"Well if you're going with him, then who are we supposed to be riding with?" Morgan asks, her tone being far from friendly. "Lucan and Ren always take us as a group, why's he deciding to ride alone all of a sudden? Are we not good enough for him now?"
"He's not riding alone." May sighs, later that night as we all gather around Julianne's double bed together. Her wooden floor is littered with different coloured dresses, shoes, hair straighteners and make-up pieces; all left over from our race to get ready. When Julianne invited me around at the start of the week to 'get ready together', she really did mean business. For the last two hours, the six of us have been rapidly getting changed into our dresses, applying make-up in every reflective surface in the room, curling and straightening each other's hair and taking group pictures. Now the six of us, who are all dresses up to the nines, lay back against the bed, waiting for the boys to arrive to pick us up. "He's riding with Gen."
"I just don't understand why we couldn't all ride together like we normally do. We always arrive as a group, a unit." Morgan shrugs. At the start of the day, we all had to pick a different coloured dress so that we weren't all matching. Having first dibs on colours, Morgan chose a scarlet mini dress with long sleeves. It's fair to say that she looks beautiful in it. Hell, she'd probably look beautiful in a wet big bag. She hasn't spoken to me much all night, not that that is unusual of course. But oddly, she seems colder with me since I mentioned to the girls, at the start of the night, that Lorrie is driving me to the party. I opted for white in hopes that Maddie would let me borrow one of her going out dresses given that I don't have any myself. Believe it or not, I wasn't the biggest party girl back in Oklahoma. May is the only person in the room that knows that this is my first party. Being the good sister that Maddie is, she was happy to lend me one. So here I lay, on Julianne's pink comforter, wearing a white satin mini dress. It's not something that I'd usually go for, given its short length and low neckline, but as soon as I put it on, May bounced up and down in excitement, claiming that I looked like a 'sexy angel'. She then insisted on straightening my long hair for me, letting its glossy rivers of dark brown loose down my back, and did my make-up, keeping it minimal and natural with some mascara, blush and sparkly lip gloss. Anyways, it seems that I fit in nicely with the rest of the group, who are all wearing different coloured mini dresses in different styles.
"Morg, honey, we aren't the Navy SEALS. We don't need to travel as a unit all of the time." May replies, whilst tucking a loose strand of her curly hair back into its high-rise bun. She chose the colour yellow, which suits her tanned skin and complements her very skinny legs. As I look around at all of the other dressed-up girls in the room, all buzzing with the bubbles of their ciders and prosecco concoctions, I realise that all of them look like Victoria Secret models with their long torsos, thin thighs and sharp features. I can't help feeling like a little munchkin compared to them. "Anyways, it's not like the girl had a choice," May gets up off of the bed and pulls on a pair of black stilettos, adding another few inches to her skinny frame. "He threatened to make her history classes a living hell for the next two years."
Morgan also gets up off the bed, placing her cider on Julianne's desk. She looks over the bed at me, her long fake eyelashes hooding her pretty eyes, before letting out a long sigh and getting off the bed as well. She also begins putting her heels on, looking down at the floor instead of at the four of us left on the bed. I glance at Dalia, in her pretty pink midi-dress, and she offers me a comforting smile. Julianne, however, in her little black dress, rolls her eyes in Morgan's direction in an effort to make me smile.
"You're right, sorry Gen, this isn't your fault." Morgan mutters, eyes remaining glued to the floor. "It's just weird."
As I'm about to reply, Piper's phone begins to ring loudly next to the bed. Halfway through re-applying a bushy eyelash to one of her heavily eye-liner-ed eye, she panics, commanding one of us to pick up her phone. Morgan gladly does so, reaching a slender arm across the desk and swiping up the phone, covering her ear with it. At the same time, the doorbell sounds. This only seems to panic Piper more, causing her to rip both eye lashes off, giving up with them all together.
"Will you go and get that May, it's probably one of the boys." Julianne says quickly. May, before she's even finished speaking, is making her way quickly down the stair case. I decide to get up off the bed now that the group has been thrown back into action. I quickly down the last of my prosecco, letting the bubbles fizz down my throat. I've never been much of a drinker, given my situation, but tonight I decided to loosen up a little and have one glass of prosecco with the girls as they chain-drink themselves into a loud fuzzy mess. Be normal, Gen, be normal.
"Dex has just set off from his, he'll be ten minutes, and Lucan apparently set off two minutes ago so he'll be here around the same time." Morgan explains as she hangs up the phone. As she does, Piper, Dalia and Julianne jump off the bed, slide their heels on and start squirting themselves with different perfumes, creating a cloud of clashing girly smells. My throat fights against it, tightening a little. I check my small clutch bag, checking for my night-time pill, cell phone and some money. Anxiety rises in my chest as the girls scurry around the room, altering their make-up and adding more spray to their hair styles.
"Gen? That was Ren, he's outside waiting for you." Suddenly the girls stop rushing, each turning to look at me with cheeky smiles plastered across their faces. Well, apart from Morgan, who pretends that May hasn't even re-entered the room. They all make a discreet movement towards the window, staring down at the street, presumably at Lorrie. May grabs my arm, checks that I have my bag, and lightly pushes me in the direction of the stairs with a cheeky smile.
"Have fun." She whispers, going over to join the other girls.
......
Outside, Lorrie leans up against the shiny body of his bike, wearing a tight black t-shirt, ripped black jeans and some white converse trainers. Around his neck is the small silver chain he was wearing at Teddy's. As usual, he looks very tall and intimidating in the darkness. Shadows, cast by his messy helmet-ruffled hair, express his high cheek bones and sharp jaw. I make my way down the garden path towards him and as I do so, I watch as his green eyes give me their familiarly slow once over. Trailing up my tanned legs from my heels, his eyes take in my satin dress and long dark hair, which gently brushes the top of my waist. They seem to linger there before flitting up to meet my eyes. At this point I've reached his bike and stand in front of him. Up close, I can see the burning behind his eyes. But unusually, they don't burn with mischief or annoyance, they burn with desire.
"Not so cute and fluffy now." He says quietly, his lips tweaking up a little at the corners.
"No?" I reply, still feeling little light-headed following his intense analysis, but amused nonetheless with his bumblebee analogy.
"All sting tonight." Is all he says as he pushes himself from the bike, holding out a white helmet for me. I relieve him of it, taking a few steps forwards so that I'm stood between him and the bike. Up close, I can really appreciate this machine for what it is.
"Do you even know what kind of bike this is?" he asks from behind me, his voice tinged with amusement.
"Of course," I reply straight away, glancing over my shoulder to where he is stood smirking. He raises an eyebrow. "It's a 2009 Harley Davidson FXSTB Night Train." I say, pulling on my white helmet and fiddling with the clasp under my chin. "One of the top ten models of Harley's. How you, a seventeen year old, got it, is the real question."
Reaching over, he gently grabs my wrist and tugs so that I turn around to face him. The smirk on his face is still there but its underlying patronizing tone is gone, leaving me feeling warm and fuzzy under his touch. That must be the prosecco, surely. I'm about to ask him to remove his hands from mine when he gently pulls my fingers away from the clasp under my chin and takes a step closer to me so that there are only a few centimetres between us. I can feel his warm body, awfully close to mine, and my words seem to disintegrate. He takes his time linking up the clasp, fiddling under my chin, before giving me a devilish wink and letting go. Finally, taking his eyes away from mine, he steps back, grabs a large black sweater with MARCHESI CAR PARTS AND DEALERSHIP embroidered across the back in red letters, and passes it to me.
"I didn't think you'd have a bike jacket and given that I never ride with anyone, I didn't have one spare." He explains whilst slipping himself into a large leather jacket and mounting the bike. "This one would be way too heavy for you so I grabbed one of my sweaters for you. Is that cool?"
"Yeh, don't worry. Thank you." I say, quickly slipping it over my helmet-clad head and pulling tightly so it falls onto me. It smells of leather, boys and coffee. The cotton, black material ends at the middle of my thighs, the same length of my dress, so it looks like I'm not really wearing anything underneath. Damn my height! I feel the colour rise in my cheeks as a smirk grows on his face. He slips his own black helmet over his head and holds his hand out to me.
"Cute." He says as I grab his hand and slide onto the bike behind him. The cold leather between my thighs feels odd but nice nonetheless. "Hold on to me. I'm a fast driver." He shouts back.
Wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling myself close, we set off at an impossible speed. At first, it is the scariest feeling in the world. The cold air whips at my arms through the sweater material, chilling my blood and making my fingers numb. The blackness of the night blurs past us, disorientating me from reality, making me feel a little dizzy. The roar of the engine seems overpowering against the silence of the night, filling my ears with an engulfing noise. I feel overwhelmed and start to question if this was a good idea. But after a few minutes of slight panic, my terrified eyes begin to adjust to the whizzing lights of the city flying by us. Skyscrapers and colourful buildings illuminate the night, creating a breath-taking light show from the back of the zooming bike. It's like the life of the city is intensified and fast-forwarded so that I can see everything in a new light, a new dimension, and there is something beautiful about that. The noise of the engine eliminates the racket of the outside world, creating a little bubble enveloping Lorrie and me. The noise eventually becomes comforting, a reminder that I'm with Lorrie, a reminder that I'm doing something that the old me wouldn't have dreamed of doing. Throwing my head back and grinning like a crazy person, I let out a laugh and watch as the billions of stars above fly over us. It feels euphoric, a whole different kind of happiness and excitement. I feel Lorrie lightly shake in front of me and realise that he's laughing. But this time I don't care because he's not laughing at me, he's laughing with me. Continuing to grin, I lean forwards and rest my head of his shoulder, tightening my grip around his waist. Thank you Lorrie. It's now that I realise that nothing can hold me back from life; even the scary moments in life are full of beauty. Sucking in air from my whizzing surroundings, I smile as I take the biggest, most refreshing breath I've taken in seven years.
......
We safely arrive at the party with Lorrie in an unnaturally good mood, whilst I am a buzz of uncontainable energy. We park up down the street and I jump off the bike, not waiting for him to help me. Without even taking the helmet off, I grin at him and start jumping up and down on the spot like a ten year old.
"Lorriethatwasthebestthingi'veeverdone.Ifeltlikewewereflyingandrunningandswimmingallatthesametime.Ineedtobuymyselfamotorcycle.Ithinki'mgoingtocry.Orburst.Ormaybeboth-"
"Gen, slow down, you're gonna make yourself pass out at this rate." He cuts me off, deeply chucking as he pulls his helmet off, letting his silky hair fall across his face in a cute mess. He brushes it to the side and swings himself off the bike, making his way towards me. Although I've stopped vocalising my gushing thoughts, my grin remains plastered to my face and I can't help but bounce slightly on the balls of my feet. Reaching me, he leans down a little and unclasps my helmet, lightly pulling it from my head. "Well, there goes your nice neat hair." He says, smirking slightly. In the evening heat, I can feel that my hair is slightly frizzy and probably a mix between wavy and straight. May will be very angry with me. BUT WHO CARES? THAT WAS AMAZING!
"Screw my hair-do, that was awesome." I say, following him back to the bike where he puts our helmets onto a locked stand on the side. He grins, turning around to watch me. It takes me a few seconds to understand why he's staring at me in amusement. I'm still wearing his very long sweater. "Oh." I say, reluctantly pulling it over me and handing it back.
"You can have it back later on when I drive you home." He says, folding it up neatly and putting it into a bag on the bike. He glances at me from the side of his eyes. "That is, if you want me to drive you home... You've completed your end of the deal, you don't owe me anything anymore-"
"I didn't owe you anything beforehand Mr." I say, cutting him off. He raises an eyebrow and leans back against the bike, watching me steadily. His dark hair has fallen back into his eyes, making him look moody and sharp-edged against the darkness. But I'm becoming used to this side to him, he doesn't intimidate me anymore. "And yes, you can give me a lift back home." I say, almost as an after-thought. Although he doesn't smile, his eyes seem to brighten, almost sparkling, giving away the fact that this makes him happy.
......
After spending two hours at this party, May and I are with Morgan and Finn, lounging against Kallie's hot tub railings. The three of them are absolutely smashed. May, who is wearing someone's pink cowboy hat and a feather necklace, is laughing hysterically at Finn, who cannot sit up straight. Morgan, holding a joint in one hand and her almost-empty cup in the other, is trying and failing miserably to lift him off of the fake grass.
"For fucks sake Finn, you always get so drunk." Morgan sighs, giving up and collapsing out on the grass next to him.
"That's becauseeeeeeeeee," Finn sings merrily, "I can't handle vodkaaaaaaaaaaa."
May cracks up laughing, leaning into me, which makes me start giggling as well. The laughter of a drunk person is contagious. After taking my night pill an hour ago, I'm starting to relax into the chill party atmosphere. The night started off with everyone taking shots and dancing in a sweaty heap in the living room. The druggies, including Morgan, set up camp in Kallie's outside shed for the first hour of the evening before spreading out around the house, handing people joints and little plastic packets. No one says anything about Morgan and I don't have the guts to ask anyone about it, so I leave it. Face it Gen, people are allowed to be druggies. After dancing, drinking and doing whatever else, the four of us decided to take a break outside, away from the rest of the party. The last time I saw Lorrie was two hours ago when he separated from me after entering the house. He went over to a big group of Italian guys in the kitchen, some looking a little older than the rest of us, and didn't come back after that. But I don't care because I have vodka running through my veins now, making me feel very warm and jolly. I know I'm not drunk because I have perfect control over my body and senses, but I'm not going to risk it given that I'm on my meds, therefore I stopped drinking about an hour ago. The same cannot be said for these three.
"Urgh, I feel like I'm slowly dying." Says May, rolling over me onto the grass. She hiccups and then giggles, tugging her cowboy hat over her eyes.
"Want some?" Morgan drawls, holding out her joint towards May. "Kills off the feeling of death."
"Pleaseeeeeeee." May takes it off her and takes a long drag, releasing the dense smoke after a few seconds. "Jeez, this is good stuff, where did you get it from?"
"I've started getting my stuff from Rose Street." She says proudly, giving me a wink. I look away, smoking always makes me feel very awkward. Why anyone would ever want to purposefully destroy their lungs is beyond me.
"You mean the Italian's?" May chirps, taking another long drag. "Aren't they a little too dodgy for you? You shouldn't be getting caught up in their gang shit Morg, it doesn't end well for the people that do. Look poor Thea..."
Confusion clouds my head, making me feel a bit woozy. Or is that the funny smelling smoke coming out of the joint? What does she mean by the Italians? Lorrie is Italian, so is Teddy, why did she call them dodgy? And who's this Thea girl?
"Yeh, yeh, I know alright." Morgan sits up, taking her joint back from May. "I'm not involved with them exactly, I'm not that stupid. The triplets sneak me some stuff and I sell it on, we split the profit four ways."
"Who is Thea?" I ask, filling the awkward silence. May shuts her eyes, pretending I didn't say anything and I think Finn has actually fallen asleep, which leaves Morgan.
"Thea was a girl a few years above us. She used to go to our school when we were fourteen. She was eighteen at the time, a senior, when she got involved with one of the Alessandri brothers. I mean, who could blame the girl, all of the Rose Street boys are beautiful, look at the triplets, look at Ren. The only problem was, she fell in love with him and him with her. She became a target for a bad group of people that the Rose Street guys were fighting off at that time. Let just say, it didn't end well for her, she disappeared after spring break, leaving that poor Alessandri brother heartbroken. No one likes to talk about it but that's basically why nobody gets involved with the Rose Street boys." She gives me a sympathetic look before laying out on the grass again. "As much as we'd like to."
In front of me, someone clears their throat. I look up to see Lorrie, hands in his leather jacket, staring darkly at the group of us. My heart stops, a cold feeling flooding my body. I want to know so badly what his family business is. I want to know if he's dangerous. I want to know if he knew Thea, if he knows what happened to her. May and Finn seem to be asleep but Morgan isn't. She shoots up, suddenly on edge. I hold my breath, the warm, fuzzy feeling having left my body a while ago.
"I'm leaving now." Is all Lorrie says before turning around stalking out of the back yard gate towards the front. I glance at Morgan, who has turned as white as a ghost, and then at May, who is still fast asleep on the grass.
"I need to go and check on him." I say suddenly. I need answers. "Can you get these two home?"
She doesn't say anything, just nods gently, but I don't have time for that right now. I run quickly into the house, grabbing Julianne, who is by the kitchen table, and telling her that May has passed out. She takes the hint, gives me a hug and goes outside to help Morgan. I then hurry towards the front door, breaking out of the house and down the front yard towards the area where all of the cars are parked. Turning left at the bottom of the yard, I break into a run down the street, towards the area where we parked the bike. As I approach, I can see Lorrie mounting his bike. I run even harder, throwing myself in front of the bike before he can set off.
"Gen, get out of the way." Is all he says. He hasn't even zipped up his leather jacket or bothered to put his helmet on. My confusion and desperation turns into anger.
"No way. You're angry, you should never drive when you're angry." I reply hotly. "Put your helmet on."
A look of disbelief crosses his aggressive features for a second, softening his eyes, before recovering and scowling at me.
"Thanks Mom but I think I'll be okay."
"You promised me a lift home!" I say, refusing to move from the front of his bike. Goosebumps break free on my arms as the cool evening breeze glides over my body. I cross my arms over each other and rub my shoulders. He notices, his green eyes slipping from my eyes to my arms. His anger seems to crack a little.
"I didn't promise you anything." He says steadily, not taking his eyes from my arms.
"You offered and I agreed. In my books, that counts as something." I almost shout. I then start to shiver, much to my embarrassment. No, no, no! Don't be weak. Be scary.
After watching me in silence for a few moments, he sighs heavily and dismounts the bike. I exhale, glad that he's not going to run me down or drive like an angry maniac. I move out of the way of the bike, coming around to meet him. He leans back against the body of the bike, looking tired and defeated. I stop directly in front of him and meet his eyes, which are looking down at me. They seem expressionless.
"I still have two hours before I need to be home. And you-" I gently poke him on the chest, keeping my tone light yet adamant. "Owe me some answers."
"The terms of our deal state that you can only ask me questions during history lessons." He says, maintaining eye contact. He remains expressionless. "Why are you even here right now Gen? You heard what Morgan said about... us." He pauses, tearing his eyes away from mine and looking over my head into the distance. "It's all true. You don't want to get involved with boys like me."
I remain silent. The thing is, I really do. But I can't explain why. He's been a pretty big douchebag since I met him, always patronising me, trying to scare me, bossing me around and using me to up his ego. Yet something about him draws me in. His beautiful eyes, his deep laugh, his striking smile, his sporty body, his love of his bike, his many layers that I have yet to uncover. I feel like he wants me to uncover them. I've only known him for a week yet I can't help but want to know him more, I can't help but want him. This sudden realisation hits me so hard that I can hardly speak. I don't trust myself to speak. But what is he is dangerous? What about all of these secrets? What if he is just a big douchebag and there's nothing more to know? Am I setting myself up to be hurt? The memory of our ride on the way here: me throwing my head back and laughing under the stars, Lorrie laughing with me and accelerating into the colourful spectrum of lights; flashes through my head. Then the memory of him genuinely smiling at me whilst I tell him about my Dad and his love of bikes, in the history room, comes to mind. The way he looked at me as if I was the best kind of puzzle. Then I remember the moment he saw me in the common room and realised that we were going to be seeing a lot more of each other. I remember the glimmer of delight in his eyes, the devilish excitement that made my heart stop beating. The moment that he saw me walking towards him this evening all dolled-up in my satin dress and heels; I remember the look of desire in his eyes, how it almost made them sparkle.
I don't know this boy, it scares me to think just how much I don't know this boy. It also scares me how much I want to know this boy. But if there's one thing that I've learned tonight, it is that sometimes the things that scare you the most are the most beautiful of things.
"Lorrie?" I say, quietly. He tears his eyes away from the distance and forces them to meet mine. They look conflicted and troubled, as if he's fighting a battle inside of his head. "Don't tell me what I want. I can make my own mind up."
He heavily sighs, searching my eyes for some kind of way out. Looking at him now, with no trace of arrogance or confidence, I realise how human he really is. He's vulnerable and tired as if he's been fighting the world for too long. We remain quiet for a while, just listening to the distant thud of the party, the far away traffic of inner Phoenix and the rustling on the dry bushes around us in the darkness. I don't want to push him because I know that if I do, he will shut me down and that will be that.
"There's so much you don't know Bumblebee." He whispers.
"Then tell me." I say, stepping closer to him. He doesn't take his tired eyes off of me. "You're not going to scare me away, I can handle it." My heart rate increases and I feel like I'm going to over-step his boundary, as if I'm walking on egg shells. "I want to handle it."
"I don't want to involve you. Once you know about it all, you can't just step away from it if you decide you don't like it all. My world is different to yours Gen. You have possibilities and a bright future; you're pure at heart and innocent. I don't have a bright future, I have dangerous expectations to meet, people to protect, an important business to uphold. People's lives rest on my shoulders, I play a part in something much bigger than this reality that you see me in right now. I'm dangerous and you're too good for me. You don't belong in my world." He takes my hand and squeezes it. "Even if I want you to." He says quietly, dropping it again. Fire explodes in my head.
"You don't get to make that decision for me Lorenzo!" I say angrily. Picking up his hand again and holding it tightly between mine, I take another small step towards him so that our chests touch and my neck reclines so that my eyes can stay glued to his. "You don't even know me! You don't know what I've been through in this life. You think I have a bright future ahead of me? My future consists of constant hospital visits, taking pills every day for the rest of my life and trying to live with the fact that I'm the reason my family don't love each other anymore. You think you're the only one with other people's lives resting on your shoulders? With expectations to meet? Every single day, I have to work to keep myself alive, I have to force my body to take in air, just so that I don't completely and utterly destroy the people that I love. I have wrecked lives by just living! Yet here you are calling me innocent. What innocent person destroys the lives of her family?" I watch as his eyes flicker through different emotions; curiosity, regret, guilt, hurt, longing, understanding and finally, empathy. I can tell immediately that he regrets assuming that he knows me, wishing he'd said something else. "Don't you dare tell me what I can and can't handle. I've handled more than any seventeen year old should have to handle in a life time." I let go of his hands and take a long step back away from him, suddenly very hurt by my own words. A raw ache opens up in my chest but not as a result of him, as a result of myself. He doesn't make an attempt to stop me, only continues to stare after me, a mixture of regret and longing playing behind his eyes.
"Gen..." he says.
"I'll ring Maddie and ask her to pick me up." I say bluntly as I shake my head. I can't deal with his rejection right now. Not when I've just wounded myself raw with my own words. Not when I've just admitted something to him that I've never even admitted to myself before. With one long last look at him, I turn on my heels and quickly make my way back up to Kallie's house to ring Maddie.