The simulator room was livelier than ever as Gilgamesh clashed against one of Chaldea's newest servants, Mash Alter.
The king of heroes pelted her with a rain of weapons from his treasury, but Malter easily defended using her shield. She smirked before flipping the shield so the bottom edge was facing Gilgamesh.
She then rushed forward as saw teeth emerged from inside the shield and started spinning around the edge.
He dodged the initial attacks, but as he looked up he saw Mash with her sword drawn about to land a downward strike against him.
???: "That's enough!"
The two looked over and saw their master walking over.
Y/n: "You two've been getting much stronger in such a short amount of time."
Gilgamesh: "Fuhaha! As is to be expected when a heroic spirit pairs with a master such as yourself!"
Y/n smirked as Malter immediately rested her head on his chest.
Y/n: "Comfy there?"
Malter (muffled): "You physically have no idea."
Y/n chuckled as he petted Malters head before the group headed to the canteen. Roman had apparently locked in the coordinates for the next singularity and was just waiting for everything to be set up before the masters headed out.
At the largest table, the other three masters were seated with a few of their servants.
The first of these masters were Gudao and Gudako Fujimaru. A belligerent pair of siblings who both had questionable preferences and extreme gacha addiction on Gudako's side.
The other was Ophelia Phamrsolone, a master from team A. The best of the best of Chaldea's master candidates.
Gudao and Astolfo were both sitting next to each other while Shielder Mash and Gudako were having a rather enjoyable chat.
Ophelia was discussing something with Brynhildr while Boudica brought over some food.
Boudica: "Ah. Just in time, you three! C'mon, I made plenty."
As Y/n, Malter and Gilgamesh sat down the sound of a metal pole bashing off of someone's head echoed through the canteen.
Looking over revealed that Gilles de Rais had obviously said or done something that Jalter didn't approve of, so he was bonked.
Jalter: "Yo, Gudao! Keep the tentacle freak on a fuckin' leash, will ya!?"
Gudao just chuckled nervously. Y/n had already tore into him about summoning Gilles de Rais of all people, thankfully the message was understood without issue.
The other issue however...
Y/n: "*sigh* Makeda, how long are you gonna stare at me for?"
The sound of innocent whistling behind him told Y/n all he needed to know.
Y/n: "Of fuckin' course."
He then got up and walked after Makeda before grabbing one of her ears and gently massaging it.
Makeda squirmed around as he did so, causing a few of the other servants to laugh. Once he was finished, he walked back to the table.
Makeda: "That's not fair! You know my ears are sensitive!"
Y/n: "Does it even remotely look like I care?"
Makeda pouted as a few of the others laughed, the P.A. System then went off.
P.A.: "All masters are to report to the command room. That's Y/n von Einzbern, Gudao and Gudako Fujimaru and Ophelia Phamrsolone, please report to the command room."
The four nodded to one another before they made their way to the command room where Roman and Da Vinci were waiting for them.
Roman: "Alright guys, we're ready for the rayshift when you guys are."
Y/n: "I think we should sort our servants out first."
Gudao: "I'll go with Astolfo, Darius and Setanta."
Y/n: "That's mini Cú, right?"
Gudao: "Mhm."
Gudako: "Obviously Mash, Emiya and... I'll bring Stheno along."
Ophelia: "Your assassin?"
Gudako: "I feel like I'll need her."
Ophelia: "Zhuge, Boudica and Georgios will come with me."
Y/n: "Then I'll bring Caenis, Gil, Edmond and Malter."
Da Vinci: "Sounds good, go round everyone up and we'll get ready to send you to singularity three."
Y/n turned to Edmond, who had changed his attire slightly.
Y/n: "Goin' for a different look, Dantés?"
Edmond: "As far as I know it's gonna be hot out when we get there, so I'd like to not be sweating like a priest in a boys choir show."
With the thirteen servants and four masters ready, the rayshift was given the green light.
P.A.: "Commencing rayshift in three... Two... One..."
When the masters opened their eyes they felt a warm breeze on their skin.
They smirked as they saw a vast ocean before them, that was around the time that it hit Y/n what they were standing on.
Y/n: "Uh, guys. I don't mean to alarm you... But..."
Malter: "Some retards are pointing guns at us. Let's just kick their asses and be done with it."
Gudako: "I am NOT sure how I feel about you using that language, alter or not!"
Malter: "Kiss my ass. Master, your orders?"
Y/n: "They have guns? Show 'em yours."
Malter smirked before flipping her shield. Everyone's eyes widened as the bottom portion split open, revealing a railgun barrel.
Malter: "You get three seconds to put your weapons down before I let this thing loose!"
The pirates aboard the ship were naturally unnerved by this and they lowered their weapons.
Malter: "Threat eliminated."
Edmond: "Remind me never to piss her off."
Malter: "C'mon, Eddy. We're both avengers here."
Edmond: "Call me that again and I will slap you."
Y/n chuckled as he grabbed the captain by the collar.
Y/n: "Clearly you ain't the one in charge, so take us to 'em. Now."
Y/n used Abzu's authority to command the obedience of the pirates and they instantly got to work sailing towards an island where their base was.
About an hour later, all of the men were drunk.
Men: "WHAT DO WE DO WITH A DRUNKEN SAILOR? WHAT DO WE DO WITH A DRUNKEN SAILOR? WHAT DO WE DO WITH A DRUNKEN SAILOR EARLY IN THE MORNIN'!"
Edmond and Gilgamesh also joined in as everyone thumped the wood of the ship in a beat as the pirates sung in horrific voices.
Men: "WAY HEY, UP SHE RISES! WAY HEY, UP SHE RISES! WAY HEY, UP SHE RISES EARLY IN THE MORNIN'!"
Y/n laughed with the others as the atmosphere flipped on its head from serious to just fun. While Gudao was at the other side of the ship, one of the pirates tried to hit on Astolfo.
This was his response.
Astolfo: "Buddy, I've got a cock the size of a fucking monster can. Unless you want it shoved up your ass with the force of a cannonball, I suggest backing off."
To which Y/n broke down laughing hysterically.
When Gudao returned, Astolfo went back to keeping up appearances. Yes, Gudao still had no idea.
Y/n leaned over the front of the ship and watched the waves below him splash up. Malter then joined him.
Y/n: "So, is anything different in this timeline already?"
Malter: "Quite a few things. Biggest difference is the fact that you're an Einzbern."
Y/n: "Huh?"
Malter: "In my timeline your real name was Y/n Matou."
Y/n: "... That's not an image I ever want to have again."
Malter: "Another big difference is that You've unlocked the first, fifth and third magics already. When I knew you, you only had the first."
Y/n: "I see... What about the others?"
Malter: "Gudako wasn't a gacha addict and Gudao... He found out on the first night that Astolfo's a guy."
Y/n: "Hard way?"
Malter: "He couldn't walk in the morning. I still find it funny that Astolfo has the fourth biggest dick out of everyone here."
Y/n: "Fourth? That all?"
Malter: "Darius has the biggest so far."
Y/n: "He IS... I'm not gonna finish that sentence, lest twitter gets on my ass."
Malter: "Lemme guess, it stars with giga."
Y/n: "Do NOT finish that!"
Y/n chuckled as Malter leaned her head against his shoulder.
Malter: "I have fond memories of the other timeline. But I think the me of this time is going to have better ones."
Y/n: "Well, you're here too. So you'll be able to share in those memories."
Malter looked up at her master who smiled down at her.
Haruna: "Should I give you two space? You look like you're about to go at it."
Y/n: "Ya fuckin' ruined it, Haruna."
Haruna laughed over comms before Makeda took over.
Makeda: "Hiya, listen, Roman's got some news for ya. Apparently there's a Grail signature on that island!"
Malter: "A grail? Oh, wait."
Y/n: "You know what's to come?"
Malter: "I lived through this singularity, Y/n. I know what's comin'. Also in about five seconds one of those pirates is about to find out how large a monster can is."
Y/n: "Nani-?"
From below him he could hear the sound of one of the pirates feeling the wrath of Astolfo.
Y/n: "Ah... Right."
Caenis then walked over grinning.
Caenis: "Lemme guess, you just heard the trap's latest ass claiming?"
Y/n: "I'm pretty sure if you get the right angle you can actually see 'em."
Caenis laughed as the ship got closer to the island.
Meanwhile, elsewhere on the ocean. A man stood at the helm of his ship with a grin.
???: "Geheheheh! We'll get 'er soon enough, lads!"
Below him on the deck, a group of four individuals looked up at the captain with unreadable looks.
???2: "I wanna kill him."
???3: "Same, but we can't... Yet anyway."
???4: "I'm getting too old for this."
???5: *incoherent growling*
The captain just deadpanned down at them.
???: "Y'know, I have feelings too!"
???3: "Yup. But they don't matter to us so fuck off."
The captain just looked down and headed back behind the wheel as they continued to sail.
Back with the Chaldea group, they had just landed on the island and were walking to where the pirate's boss was. When they found the boss, there was only one collective thought that ran through everyone's heads.
Everyone: "Holy dicks, the back problems."
Fate/Grand Shenanigans: Pirates of Chaldea
Set Sail!