#TTV35
I let him go.
I closed my heavy eyes from crying last night and sighed massively.
Chago explained everything he's going to do and why does he need to go back to his father. He needed and also wanted to because they used his sick grandmother who he had a talk that day, she's dying and waiting for Chago.
Doon ko natanto na ang dami ko pang hindi alam sa kanya, ni hindi ko alam na ang Lola niya ay nasa ama niya pala.
I hate him for leaving but I had to let him go even when I'm scared. It's been almost a week since he left and we only talk on call every night, he always makes sure to talk to me and give me peace that he's okay there but still not enough. He seems so private there.
"Uuwi ka na ba bukas?" tahimik at bagsak kong tanong.
He went silent for a moment and I know the answer, it's a no. I sighed.
"Sabi mo one week ka lang diyan, Ago..."
He's in Russia, I've been frustrated for days since he left because I don't see him.
"I'm sorry."
"It's our anniversary tomorrow and you're not here." My shoulders fell and I could feel my heart shaking painfully.
He won't be here! Inasahan ko na talaga ito pero ang sakit pa rin kapag nasa mismong sitwasyon na.
He was silent, my heart was hurting that I couldn't control my words out.
"I hate you, you're frustrating me for days! You don't even wanna talk to me on video call! What's that? Bawal din ba 'yon? Alam ko namang illegal ang gawain ng ama mo at akala ko ayaw mo sa kanya pero nandiyan ka ngayon."
"For my grandmother, Zoia."
"A-Alam ko naman pero—" I gasped and stopped slowly. I need to calm my anger and sadness down. I closed my eyes tight. "O-Okay... I understand. Sige, usap na lang tayo mamaya. May g-gagawin lang ako."
I want to cry and I don't wanna let him hear that.
He sighed heavily. "Love..."
My chest heaved, I bit my trembling lips to pull my emotions back. "I just need some air, I don't want a fight, Ago."
"Me, too..." he said softly. "That's why I'm sorry."
Huminga ako ng napakalalim, nagpapakalma pa rin sa bigat ng pakiramdam. I'm just so tired to ask him when he's going back to me, halos araw-araw yata pero iyong isang linggo niya ay lalampas pa yata.
"H-Hindi na ako magtatanong kung kailan ka babalik ulit, bahala ka na lang kung kailan. Hindi naman kita mapipilit dahil mas importante ang—"
He gasped loudly that cut me off. "Why are you bringing that up, Zoia? We are not talking about who's more important here because you're both important to me. She's sick and she wants me here b-before she—" he inhaled sharply. "Can you give us more time and understand the situation, please?"
Hindi ko alam pero nakakairita, I understand him and I am letting him stay there but it feels shallow. His reasons and explanation never made me feel I am with him even we're apart. He sounds always scripted and careful!
"And forget what you said and promised? Ikaw naman ang nagsabi na bigyan kita ng isang linggo, Chicago! Hindi dalawa o lagpas! I don't even know what's happening to you, you're always leaving me in the dark! Oo na nga, naiintindihan ko na nandiyan ka para sa lola mo pero bakit parang ang daming bawal? Nakakainis, ang layo na nga natin tapos ganito pa!"
"I explained, right? I think you just don't get it," he said a bit critically.
I gasped in disbelief as my heart pounded more.
"You know what? Let's just stop talking for now. Ginawa mo pa akong hindi makaintindi, hindi naman kita pinipilit bumalik! Nagtatanong lang ako at kinaklaro ko iyong pangako mo! I understand that your grandma is sick but your explanation seems always private and scripted! Ikaw ang hindi makaintindi sa atin, I just want you to at least consider my situation and update me! Wala akong kaalam-alam sayo riyan! I am worried, I am concerned and uncomfortable here because you're far but whatever! I guess, it's all nonsense!"
"Calm down—"
I ended the call immediately with my heavy breathing, I was inhaling and exhaling to calm my nerves down because this won't do me good. Maluha-luha akong tumingala at nailing sa sariling apeksyon, ilang minuto kong pinapakalma ang sariling isip at puso kong parehas galit.
Good thing that I learned on my own, hindi ko siya kailangan para kumalma dahil sa ilang araw na iyon ay purong siya ang kinaiinisan ko.
I'm so fucking disappointed and frustrated but I don't wanna be too pathetic.
Damn you, Chicago or fucking Agosto Zacarias because he's there and being an asshole!
He was calling me nonstop after that and when I didn't answer any of it, he texted. I changed his name in my anger, dapat maalala ko lang na inis ako sa kanya.
Chagago:
Answer my damn calls, Zoe Amaia!
Padabog akong nagtipa ng sagot.
Ako:
I DON'T WANNA TALK TO YOU, AGOSTO!
Chagago:
What the fuck?
Ako:
YES, FUCK YOU. YOU'RE BEING AN ASSHOLE. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME, WE SHOULDN'T TALK! JUST TAKE CARE OF YOUR GRANDMA AND COME BACK WHEN YOU WANT! ADVANCE HAPPY ANNIVERSARY NA LANG!
Ang sakit, ang sama sa loob. May plano pa naman ako para bukas.
Chagago:
What the hell, baby? Are you breaking up with me?
I gasped.
Ako:
NO! I JUST DON'T WANNA LOSE MY FOCUS HERE JUST BECAUSE OF YOU, EXAM IS COMING AND I DON'T WANT A FUCKING PROBLEM. BYE.
I was frowning as I received a quick reply.
Chagago:
Why isn't there any I love you? 😠
Ako:
Bakit parang ikaw pa 'yung galit? Gago ka ba talaga kapag nandiyan ka? Nakakairita ka na talaga.
Chagago:
Okay why isn't there an I love you if this isn't a break up? 😭
Ako:
What a childish text from Agosto Zacarias. I can't believe this.
Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ako o maiinis lalo, palagi naman siyang ganyan kapag galit ako. Iniiba niya iyong usapan at magpapa-cute! Since I'm not used to his drama, it makes me weak!
I shook my head and exhaled to deny his damn ways.
Chagago:
Stop calling me that name. Just tell the words, I need assurance.
Ako:
Stop being demanding right now, you can't even give me assurances and yet you're asking for that? That's unfair. 😏
Chagago:
I love you and I miss you. I won't stay here forever, I'll always come back to you.
Ako:
Hindi gagana sa akin 'yan. Hindi ko makakalimutan na wala ka sa anniversary natin bukas, I will turn off my cellphone and concentrate on my exam. Just take care.
Bumuga ako ng hininga at tumingin sa isang malaking paper bag sa study table, doon nakalagay iyong binili kong materials para sa surprise ko sa kanya sana bukas na gagawin sa bahay niya pero dahil wala naman siya ay hindi ko na gagawin. I'll just give him my gift when he comes back, I bought a wristwatch and art materials that he can use in work.
Hindi naman kasi kami nagc-celebrate every month kaya nag-ipon na lang ako, alam ko rin namang nako-korni-han siya sa celebrations at surprises dahil minsan niyang nabanggit na iyon ang ayaw niya sa ibang couple na nakikita sa social media pero gusto kong espesyal iyon kaso nga timing talaga na wala siya.
Kainis pero wala akong magagawa, wala siya.
The next day was pretty normal and I woke up at twelve in the afternoon, napuyat ako sa pagrereview dahil hindi naman ako matalino ay kailangan ko talaga iyon kaya tinanghali. Nagising lang ako sa sunod-sunod na katok sa pinto, Hopia ran around while barking. I carried her as I sleepily walked towards the door and opened it.
"Happy anniversary!"
My eyes widened at Aiken who was holding a big bouquet of red roses and behind him was surprisingly Winchell with a cake.
My jaw dropped while looking at them, they were all smiles.
"Happy anniversary!" Winchell greeted.
"To her and Ago!" Aiken corrected.
Umismid si Winchell, hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala sa kanilang dalawa at kung paano nila nalaman ang date ng anniversary namin. I have an idea but I doubt that because I'm mad at him.
Napalingon ako sa hallways, saktong nakita ko ang paglabas ni Papa mula sa office niya at nakakunot ang noo nang makita ang tagpo sa tapat ng silid ko. Hindi siya napansin nila Aiken doon.
Kabado ako pero hindi naman takot sa kanya dahil simula noong dinner last week ay hindi pa kami nagkakausap, I just find this awkward because I wasn't expecting this too and he witnessed it.
"Gimme Hopia and hold this," Aiken demanded as he took Hopia from me and exchanged the bouquet.
Umatras siya nang bahagya at nakalabas na ang cellphone, ngising aso siya nang panakaw akong kinuhanan ng litrato. I gasped and bowed my head quickly, tinago ko ang sarili sa malaking bouquet na hawak ko.
"What's happening here, Aiken?" Papa already reached our side.
Aiken was all normal as he chuckled, he glanced at Papa. "Anniversary nila ni Ago, Pa."
Papa raised a brow and looked at Winchell. "And he's Winchell Madrid, right? Where's the boyfriend?"
Napatingin agad ako sa kanya at parte ang labi, Aiken nodded while busy capturing my moments. It was annoying but I couldn't stop staring at Papa.
"Why are you celebrating their anniversary, instead of him?" he stepped on the side and looked at the bouquet I'm hugging then at me. "Where's your boyfriend? Is he scared to come over and surprise you?"
I gasped and shook my head immediately. "H-Hindi po, Papa. H-He's uh... out of the country."
He pursed his lips. "Work?"
I nodded a bit nervously, nag-aalala ako na baka lalo siyang madismaya kay Chago. Kahit naman inis ako roon ay gusto kong magustuhan siya ni Papa para sa akin, hindi ako umaasa masyado pero automatic na iyong maramdaman.
He nodded and put his hands in his pockets. "Happy anniversary to both of you, then... you should invite him over when he gets back. Nag anniversary kayo na hindi ko nalalaman ang relasyon n'yo."
My jaw dropped and Aiken whistled funnily. Natawa si Papa dahil sa reaksyon ni Aiken na mas masaya pa yata sa akin kasi gulantang lang ako sa kinatatayuan ko.
"I already met him but I need more of his words of assurances, I didn't stop your arrangement with Evren Ching for someone I am not so sure if sincere."
My forehead knotted as my eyes watered automatically, he smiled at me gently.
"Don't get me wrong, anak. He seemed like nice man with principles and class when we talked but..." he chuckled. "He's depending on your decision more, I guess? I tried to invite him but he said that he wanted you to invite him willingly so you'll be comfortable."
My lips trembled as my heart hurt, I didn't expect that. He never mentioned about Papa's invitation, he really wants me in my comfort timing to introduce him. My goodness, I'm so lucky to have my man.
I gasped my emotions and smiled slightly at Papa.
"A-Are we legal to you now?" I asked timidly.
He laughed a bit. "Of course, you're already celebrating your anniversary. How could I break that?"
Tears formed in the corners of my eyes.
"I thought you said something bad to him..."
Muli siyang natawa. "I think so? I just told him that he would never have a chance again if he breaks your heart and I'll surely arrange you with a chinese to marry and have your life like a fairytale with a castle."
Aiken and Winchell laughed.
"Seriously? Buti hindi inatake sa puso si Ago!?" Aiken gasped exaggeratedly.
Papa shrugged. "He just actually smiled and agreed to it."
"What!?" singhap ko na may iritasyon.
Nagtawanan sila.
"Kupal, confident si gago." Natatawang ani Aiken at ngiwi akong binalingan. "Huwag mo kasi masyadong pinapakitang baliw ka sa kanya, tingnan mo lumalaki ang ulo ng boyfriend mo!"
Uminit ang mukha ko, naiiling at tawa si Winchell.
"I guess he agreed because he would never lose his chance."
"He should!"
Papa reminded me again to invite Chago before he went downstairs, pumasok naman sa kuwarto ko sila Aiken at Winchell. Magkakasabay kaming kumain ng cake doon at nagkuwentuhan ng tanghaling iyon.
"Did he tell you to do this?" I asked simply.
They nodded normally. Binalingan ko si Winchell, kandong niya si Hopia at may sinusuri sa bibig noon.
"Kailan ka nakauwi?"
"Last night!" he said and his forehead creased. "Napapainom mo pa ba ng vitamins si Hopia?"
I nodded. "Bakit?"
"Ang putla ng dila niya, kailan siya last na na-check sa vet?"
"Last month!"
He nodded. "I'm gonna take her tomorrow to our clinic."
"Okay..." medyo may pag-aalala kong sambit. "Is she sick?"
"Hindi naman, maputla lang talaga. Masigla maman siya, oh!" binaba niya si Hopia at nagtatakbo na.
I chuckled. "Kailan 'to sinabi ni Chago sa inyo?"
"Three days ago, hindi raw kasi makakauwi pa."
I frowned. "Buti pa sayo sinabi agad 'yon, ako pinaasa pa!"
They laughed.
"He wasn't so sure, in case lang daw and ta-dah!" Aiken exclaimed. "It happened! Nasaan ba 'yon?"
Ayaw ko agad sabihin, nagtaas ako ng kilay. "Ano bang sinabi sa inyo?"
"He just told me that he's busy with his project." Aiken shrugged.
Tumango si Winchell at lumabi. "Ganoon din sa akin. Hindi naman talaga ako kasali sa plano, he doesn't even know I'm back."
Kumunot ang noo ko. Humalakhak si Aiken.
"Nakita ko lang siya kanina, e. Niyaya ko. Mukhang loner sa coffee shop!"
We all laughed.
They eventually left my room, maghahapon na rin iyon at nagkuwentuhan lang talaga kami sa kuwarto ko. Aiken looked okay now unlike the last time or maybe he's just covering it. I don't know. Hindi naman siya nagda-drama na tungkol kay Xamarah, hindi ko na lang din tinatanong dahil baka masira ko ang mood niya.
I was happy the whole day even without Chago because I was awed and surprised, naappreciate ko lang iyong effort niya na pasayahin pa rin ako kahit wala siya sa anniversary namin. Medyo nakakatampo pero ayos lang, puwede naman siguro kaming mag-celebrate pagbalik niya.
I opened my cellphone after my last review for the day, pumangalumbaba ako at nakita ang mga texts ni Chago roon. Ilang sandali pa ay tumunog na iyon, napakurap-kurap ako. Alas nuwebe na at alam niya talaga kung anong oras ako natatapos sa pagrereview, huh?
I swallowed and answered the call without saying a word. I heard him exhale in relief.
"Hi, love..." he greeted roughly.
I tried so hard to keep my cool. "Oh?"
"Happy first year, baby..."
I scowled. "Tsk."
He chuckled gruffly. "Babawi ako, huwag ka na magtampo..."
"Ewan ko, ayaw ko na umasa sa sinasabi mo."
"Mahal naman..." malambing niyang suyo.
"Matutulog na ako. Salamat sa surprise kanina."
He breathed deeply. "I'll call on messenger, please..."
Napakurap-kurap ako.
"I wanna see you," he said.
I flinched because of my pounding heart, isang linggo ko siyang hindi nakita kaya nakakasabik iyong offer niya pero nasaan ang pride ko?
I sighed heavily. "Fine."
Wala nang pride-pride, namimiss ko na siya. Gusto ko siyang makita, I logged in my messenger and he's already online. Wala naman talaga siyang Facebook, hindi nga siya marunong gumamit noon at kailan ko lang sinabing gumamit siya para kahit malayo kami ay nakakapg video call.
Nakakatawa kasi iyong ginamit niyang pangalan sa Facebook ay pangalan ko rin at iyong apelyido niya kaya hindi talaga ako nag-aalala na may iba siyang kakausapin sa social media, para sa akin lang talaga kaya siya gumamit ng Facebook.
Zoe Amaia Lavarios...
Isang mabilis na ayos sa buhok ko ang ginawa bago ko tinanggap ang video call niya, sumandal ako sa headboard at nakasimangot agad sa screen.
His face showed up and my heart started beating violently, he was sitting on a couch and the angle was a bit down that I could see his background with chandelier and standing tall shelves with jars that looked like collections.
His lips curved up as he saw me, his eyes sparkled darkly.
"Ilang araw ka ng nakasimangot?"
I frowned more. "Hindi nakakatuwa, huwag ka na magtanong."
He puckered his lips sadly and he stood up, he's wearing a white inner dress shirt and a black coat.
"Saan ka galing, bakit ka nakaganyan?" takang tanong ko.
It was so unusual and I was never used to see him that formal, he looked so expensive with his outfit and brushed up hairstyle and eyeglasses.
"We had a dinner."
My forehead knotted. "Dinner? With that outfit? Are you kidding me?"
He chuckled. "Formal dinner, love. Wait, I'm gonna change for you to be comfortable, okay?"
He was walking now and by the looks of his background, the place was so bright with those lights on the ceiling and even the door he opened looks really nice.
"Ago, Lola's awake."
His face turned a bit lighter and he walked back. "Okay, leave the room."
"Her nurse?" the man asked on the background again.
Tumango lang si Chago. Napakurap-kurap ako habang nakatunghay lang, pumasok ulit siya sa isang silid bago ko inayos ang anggulo ng kanyang camera. He was smiling slightly.
"I'm gonna introduce you to Lola."
My eyes widened, hindi pa ako nakakasagot ay nakita ko na ang bahagyang pagyuko ni Chago na may ngisi at naupo siya sa isang upuan ulit. I could hear the sound of machine there.
"Good evening, lola..."
"My handsome grandson," old but cheerful voice said. I saw how she placed her wrinkled hand on Chago's cheek. "You really look like my only son, Agosto. The younger version."
Chago rolled his eyes lazily and his Lola chuckled.
"Oh please, for once, learn to forgive him. I want to see you both fine before I go..."
Chago sighed softly and his eyes turned sad, my heart hurt at the sight. Pilit siyang ngumiti sa Lola bago niya tinapat iyong camera at lumapit din ang mukha niya roon, she looked so old but with her milky skin and curly white hair—I could tell that she's not a Filipina or maybe half.
The old woman smiled, she was leaning a bit on the headboard. "I think I just met the Zoe Amaia."
Chago chuckled. "That's my baby, lola."
My heart was pounding nervously, I smiled timidly.
"Good evening, po..."
Chago was smiling boyishly. "Isn't she the most beautiful?"
His Lola laughed while nodding.
"Good evening, hija. I'm glad to finally meet you even before my time..." she said. "I always want to thank you for making my boy happy and for letting him visit me here."
Hindi ako makapagsalita, medyo guilty dahil mukhang sobrang hina na niya at masaya na naroon si Chago.
She coughed a bit and Chago gently caressed her shoulder.
"I heard that today's your anniversary and happy anniversary to you, sorry for wanting him here and couldn't get to celebrate your day together because of me."
I gasped softly. "I-It's okay..."
She was smiling while watching me on the screen.
"As much as I want to talk to you alone, I can't. I'll just say this here... Ago was telling me a lot about you and I want to meet you personally but I can't go back to the Philippines anymore." She shook her head. "You are so special to him and I'm happy that you found each other. I thought I'd die without knowing his love of life, e."
"Lola."
She laughed. "I'm just kidding. Let me tell you a secret about him, he was fearful... reason why he didn't ever get a girlfriend and I was really surprised that he told me about you and you're going strong together. I just hope that you'll make a big and happy family, that's all I want because he lost a lot... and now he's about to lose me anytime."
Napalunok ako, mas lalong lumungkot ang madilim na mga mata ni Chago.
"He lost his siblings and I'm praying that he will never lose y-you..." she coughed again, this time it's harder and the machine sounds turned uneven.
I gasped loudly and fear filled me, Chago was calling her with panic as the call dropped immediately. Hindi ako makapagsalita at natulala sa aking cell phone, tahimik na nagdadasal na sana ay umayos ang pakiramdam niya.
I ran into the bathroom because my stomach swirled, I immediately threw up on the sink. Naghilamos ako agad at sinubukang pakalmahin ang sariling nerbyos.