My hair flows in soft waves over the curves of my shoulders and down the length of my back. Staring at myself in my vanity mirror, my reflection looking back at me from beside the bright florescent bulbs surrounding it, I take a deep breath. This is what I've always wanted. I've always dreamed of this dance, with Jack at my side, whisking me away on the dancefloor all night. I would place my head into the crook of his neck, and he would hold me tightly as we swayed. This would be the night that everything changed between us.
But sitting here now with my hair and makeup complete, those dreams seem like distant memories. Whenever I try to picture the night with Jack, his blue eyes turn brown and his skin deepens into a sun-kissed color, until finally he morphs right in front of me into a completely different person. When I unbury my head from his neck, it is no longer Jack that I see, but Nick.
But worst of all is the overwhelming feeling of comfort that overtakes me when I lock eyes with him. It takes everything within me to pull away from him, to walk away, and regardless of whether it is that night in the hospital or on an imaginary dance floor, saying goodbye to him never gets easier.
But, for one night, I can push the thought of Nick away.
I have to.
The dress I bought this spring hangs on my closet door. Bethany and I drove forty minutes away to the big outdoor mall just so that we could go to the dress shop Daisy's. When we saw it hanging on the rack, we had been certain that it was the one. The soft yellow chiffon looked so happy and free. When I tried it on it felt special, like I was fated to wear it. We each left the store with large white bags, the lavender tissue paper spilling out, and a renewed sense of hope for the upcoming summer.
As I pull the dress over me now, the chiffon feels flat and scratchy. No matter how many times I rotate in the mirror, I can't recapture the special feeling I had before. The doorbell rings, so I grab my purse off the desk. It's a black satin clutch with a diamond clasp, and I only ever wear it on special occasions. When I leave my room and walk down the stairs, my nude heels slowing me down, I am greeted by Jack at the door.
"You look beautiful," Jack says, giving me a long once over. He wears a black suit and bowtie, and despite his simplicity, I can't deny that he looks handsome.
"You don't look too bad yourself." He cheeks flush red and I suddenly notice a box in his left hand.
"What's that?" I ask, pointing to it.
"I don't know what you're talking about." His hands dart behind his back as a mischievous smile lights up his face.
"Is that so?" He nods his head and I take the moment to strike, my arms reaching out and taking the box from behind him.
"Hey!" he protests, but it's too late. I wavw the box in my hands like a trophy.
"Let's see what you're hiding," I say, opening the white box. When my eyes land on the contents, my breath is taken aback. It's a beautiful corsage, it's petals a soft yellow. He somehow managed to capture the delicate essence of my dress in one, beautiful flower.
"Do you like it?" he asks. His hands sit in his pockets and I can tell that he's nervously waiting for my answer.
"No," I say, taking it out of the box. "I love it." He lets out a sigh of relief.
"How did you know to get the color yellow?"
"I might have asked Bethany for a few hints about your dress." His hands wrap around mine, gently taking the corsage. When his hands meet mine, I can't tell if I'm imagining it or not, but a small spark passes between us. But that's not possible, right? I'm over Jack, I knew that the moment he came to the ranch. But now, back home, could things possible change?
"Here," he says, "let me put it on for you." Because my mind is still in shock, I just nod my head. When he's done, he looks up at me, extending me a hand. "You ready to go?"
Am I ready to go back to my old life? To return to the world I've always known? The answer is simple yet complicated. Instead of overthinking, I grab his hand.
"Absolutely."
***
The venue is unrecognizable. With the colorful DJ lights flashing in the dark ballroom, each flower that drapes over the tables and chairs turns the dance into a mystical garden. The dance is in full swing as bodies cling tightly on the dance floor, jumping to the entrancing beat blasting through the DJ's speakers.
Bethany and Nathan sit at one of the ornate tables lining the outskirts of the dance floor. When Bethany locks eyes on us, she is immediately off her seat, running towards me, and before I know it, I'm wrapped into a gigantic bear hug.
"How dare you not call me once you got back?" Bethany says, swatting me with her clutch. "You barely talk to me all summer, and now that you've been here for almost a week and I haven't heard a peep from you!"
Despite her joking exterior, I can tell that she is actually hurt. I had been so wrapped up in my Nick drama that I never stopped to reach out to her. I settle on the excuse, "I've just been really tired," and I promise to make it up to her. I really mean it too.
"Cut her some slack," Nathan says, finally catching up to Bethany. "If you had to spend the whole summer milking cows I'm sure you would go MIA." She huffs, but we all know it's true. When we decided to go camping last summer, we quickly learned that Bethany and the outdoors don't mix very well. Our three-day trip quickly got shortened to three hours, with no objections from me whatsoever.
"Now that the whole gang is here," Nathan says, "can we please go dance? My feet are itching to bust a move."
Jack scoffs. "You wouldn't be able to dance if you're life depended on it."
"Is that a challenge I hear?"
"This is what I had to deal with all summer," Bethany whispers in my ear. "Alone." The boys have now taken off their suit jackets in preparation for the competition, and bets with dollar amounts are being thrown around.
"If I knew it was this bad I would have come back as soon as I could." We giggle with each other, and it's like I never left.
Bethany turns and interrupts the boys. "How about instead of all this talk about dancing, we actually just dance?" Both boys still eye each other wearily, so we wrap our hands into theirs, mine with Jack's and Bethany's with Nathan's, and drag them onto the dance floor. The same miniscule spark that I felt at my house reignites again, and this time it's harder to convince myself that it's not real.
Bethany pushes her way through the crowd of vibrating bodies, until we're close to the front. We jump up and down together, the music pulsing through our bodies, and I close my eyes, wanting to soak in this moment of happiness as long as I can. My hands are up in the air and I'm laughing my heart out. Nathan is attempting to show off his lackluster footwork and Bethany's arm is wrapped around a girl next to her, each cheering him on. I turn towards Jack, wanting to see his part in this fiasco, and my breath catches when I do.
Nick is in front of me.
I stumble back into the person behind me and rub furiously at my eyes, no doubt smudging my makeup. When they open again, Jack is there instead, a look of concern on his face. "Are you okay Leighton?" I can hear the girl behind me cussing but I'm too in shock to care. "I'm fine," I say smiling it off. "I just didn't eat a lot today."
Jack still looks concerned. "Do you want to go get some food?"
I wave him off. "I'm fine." But the truth is, I'm not. Not because of food, but because in that moment, when I imagined Nick in Jack's place, my worst fear clicked within me. I am still in love with Nick. No matter how good of a time I'm having, no matter how many tiny sparks I feel for Jack, that isn't going to change. That fact alone is terrifying.
Just then, a man walks on stage and whispers something into the DJ's ear before leaving. The DJ stops the music and grabs the mic which causes high-pitched feedback to reverberate through the room.
"Whoever owns the dented blue pickup truck that is parked in front of the building needs to move to the designated parking across the street." Giggles erupt around us at the thought of someone owning that car, but my face is in shock.
I know who that is.
I can feel my heart beat rapidly in my chest. Despite not even being close to him, the knowledge that Nick is somewhere in this vicinity sets off fireworks throughout my entire body. When my gaze looks at Jack's face, I can tell that he knows too.
"Go," he says. The same sad smile from that night in Georgia is on his face now. "Don't worry, we're just here as friends."
I want to say so much to him. I want to tell him how badly I want him to be the one, how a small portion of my feelings for him never left, how I would do anything to make him the one my heart wanted if I possibly could, but, I don't. Instead, I nod my head, push through the crowd of suffocating bodies, and walk, no run, outside to where I know that Nick is waiting for me.