February 14th.
Maddie's POV:
We leave London tomorrow since we've been here. We've found a house I like, I'm going to rent it because I don't want it permanently. I've also met with the modeling agency, signed the contract. It's official, my contract starts on the 20th of March.
The modeling agency people seem really nice, I've met everyone I'm going to be working with. They're all fire, but I don't think I'm going to become like best friends with them. But all seem manageable to work with.
Today's Valentine's day, I really hope Billie has something planned because I have nothing planned. I'm a horrible girlfriend, but I've been busy and she knows that.
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I was sitting in the hotel room on my phone, it was like 2? All I have to do is sign the papers to the house and I'm good to go back to L.A. I've been to London so many times, but I've only had a good time like once.
Now that I've met everyone, everything really feels official and I don't like that feeling. It's really hitting me that I'm leaving my whole life behind to come here. It's already hit me but now it's REALLY hitting me.
Billie's with Kenzie, I have no clue what they're doing. I'm with Holden, we had a photo shoot the other day. Shit was fire, I also posted my new hair and everyone loves it. I'm starting to hate it, but there's nothing that I can do about it right now.
Incoming FaceTime Call From: Claud's
Maddie: "Hiii! I miss you."
Claudia: "You've been gone for like four days." She smiled.
Maddie: "I know, but I miss L.A. I need my nails done, and this is just a lot."
Claudia: "Did you find a house?"
Maddie: "Yeah, I'mma rent it because I don't want to buy it because I don't like it THAT much and I don't plan on being in London enough to fully use it you know?"
Claudia: "I feel you, did you meet who you're gonna be working with?"
Maddie: "Yeah, they all seem cool but I'm not going to try to be like best friends with them."
Claudia: "You signed the contract?"
Maddie: "Yeah."
Claudia: "What was in the contract?"
Maddie: "It was just a bunch of talking about the process, there wasn't really any rules. The head person that was like running the meeting her name is Aaliyah, she seems cool. She broke it down for me because I could not comprehend anything today."
Claudia: "What are you doing for Valentine's day?"
Maddie: "Really hoping Bil has something planned because I have nothing planned at all because I'm a horrible girlfriend."
Claudia: "You're not a horrible girlfriend, you're busy and you guys are in London for you. She knows that she's not expecting you to have this fantastic date planned when you're there signing three months of your life away."
Maddie: "I know, I just want Billie to have someone that has time for her."
Claudia: "Dude what are you talking about? Billie loves you no matter how busy you are, you show her that you love her and vice versa."
Maddie: "I know, I'm just overthinking it and there's nothing wrong."
Claudia: "That's my girl, I'll talk to you tomorrow. It's late here."
Maddie: "Okay, I love you."
Claudia: "I love you too, bye."
Call Ended.
I really am beating myself up over this, and there's still shit I have to do today and I'm not looking forward to any of it.
Holden was sitting next to me on the bed, he's been scrolling through his phone ever since him and I were left alone together. He heard my phone lock and he looked over to me
Holden: "How are you holding up?"
Maddie: "I'm doing fine, I just wish. I don't know." I fiddled with my fingers.
Holden: "Talk to me."
Maddie: "I know that I have to do this, but I would literally do anything to do it any other time."
Holden: "I think you're doing it at the right time because Bil's gonna be on tour, busy, doing her career. I know you wanted to go tour, but would you rather do it when she's free?"
Maddie: "No, I just really like tour and I really don't like London."
Holden: "I know you hate this, but in the end, you're gonna be so fucking proud of yourself and everyone around you is going to be proud of you too."
Maddie: "I also wish that we weren't in London for Valentine's day, but it's whatever."
Holden: "It's Bille, you know she has something planned."
Maddie: "I don't know how." I shrugged.
He gave me a smile and walked to another part of the hotel room, Holden and Kenzie have their own hotel room, and then the same thing for Billie and I. I was left alone with my thoughts, what he said really got me thinking. I should be happy that I'm doing it while she's occupied. Because I wouldn't wanna do it while she's in L.A. I'm lucky that she's doing it while she's on tour.
I heard the keycard go in the door, and Billie and Kenzie are back from whatever they were planning. Billie smiled at me and walked over to me and gave me a hug, she didn't let go until I did. But even when I let go, she left her hands rested on my hips.
Billie: "You okay?"
Maddie: "I will be."
Billie: "What's up?" She sat down by me.
Maddie: "This is just a lot to get through my brain, and I don't even have time to process it because I'm always doing something."
Billie: "You have the rest of today off."
I looked at her.
Billie: "I know I normally go all out for things like this, one I didn't have any ideas and I thought for SO long. I'm sorry that was the best I could do."
Maddie: "Babygirl why are you apologizing? Thank you." I took her hand and she smiled.
Billie: "Do you wanna cuddle?" She asked in a baby voice.
Maddie: "I thought you would never ask." I laughed and moved farther back on the bed and she followed. She wrapped her arm around my waist, pulling me closer to her and she rested her head in the crook of my neck. She also placed a small kiss too.
I heard the front door close meaning that Kenzie and Holden probably went back to their hotel room. Billie was lightly stroking my hip up and down, I moved closer to her and I could feel her smile against my neck.
I shifted so I could stare at her like the lovesick idiot I am, she was already looking down at me. A smile formed on her lips, how am I going to leave her for 3 months? I hate how wishy-washy I am with this whole thing, one minute I'm okay with everything, and then the next I hate everyone and I don't wanna do it anymore.
Billie: "What are you thinking?" Billie tucked some of my hair behind my ear and I leaned into her touch.
Maddie: "I'm thinking about this whole thing." I took my eyes off hers and I started fiddling with my fingers.
Billie: "Talk to me."
Maddie: "I don't know, I'm sick of being wishy-washy with this whole thing. There's no reason for me to be this indecisive about how I feel."
Billie: "You have every reason to be indecisive, this is something new to you and it's outside of your comfort zone. But not like that, you're amazing at modeling. But it's somewhere you're not familiar with and you're leaving a lot of things behind. You're starting a new section of your career and you don't know what to do with that feeling."
Maddie: "I don't know if I'm ready to leave everything behind."
Billie: "I don't know when you're going to realize it, but you're doing the right thing. This is going to be so good for you and your career, and I am beyond proud of you for making that decision. I know how torn you were with the decision. But you did it."
I forgot I'm horrible. I had nothing planned for Valentine's day and I also didn't get her a gift. But I do have something for her.
Maddie: "Close your eyes."
Billie: "Why?"
Maddie: "Do you trust me?" I laughed.
Billie: "Yes, but only to a certain extent." She smiled and put her hands over her eyes.
I walked to the living area of the hotel, and I pulled a piece of paper out of it. I finished the list awhile ago, I just never said anything because I just felt like it wasn't the time. But I feel okay with giving her this right now. This isn't even that big of a deal.
I walked back into the room and I set the piece of paper down in her lap, I sat down by her. By the way, she's looking at it, I can tell that she has no clue what it is. When she first gave me the list, I didn't like the layout she used so I changed it a little to make it simpler. And I also added checkmarks when something was done.
She read the first two and she realized what it was, she smiled widely as she made her way farther down the list. There's also the dates that I did them, so I could remember when I did them. I do so much and certain things get drowned out with other things, but I remember all of those because if you think about it. They were all tied to Billie.
Billie: "You did it." She said softly, and I smiled at her.
Maddie: "Did you know that's what I've been doing?"
Billie: "Yes and no, I remembered certain things but I didn't remember every last thing."
She looked back at the piece of paper, still smiling.
Billie: "I'm really fucking proud of you. I really hope you know that. No matter what you're doing I will always be proud of you."
I moved closer to her and she wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tightly. God, I love her.
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i am so happy i got this chapter done, been struggling with it for way too fucking long.
i started reading another book, and i saw the movie and the movie was not the best so im really relying on the book to save my outlook on the whole concept of it.
how are you though?
but i did plan the proposal, but you didnt hear that from me. would not lie to you, it needs improvements. but the whole concept that it's based around I AM IN LOVE WITH IT!
thanks ily
words: 1875.