"Vibrate so high,
and radiate from so deep.
From so much within your heart,
from your essence, from your soul.
So that no one can come close to you,
without destiny's blessing in their hands."
_________________________
The world outside was gray.
It was almost as though the universe itself was grieving right along with us. As though the clouds were weeping frigid tears alongside Alaric and Aria's mother and the sky was straining to hold them together.
As though our collective grief rang deep within the very soil we stood on. And the very earth was crippled with pity.
It was freezing, yet no one felt it. No one even seemed to notice as we stood in this cursed graveyard, all eyes glued to the too small graves that had been dug for children taken before their time.
My fists clenched in barely concealed rage, my guilt lingering deep within my chest as I shut my eyes, unable to restrain the same thoughts from replaying within my mind.
Gabriel did this to get to me. This was an attack against me. So I still couldn't understand why...
Why did they have to pay instead of me? Why were they sacrificed? Why was our history always filled with disproportionate responses from every party?
Angry tears stung my eyes as Livius addressed the pack, his voice ringing for all to hear. My mate shared words of support, and reassurance. Words that were lined with a promise of retribution that would not go unnoticed by anyone here.
I saw the fury behind his cerulean eyes, the devastated paleness of his skin, the stiffness of his posture that could easily be mistaken as proof of his power and authority.
But Livius wasn't here to reaffirm his position as King. No, he was here to grieve our losses, just like every single pack member here.
Pain and hurt hung heavily in the air, the scent of salty tears mixing in with the fresh snow that fell over our heads.
I said nothing when Livius concluded his brief address and approached me, my lips sealed tight even while he shrugged off his coat and draped it over my shoulders.
Of course, even now, he still worried over my health.
Instead, I offered him a small, brief smile, that seemed forced even to me before stepping closer to his side, my hand interlacing with his own as I leaned my head against his shoulder.
His mere presence was a reassurance, just as mine was to him. Just the way his warmth seeped into my skin, or the simple feel of his palm sending tingles up my arm was enough to make the unease in my heart slumber for just a moment.
We watched silently while the remainder of our pack gave their final goodbye's, and moved to offer the Estienne family their condolences.
After a few moments, I looked up to my mate, that same dull look lingering in his eyes as he too glanced down at me. "Alright?" I asked, and honestly, we both knew the answer but I would voice the question regardless.
He only nodded, his eyes closing with sadness before he pressed his lips to my forehead.
My king. My alpha. My mate. Utterly stunned into silence.
It was crippling within itself to see him like this. Walking with the weight of the world on his shoulders, and that haunted look in his eyes. He didn't know what to do. Or where to begin when it came to fixing this, to making it better.
But this situation could not be healed. The shattered pieces of Mrs. Estienne's soul could not be sewn back together, nor could the beating hearts within those tiny bodies be replaced.
Time could not be turned. And restoration could not be forced.
But vengeance...
Vengeance could be achieved.
And I had no doubt in my heart that it was where we'd start. Gabriel wouldn't get away with this. He may evade us as many times as he likes, he can hide in the shadows and hurt even more people, but he would pay.
Sooner or later.
It will come to pass.
No matter how fuckin long it takes. Or what he does in the time between. He was going to pay the price for this.
Livius' thumb stroked the back of my hand, as though he was aware of the bloodlust rising within me. Almost unconsciously, he pulled me closer to him and searched my face, those eyes piercing my own.
"Go on and offer your goodbye's, hm?" he told me softly, that empty ocean filled with affection. "I'll return home ahead of you."
I nodded once. "See you in a bit?"
He kissed my knuckles in response, his eyes following the movement. "Of course, moon."
And with one tiny, and heartbreakingly fleeting smile he released me and strode away, his footsteps light and unheard. It was almost as though nature itself held its breath for him, even the tiniest snow petals parting for him as he walked alone.
Turning back to the two graves we had faced, my fingers tightened around the flowers I held. But after inhaling a deep breath, I approached where they now rested and laid the bouquet of lilies in between the two, my fingers lingering on the soil.
I had no words to say. Nothing to promise them. No hopes and wishes that I could keep alive.
As their Luna, I should've met them earlier. But I was so caught up in my own dramatics that I hadn't even thought of it.
I hadn't thought of this pack, or all the hundreds of thousands of wolves out there who looked up to me as their future leader and the mate of their King. I hadn't thought of what it meant to be the Werewolf Queen. What it truly meant.
Goddess, it was so much more than just being a mate. Then simply standing by Livius' side. It was gaining the love of the people. Calling upon their affection and support. To be the Luna Queen, I was supposed to know the pack like the palm of my hand. To be their voice. To represent and fight for them.
I should've known Alaric and Aria. I should've met them and all the people gathered here. They shouldn't be nameless pack members. I was supposed to know them.
But I'd been so caught up with all the wrong things that I hadn't realized how much I myself was lacking as Luna Queen.
Goddess, I wish I had at least met them once.
"Those were her favorite flowers."
I stiffened at the voice behind me, Adrian Estienne's words reaching my ears as he carefully extended a hand to help me out of my kneeling position.
I wiped at the stupid tears that I hadn't noticed escaped during my traitorous thoughts. Fuck, I was so damn weak.
"Really?" I questioned, turning to look at him while Mrs. Estienne approached from a distance.
"Yeah." He nodded in confirmation, his eyes glued to his little sister's tombstone. "I think they reminded her of that flower from Rapunzel, or whatever that fuckin movie was called."
Appearing by his side, his mother gave the smallest smile at his words, her brows shooting up in recollection. "Goddess, she loved it. We even had plans to take her to a Lantern Festival over the summer because of it. She wouldn't stop nagging me about how much she wanted to go."
I breathed out a small laugh at that, my gloved fingers curling around the bag I held as I tugged Livius' jacket closer around my shoulders. "She must've been adorable. Honestly, I had a Rapunzel phase as well," I joked, attempting to lighten the mood a bit more.
Mrs. Estienne nodded distantly, her eyes dimming once more. "She truly was."
Slowly, I took her hand, my thumb running over the back of her own while I offered her a look of reassurance. We stood there in silence, no one having the strength to say another word as we gazed over graves that should've never been.
But those few seconds of silence were all I needed for an idea to suddenly hit me.
"Wait," I murmured, pausing as I blinked a few times. The mother and son both stared at me in confusion and I pulled my hand away to run it through my hair. "If she wanted to see a Lantern Festival..."
Then why don't we bring it to her?
It'd be like a vigil of sorts. For both of these children. A thousand lanterns, released by our pack members.
This. This was the least I could do as their Luna. To honor them. To give her this one wish, and ensure that the pack remembered.
A funeral service was not enough. A brief goodbye was not enough.
They had to be remembered.
Shaking my head, I suddenly pulled Mrs. Estienne into a farewell hug, swiftly shook Adrian's hand, and gave my final condolences before saying goodbye.
I had a lot of work to do if this was going to happen.
**********************
"Livius?" I called, throwing the doors to our bedroom open.
I had been looking all over for him in the castle, but no one had seen him. It was strange, since I had assumed he left early to continue his search for Gabriel, but he was nowhere near his study, or the massive meeting room reserved for his Generals and council members.
Not only that, but he'd completely turned off his mind-link. Hence why no one could reach him for me.
And frankly, I doubted he was in here either. Why would he come to our bedroom in the middle of the day? As far as I was concerned, Livius didn't take naps, though I do believe he needed to, he simply didn't. So where-
I paused, my body going rigid when I caught sight of him sitting on the edge of the bed, his head resting in his hands and his own body stiffening when I walked in.
He immediately shot up, the sorrowful and utterly distressed look on his face melting into a calm mask while he looked down at my smaller form. His eyes met my own and he arched a carefully sketched brow. "Hm? You've been looking for me?" he asked casually.
I slowly approached him, my face pulling into a small frown. There was no mistaking the clear pain that I had seen drawn on his face. What I had just glimpsed were his true feelings. The unacknowledged emotions that were hiding deep within the dusty attics of his mind.
I didn't respond to his question, my own plans for the vigil dying away as I looked at him, really looked at him. This powerful Alpha I had grown so fond of. This revered king who was so accustomed to masking his feelings, it was almost like a second nature for him.
But what he hadn't accounted for was the true extent of our bond.
The way I could simply read his eyes or analyze his posture, and know of the storm brewing within his soul. He was my mate after all. My other half.
And when half of me bled, of course even the uninjured parts of me would feel it.
He was hurting, these deaths affecting him so much more than he had let on in his office.
Not only because of how young they were, but because of how they died, their bodies drained and beaten before being dumped in a clearing. It was his duty, as their Alpha, to protect them from such a fate. He truly believed he had failed them, in every aspect.
Even if this was beyond his control.
I thought I had helped him understand, had convinced him to rid himself of those beliefs, but just as I carried my guilt, he did as well.
Although he had less to do with the attack than anyone.
I had brought this upon them. This was my burden.
Not anyone else's.
But he was still beating himself up, still hurting, still in so much pain.
Rather than answering his question, I suddenly wrapped my arms around his lean torso, my body moulding perfectly into his chest, like the perfectly broken ridges of a cracked heart.
Livius paused, the facade remaining. "What is this for?" he laughed, the sound escaping his lips on a forced breath.
I leaned deeper into him, inhaling his unique scent of lilac while I buried my face in his broad chest, my eyes closed as I spoke. "No more lies, Livius."
That's what we agreed on.
We agreed to be honest. Even if it hurt.
My mate froze again, his body stiffening against me, as though my words had hit him like a bucket of cold water.
And after what felt like an eternity later, he practically melted into my embrace.
His body shuddered with a relieved breath he probably hadn't realized he'd been holding, and I felt the bubbling of contentment when he finally slid his arms around me and returned my embrace.
His head buried itself into the crook of my neck, while he breathed in my own scent, his silky black hair tickling the area as he pressed his forehead against my shoulder.
I smiled softly, one of my hands coming up to slip through his hair.
"I'm here for you, Hayati. You know this."
He was silent as the grave while we remained in that position, his arms never once releasing me as he breathed me in. And right when I thought I'd more or less failed in convincing him to completely open up, he spoke.
"It hurts," he said, his voice a hoarse yet airy whisper, but it was enough to leave my heart in shambles as his pain reached me. "Fuck, it hurts so much, Alexandria."
"I know, Livius," I murmured quietly, leaning closer to him, and quietly offering comfort with my presence. "I know what you're feeling."
His grip around me tightened to an almost painful degree, but I didn't comment. "They were right there. Right outside our window. If I had-"
I pulled back just enough to look at him, my fingers coming up to rest over his lips as I silenced him. "No if's, remember?"
His eyes searched my own once more, and the hurt burning within that sea of blue tugged desperately at my heart strings. It pleaded with me to be healed, to be offered solace.
"It is out of our control, my king. Regret gets us nowhere," I told him, desperately trying to make him understand.
"I know," he growled, pulling away to pace around the room. "I know. But God, I feel useless. There's so much that could've been avoided. So much that could've been done."
I watched him run a stressed and tired hand through his hair, his legs carrying him back and forth just like how he was in the office. Unable to sit still.
I had never seen him so hurt, so restless, so despondent. He was always self-assured. Always confident, and certain of whatever he was doing.
But here he was, falling apart over a mistake that was not even his own.
"Gabriel Augustine," I suddenly said, my voice ringing clear as I stared at him.
He stopped pacing, his eyes meeting my own in question.
I raised my chin, my arms crossing in determination. "It's the same as what you told me back then. Nothing I say will make you less remorseful, but I can give you a name. I'd rather you hunt down the man who is truly and undeniably responsible, instead of torturing yourself."
I stared at him unblinkingly. "You're drowning yourself while the man who did this still prances through your territory." I pointed a finger out of our balcony, my eyes never leaving his own. "So go get him. Bring him back here, and make him pay."
Stepping closer to him, I took his hand in my own, my delicate palms gliding over his calloused skin. "That's the first step, Livius. Destroying Gabriel Augustine is the first thing on our list."
Interlacing our fingers, I met his gaze again, a swirl of chocolate meeting a stormy sea. "The guilt, and self-hatred can come later. Though, I like to think that taking him down will stop those two from ever coming forth again."
He blinked down at me, those pale eyes taking me in while I quietly tugged him back to bed. But I didn't miss the way the blue circling his pupil yielded and relented just the tiniest bit, the way understanding and agreement filled his piercing gaze.
"And for the record, Livius," I added, my grip on his hand tightening in comfort. "You are the last person who should be blamed. You did everything within your power to prevent this. You were not lacking, nor did you fail anyone, regardless of what you're telling yourself."
I sat beside him on the edge of the bed again, my hand still in his own, but he shocked me when he tugged me into his lap, his arms instinctively curling around me as though he couldn't stand being apart from me for too long.
"I couldn't have asked for a more perfect Luna."
My heart warmed at the complement, and I couldn't hide the small smile playing on my lips. "Well, I don't think there could be anyone more perfect. So even if you asked, the moon goddess wouldn't have obliged," I joked with fake pride in a second attempt to lighten the mood today.
It seemed to have worked this time around since he chuckled, and pulled me closer into his chest, his head nuzzling my neck.
"You're stuck with me," I added, in addition to my comment and I felt another rumble of his laughter.
"I wouldn't have it any other way, mon coeur," Livius mumbled, the french gliding effortlessly off his tongue.
How does this man come up with these?
"Hm? A new one?" I teased, my eyes lighting up just a bit. "I might have to get creative again. Mon chiot doesn't really piss you off as much anymore."
He flicked my forehead, and I winced, covering the area with both my hands. "Meanie," I muttered under my breath, to his amusement.
We fell silent after that, the stinging in my head subsiding as I glanced up at him a moment later. "What does it mean?"
He remained quiet, his eyes glancing over my face as though reaffirming my existence before they dropped to my hand. Slowly, he brought it up to his chest.
I could feel the strong beating of his heart just beneath my fingertips, my fingers naturally spreading over the area.
"It's yours," he murmured, shaking his head in resignation as his eyes drifted down to where my hand lay. "This heart. It belongs completely to you, Alexandria, and I truly don't mind. Honestly, if you asked me to claw it out and offer it to you in the palm of my hand, I would."
The love and adoration lacing his words made me want to cry tears of joy. The way he filled his words with every bit of emotion he could muster was enough to make me want to stay in his arms forever.
I let out a small laugh. "You really are getting creative with your words, hm?"
His lips quirked up just the tiniest bit, the hurt lingering in his eyes subsiding at the distraction I offered. "You know you love it."
Leaning forward, I pressed my lips to his own in a sweet kiss, my eyes closing as those familiar sparks ran down my body, and heat pooled in my lower abdomen.
When I pulled away, my palm still rested over his heart, and I curled my fingers around his dress shirt. "Though, I'd much prefer it if your heart remained in your body. Keeping you alive and healthy, as you should be," I whispered against his lips, my eyes looking deep into his own.
He smiled at that, and I giggled when he pressed his lips to my nose before peppering my entire face with small kisses.
"Livius," I breathed as he continued, a part of me glad that the heavy emotions from earlier had temporarily dissipated. "Stop, that really fuckin tickles."
I couldn't hide my smile or the laughs escaping my lips as he finally ended his assault with a lingering kiss on my lips. "Why were you looking for me?" he suddenly asked once I had caught my breath.
I perked up at his question, my expression turning serious as I blinked at him.
"I want to host a vigil for Alaric and Aria."
He immediately arched a brow at that, those pale eyes narrowing in curiosity. "Why are you asking me?"
I bit my lip sheepishly. "Because I may or may not need you to pull a few strings."
His expression morphed into one of confusion and I explained my whole lantern plan to him. I watched as his expression of confusion melted into understanding, before pride and adoration swirled in his irises.
"I see," he said once I finally finished. "You wish to bring the movie to her. Does Mrs. Estienne know?"
I shook my head. "Can we surprise her?" I asked, my brows dipping at the request.
"It'll be a bit hard with all the wolves that might come out. It is a vigil. And if the lanterns are to emulate what you want, there would have to be a good amount of them. I'll send word to all the packs at least a day's drive away from here. I doubt they'll have any qualms in coming to honor our victims," Livius responded, his eyes calculating as I traced random drawings on his chest.
"We could send Sebastian to distract her," I mused, abandoning the task and leaning against him.
Livius nodded his agreement. "That would work fine."
I glanced up at him after another moment of comfortable silence. "Are you certain you don't need help finding all those lanterns?"
Livius shook his head. "I can easily get the number of an owner of one of the festivals and have them comply."
He all of a sudden smirked down at me, his eyes lighting up just the tiniest bit and my eyes widened at his expression. "How much do you want to bet I can get it done for you with just one phone call?"
I narrowed my eyes at his burst of arrogance, the mate I knew and loved coming back to play. "Livius, even you can't convince someone to just hand over four thousand lanterns for an unknown cause just because you asked."
His smirk only widened, and that expression alone was enough to make me want to humor him. "If I win, you owe me a single favor, that is all I ask," he bargained, his eyes dancing with mirth. "Besides, it's not like you to back out from a challenge, is it?"
He was baiting me, I knew he was. Still, I didn't miss a beat. "And if I win?"
He shrugged. "You won't, so the reward won't matter."
"Don't be arrogant, my dear mate," I retorted, while glowering up at him.
"Fine," he relented, his smirk still not falling away. "Same as me then. Ask anything of me and I will follow through with it."
I pouted. "You already do that though."
He chuckled at my dismay. "What else could you possibly win, then?"
I thought for a moment, before snapping my fingers in realization.
"Let me doll you up, just once."
"No."
"But it's only if I win! Which, according to you, I won't."
He thought for a moment, carefully weighing out his options. "True, but knowing you, you'll probably find a way to intervene, even if it meant ending the call before we're even done talking."
I huffed. "Fine. I won't touch your phone. It really can't work out in one phone call, Livius. They'll have to ask to call you back. It doesn't make sense any other way."
His lips quirked up again. "I'll only have one shot."
"Space buns are going to look adorable on you."
"And that favor may just be your unraveling."
Ah, so this is where humoring him got me. I was probably screwing myself right now.
But honestly. He couldn't convince anyone to just give him a thousand lanterns with one phone call, regardless of his power and prestige. But then again, he was also a ceo. He really did have the upper hand in this situation.
Oh well. Guess I'll just have to cheat a little bit.
I suppose it was only fair, right?
Besides, I only said I wouldn't touch his phone.
Sitting up, I blinked up at him. "Oh, and one more thing."
"Hm?"
"You can't call any supernatural festival owners. They'll just submit since you're their King."
His expression fell into a disheartened frown as he flicked his eyes away. "Fine," he grumbled.
"Oh, don't whine!" I chided, looking away. "It would've been too easy that way."
"I'm still going to win."
I smiled again, happy with the distraction from our grief and pain. Leaning forward, I hovered my lips just inches from his own again, my eyes drifting down to them before meeting Livius' gaze once again in a teasing sweep.
"Good luck with that."