To everyone who has been patient about this, thank you, it's finally here. There is still a lot going on in my life, things I'd prefer not to disclose on here. Just know that your understanding is appreciated when I don't update promptly. However, a huge part of it was that I've had writer's block. You should be thankful though, I've gotten next to no sleep the past two nights because I've finally been inspired and able to get back into Juliet's head! ^.^ this is the precise reason that this is up and ready, I hope you enjoy!
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Chapter 8
I threw everything I needed into my suitcase and dragged it downstairs. As soon as he saw me Luca insisted upon taking my bag. It was stupid heavy so I let him. Wish I hadn’t because a moment later Xavier came up to take it from him. Great another pissing contest.
“Xavier,” I purred as I pulled him by the hand. “You get to hold a lot more than my suitcase.” I whispered in his ear, which caused his cheeks to tint pink slightly. I couldn’t suppress the giggle.
I hadn’t thought I’d spoken loud enough for anyone else to hear but Luca was glaring at Xavier. He then smiled politely at me. “Juliet, I would like for you to meet my mother,” he introduced me in Italian to a beautiful woman. She had Chiara’s figure and had beautiful long dark hair and sun kissed skin.
“I am Paola. You’re grandmother has spoken most highly of you.” Her voice purred. She was beautiful and I was intimidated by her. Something that didn’t usually happen. There was something about her I was instantly wary of.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” I smiled at her. I don’t know how good my acting skills were, but I hoped they were up to par. I felt fake as that plastic smile didn’t reach my eyes and I wanted to get out of the room as quickly as possible. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to find my sister.”
It wasn’t hard to find Angie. She was already waiting outside. Luckily Gwen was there too. I bounded towards them. “Hey, how’s it going?” I smiled at them both.
“How are you doing?” Gwen teased as she gave me a playful wink.
“Awesome.” I smiled right back at her, daring her to argue. She burst into fits of giggles and Angelica, red faced and blushing was laughing too. “And what in God’s name is so funny?” I demanded of them.
Gwen looked at Angelica once she’d calmed down and had the gall to say, “Now we know why she’s in a good mood or not.”
I smacked her across the back of the head. “Don’t give my little sister ideas!” I snapped.
“Juliet, you’ve given me nothing but ideas,” Angelica pointed out.
I gave her a flat look. She didn’t need to remind me that I had successfully corrupted her. I felt the growl of annoyance in my throat. I dislike it very much when people point out my faults. Especially ones like that. Thankfully, a very familiar pair of arms chose that moment to encircle my waist. I relaxed against that chest that I knew so well and breathed in his intoxicating scent.
“What’s wrong, love?” he purred into my ear and at that moment Angelica and Gwen burst into laughter once more. “Did I miss something?” Xavier asked, and eyebrow raised.
“They’re making fun of me mostly, don’t stress over it,” I replied, my annoyance still obvious.
“Fun of you? Over what?”
“Gwen is mad that I’m getting laid and she is not.” I snipped. As always I have an amazing sense of timing.
“Ehem,” I heard a cough and looked over to see not only my grandparents, but Luca, Chiara, and their parents all of them had heard my little comment. “Juliet,” my grandfather started.
“Yeah, yeah, ladies shouldn’t say such things,” I snapped. Why was I in such a mood this morning? “I’m sorry, I’ll try to keep my tongue in check,”
“That wasn’t what I was going to say,” Giovanni started.
“It’s okay. Daddy dearest can’t stand my sailor mouth either.” I pushed away from Xavier and felt my shoulders slouch. I was being a bitch. There were no other words for it. “Shall we go?” There were two cars this time as there were so many of us. I clambered into the one closest to me. Xavier, Gwen, Angelica, and Luca climbed in after me, leaving everyone else in the other car. I wanted the window seat, but had ended up sandwiched between Luca and Xavier. I honestly think Luca does these things just to annoy Xavier. Xavier’s arm went around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. Something normally I wouldn’t have minded except for the giggle that resounded from my little sister and Gwen and I stayed right where I was.
“Juliet?” Xavier questioned, the concern apparent in his voice.
“What?” I snipped.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,”
“Right, and I’ve sprouted wings and wear a tutu and tiara,” Xavier growled in my ear. “I will expect and answer when we’re in private,”
I stared at Xavier for a long moment. That tone was the tone he had always used with me when we first met. That was his, ‘Juliet-is-being-a-silly-little-girl-tone’ and I didn’t like it one bit.
“I do what I want,” I snapped back and pulled his arm off of me. “Scootch over girls,” I demanded and went to the other side of the car and sat between Angelica and Gwen. The look on Xavier’s face made me feel instantly guilty. He looked like he’d been slapped. I wanted to smack Luca with that smug look on his face. “What is so damn funny, Luca?” I sneered.
“Who is laughing?” Luca asked, his tone was innocent but I knew better and he was a convenient target.
“You know, I don’t like your attitude.” I snipped.
“Seriously, Juliet, are you feeling alright?” Gwen asked.
“I’m fine.”
“Juliet,”
“Why is everyone so interested in me right now? Leave me alone, okay?” I crossed my arms and sulked in the seat. What in the world was wrong with me? I never acted like this.
There was a silent tension the entire ride over there. Worse yet, it was all my fault. As soon as the car stopped I practically threw the door open and was out. I looked at the yacht my grandparents were already having loaded and looked at the water. I was leaning against a railing on the dock when two strong hands started massaging my shoulders.
“I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t like it. Just know we can talk about this later, and that I love you.” Xavier whispered before he laid a gentle kiss on my shoulders and was gone. I wished he hadn’t left. I wanted him to stay, but for some reason my pride was stopping me. What in the world was going on?
I pushed away from the railing and got on the boat with everyone else. Farrah pulled me aside. “Juliet, if you need me I’m always here.”
“Farrah, I can’t do this right now,” I sighed.
She looked hurt but nodded. “Very well, just remember that it’s true.” I cursed myself mentally. Great, who else could I hurt today?
“You are in the blackest of moods,” came Luca’s smooth voice behind me.
“Yup, now is not the time to try to talk to me Luca.” I growled.
“But of course it is. I can lighten your mood, you only need to let me.”
“Luca, save it.” I shoved past him. My head was killing me. I went downstairs. I needed some time alone. I really needed a damn drink.
I found a bed downstairs and curled up. I was feeling like absolute shit.
I was tossing and turning trying to get comfortable and failing. This grip nausea had on me was frightening. I’d never been on a boat really aside from the cruise I took to Mexico. But still, this was ridiculous. Xavier was sitting next to me on the bed running his fingers through my hair.
“Any better, love?”
“No,” I groaned. I felt miserable and wanted nothing more than to cuddle and be comforted. Luckily Xavier was just the one I wanted to cuddle with.
“I didn’t know you got sea sick.”
“Neither did I.”
“I’ll be right back, love,” Xavier laid a gentle kiss on my forehead and left. I rolled over and tried my best to sleep. Not long after I felt someone rubbing my back.
“Mmmm, that feels good,” I groaned as I tried to relax.
“Good to hear.” Luca’s voice soothed.
I jumped nearly out of my skin and sat upright and instantly regretted it. I reached for the bucket that Xavier had brought me, losing the contents of my stomach.
“Oh god . . . this is worse than a hangover . . .” I groaned.
“Relax, tesoro, it is alright.” Luca soothed as he rubbed my back.
“Ugh, go get Xavier,” I pleaded.
“Shh, shh, shh, it is alright, he will be back soon. Just rest, streghetta mia.”
“Get Xavier, “ I insisted, letting myself fall where I was. How had Luca positioned himself to where that meant his lap?
“What are you doing?” Xavier’s voice boomed.
“Caring for her, in your absence bella needed someone to hold her hair back, no?”
“I’ve got it from here. Thanks.”
I picked up head up and saw Xavier with a dangerous glint in his eye. “Xavier,” I groaned. His attention snapped to me and he kneeled by the bed.
“Yes, love?”
I let my head flop down. “Will you cuddle with me?”
“Of course, love,” Xavier lifted my head and sat as he placed it on his lap. “Luca, I’m sure your sister needed you for something,” Xavier growled as his fingers combed through my hair. I curled myself around Xavier and didn’t bother looking back at Luca. He needed to know I was Xavier’s. It was that simple. I felt the tension leak out of Xavier and that was how I knew Luca was gone. “Did something happen, Juliet?”
“I got sick,” I murmured, exceedingly tired now.
“Lift your head,” Xavier insisted as he helped me into a sitting position, supporting me for the most part. “Wash your mouth out,” he held out a bottle of water for me. “There we go,” he soothed as he lowered me back down to rest on him. “Just try to sleep. I won’t leave you until we get there.” I snuggled deeper into his lap.
“I love you,” I whispered out.
“As I you, my love, as I you.” I woke up being gentle shaken. “We’re here Juliet,” I opened bleary eyes and didn’t feel nearly as bad as I had when I fell asleep. “How are you feeling?”
“Better.”
I saw his features relax. “Good. I was worried for you.”
“Don’t be. It’s not like I haven’t experienced worse hangovers.” I joked.
Xavier chuckled. “Come, love, they’re expecting us above.”
Xavier helped me up and once my eyes adjusted to the blinding light I couldn’t suppress a gasp. It was breathtaking. The waters were a clear azure blue, there was the sandy beach that met with a rocky cliff face. Some of the trees grew straight out of the ocean, the roots a gnarled tangled mess and a perfect hide for smaller fish. The island was small, but beautiful. It didn’t take much to me to admit I was in love with it instantly. It was certainly nothing like the beaches back home, but still. Smelling the salt in the air invigorated me in ways that nothing else could do. It was like the ocean itself was its own memory in not just my mind, but my body, and very soul.
“You are feeling better?” Luca prodded. His comment jerked me out of my thoughts.
“I’m fine,” I replied, curtly and colder than I intended. “Thank you for asking,” I added as an afterthought.
“Good, we were worried,” Angelica teased as she came up beside me.
“Hey, look, sorry for being a bitch this morning,” I apologized to her. I actually felt really bad for being such a bitch. I don’t know what came over me.
I walked over to my grandparents and waited for them to be finished talking with Paola when I cleared my throat. “Farrah,”
“Yes? What is it Juliet?”
“Can we talk? For a minute maybe?”
“Of course,” Farrah excused herself and followed me away.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out before she had the chance to say anything.
“What ever for?”
“This morning, my time here, the way I’ve been acting. I’m sorry. I don’t know how I should be feeling. I don’t know how I should be acting. I’m confused, and I’m ungrateful, and I’ve just been a royal pain in everyone’s ass lately and I’m just . . . I’m sorry.”
Farrah let out a bell-like laugh. “Don’t worry yourself over that, Juliet.” Farrah regained her composure. “You are just like her, you know? You are most certainly my daughter’s child. She had the same spirit you know? The very best of intentions, when she thought she was right, everyone knew it and she couldn’t be persuaded otherwise. She stood up for what she believed in and what she wanted, no matter the consequences. You alone are proof of that.”
That comment made a lump in my throat that I couldn’t swallow past.
“That is just one of the many reasons I love you.”
“Can I ask you a really unfair question?”
Farrah nodded. Her eyes revealed that she already had an inkling as to what I was going to ask.
“Why did you throw her out?”
“It’s not like what you’re thinking. When Rose got back, and we found out, well . . . we were only trying to look out for her. At first we thought it was just some boy she met. We wanted her to finish college, find a nice boy and settle down. That task would be harder with a child.”
“So your advice was to get rid of me?”
“Juliet, we hadn’t thought it through. We were rash in our thinking. For that I can never convey how sorry I am. We lost not only Rose when we gave her an ultimatum, knowing full well who my daughter was, we also lost you in the process. I will never get to see your first steps. I will never get to hear your first words or your girlish voice or giggles. I will never know what your infant cry sounded like. I lost the first twenty years of your life. I don’t want to miss anymore. You are our only granddaughter. We love you. I hope you know that.”
I nodded.
“Good. And to answer your question truthfully, Giovanni and I, we were fools.”
I nodded again.
“Have you anything to say?”
I shook my head. “I just need to process.”
“You have as much time as you need. Come,” Farrah pulled me into an embrace and left her arm around my shoulder. “Let’s get settled in.”
The beach house was beautiful. Although, house wasn’t quite the right word. I owned a house. This was more like a chateaux. The walls were a pale yellow color and the roof and siding was done in black. It looked almost gothic. I really loved the architecture of it.
We each got our rooms again, Farrah actually made sure that I was next to Xavier this time. Farrah and Giovanni got the master suite. Angelica and I shared a room, Gwen and Chiara each got their own room, as did Xavier and Luca, Paola and Vincent shared a room as well. I flung myself onto the canopied bed in my room.
“Hey Juliet?” Angelica asked tentatively.
“Yeah, what’s up?”
“Can you not, um, you know, in that bed that we’re both going to be sleeping in?”
I looked up and her face was beat red and I couldn’t help it. I cracked up laughing. “Angie, I would never do that in a bed I’m sharing with you. That’s just awkward. Especially, since Xavier happens to have his own room.”
“Oh, okay. Good.”
“You didn’t really think I’d do that to you, did you?”
“Well, um, no, not exactly.”
“Angelica, I love you and respect you too much to do that to you. Understand?”
She nodded. We unpacked and there was a weighted silence. She wanted to ask me something. I just wasn’t sure what. After about ten minutes my patience got the better of me.
“What’s on your mind? And don’t you dare say nothing.” I warned.
Angelica shook her head.
“Come on. Out with it.”
“I can’t! It’s . . . it’s embarrassing.”
I sighed and stopped putting things away and sat on the bed and patted the spot next to me. “Come and sit.” She sighed, but obliged.
“Now, what is so embarrassing?”
She shook her head again and I saw that blush creep back up her face.
“Does this have something to do with me and Xavier?”
“No, not really.”
“Angelica, I’m going to get it either way. Just tell me.”
“Well . . . you and Xavier do, well, that, a lot.” I nodded waiting for her to go on. “And well . . . FernandowantstodothatwithmeandI’mnotsureIcan.” She let out in a single jumbled out breath.
Realization dawned on me. I’d been more selfish that I realized. Here was my little sister freaking out about something that big of a deal and I was too busy being blinded by my own grief and looking for answers at the bottom of a bottle.
“Let me ask you this, have you ever?”
Angelica shook her head. “No. Never.”
I nodded. “Okay, has anyone talked to you about this?”
Angelica shrugged. “Not really. I mean, I know kind of what it is, but it’s just been preached to me that a lady does or doesn’t do this or that.”
I nodded. “You’re kind of freaking out, am I right?”
“Yes.”
“Does he know that?”
“Kind of.”
“Kind of?”
“I told him I don’t know, and I don’t think I’m ready.”
“And what did he say?”
“He got mad.”
“What did he say?”
“He asked what more I wanted and when I would be ready. I told him I don’t know and he just got madder.”
“Look at me.” Her blue watery eyes bore into mine. “I’m going to tell you this and I mean every word. If he can’t respect you wanting to wait, then he doesn’t respect you. Only you can decide when you want to give that away. Know this, once you’ve given it away, you can’t get it back. Don’t let someone bully you into a decision. Got it?” Angelica nodded slowly. “You’ll know when you’re ready.”
“How?”
“You just will.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You will. You’ll know it in your heart. It will tell you.”
“How are you so sure?”
“Because I knew it. I was completely in love with the boy when I gave that to him, and I thought he loved me too.”
“Was-was it Chase?”
I nodded. “As much of a bastard as he turned out to be, he wasn’t always as crazy as he is now. At one point he was a good boyfriend and there was even a time when I felt safe in his arms. Live and learn and you realize your first love is a depraved lunatic, but you shouldn’t worry about that. Truth be told, you are much smarter than I am.”
Angelica shook her head. “Are you crazy? How am I any smarter than you?”
“You, for one, are smart enough to ask for help when you need it. You think before you act, for another. Not to mention all the areas of expertise you possess that I will never master.”
“Juliet, you know so much more than I do. Yes, I may have seen more of the world, but you’ve experienced it! Before you, I’d never had a drop of alcohol save a sip or two of champagne. I’d never realized just how much more there is outside of my own little backyard!”
“You still think before you act. You aren’t an impulsive train wreck. And you, unlike me, don’t require the last word, and thus, I win.”
Angelica rolled her eyes and shook her head. “If you want to win at being the biggest loser, who am I to stand in your way.”
“Good,” I laughed as I pulled her into a sideways hug. After a long moment I bounced up off the bed and went back to putting my clothes away. Not long after there was a knocking on the door. “Who is it?” I cooed.
It swung open to reveal Xavier leaning against the doorframe. “How are you ladies settling in?”
“Better now that you’re here.” I smiled.
Xavier raised an eyebrow. “And why is that?”
“Because now you can help.” I smiled as I threw a t-shirt at him.
“Ah, of course. What else would you want,” Xavier teased as he helped me put my clothes in the chest of drawers.
“I’ll leave you two to it then,” Angelica gave us some privacy. I was about to protest, but she was out of the room before I could turn around.
“What’s wrong?” Xavier soothed, his hands running up and down my arms. He placed a gentle kiss on my shoulder.
I shook my head. “It’s nothing important.”
“It’s got you upset. I think it’s important.”
“Xavier, can we not do this right now?”
“Do what?”
“Xavier,” I groaned. “I don’t know what’s up! I’ve just been a mess lately. I don’t know how to deal with it! Okay? Stop trying to make me face what I can’t yet! Okay?” I practically shouted at him. I felt exasperated and exhausted. For a moment I glanced at Xavier and saw the hurt on his face before he put his mask on. It was his calculating, indifferent mask. I hated that I’d put it on his face. He pushed his glasses up further on the bridge of his nose.
“Very well, Juliet, if that’s what you wanted, that’s all you had to say.” Xavier strode out of my room and I felt worse than before. I hung my head in my hands and threw myself on my bed. I was retarded sometimes.
“What is wrong with me?” I groaned.
“You’re a typical girl who over thinks everything, except you have some real horrors in your past.” Gwen offered munching on a cookie. “Cookie?” She offered extending one to me.
I rolled my eyes. “I feel so much better now.”
“Juliet, don’t get mad at me for offering you a damn cookie.” Gwen warned. “What is your issue anyway? Something is driving you nuts. How about you quit bottling it up then lashing out at everyone who loves you? Just a thought. Now shut up and eat the damn cookie.”
“Gwen . . .”
“I know.”
“But,”
“I know.”
“How?”
“I’m a ninja. Remember?”
“Gwen . . .” I sighed. She was probably right. “I hope you know I love you.”
“I do. Now go tell Xavier you’re sorry.”
I sighed. She was right. I nodded and abandoned my hideout. I knocked on his door. I heard shuffling behind it and Xavier answered the door, his mask in place but he raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”
“Can I come in?”
“You sure you want to? Wouldn’t want you facing things you don’t want to.” Xavier growled.
I closed my eyes mentally cursing myself into oblivion. I’d really messed up this time. Xavier was pissed at me. I bit my lip and took a deep breath before I opened my eyes back up. “Please?” I asked, only just realizing that they were pooling. His brow knit in concern.
“Are you crying?”
I closed my eyes and shook my head, stupid and stubborn.
“Come in,” Xavier’s voice was no longer the icy shell it had been moments ago. It was soothing and safe again. As soon as he closed the door behind me I threw my arms around his neck and set us both crashing into it. “Whoa, there, love,” Xavier laughed. I loved that even though he was angry with my, his arms still wound their way around my waist.
I felt myself losing control. The walls I’d been trying so desperately to cement in place came crumbling down. I felt the tears start leaking. “Xavier, I’m sorry!” I managed before I broke down entirely.
“Shhh, hush now, love, what’s this all about?” Xavier soothed. Xavier held me for a long moment before he held me at an arm’s length. I felt my lip trembling and the tears were running down my cheeks. One of his hands cupped my face and he thumbed the tears away. “Juliet, let me in. What’s going on inside that head of yours?”
I hiccupped not sure how to tell him, or even if I could. I shook my head. “I don’t know how.”
Xavier kissed my forehead. “That’s okay. Give me something.”
“I’ve been a terrible girlfriend for one.”
“How so?”
“I’m so selfish. All the time. To you. To Gwen. To Angelica. To everyone. Here I am, wallowing in my own grief, destroying any good thing I find.”
“What have you destroyed?”
“I’m destroying us,”
Xavier shook his head. “No, you aren’t.”
I nodded. “I am. If Gwen hadn’t yelled at me, I’d be sobbing in my room trying to figure out what was going on, and chances are, if there’s liquor here, I’d find it and attempt to drown myself in it. I’m going to push you away. I don’t want that! I don’t want to lose you!”
“Juliet,”
“Yes,”
“You aren’t about to lose me. You have turned my world upside down and inside out. You’ve changed me to the very core. I love you, even if you are a beautiful mess at times.”
I shook my head. “I’m so broken . . .”
“Don’t say that,”
“No. It’s true. I don’t understand why you love me.”
Xavier kissed my forehead. “Darling, are you insane?”
“No, I’m being serious. Tell me why.”
“There is no one solitary reason. There are hundreds of smaller ones, and some even I don’t understand or know.”
“How can someone as together as you want to be around a mess like me?”
“Juliet, listen to me, and listen well for I have no intention of repeating this. Understood?”
I nodded weakly.
“Good. First off, you are an intelligent, fiery, radiant woman who follows her heart no matter where it leads. A woman who stands up for what she believes in. A woman who stands up for those without a voice. A woman who sacrifices her own happiness to try to help others no matter the personal cost. You challenge me. You engage me. You sure as hell seduce me. You have brought me to life. Why wouldn’t I love you? Are we clear?”
I nodded meekly. I still wasn’t convinced.
“Good. Now, what makes you think you are a terrible girlfriend?”
“I’m selfish.”
“We’re all selfish.”
“Xavier,”
“Darling, all I’m trying to say, is don’t beat yourself up too much.”
I let out a sign and shrunk away from Xavier. “Then you aren’t understanding. It’s fine. Forget it.” I shook my head. “Just know, that I’m sorry for all my screw ups and that I love you.”
“I love you too, Juliet.”
“I have to go find Angelica.”
Xavier nodded and let me retreat. I pretended that I was trying to find Angelica. I even told myself that that was why I was leaving. Even though in my heart I knew I was still just running away.
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Hope you liked it!