"You're making my swamp smell like dick," I yelled out in an angered tone imagining I was roasting my boss -former boss I should say. About 3575 hours ago I was hired as a popcorn machine for the one and only Popping Penis Co. otherwise known as double pee sea. I'm now unemployed, after a long day of popping popcorn from my earlobes and serving them to the greedy and sticky customers I needed to relieve myself from any tension in my body. Naturally, I decided on the easy way out and took out the ripe tampon laying in my cooter. For some reason, the trash was full so I put the neon green tampon in my boss' tea. Later on, he found out that I was the tampon culprit.
Now, here I am, walking down the cold and empty streets when an old song is released from my ol' noggin of mine. 'OH EVERY TIME I CLOSE MAH EYYYYYYYES. I SEE MAH NAME IN FLASHING LIGHHHTS OHOHOH A DIFFERENT CITY EVERY NIGHT OH IIIIII I SWEAR THE WURLD BETTER PREPAAAAARE FOR WHEN IMMA BE A BILLIONAIRE OHHHHHHH OHHHHHHH FOR WHEN IMMA BILLIONARE.' I don't know which storage bin in my head it was being stored in but it sure is catchy. It all came so fast (😉) it was like i was hammered by Bruno himself.
I keep walking and nodding my head along to the tune playing throughout the concert between my ears. Soon I hear a pitter-pattering of a small man behind me. I do a 180 turn but there's nothing there, so I continue walking to my home. Soon I hear the man walking again, I quickly stop and turn around abruptly. There he was, Brulk. He was a large, green, cube shaped man who resembled Bruno Mars.
He was all like hulk smash and I was like ahh Brulk it doesn't have to be this wayyyyy we can sort out our differences I swear. Then, he was like grRRRR NO and punches the wall behind me. I flinched like my father taught me to before he cut off my pinky toe because it was "looking at him funny." ANYWHO. Then he was like eHEHEHEH in his deep and raspy voice that came out of no where.
We make eye contact and I see a sparkle behind his many evil layers and instead of him smashing me into the wall, he smashed his lips gently into mine. Soon it becomes a booming make out sesh of swapping saliva with the one and only Brulk fucking Mars.
Later we had two green babies, Fiona and Donkey. Two years later we adopted a donkey named Wheel.