying about you and Bakugo's win, Monoma, suppressing your quirk, you forgot just how hard he must've worked to get this far.
He was so unafraid of himself, staring down his opponents.
That part of you hesitating began to quiet at the prospect that he wouldn't want you to fear yourself either.
Bakugo threw himself from his remaining three horses, explosions ready to propel him to grab the unsuspecting Todoroki's headbands.
30 meters.
It was just 30 meters.
The last time you set your quirk free, it saved Bakugo, but it also nearly destroyed his body.
That wasn't going to happen this time.
Because this time you wouldn't set it free.
Exhaling, you shut your eyes, felt the quirk still raving and ranting wildly through your body. Closing your shaking hand till it formed a fist, you ground your teeth together, let the pain of ringing ears become nothing. You took a hold of the power demanding to be used.
And rather than put it back in its cage, you grabbed it by the reins.
Shut. Up. You thought, roughly, steadily, pulling with your mind till it quieted in your hold.
And when you opened your eyes, your fist was no longer shaking.
You thought back to the boiling water rousing screams from Shoto when he was a boy. The fists that so often made him vomit his food on the floors of that haunting training room. The tears and sobs he cried as his little hands clamped down on your shirt.
You thought back to the promise you made yourself when Endeavor told you what needed to happen that morning.
Todoroki had to win.
He had to stay on top.
And then, maybe, after all this time, and all this work, Endeavor would finally stop hurting him.
He won't hurt you anymore. You thought. You just have to win.
You released that fist you'd been holding.
Bakugo's explosions lit the sky.
And from 30 meters, your quirk within a single second took them away.
***
"Time's up!" Midnight yelled, the entirety of the stands coming alive with cheers and standing ovations for the teams that came out on top.
Todoroki couldn't believe himself.
Tugging the headbands off his head, he took a moment to regain his breath before dismounting his teammates.
"In first place, team Todoroki!"
He'd won.
But for some reason it all felt hollow.
All he could think about was the heat still radiating from his arm, the fire he'd lit without thought.
He could still see his father's face in the flames now extinguished...
Once the buzzer rang to announce the game's end, both Mydoria and Bakugo fell to the ground, one more abruptly than the other.
"Bakugo!" Kirishima yelled, him and the rest of his teammates running over.
With his face still in the dirt, Bakugo banged his fists into the earth and yelled his own undecipherable angers like a fussy child.
But Todoroki didn't care about him.
He cared about you.
He cared about the fact that you were still walking towards your group, an avoidant, glazed over look in your eyes.
One of your teammates noticed.
"Y/n, what--" Kirishima went to put a hand on your shoulder, but hesitated. "What happened back there? Are you okay?"
Flinching a bit, you nodded quickly.
When Todoroki thinned his eyes, he noticed your ears void of earpieces, loose strands of hair you were tugging to cover the redness staining them and dripping down your jawline.
You used your quirk.
And from the state Bakugo was in...
"In second place, team Bakugo!"
"Urgh, we were so close to first place." One of your teammates complained, shaking out her hands as the red-headed one wrapped an arm around your shoulders.
Todoroki didn't fail to notice how wide your eyes got when he touched you.
How hesitant you seemed to be touched at all in that moment.
Kirishima tried to up the moral, "Eh, sure. But we're moving on. And second place isn't so bad."
The tape quirked boy laughed, "I'm not sure our leader would agree. Like at all."
Bakugo was still on the ground, hands fisting the sand and yelling.
Again like a fussy child who'd been deprived of a first place trophy.
Once everyone was starting to dissipate, you tapped the redhead's arm so he would let you go.
When he did, you began walking out of the ring so quickly, nobody even thought of following.
No one but Todoroki.
Only when he got close enough did he notice your hands were shaking.
Your body was stringent too, as if struck by electricity, head staring down at the ground, pace that of someone who just wanted to escape.
"Y/n!" He yelled, waiting for you to turn around.
You weren't.
So he got straight to the point.
"You stopped Bakugo." He said, stopping a few feet away.
You stopped walking.
"Shoto, not right now, please." You said, breathlessly, voice only a few hertz above a whisper.
"You were the one who wanted to split up, so why'd you do that?" He asked, wanting to ask if you were alright, if something happened, why you were so distant all of the sudden.
Why you wouldn't turn around.
But he had to know this first. To know what was going on in that head of yours.
"Answer me--
"If I hadn't, Bakugo would've gotten your headbands and you would've been eliminated!" You said, finally turned around.
Todoroki got a good look at your face then.
The little scuff marks, your lips chapped and cut as if all the moisture in the air'd been taken. You were so pale, so shaky. Your chest rose and fell with such rapid, random movements, it was as if you'd forgotten how to breathe.
Whenever you used your quirk it was like a release of energy.
Afterwards you were usually so calm, even blacking out sometimes like at the USJ.
But now... now you only seemed full of panic.
You calmed yourself quickly enough, or at least pretended to, tucking your chin and breaking the eye contact.
"I said I would get you to first place." You said, reciting the words as if they'd been spat at you in orders before.
Todoroki only thought of that because you were searching- eyes flicking from one area of the stands to the other.
Once you refocused on him, he couldn't think of a single thing to say.
It was impossible to know what you were feeling, what was making you act this way.
The fact that he was staring made your hands shake even more.
He looked so concerned, yet so confused.
And you wanted to hug him, hold him close, but a part of you was afraid if you touched him he'd crumble or fall like Monoma had.
And Bakugo was okay, but what if he hadn't been.
What if you'd hurt him just like the time before, what if your control slipped.
What if Endeavor saw and realized just how dangerous you were to his son, to his masterpiece as he called it.
What if, what if, what if, what if-- It was all just too much.
Your head snapped up in a growl as you stared Shoto dead in the eye.
"Don't forget you're not the only one your father is watching right now, so stop being angry at me for doing what I was raised to do."
Those words alone caused a pain in him.
A pain greater than any use of your power ever could have.
He swallowed once they registered.
Because he was no longer afraid that he couldn't see the girl he once shared a blanket with on a rooftop.
He was afraid because she was all he could see.
He saw the lack of life in her when she declared her want to kill. To kill the people who'd hurt her, hurt her family.
He couldn't see anything but the dying innocence those monsters reaped from you when they killed your family.
He couldn't stop seeing it.
And he was afraid because he couldn't seem to remember you any other way anymore.
Snapping out of it, you shook your head a few times, the quirk that made your muscles shake starting to calm after the storm.
"Th-- That" You stuttered, "That came out wrong--
"Did it?" Shoto asked, and though it was a question, it sounded like an answer.
The stare between you two only lasted a few moments.
In it were your memories.
Each of you beginning to see different ones than you used to share.
Still, you couldn't stop trembling.
Not only was the world beginning to feel like it only hated and feared you--
But the only relationship you ever wanted to protect, the one built on trust and growth and love was slowly disintegrating in your hands.
"Shoto." You whimpered, asking so much of him with that one mumble of his name.
But he left.
Walked past you out of the stadium, disappeared into the darkness when all you could do was watch.
He must've not felt the desperation in your tremors.
That or he just didn't care.
You weren't sure which was worse.
***
You were hiding now.
It felt like the only right thing to do.
Shoto made it to the final round.
Things were out of your hands.
Even if they weren't...
You weren't completely certain he'd speak to you now.
Underneath the stands were the halls built of concrete made separate from the entrances.
There was no one in this corner.
It was a nice place to pace, pace, pace until the panic in your veins died down.
You just used your quirk. you thought. It's fine. You controlled it. No one got hurt. Bakugo didn't get hurt. No one but Monoma. God I hope he's okay. His friends too.
Pace, pace, pace, pace.
Back and forth, few steps down the hall, few steps back.
Let the energy out.
Your analytical side completely faded.
Instead it gave way to a fight between your anxiety and common sense.
The third round, The final round:
It's fine.
I can just throw the first fight. Watch the rest of them from the stands.
Shoto's angry. I shouldn't have said all that. Maybe he'll be even more mad if I just give up. Maybe he doesn't care.
But Endeavor must've seen me.
He knows I did my job. He won't be mad. He won't hurt him. He won't be mad at me.
But you used your quirk. Really used it. That can't happen again. You could've hurt someone if you didn't control it. And Baku--
"What the hell, Headset!?"
Your pacing stopped.
Shit.
"Bakugo," You said, scratching the back of your head, trying to cover your ears to hide the blooded evidence of your betrayal as you turned to face away from him, "Now's really not the time."
"You think I give a crap?" He yelled and though you weren't looking, you could hear the anger in his steps as he neared.
Suddenly, his presence was behind you, threatening with the heat of his body at your back.
The moment you felt his breathing stand your hairs on end, you spun around.
He wasn't the same type of angry as normal.
This wasn't loud and ironic ire, this was dead-serious.
His arms were crossed, gaze more intense than before.
You swallowed.
"Do you seriously believe that after feeling what your quirk can do head on, I don't know when you're using it on me?" He asked, voice low, taking a step towards you. "Why would you do that?"
"It won't happen again." You shook your head, taking a step backwards till you felt the cool concrete at your back. "I promise."
Bakugo snapped at the last word.
Without warning, he raised both his bared arms, slamming his hands against the wall, caging you between them.
You leaned back at the unexpected sense of imprisonment.
"I don't care about your promises anymore." He growled."I want an explanation!"
His teeth were bared.
It made you uneasy.
It made you angry right back.
"Bakugo." You said, returning the energy. "This isn't some training exercise in a forest where you can back me into a corner."
"Yes it is." He got closer, as if to assert his dominance, the ends of his hair meeting yours. "It's the exact same thing, the exact same conversation we had back there, or did you not learn anything?" He smelled of dirt and nitroglycerin, his breath dry and raspy. You chose not to hear him, chose to focus on his eyes instead, but he just kept going. "You heard him this morning. You saw him during that battle. He doesn't want your help, yet you give it to him even when he wants nothing to do with you. Why?"
"Please get away from me." You whispered.
"No!" He banged one of his fists against the wall. "Not until you explain to me what the hell is going on. What could you have possibly done that you need him this badly!?"
You growled, grabbing his shirt in both your fists and trying to push him backwards without avail.
"I said, get away from me!"
But there was no time for that.
Because the moment Bakugo leaned back in, you heard Todoroki and Midoriya enter that same hall.