LOVE…
Her life got stuck on that word. That L word sure has the power to shatter someone. Never in the dream, she would have imagined her best friend will propose to her. Oh, God! Life has gotten better and better! She wanted to repudiate what she heard. It had to be a lie, her mind tricks!
For a moment, she was happy to get a call from him after ten years. It was supposed to hang out to make out lost times. But… why? Why things had to turn out like this?
Crouching down on the floor, her heart crushed. She could not discern what hurting her most- his sudden confession, or broken friendship rule.
“I love you not as a friend. But a woman you are.”
His words persist to ring in her ears again and again. No matter how many times she holds her ear to stop those. Her world culminated in the second he confessed those words.
Confused and skeptical about her emotions. She needed space to process what’s happening. It doesn’t make her sense. Her best friend loves her. Bullshit! Friends mean lifetime commitment and why he tainted that pious relation.
This was not a movie where friends fall in love with each other and happily ever after. No, it’s not! He needs to understand that.
She did not realize how long she had been sitting on the floor, her leg stiffened. It must be an hour!
“Shoni…” Her mother calls her, as she stepped into her room. Her hairs were unkempt and eyeliner smudged all over her face. Instantly, her mother guessed what had transpired. Their meeting did not go well.
“Ma, he… loves me… how can he?” Her voice quivers.
“That’s love sweetheart. It happens without our wish at a most unexpected moment.” Her mother elucidated her. A subdued silence filled the room. Although she was impervious to get into mother persuasion.
“But I can’t…” she paused to take deep breaths, “I mean… I don’t love him.” She replied stoutly, frowning in consternation. Her words sounded oddly cryptic, a cue for her never to fall for him. Anxiety morphed into her.
“You do Shoni… you always did.” Her mother asserted. “Friendship is the foundation of every relation. You have a man by your side who understands you, what else you want? He’s better than any stranger.”
Nevertheless, she has taken none of it.
All warned her ‘a girl and guy can never remain just friends.’ She shrugged off their words. Now her mother too. “No ma, we are apart ten years. He’s not less than a stranger. He’s not the San I knew.” Said Swara stoically.
Fall in love with a friend is ludicrous;
What he felt is mere infatuation.
Yes, that’s it!
*****
Pain...
That reflected in her eyes when he proposed. The rejection stung on his heart.
He had got it wrong.
She never loved him.
For her, he was only a friend.
Knock on the door yanked him from his trance.
“San, why are you looking like a zombie?” A glimpse at his pale and wan face Sujatha, his mother inquired. She came to his room to ask for details about his gathering. All about grown Swara, only to astound, seeing Sanskar in distress.
“Mom, she said…. She doesn’t love me!” Curiosity urgency in her voice, the sight of her frightened face, he had to tell his mother truth about his distress, he stammers while speaking up.
“Huh! You confessed so soon. What would you expect someone who you not seen for ten years suddenly proposes to you? That’s crazy. Poor girl! Must be scared as hell.” Surprise apparent in her voice.
“I never thought it would scare her.” Whispered Sanskar.
“Give her some time to accept this San. The harder you push her, the harder she’s going to push back. Act like normal before her, if she has feelings for you she’ll realize with time.” He let a deep breath. His mother is right. His confession was too sudden for her to accept.
“You are the best mother in the world.” He embraced her.
“That what every son says to mothers.” She said wriggling out from his hug.
“But you are special.” He pecks peck on her forehead.
Detaching, from his hug, she shoves him. “Stop buttering me, go to your Juliet.”
However, he had no idea what to do, from where to start.
****
It took him a week to call her. He could not let him do so, no matter how much he tried to. Those seven days were hard for him. The fact she doesn’t love him as he does, scorched him with a discomfiture. His mother's words impacted him, she needs time to grasp, he gave her. Not anymore, hardly enough ten years segregated from her.
After thinking a lot, he finally decides to call her. Hearing her phone chime, she saw the caller ID. Comprehending a lot, whether to pick the call or not, she finally had to take it. Her breath hitched. Voice she longed to hear, a gust of emotions vanquished them.
Only their breaths could be heard overcall.
“San…” Ultimately, it was Swara who spoke up. Nevertheless, words dried up on her throat.
“Sorry Swara, I don’t know what came over me.” Mumbled Sanskar over the phone.
There was a brief silence. The turbulence of emotions rising within her-dread, dismay, and concern. “It’s ok San. Let’s not dwell on it.” She inferred, and let out a sigh.
“Can we go to an outing? To make up for the lost time and refurbish our friendship?” With a glimmer of hope, he uttered. Maybe she will agree or not, mystify him.
“Is that even a question? I’m more than ready. Let’s hang out.” Excitement protrusions within her.
*****
Shekar Gadodia and Ram Maheshwari were Best friends. They were together since toddlers. And their friendship strengthened with passing time by marrying two best friends Sharmista and Sujatha. It was a blessing in disguise when their kids too became friends like them.
Sanskar was just two when he laid eyes upon Swara. Rosy face and doe eyes. When he holds her tiny hands it clicked then, her mouth twitched to laugh, they’re inseparable since.
“Shonimoni…” he called her lovingly. They had a pure bond with each other since nappies.
They’re in tenth grade, at the time when she told him she had a crush on someone. Praising another guy, Sanskar felt an unfamiliar stab of pain chiseling through him.
The more he repressed it, the more anger flickered within him. She was laughing with him, he lost it then. Strolling to them, he jabbed that guy, “Shonimoni and San together forever…” mumbled Sanskar warily. That silent warning in his words, no one between them. It was the first time a wave of possessiveness cascaded within him.
If only it was in his hand he would have never gone abroad to higher studies. Never a single day went without him remembering her in those ten years.
Separation ripped him apart,
Dying inside, he tumbled;
Those ten years we’re no less than punishment.
That when he discerned, she’s part of him.
And means a lot than a pal.
His soulmate…
*****
They planned a makeup trip to mend their friendship on the verge of breaking. When Swara asked for consent from Sharmishta, she gaily gave her.
Jaunt to rejuvenate amity,
Untangle the knot that impairing their friendship;
They start their journey in his car. His car peered through meandering roads. Roads swaddled with the canopy of trees. Lurching the car to the side, he pulled it into a screeching halt.
“What the…” Ready to burst, she yells, but interludes with sight in front of her.
Greenery… The aroma of fresh aura hit their nostrils. Hills and streams augment the beauty of nature bestowing a heavenly atmosphere. Zigzag roads amplified the charisma of ridges. A glint of sun falls on her face, enrapturing her.
“Let's walk..” She nods, stepping with him.
Walking through the cliff, they caught sight of a stream amid a knoll. Water gurgled cascading under the precipice of the hill, seeping through the rocks. The sky was cluttered with clouds. A magnificent view to watch.
Chill air wafts across their face. Wintry weather enthralls her. All of sudden, Sanskar splashes water on Swara.
“San…” Screamed Swara horrified. Icy water moistened her.
“Now... you are gone.” Soon it turns out to water fight. Both indulge in drizzling liquid. After a few moments, they cease the water battle. Stretched on the rock, they lounged, drenched.
“Eniki veshakunu…” Utters Swara, disregarding he had no idea which language she blurted.
Being not able to grasp her utterance, he could not help, but ask “What?”
“Eniki veshakunu…” Reiterated Swara. Her expressions, hand on stomach. He comprehends she’s ravenous.
“Hungry… I would faint at any moment.” Her face paled.
“What you want veg or non-veg?” Asked Sanskar. She looks at him appalled. In the middle of nowhere, he asked her for a choice of food; Strange!
“Anything to the appetizer.” Said Swara astutely.
“If you want veg, consume grass. For non-veg dig in insects, germs on the floor.” He gave her a tart reply, evoking anger and irritation in her. Hungriness rendered her ferocious.
“San, is it time to joke?” His mercurial temperament irks her.
“Oh Princess we’re in the middle of the forest if you remember.” asserted Sanskar sardonically. Was she out of sense, to demand food in the middle of the cliff.
“But, I’m famished.” He gasps, before heading to the food hunt.
Soon after he came with two unidentified fruits in his hand. She hurriedly munches one, without waiting for his comments.
“So tasty… where you got this?” She quizzes. Savory fruit tasted divine.
“It was on the floor, I picked it. Don’t even know which fruit it is.” Quipped Sanskar.
Startled Swara instantly spits out fruit she was crunching. Slightly miffed, she scoffed, “What if I were to die?”
“You won’t,” he says as a matter of fact. Did she just buy those fable he divulged? He thought she was way intelligent than that. He tested and examined fruit, even eaten up. Found no toxic essences, so offer it to her.
Holding hand on throat, she coughed, trembling, panting. “Ah... San.” She erred before speaking up “It’s poisonous fruit.” Her voice was scarcely audible.
To his dismay, she stopped moving. Her eyelids closed. “Hey… Swara… wake up… Shoni, Meri Jaan… wake up. I know you’re acting open your eyes, damn it.” Tears welled up in his eyes, as he cupped her face. “Shoni… pls…”
A tiny drop of tear gushed to her face, slowly she opened her eyes. Glancing at his distress and anguish, she feels guilty. “San… I was just acting.”
“I know that, but I can’t imagine life without you.” He tautly whispered. Solemness was obvious in his tone. Listening to his word only intensified her guilty. A quelled silence occupied them.
They proceeded with their trek. Swara energetically climbed hills while Sanskar clambered up to the pinnacle, with huffing and puffing.
Upon reaching the peak of the hill, she screeched and screamed jovially, “Yahoo! I did it!” She stood atop the rocky exterior, lifted her arms in accomplishment. Her hair flies with a breeze, “I’m on the top of the world.” Chanted Swara.
Her eyes wander peeking at Sanskar. She shook her head gazing at exhausted Sanskar still climbing up to her “What… your stamina finished?” She teased him.
“For a girl, you have tremendous energy.” he chuckled, glancing at the steep slope she just ascended.
“Oh, San didn’t anyone told you don’t underestimate the strength of a girl?” Scorned Swara.
He gazed at the place they stood. At the hilltop, gawked downward. Dumbfounded at nature's beauty. Although his mansion was on the knoll, his morning routine to stare at the cliff. He could still beguile viewing them. Nature never bores him. Now that epitome of beauty in front of him, both enthralled him.
“You have got the stamina to live another sixty or seventy years.” He guffawed yet he meant those words. As those words let out by him, a flicker of sentiment emerged within her.
“Who knows… tomorrow may never come.” Her comment had a cryptic connotation. Anyone would die at any moment, nothing permanent.
She and her obscure words, he sighs. “Are you brand ambassador of Kal ho na ho?” he quips.
Ignoring his jests, she gazes over the atmosphere surrounded them. “Look at the sky, it’s peaceful. We should live at the moment and enjoy the fullest.” Preached Swara leaving Sanskar clueless.
Sun was at its peak, alerting time flying. His gaze shifts to the crowd at the loop. “What’s there?”
“Oh, that’s Preminaad… According to the tale if you heartily asked something it’ll fulfill. That’s why famously known as a lover spot. Only lovers come there to tell their wishes.” She elucidated.
He strides there surprising Swara. Having no other choice, she trails behind him.
“I don’t know whether my wish comes true or not. Though I wish, Swara stays my side till she breathes.” Silently beseeched Sanskar.
Unknown to his wish, she hoped it would attain. “God, you know, my prayer though. Give everyone courage to face that day especially Sanskar.”
“Huh, what you wished Swara?” Curiously he asked.
“Wishes meant to be in secret.” Swara signs as if sealing her mouth with a smile.
“Etta (hubby). Don’t they remind our newly married life? Nalla Jodi alle?” Swara gaze at an aged couple. By their outfits and language, she understands their Malayalees. Her husband nods his head conceding.
(Nice couple, right?)
“No, we’re not! I’m his friend.” Swara corrects elderly couples.
“Mole…(daughter) We might be aged. But could sense love blooming with both of you. And sweetheart, souhardhamaan bandhathinte adhyam gattam.” Swara's heart staggered painfully.
(Friendship is the first phase of the relationship.)
A sad smile tinkered on her face, “If only I was that lucky to get him.” She whispered, more to herself.
Sanskar could not assimilate words as most words were in Malayalam. Even Swara mutters inaudibly to him.
***
Back home, their journey went in quiet. Music on the radio did nothing to annihilate silence. He stopped the car in jerk earning a glare from her.
“What happened?” She inquired. He pointed out a panipuri stall.
“Ew, it’s unhealthy. Look at the place so much pollution and those plates do they wash? His hands was it clean?” She goes on imply the negatives of roadside food.
Was this the same Shoni he knew?
Riding cycle they used to go to school. Once when they returning from Institute, Swara stopped the bicycle suddenly shocking him.
“What happen Shonimoni?”
“See San, panipuri.” Squealed Swara.
“But Shoni, we’re getting late. Let’s reach home before dark.” Objecting to her plea, he said.
“I didn’t ask you. Are you coming with me or else should I go alone?” Scoffed Swara strolling to stall.
“Wait…” having no other option, he tagged along with her.
“Bhaiya, two plate panipuri.”
“Excuse me, I’m not eating.” He said instinctively.
“Oh right, why would a prince who was born with a silver spoon eat roadside stuff. It won’t suit you anyway.” Her taunts hit his weak spot.
Now, what changed?
For her love for panipuri!
“Look who saying, the great panipuri lover?” he could not help, but mock.
“I was a kid back then and now I can distinguish healthy and unhealthy.” She clarified sedately.
“Yea, kid aged fifteen.” Murmured Sanskar putting the key to the engine.
****
He stopped the car at the restaurant. “San, can’t you drive back home. Why your car halting from one-stop and other.” She let out a hoarse laugh.
“Madam, we’re here to eat. It had been a long time since we had something.” He said in a duh tone. Before she could say something, he articulated “This is the number one restaurant known for healthy food and cleanliness. Come.”
She said nothing as she followed him behind. They took a table in the secluded area of the restaurant. The waitress comes to them to take an order. Taking a glance at the menu, she placed the order.
“Turkey Waldorf salad.”
“You sure Swara?” A deep furrow appeared on his forehead. The girl who detested the sight of veggies changed so much. Ten years later a girl in front of him is not Shoni he used to know.
“Yep.” She enunciated, emphasizing ‘p’. After taking their order waitress left from there.
After having food, they begin their journey back home. While opening up the car door, she stumbled. Indescribable pain surge through her. Blood spurts out of her mouth. The world swirls around her.
Before she could crumple on the floor, Sanskar holds her. “Swara…” he yelled glancing at her pale face.
Without squandering time, he lifts her in his arms and placed her on the passenger seat. Then hurry up to the nearest hospital.
After reaching the hospital, she was rushed in stretchers to the emergency ward. They took her blood samples for examination.
“Doctor…” As soon the doctor came out of the room, he sputtered out, “What happened to my Shoni?”
“Are you her family?” The doctor doubtfully asked.
“I’m her best friend.” He said tautly.
“Call her family. We can’t disclose her condition to a stranger.” sternly said, Doctor. That what he is for the world, outsider! When friends were treated like family, why they’re not in official records? Anger swamped within him. But he said nothing.
Sensing his distress state, the doctor had to divulge her disease, “She had a rare heart condition and requires heart transplantation soon. Although surgery doesn’t guarantee her life. Recovery possibility is only 10%”
“What are you saying, doctor?” cried Sanskar in restive frustration. He looked completely flummoxed. Refute to accept the doctor's statement. His Swara dying. He could not comprehend what was happening. “Don’t lie. She was highly spirited.”
No way she could have a deadly illness. He only told her a few hours back, she was going to live another 70 years. Then how?
“She may look like a healthy person to all. That’s a special case for her. But she’s not.” He’s on trauma listening doctor.
Unable to grasp anything, he barges into ICU besides the prohibition of the nurse to enter the room.
“You have got the stamina to live another sixty or seventy years.”
“Who knows… tomorrow may never come.”
Now her words and actions made sense. Her reluctant to eat roadside food. It was because she could not eat spicy and unhygienic. There were signs, he was a fool to ignore them.
There was a lump on his throat; he could not speak. The sight of her lying on the bed was so precious. Soon it was going to vanish. He could not even think about that. His hand held her trembling hand. Tubes connected to her nose.
He looked at forlorn Swara. His eyes glimmer with pain. Slowly she opens her eyes in anguish.
“Why Swara?” he gulped convulsively, blamed her for not telling him. Words died on his throat.
“Sanskar…” tremulously she calls his name.
He could not bear it anymore. He crushed her to himself holding her close.
“You rejected me because you’re dy…” he could not let himself complete that word. Dying… how can she say that? He still refuses to accept her illness.
“But Shoni… no matter how many days you live, can’t I be your side till then?” he said softly, caressing her hair. His words flake inside her.
“No. I didn’t reject you for that. I never thought you like that time.” Clarified Swara, her voice barely audible.
“Now, I don’t know whether my heartbeat tomorrow or not... But I want to confess I accept your love San... It was my misconception friends should not be lovers that made me blind to see the truth... Now that I understand I always loved you... If only I had the chance to live…..” She blanched. Only she knows how she said those words being connected to tubes.
He could not react as her breath ragged and she shallow gasp. The doctor and nurses thronged her side. He was hurled out of the room.
They proceeded to work on the resuscitation. Despite their vigorous efforts, everything went in vain. She closed her eyes slowly to a long sleep.
After half an hour, the doctor comes out of ICU, Sanskar looked at the doctor with hope. His sad face otherwise though.
No his Shoni is strong;
She’ll survive the battle for him.
Now that her receptiveness, he would not let her die.
***
Dedicated to WishMeEva
Happy birthday Jan😘 I don't know why it happened. We don't talk anymore... no text at all... I remember our olden days... random chats... Now not even hello's and hi's. I wish that day could back. I miss you.
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With love,
Twinklingmeghs