* Second slid is the song they dance to*
Maya's pov
" Well, the swelling went down.
I pressed lightly onto Finnick's gunshot wound, seeing it was relatively better than when I first checked on it. The Red Rover part of Negan's scheme had caused him to get it, but he never told a single soul wanting to get Maggie to the hilltop. At my touch, Finnick winced, digging his nails into the hospital chair. I glanced at his face and rolled my eyes.
" Hurts like a bitch, huh? Should have told me when it happened."
" We were busy." He muttered under his breath.
I tensed at the memories wishing I could forget. All I wanted to do was forget about everything that had happened. I wanted to somehow reverse my life and change how everything went. Pushing my feelings to the side, I applied an ointment to Finnick's wound lightly patting.
" It's closed, so now all you need is the skin to heal. Definitely would leave a scar."
" Don't we just love scars?" He coldly answered, lowering his shirt and looking at me." How are you holding up?"
" Doesn't matter," I said, cleaning my hand with a rag and turning away from him.
" You know it always matters to me." He softly spoke, but I wasn't going to tell him.
The demons in my head had to remain my own, and if I did tell anyone, they would call me crazy. Maybe I was crazy. Maybe I was crazy for wanting the world to end because of what I seen. I was a strong person, but this world was breaking me down. Glenn was my friend. No...he was more than a friend.
He was like a brother that always kept his eyes on me, and when I needed someone, he was there. Glenn made me laugh when I was upset and allowed me to rant to him if I needed to. Glenn didn't deserve death. Glenn deserved happiness, but the world wouldn't let him. Neither did it for Abraham. I missed the marine and his mouth.
I miss him swearing out loud and then apologizing when he saw me, but once seeing me, he would laugh at himself and swear again, knowing my mouth was no better. He might of broken Rosita's heart, but he was finding his ways with Sasha. The doors opened, and I snapped from my thoughts, seeing Lucas and Carl walk in.
" Hey, princess." Carl greeted, giving me a soft smile, and kissing me on my cheek.
His touch was everything I needed now. After....after what happened, we all seemed to cling onto our loved ones. As selfish as it might have sounded, I always thought about if I lost Carl the way Maggie lost Glenn. I was known to never depend on everyone, but I knew I would lose myself if I lost Carl. He was my anchor, and besides being my boyfriend, he was my best friend. The boy I met on the highway and stuck by through every danger that entered my life.
" You okay?" He whispered in my ear, and I nodded my head.
" Yeah." I lied.
" How's Finnick, Doc?" Lucas asked, and I turned, trying to have a smile on my face.
" Wound is healing perfectly. I'll say two more weeks."
" That's great!" Lucas laughed, giving Finnick a smile, but not even the boy could fake one.
I think none of us could. We are way too young to be this hurt. We were supposed to be applying to colleges, having prom meltdowns, or freaking over a pregnancy scare, but that was the old life of a teenager. Now we had to kill people and watch our friends die and remember every detail of every traumatic thing.
" I'm sorry." Lucas apologized, and I looked up again, seeing all of our faces were sad.
The silence was broken by the front door slamming open and causing us all to jump. I turned in Carl's arms, watching a group of men storm in with smirks on their faces. Carl and I were quick to grab our guns and aim at the men, hearing one of them chuckle.
" Easy there, Bonnie and Clyde." He snickered.
" Who the hell are you?"
" Who do you think, bitch?" The man chuckled." Negan said he'll be back soon."
My body tensed, and I could feel the gun slightly tremble in my hand at the news that Negan was here. The one thing on my mind was little Judith at home sleeping. Did Rick secure her already? Was she safe? The Saviors began to flip the infirmary upside down, knocking things around and breaking the glass to get the medicine rather than opening the cabinets.
" Hey!" I shouted when a Savior bumped into my taking the ointment from the table next to me. A gunshot echoed through the room, and I jumped, looking to the three seeing Finnick had shot the ceiling with anger on his face.
" Put our stuff back!" He growled." Or the next one goes in you!"
All of the Saviors began to laugh at the four of us, taking our bravery for humor. My finger curled around the trigger when Rick sprinted into the room, standing in front of us scared. He was scared at what we were doing and shook his head, begging.
" Carl, Maya, put it down." He addressed, turning to Finnick next." Finnick-"
" No." We all declared, staring at the Saviors in front of us.
" Of course." A deep voice laughed, and I felt my body stiffen, hearing it right next to my ear. Peeling my eyes away from the savior, I turned, seeing Negan enter the room waving Lucille around." Oh-ho. Really, kids?"
" I don't have the energy to pretend to like you today," I admitted narrowing my eyes at him." You should go. Before you find out how dangerous we all are."
" Well, pardon me, sunshine. Excuse the shit out of my goddamn French, but...did you just threaten me?" Negan asked, and I laughed.
" Sorry, sarcasm falls out of my mouth like stupidity falls out of yours." I fired back, gripping the gun in my hand.
Negan dryly laughed," Look, I get threatening Davey here, but I can't have it. Not him,, not me-"
" Maya, just put it down. He has-"
" Don't ruin the surprise, Rick. We are having a conversation here." Negan warned, gripping Lucille in his hands." Now, girl, where were we? Oh, yeah. Your giant, man-sized balls. No threatening us. Listen, I like you given that you're my family, so I don't want to go hard proving a point here. You don't want that. I said half your shit, and half is what I say it is. I'm serious. Do you want me to prove how serious? Again?"
Family. I mentally wanted to throw up at Negan calling me family, but I wasn't sure why he even said it. We were not family. He couldn't just storm this place and call us all family.
" We're not family." I sneered, causing Negan's smile to widen.
" Oh, but we are family. Speaking of family, say hi to your daddy." Negan snickered, nudging his head to something behind me.
Knowing Carl would cover my back if something went wrong, I turned seeing some saviors at the door, but what caught my attention the most was a man, beaten, dirty, and with the letter, A spray-painted onto his clothing. The man was none other than my father, and I was already taking steps towards him.
" Dad." I breathed, feeling the tears in my eyes.
A figure quickly blocked my vision, and I felt my entire body grow cold at who did. Her hair was jet black, reminding me of death, and her black eyes held pleasure knowing how much I feared her. I took a sharp breath jumping back and feeling the gun in my hand tremble.
" Maya. Maya. Maya." She chuckled, taking threatening steps towards me." Oh, this is going to be epic. Why don't you come, give me a hug?"
The gun was swiped from my hand, and I gasped, noticing it was from the Saviors. They knew what I was going to do; however, Carl turned around, pointing his gun at her.
" Who the hell are you?"
" Oh, is this the one?" She asked, looking over to Negan, who nodded his head with a sick smirk," Oh, you're the boyfriend. Well, I guess you should know who I am given you're dating my daughter."
Carl stiffened next to me, but I was no better feeling like a deer in headlights. She laughed loudly at our reactions holding her hands in the air.
" The name is Jane Pierce."
" I know who you are," Carl growled when Negan stepped forward, getting close to Carl's ear.
" Lower the gun, kid, or you're gonna see a lot of people dead pretty soon."
Carl was conflicted by what he should do and glanced at me from the corner of his eye, but my own eyes remained on my mother. I was terrified that she was alive and standing right in front of me. I was terrified that she had my father and knew who Carl was to me. She knew my weaknesses. Carl lowered the gun by my side, bringing some relief to Rick.
" You know, Rick, this whole thing reminds me that you have a lot of guns." Negan spoke while I felt Carl take my hand into his own and force me to turn away from my mother." There's all the guns you took from my outpost when you wasted all my people with a shit-ton of your own guns. I'm bettin' there's even more, which adds up to an absolute... ass-load of guns, and as this little emotional outburst just made crystal clear...I can't allow that. They're all mine now. So tell me, Rick, where are my guns? "
" We'll...We'll take you." Rick stuttered weakly, looking to Negan.
" Good." Jane cheered, clapping her hands." You go check the guns and I'll...speak to my daughter. Privately."
In seconds, my body was turned, and Carl held me behind him," No. You're not getting her." He challenged.
I was so familiar with her eyes that I could see the rage without her even moving a muscle in her face. She grabbed her gun from her side holster and took the safety off, causing me to jump in front of Carl.
" No!" I shouted in a panic and turned to him." You have to let me go."
" Maya-"
" Trust me!" I begged, feeling my body tremble at what I was about to endure.
I knew Jane's plan. She would hurt me to the bare minimum to make Carl understand not to cross her and Negan. She knew how much I meant to him, and she wanted to break the both of us. I placed my hands on Carl's cheek, somehow finding a smile.
" You have to trust me and let me go." I whispered for him to hear." Together?"
He stared down at me, breathing heavily out of anger," Together."
" Oh my god! Romeo, Juliet, wrap this shit up already!" Jane yelled, causing me to glare at her." Everyone out, except Daryl."
My father's head perked up, and I could see nothing but fear. I could feel it myself, wondering what she was going to do to him. The room quickly emptied except for Rick, Carl, and Negan being the last ones. Carl eyed me, but I pushed him forward, needing him to get far from here. Even Finnick was eying me down, but I shook my head, watching him leave. The room was silent, and I was sure Dad and Jane could hear my heart pounding in my chest, ready to explode.
" Look at us." Jane laughed, circling around me. Her voice brought back memories of dark rooms, broken bones, and bleeding wounds." A family again."
" What do you want?" I asked, glaring at every inch of her face for being here.
" Oh shut up, bitch."
" I've been called worse."
" Really like what ?"
" Your daughter." I snapped back, seeing the smirk on her face dropped into anger.
" Well, aren't you an annoying little fuck. You're just like your father."
" A pain in your ass?" I shot back." How are you alive?"
" Well, when the fire started, I got out, dumbass."
I narrowed my eyes, wondering if I was dreaming," I heard you scream. I thought you were being burned alive !"
" Yet here I am." I said, gesturing to herself like a prize." I screamed because my drugs got burned."
" Wow, a sentimental moment," I muttered.
She snapped her fingers, pointing to Dad, who I forgot was in the corner listening the entire time. His shoulders were trembling, and I wanted nothing more but to hold him in my arms, knowing he needed me just as much as I needed him.
" Yo, dickhead, move things out of my way," Jane ordered.
" Don't call him that!" I shouted, but she laughed, pushing my father to get to work.
Dad couldn't do anything to protect me. He just limped his way over to the table, moving it to the side and then the hospital chair next, clearing out the empty space more for Jane. He was being forced, and it broke my heart, knowing my Dad was more than Negan and Jane's little pet.
" Here's the rules, Maya. I miss my little punching bag, and more importantly, you're daddy needs to learn a lesson after trying to escape." Jane explained when I noticed Dad tensed, already whipping around to look at her." You being the most crucial thing in his life somehow, I know how he'll learn."
Dad shook his head, holding his hands out," Jane, she didn't-"
" You don't speak!" Jane screamed, and I flinched at the tone, remembering the many nights it blared in my ear. She laughed at how weak she made Dad and turned to me next," The rules are, I get to do whatever I want to do to you, and you can't fight back, or I blow Daddy Dixon's head off here. And if you do something to me, Negan would most definitely kill the boyfriend."
I was surprised my heart didn't explode, given how much it was pounding. My breathing was irregular, and I could feel the pounding in my ears of blood flowing. Twelve years of this and you think I wouldn't get so worked up, but here I was after a four-year break about to do it all over again.
" Silent, I see."
" My silence doesn't mean I agree with you. It's just that your level of ignorance has rendered me speechless." I spat when I felt the pain way before I felt the blow.
My head snapped backward, and the pain-filled my cheek as I fell to the ground. Round one already began. My cheek throbbed under my skin, and I glanced up to my Dad seeing how wide his eyes had gotten from everything he witnessed. Jane had punched me.
" I should really let my inner bitch out more often cause holy hell...does she get shit done!" Jane shouted when a full force came down on my stomach, and I gasped only for her to kick me again.
" Jane !"
" You don't speak, or I kill her." Jane warned my father, who looked defenseless." Just stand in your little corner and watch."
I felt like I was going to puke, but nothing was worse than feeling my stomach muscles swell up from the force she had used against me. I couldn't even fight back when she pulled my hair back, forcing me to look at her face. She gave a sick smirk before bringing her fist down on the same spot from before three more times.
I dropped to the ground again, keeping my right eye closed just to help the pain. I knew my eye wouldn't be black, but the right side of my face would clearly be bruised beyond measure.
" You're both gonna understand who the boss is today. You belong to me now."
I laughed loudly, spitting out some blood, and turned to her knowing my mouth was always going to get me killed," If you have to hurt other people to gain power, you're weak." I spat when she pulled out her knife, stabbing me in my left thigh." Ah !"
Cries filled the small room, but it didn't come from Jane or me. Glancing to Dad, he was trembling uncontrollably with his bottom lip quivering at the sight of me. I could only imagine what he was thinking. I could only imagine the pain he was going through watching his ex-girlfriend abuse his own child right in front of him, and he couldn't do anything.
" I don't give a damn about my bad reputation. That's how you survive." Jane said, kicking me in the chest.
My back slapped against the hardwood floor, and I gasped as the air was taken right out of me. I kept on taking deep breaths, but everything was hard to move. The sound of a lighter, however, filled my ears, and my eyes shot open, already crawling away when she sat on top of me lighting a cigarette.
" No! No! Dad!" I screamed, and it was the worst thing I could have done, but I needed to scream for him.
" He ain't doing shit for you!" Jane snickered, taking a drag out of her cigarette.
She pressed her knees to both of my wrists, pinning me down, and I knew even if I could get away, I couldn't at the same time. She would hurt Dad and Carl, and I wasn't having any of that. Tears ran down my cheeks, and I watched her take the drag out of the smoke smirking.
" Did you know A typical smoker will take 10 puffs on a cigarette over the roughly 5 minutes that the cigarette is lit?" She informed before digging the end of the ember into my shoulders.
" AH!" I screamed so loud, but no one heard a thing.
My screams should alert all of Alexandria that something was wrong, but they could do nothing. I wanted Dad, and I wanted Carl. Hell, I wanted someone to hear me and save me, but I knew no one could. No one ever did. She pulled the cigarette away, taking some skin with her, and I knew the process would last a while.
" Five minutes gives us a lot of time." She sneered in my ear, pressing her knife onto my cheek and cutting along my cheekbone to my temple. Blood poured out profusely against my bruised skin." I like to make people who hate me hate me even more. But with you, I want you to fear me."
" I don't fear anything." I spat back, knowing what was coming next. She lit the cigarette once again, and it burned down on my skin, echoing from my chest." AH !"
It was the longest five minutes of my entire life. When Jane was done with her cigarette, she grabbed me by the hair and slammed the front door open, kicking me out the door. My body went flying down the small staircase, and my bruises face slammed against the concrete seeing how horrified Carl, Rick, and Finnick were.
" What the hell?" Negan questioned, looking over to Jane." What you do to my step-daughter?"
Carl raced over to me, not caring what the two would say, and pulled me up, cradling myself in his arms. I wrapped both my arms around him, holding him tightly and trembling at what I had endured.
" C-carl." I whimpered.
" She attacked me." Jane lied, and from Carl's arms, I moved my head to look at her seeing the sick smirk on her face that haunted me for years." I had to defend myself."
Negan nodded, believing her and turned to me," She's pretty tough, ain't she."
" I think she's pretty." I said, feeling the sarcasm build up." Pretty fucking stupid."
Jane's eyes turned cold, and she pulled out her knife, but Negan stopped her immediately," Hey, Hey. It ain't sunshine's fault she got a mouth."
" Please, I-I don't know for-" The voice came from Olivia, and we turned, seeing some women with black and blondish hair drag her up from the armory.
" Arat, we don't do that unless they do somethin' to deserve it." Negan scolded when the woman handed him a blue copybook.
" Yeah, we went through the inventory. Guns in the armory, guns they had around the walls, they're short." Arat explained opening the book and showing Negan the exact page." Glock 9 and a .22 Bobcat."
I tried to run through my head if it was my own weapons, but it wasn't. Someone else had taken weapons from the armory and never returned them. My only thought came to Carol. She was the only person to leave at night and never return since Negan came around.
" Is that true?" Negan questioned, eying Rick right next to me.
" We had some people leave town. Those guns probably went with them-"
" So Olivia sucks at her job." Negan said, pointing to the poor defenseless woman." Is that what you're sayin'?"
" No. No, I'm not sayin' that-"
Negan shook his head," There should be a full accounting here, right? Top to bottom. Am I right?"
" No.," Olivia answered when her eyes widen at what she had said." I mean, yes. The inventory is correct."
" Good. But not so good, too. You see, what's in here..." Negan taunted, motioning to the armory that was being completely emptied." Isn't in there. You're two handguns short. Do you know where they are?"
Olivia shook her head," No. I..."
Negan sighed, turning to look at the four of us, but his eyes remained on Rick," That's disappointing, Rick. I thought that we had an understanding. But this...well, this shows that someone's not on board, and I can't have that." He explained, licking his lips and turning to Olivia's frightened face." I don't enjoy killing women. Men...I can waste them all the live long. But at the end of the day, Olivia, my dear, this was your responsibility-"
" Look, we can work this out-"
" Oh, yes, we can! And I'm going to...right now." Negan chanted when Olivia started to whimper, trying to keep herself composed." This was your job, and you screwed up. Keeping track of guns? That shit...is life and death."
" We'll find them." I spoke using the upper hand that Negan liked me and moved from Carl's arms." Give us time to gather everyone, and we can find who has it. Just give us the time."
" Don't. They need to learn." Jane argued, and I glared at her for it.
Negan licked his lips and smirked, pointing the copybook to me," Alright, Sunshine, I'll give you a chance. I wanna see how fast this damn group can move for me. You got two hours." Negan declared, grabbing hold of Olivia." Or this little lady gets a bullet to the head."
In a matter of minutes, Rick had everyone in the church alerting them that Olivia's life and perhaps everyone else's life was on the line. I sat in the church with Finnick and Carl on either side of me while Rick stood in the front staring at Lucille. My wounds were partially healed for the matter. Not wanting Carl to see, Finnick had healed all my burn marks on my shoulder and patched my leg for the stab wound. The only wound to be left open was my cheek since I was stubborn to head to the meeting then healing.
The church was in silence, all of us imagining what we would be getting home to since the Saviors ransacked our belongings and called it their own. Rick finally turned away from the bat and turned to us with desperation. In the many years, I knew Rick, I never seen him so weak.
" I thought about hiding some of the guns." He spoke, glancing down at everyone that just stared back coldly." I did it before. I figured I could bury some out there. Maybe we don't touch them for years."
" Years?" Tobin questioned.
Rick nodded his head," Yeah. That's right. But what if the Saviors find those guns? What if we run into them when we have those guns on us? One of us dies." Rick spoke, walking down the aisle." Maybe more than that. Maybe a lot more. Doesn't matter how many bullets we have. It isn't enough. They win. It's that black-and-white. Hiding a couple of guns isn't the answer, not anymore. We don't have to like it, but we need to give them over."
My fist curled, not wanting to do it. I didn't want to step down to my mother's level and be her little bitch. I didn't want Negan to get his way after what he did to Glenn and Abraham. I wanted him dead. A hand came over my own, and I squeezed it, looking over to Carl, seeing he was staring at me worried.
" A Glock 9 and a .22." Rick spoke, and I turned away from my boyfriend to his father's face." That's what they're looking for. Who has it? Someone knows where they are, or they know who does. If we don't find them, they're gonna kill Olivia. They'll do it."
Scott stood up from his seat slowly," Why do they care? Two guns aren't a threat to them. But those guns could help protect us from whatever else is out there."
" Do you have 'em?"
Scott shook his head," Wish I did."
" Don't we all," I muttered loudly, causing half the church to look at me.
" Most of you weren't there. You didn't have to watch." Rick said, and in seconds, Finnick, Carl, and I tensed at the memories. My eyes slowly moved to Lucille, and my stomach twisted, still seeing it was tainted red." But you can look away now when someone else dies, or you can help solve this. We give them what they want, and we live in peace."
" Say we find the guns." Eric spoke behind me." How are we gonna get out of this, Rick?"
" There is no way out of this." Rick answered, and I frowned, looking up to my leader." Let me put this to all of you as clearly as I can. I'm not in charge anymore. Negan is."
" So, you're not even going to fight?" I questioned, causing him to turn to me.
" Maya, you were there. You saw what he's capable of doing-"
" We still need to fight back. For Glenn. For Abraham. For my Dad." I listed shaking my head." We have to fight them back-"
" Maya-"
" Twelve years, Rick !" I shouted, hearing my voice echo around the church." Twelve years I went through her abuse, and I'm not going back now! I'm not going through this for the rest of my life, Rick! I can't! And I won't! And I refuse to let Jane and Negan belittle me, so find your damn balls because if you don't fight with me, I'm fighting on my own!"
With that, I got up from my seat, stepping on Carl's feet as I left and down the aisle leaving the church. My anger was a boiling mess, but it wasn't as big as the fear in my heart. There was no way my Dad would forever be stuck with Negan and Jane. We couldn't live like this because this wasn't living. This was torture. Somehow, I made my way into Carol's house to see if she had left the guns lying around.
Her house was a mess, and I felt my heart clench wishing she was here with a damn firework display to light the Saviors up. I went to her dresser, opening up every cabinet and seeing nothing laid inside except clothes. I even bent down to look under and felt nothing. Her bookcase was the same with every book just being a book and not a hidden compartment.
" Maya," Carl called, and I shook my head, not facing him.
" No."
" Maya-"
" Not now." I explained, turning to see his sadden face." Find the guns."
I turned back around, going through more of her books when a hand moved around my side and held me close. His touch was warm, and I felt the tears well up in my eyes at wanting nothing but to hold him tight.
" Baby, what did she do to you?" He whispered in my ear.
I bit my lip feeling the tears well up, and shook my head," Not now."
A second pair of feet ran in, and I turned, seeing Finnick." Hey. Rick found it."
I nodded my head racing out of the house with them, seeing Negan parked up front talking to Rick, Olivia, and Jane. At the same time, my Dad stood to the side, already staring at the three of us.
" Well, would you look at that? They were here after all. Funny how a little "Holy shit! Somebody's gonna die!" lights a fire under everybody's ass!" Negan teased, hearing Olivia continue to cry." So, tell me, Rick...which one of your fine folks almost cost Olivia the rest of her days?"
" It doesn't matter anymore-"
" No, it matters." Negan argued, growing with anger." See, you need to get everybody on board. Everybody. Or...we just go right back to square one. Now, Sunshine.", Negan called, and I glared at him for using my father's nickname." I wanna be a good step-daddy, so you got to keep your bed and all your belongings. Daryl showed me around or...should I say I taunted him with your stuff. Be grateful for that."
Negan moved down Alexandria's streets, smiling like some neighborly guy to some folks that cowardly looked away. Looking at Carl, we followed after Negan and my eyes locked to the back of my father's head, wanting him to just run over and hug me, but I couldn't. Even Carl wouldn't let me having a firm grip on my hand.
" Hell of a place you got here, Rick. Look at this!" Negan cheered, and I turned to Alexandria's gates, seeing Michonne return with a deer over her back.
" I thought she was scavenging." Rick quickly spoke, eyes widen at the view of his girlfriend." She was hunting. This one never came inside. We kept it near the line."
Rick quickly handed the gun over, and I glared at his weakness. He could have lied and hidden the weapon, but he handed it over like a damn fool he was. I didn't know what to think about Rick Grimes anymore. I would respect him as my boyfriend's father, but as a leader was questionable.
" Look at this. This is something to build a relationship on. Good for you, Rick. This is readin' the room and gettin' the message. I've said it before, I'm gonna say it again. You sir...are special. "
" Now that you know we can follow your rules...I'd like to ask you if Daryl can stay." Rick asked, and my head perked up, hearing Rick's words." He's a father and-"
" Not happenin'." Negan shot down, and I squeezed Carl's hand, feeling the pain set in." You know what? I don't know. Maybe Daryl can plead his case. Maybe Daryl can sway me. Daryl?"
A single tear left my eyes staring at my father because I knew he couldn't say a word without me getting hurt. If he opened my mouth, Jane would do something to me, so he remained silent and with them.
Jane chuckled loudly," Well, you tried." She taunted Rick slapping his face a bit harshly." Now what you got to do is get over that tall wall of yours and try harder out there. Earn for me. Because we're coming back soon, and when we do, you better have something interesting for us, or Lucille, she's gonna have her way. Maybe on Carl. Maybe on Maya. The options are endless!"
" I want you to hear that again. If you don't have something interesting for us... somebody's gonna die. And no more magic guns. Arat, grab that deer. It's getting late. Let's go home." Negan said, causing Michonne to glare at him and drop the deer onto the floor."
An engine started revved loudly. I turned my head, seeing Dwight got on top of my father's bike, already driving off Alexandria. That bike was supposed to be mine now, and I felt my fist curl at how much we were just losing.
" So, nobody died. And you know what I think?" Negan asked, coming closer to Rick." I think you and I, we've refined our understanding. Let me ask you something, Rick. Do you want me to go?"
Rick nodded his head," I think that'd be good."
" Then just say those two magical words."
" Fuck off?" I spoke loudly, causing everyone to turn towards me.
Negan laughed loudly," I love this girl. I swear she has all of the men in your group balls combined." Negan chuckled, turning back to Rick." Now come on. Say the real words, Rick."
" Thank you."
Negan and his men laughed around us," Don't be ridiculous. Thank you." Negan laughed when a walker came from the sides coming towards us." Another one. You need our help. Davey, hand me that candlestick over there. You know what, I think, Rick? I think we're both gonna come out of this winners. Watch my form!"
Negan gripped the candlestick in his hand and, in a sickening manner, killed the walker like he had killed Glenn and Abraham." Ahh. Yep. Win-win. You should clean that up for me for next time." He said, dropping the bloody candlestick onto the ground." Let's move out!"
The Saviors moved around us, and Carl and I backed away to the grass in order to not get hit by the flying cars around us. I watched all of them leave, but the last vehicle was what broke me entirely. Dad sat in the back, broken and bruised, staring at me. He was directly looking at me for the first time, and I split from Carl's arms running after the truck. I didn't make it far when Carl's arms came around me, holding me back.
" Dad," I whispered, but he was gone from my life again.
It hurts every day, the absence of someone who was once there. I missed my father, and I needed him more than ever right now. I needed to feel safe, and I needed him to be here with me. It hurt more knowing someone was alive that wasn't supposed to be. I hated Jane Pierce, and I needed her to die right now. I needed to feel safe, and I needed her dead.
I was stuck between emotions about today. I had that feeling when you're not necessarily sad, but you just feel really empty. I'm full of childhood traumas. Finnick, Carl, and Lucas, I bet could all say they have amazing childhoods, but not me. Not one minute of my life was filled with joy. I knew more about drugs and wounds then nursery rhymes and fairytales.
I wore a mask for so long that I forgot who I was beneath it. I forgot that I was a broken girl that is abused by her mother and never met her father. I could see my twelve-year-old self laughing at me that I could ever forget that part of me. The stairs behind me creaked, but I didn't turn around, not caring who found me like this.
" Maya?" Carl called, coming around the couch to look at me.
" That's my name," I said, taking another swing of the bottle.
" Are you....are you drunk?"
I laughed, looking at the bottle," Considering this is my fifth sip, I think this vodka drank me."
He slowly made his way in front of me, and I quickly looked down, not wanting to meet his gaze looking like a monster. I had stitched up my own wounds, but my right face was a heap of purple and red with a black stitch from my temple to my cheekbone. I looked like a porcelain doll that was luckily hanging on glue.
Even though I didn't want to, I had to ask," Am I broken ?"
" Did she tell you that?"
" She doesn't have to." I said, placing the vodka on the ground and feeling the tears come to my eyes." I know I am."
" Maya, you are anything, but broken-"
" Don't lie to me!" I snapped, feeling the tears burn my eyes.
He stared at my face, and I could only think his mind wandered off to my wounds and how badly I looked, but he got up and walked over, turning on the record player the Saviors had surprisingly not taken. A melody started, and he walked back over, holding his hand out for me.
" What do you want, Grimes?" I questioned.
" I wanna dance with my girlfriend and help her." He explained, motioning to his hands with his eyes." Dance with me and forget the world exists around us."
Staring up into his eye, I reached forward, grabbing his hand and standing up. He walked us to the center of the living room and smiled that I had complied. He turned me around to face him, and he put his hands on my waist. I felt completely comfortable with Carl holding me like this, and my arms wound themselves around his neck. All of a sudden, he leaned in and whispered lyrics into my ear.
" I've been searching for a trail to follow again. Take me back to the night we met."
Our foreheads touched, and I smiled, swaying back and forth in his arms, feeling a bit better about myself and somehow everything around me. He just made me feel that way. He made me let my guard down and enjoy the things we got to do together. Carl completed me in ways I never knew was humanly possible. He kissed my cheek gently to my wound, and I giggled, feeling a bit giddy that he did. He always would leave me in a blushing mess, I guess. This could be my new standard for the rest of my life.
" That's it. Feel free." He said, grabbing my hand and spinning me around.
I smiled, spinning around before he caught my waist in one hand and grabbed my other hand, waltzing around the room a bit terribly, but it was good enough for me. Another laugh escaped my mouth, following in his lead when he spun me around and against his chest, kissing my cheek and down my neck.
He quickly turned me back around, waltzing again when I realized just how happy Carl made me. He felt warm and familiar. He felt solid and safe, and I clung closer to him, needing no space between us. I felt unbelievably happy, but it all started to crumble down. The song had grown softer again, and my face fell, realizing events around me.
Maggie and Glenn could never slow dance again or laugh together. Dad could never enjoy a time away like this. Rick and Michonne might have had each other, but would they ever get alone time with the threat of Negan still looming. We were never going to go back to what we called normal. We were never going to get to be ourselves with Negan and Jane alive. Sobs escaped my mouth, and I was trembling in Carl's arms.
" Baby, what's wrong?"
" She's back!" I cried out, feeling as if I was choking on air." She's back! She has my Dad! She's back! She's back! Carl!"
He pressed me to his chest, muffling the screams leaving my mouth, but I couldn't hold it back. I was scared. I was scared of the fate of so many people I love and how much Jane and Negan had the upper hand. I was reliving memories I didn't want to see and forced to go through it all over again.
" Hey." Carl sternly said, bringing my face up to his." I love you, and you know I would never let anything happen to you. It killed me today, Maya. It killed me, hearing you screaming, and I couldn't do anything about it, but I won't let that happen to you again. Ever because I love you, and you mean more to me than anything in this world."
" Carl-"
" You are the best thing I never planned. I never imagined falling in love with someone in a world like this, especially with my best friend, so know that you have me, and we'll get through this like we do everything else. Together." He said, wiping my tear away." Okay, you are not alone anymore, Maya. You are not broken because I am here with you, and I am fixing all of the shattered pieces. Maya...you are not alone."
I stared at him before pressing my lips to his own. At first, we were soft and innocent, but quickly we craved more pressing up against each other. His hands gripped my waist tightly, and slowly he started to overpower me, but I liked every minute of it. His hands slipped to the base of my thighs and lifted me off the ground.
I wrapped my arms around his waist, feeling his hands go right under my butt, so I didn't fall. His breathing changed, and I felt my own change needing much more contact if possible. Then, he was moving, and I took a peek for a second, seeing he was carrying me up the stairs. For the first time, I was thankful Rick and Michonne were in the cells and not in this house.
I clung to him tighter with my fingers running through his hair when his tongue slipped into my mouth. We fought for dominance until I was falling back. I gasped loudly, believing myself to have a painful impact when it was soft, and I curled my hand around the bedding. I laughed loudly, thinking about Negan's words.
He left me a bed wanting me to rest well, but I was about to be doing anything but resting. I leaned up, but it didn't last long when Carl came on top of me kissing me roughly. I grabbed both sides of his face pressing him to my own lips and knowing how swollen they would be after today.
My fingers fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, undoing them, and with the last button, my hands roamed around his chest, surprised when I felt a hint of abs. He took a breather, grabbing the hem of my shirt and over my head before attacking my lips once again. His hand ran up my sides, and I shivered with delight at the feeling. He took a deep breath looking into my eyes with pink cheeks, and my stomach twisted up into knots, wondering if I have done something wrong.
" Do...do you want this?" He whispered." You don't have-"
" I want to." I confirmed feeling my own cheeks heat up." Carl, I want you."
His hands ran along my arms, and he swallowed a bit nervously before slowly leaning forward and kissing my lips. He was being gentle now, and I smiled, wrapping my arm around his neck and my leg around his waist. We kissed more fiercely, and I moved my leg, hearing something drop. We both gasped in alarm at my noise before breaking out into laughter.
" I love you."
" I love you too," I said, slowly taking off each other's clothing.
But happiness never lasted forever. Six hours later, I stared at Carl, and how much younger he looked when he was sleeping. I lost my virginity to this boy today, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I just felt terrible that I had to break his heart. I stood up from the bed, grabbing my bra and underwear quickly getting dress.
I knew what I had to do, and that was killing Jane and Negan. No one I loved was safe until I have done so. I zipped up my jeans and bottom the top, staring at the outside of Alexandria. This place was my home, and I wasn't going to let Negan and Jane destroy it. The sheets rustled behind me, and I turned seeing Carl move in his sleep, but he hadn't woken up.
Good. I thought to myself, grabbing a pen and paper. I might've been walking into the valley of death, but Carl deserved to know why I left. I was doing this for him. Once I was done with my letter, I slipped my shirt over my head and grabbed my boots, leaving. Carefully, I walked through the hall knowing by this time, Michonne and Rick were home.
I slipped down the stairs and sat on the last stair, placing on my boots tightly. If I leave now, by the afternoon, I would be there. I just needed to go to the next place the Saviors would go. Hilltop. I quickly grabbed a bag filling it with water, some granola bars, and a kitchen knife. Placing my jacket on, I made my way out. The streets were clear, and I ran to the opposite wall seeing, to my surprise Michonne and Rick were on watch.
They wouldn't stop me. I remember the story of how Carol snuck out. She used the shadows for cover, and given that it was still dark out, I could do the same. I ran in the backyards of houses before finding Alexandria's most hidden part. There were trees already growing against the wall, and it would be the perfect cover. I carefully climbed up the wall stuffing my knife into my pocket, and threw my leg over the edge before sliding down the beam.
Once my feet met the ground, I knew there was no going back. I had a mission, and I had to keep on the mission. I turned the flashlight on and made my way into the woods, thinking about the letter I had left my boyfriend.
Dear Carl,
Thank you for everything you have ever done for me. No one has ever loved me like you have. You are everything my heart dreams of, and that is why I had to leave. By the time you read this, I probably would already be dead, but you can't dread on it. You have to move on from it...for me. I'm going to kill Negan and Jane. It's what's has to be done. Glenn and Abraham deserve justice. I have to save my Dad and protect you. Protect Judith. Protect your Dad and Michonne, so don't come after me. My mind is made clear, and after tonight...I know I love you enough to pay this price. I love you enough to fight for you and sacrifice myself. Enough to believe love is real. You'll always be my cowboy; it's just that some things...
Some things can't always be together.