The ride to the Chateau on the HMS Pogue was quick, but to Rosie it felt like hours.
She should have been excited. They were on their way to get the survey map from Sarah and would soon be filthy rich. But Rosie's mood had been dampened by her interaction with JJ. The stomach-wrenching feeling of rejection pooled inside of her, and it made her shift in her seat. Rosie hated herself for confronting JJ . There was a reason she avoided it 90% of the time. But most of all, Rosie hated how much of an effect he had on her just by pushing her away.
Rosie was relieved to get out of the boat once they'd docked. She trailed behind her friends as they ran to John B's van. In all honesty, Rosie just wanted to pass out on John B's couch, but they had a mission to accomplish. John B and Pope took the front, leaving Rosie, Kie, and JJ in the back.
This time around, Rosie didn't avoid JJ. She couldn't sit around moping all night; that wasn't her. Rose-Ann Mae Connolly didn't mope around over guys. Especially JJ. No, she didn't mope around over anyone. She put on her brave face and beat on.
Rosie sat across from JJ and looked straight at him. He cocked a eyebrow and she mimicked him. She leaned back in her seat, but kept her eyes trained on him. She wouldn't be the first to look away. JJ furrowed his brows in confusion, but held her gaze.
"JJ, you good?"
He turned to face Kiara, who sat beside Rosie, "Yep."
Rosie turned to look at her friend as well and noticed the frown still prevalent on her face from her argument with John B.
"Still mad?" Rosie whispered closely so the others wouldn't hear.
"Hell yeah," she grumbled back.
Rosie chuckled but immediately stopped as Kie sent her a sharp glare.
"If he actually is macking on her I'll personally beat him up for you," Rosie muttered.
This time Kie couldn't conceal the smile tugging at her lips. She shot her friend a look, but they both laughed to themselves.
"I hate being in the back with you two. Always whispering and giggling and shit," JJ grumbled.
Pope laughed from up front, "Tell me about it. You know, John B, you're the only one who's never had to third wheel the girls."
"Well get your own car and then maybe I will," he shot back.
Soon enough, the Kildare sign for the Hawk's Nest was in sight. John B stopped the van beside it in a half-assed parking job.
"All right," John B cut the engine.
JJ jumped out of the van, "Hit it, boys! We're goin'. Recon mission."
Rosie was about to follow, but John B stopped her.
"So, uh, I think I'm gonna do this one by myself."
Rosie shook her head at the idiocy of his words, already sensing another fight. She shrunk away from Kiara who was fuming again.
"Really?" JJ coughed, breaking the awkward silence.
"I just don't wanna spook Sarah with the peanut gallery," John B held up his hands in surrender.
Rosie cringed as Kie finally burst, "I just don't understand why we're involving her at all!"
"Kie, we're not involving her, okay?"
She shot him an incredulous look.
"It's--it's just, uh, like a--a business meeting...thing."
JJ mocked deep throating the joint he'd pulled out. Rosie sighed, but didn't say anything.
"Look," John B continued, sensing the awkwardness, "Once we get what we need, we cut her loose, alright? Plus, we need the map."
"Promise me nothing's happening between you."
Rosie's eyes widened in curiosity of what John B was going to say. Pope and JJ subconciously leaned closer, dying to hear his answer as well.
"Nothing is happening, Kie," he mocked her.
Rosie, JJ, and Pope all cringed.
"I'm being serious."
"Okay!" he shot her a look. Her glare deepend, and Rosie shrunk even further into her seat, wishing she'd chosen a different spot where she wasn't between the two.
"This isn't about you, and this isn't about us. This is about her," Kie's face softened, "Dude, she's gonna get inside your head. Just promise me nothing's happening between you guys."
"I promise."
Rosie squeezed her eyes shut but didn't say anything. While John B could be telling the truth, there was also a large possibility he wasn't, which would make it even worse if Kie found out he was macking on Sarah.
"That was really believable," JJ piped up, filling the awkward silence.
Pope joined in, "100% believable."
Rosie coughed but nodded along as Kie was watching all of them.
"Anyways, I'm gonna take care of business," John B hopped out of the van.
"You're gonna take care of that business so well," JJ nodded.
"We'll just sit here in the hot ass car. While there's lightning," Pope spoke at the same time.
John B shut the door behind him and set off towards the Hawk's Nest. Rosie frowned at the sour look on Kie's face.
"Remember, I'll beat him up," Rosie whispered with a hopeful grin.
Kie smiled slightly, but it quickly returned to a frown. Rosie sighed--at least she tried.
"I need a smoke," Rosie commanded Pope and JJ's attention. She raised her eyebrows expectantly at JJ. The blond rolled his eyes but handed her the joint he'd been toying with and tossed over his lighter.
Rosie placed the joint between her lips and used her left hand to light it. She tossed back the lighter and brought her fingers up to hold the joint. Rosie could feel JJ's gaze on her as she hollowed her cheeks and took a deep drag. She threw her head back and held in the smoke for a while before forming an 'O' with her mouth and blowing it out in rings. Rosie didn't look down as she handed the joint back to JJ. She let the lightheadedness take over. Her mind was already beginning to cloud as she'd taken a huge drag.
"You guys are unbelievable," Kie muttered as JJ blew out his own cloud of smoke, filling the van with the pungent smell of his weird cousin's pot mix.
"What, you want some?" JJ offered, earning a glare.
"No. We're in the middle of a crisis, here," she spoke as if it was obvious.
"Kie, he's just getting the map from Sarah. It's not like there's any other way of getting it," Rosie sighed and sat up straight so she was facing her friends again.
Kiara pouted but didn't say anything.
Pope filled the silence with some conspiracy theory he'd read about Star Wars, but Rosie zoned out. Kie was still too pissed to talk, and JJ was quite occupied with his lighter which he kept opening and closing. Pope must have realized no one was listening as he changed the subject.
"What did you two do to get escorted out of the party anyways?"
Rosie and JJ both looked up at this. She raised a brow at the blond, signaling him to do the talking.
"Well Rafe and Kelce followed me--"
"Wait, do you guys hear that? Shh!" Kie shot up from her seat, cutting JJ off.
"What?" Pope rose from his seat slightly.
In the distance, a voice was wailing, "Please, somebody help!"
Their eyes all widened and they shot out of the car.
"Shit!"
"What the fuck?"
Panic coursed through Rosie's veins as she hiked her dress up and ran towards the Hawk's Nest. She could've sworn it was Sarah Cameron's voice, which couldn't be good. Rosie's head pounded as they all raced to the tower. Her heart nearly stopped as they approached Sarah who was collapsed crying over John B's unmoving body. Her breath caught in her throat as she immediately thought the worst.
"Sarah, what happened?" Pope yelled.
"I don't know what to do," she sobbed, "He needs help. Topper shoved him."
Rosie's ears were ringing so hard she could no longer hear. She just stared with terror-filled eyes at her best friend's body limp in the sand.
"Where the hell is he?" JJ started to storm off, but stopped in his tracks as he caught sight of Rosie's horror stricken face.
"Please, please, please get help. I don't care who. Just call someone," Sarah continued sobbing.
"Go, go!"
"Pope! Come on!"
Rosie's vision was spotting and she stumbled, but was held upright immediately. The chest against her back felt familiar and held her steady, but she was still zoned in on John B. She couldn't tear her eyes away.
"Oh my God," her voice shook.
JJ moved from behind her and shakily held John B's limp wrist, holding his fingers against it to gage his pulse.
"His heart's beating steady," the blond called. Rosie relaxed slightly, knowing the worst hadn't happened. But just because he was alive didn't mean he was well.
Pope came sprinting back, "Ambulence is on it's way."
Kie was crying silently at this point, and Sarah's sobs were louder than ever.
It wasn't long before red flashing lights took over Rosie's vision and the wailing of a siren nearly deafened her. Rosie watched as two men ran towards her friend's limp body with a stretcher and lifted him onto it. She turned her head to follow them as they loaded him into the back of an ambulance along with Sarah Cameron.
Right as John B was loaded into the ambulence, two familiar cars pulled up beside it. Pope must have called his dad as Heyward and Mr. Carrera stepped out of their cars. Rosie watched in silence as the ambulence drove off and Kie and Pope were summoned by their parents.
"Rosie, you need a ride?" Mr. Carrera frowned in concern. Rosie had almost forgotten that just a few hours earlier she was attending Midsummer's with the Carrera family.
She shook her head politely and forced a smile, "I'll be alright. Someone's gotta take John B's van."
He nodded and somehow forced Kie into the car despite her protests. Pope turned to Rosie and JJ, "Me and my dad are gonna stop by the hospital and check on John B. If something's wrong we'll let you know, but no news is good news."
Rosie and JJ nodded. Before Pope turned to go with his dad Rosie gave him a tight hug.
"Keep Kie in the loop too, okay? Her dad's gonna kill her," Rosie mumbled into his shoulder.
Pope nodded, and she unwrapped herself from him. She watched as he left with Heyward. Their small car drove away, leaving Rosie and JJ alone by the Hawk's Nest.
"What do we do now?" Rosie sighed.
JJ shrugged, "Go home, I guess."
"I need a minute."
Rosie huffed and plopped herself down onto the sand. She laid down and stretched her limbs, not caring that she'd have to wash the sand out of her hair later. Rosie winced as she brushed her right hand against her side. She held up the wrapped hand in front of her face and frowned. Rosie swiftly removed the cloth covering and tossed it aside, revealing her swollen knuckles currently being held in place by tape.
"Dumbass," JJ muttered, staring at her bruised hand.
He sat down beside her, but didn't lay down.
"Like you're one to talk," she bit back.
They sat in silence for a moment, taking a much needed break from the chaos of the past few hours. The thunder continuously rolled in the distance, but neither of them minded. Rosie relished in the softness of the sand with her arms above her head and her toes pointed. JJ sat with his knees pulled to his chest beside her head.
"I have a spare room, you know," Rosie broke the silence.
She didn't look at him and he didn't look at her.
"I know," he replied.
Another minute of silence.
"You can have it."
"It's your mom's."
"She's dead. She won't mind."
JJ snorted at this, but didn't respond.
Another minute of silence.
"Please take it."
This time Rosie turned to look at JJ. He reluctantly tore his gaze from the sky and looked at her pleading eyes.
He didn't reply, prompting Rosie to continue, "At least for a few nights."
He gazed away from her in contemplation. She could practically hear the gears working in his brain as he thought over her offer.
"For a few nights," he finally spoke.
The weight Rosie had been carrying since she saw JJ in the car with his dad was finally lifted off her shoulders. They may not have explicitly spoken about it, but they didn't need to; for now, at least. The thunder rumbled louder and louder. A drop of water splashed against Rosie's nose. She sighed, and reluctantly pulled herself up from the ground.
"Minute's over."
She dragged herself up and flinched at the pain in her heels. Rosie kicked off the wedges she hadn't even realized she was still wearing. She dusted the sand off of her red dress while JJ stood up alongside her. The sand was soothing between her toes which were sore from the shoes she'd borrowed from Kie.
Rosie scooped up the wedges in her left hand, "I don't understand the appeal in wearing these every day. They're fucking awful."
"I'm shocked you even own a dress," JJ chuckled as he walked beside her back towards the van.
Rosie shrugged, "I'm shocked you own a suit."
The pair approached the van. JJ took the driver's side while Rosie hopped into the passenger seat. She slammed the door shut and sunk into her seat.
"I can't believe we were at Midsummer's a couple of hours ago," Rosie sighed before breaking out into a fit of alughter, "A couple of hours ago I was slapping Rafe."
Rosie lulled her head to the side to look at JJ while she laughed. Her giggles died, however, as she saw he was not laughing along. JJ gripped the wheel tighter as he drove and clenched his jaw. Rosie frowned.
"What? It was funny!" she furrowed her brows, trying to rouse a reaction from him.
"Just like it was funny last time. Except, oh yeah! He clocked you in the face," JJ grumbled.
Rosie scoffed and rolled her eyes, "And this time he didn't. Hence why it's funny."
"But he would have if he had the chance. Hence why it's not."
Rosie narrowed her eyes at the moody blond, "Well he didn't. Can you stop getting so fucking uptight everytime I try to defend you?"
"That's the issue, Rosie, you can't keep trying to 'defend' me!" he snapped, but didn't look away from the road.
Rosie narrowed her eyes at him, "I can do as I fucking please. And I don't only defend you. I'd do the same for John B or Pope or Kie. You just so happen to always need defending because you do stupid shit."
"Well stop! I'm not fuckin' worth it!" he yelled, glancing at Rosie before looking back at the road. Rosie didn't say anything. She only stared at him and observed as he sighed, calming himself down. "Please, Rosie. Just stop."
Rosie's frown deepened as she realized the root of the issue was much deeper than him not wanting her to get hurt.
Slowly, she shook her head, "I'll always be there for you and you'll always be there for me. We're Pogues. That's just how we work, JJ.
For once, JJ didn't argue. Rosie knew he still wasn't happy with her, but he also knew she was right. No matter how unworthy of saving he perceived himself to be.
Rosie and JJ rode in the silence the rest of the way. The gentle rumbling of rock music on the radio saved them from a completely deafening silence. Rosie found herself gazing at JJ's side profile. She noticed the ridge of his nose and how it turned out slightly at the end. She watched his jaw shift as he gritted his teeth. She glanced at his lower lip which he kept pulling inside his mouth, a nervous habit he'd had as long as Rosie could remember.
Rosie hadn't even realized they'd arrived at her house until JJ opened the door and hopped out. She shook herself from her trance and quickly followed.
"We'll drive the van back to the Chateau in the morning," JJ spoke as if they hadn't just argued minutes before.
Rosie nodded along beside him. They made their way inside the house and Rosie threw down her wedges by the front door.
"I just bought new sheets the other day and moved everything out so make yourself at home," Rosie sighed. She made her way towards her room and JJ followed, "I'll get you some sweatpants for the night, but tomorrow you might wanna go get some clothes and stuff for the next few days."
She tossed a pair of sweatpants at JJ who caught them in the air. Rosie walked past him towards the bathroom. She cringed at her reflection in the mirror. There were heavy bags underneath her eyes and the mascara she was wearing had smudged further. Rosie turned the tap of the sink and threw some water on her face. As she raised her head back up from the sink, she caught JJ standing behind her. She ignored his presence and reached for her toothbrush, but Rosie paused her movements when JJ moved closer to her.
Rosie's breath caught in her throat as JJ moved her hair to the side, exposing her neck. Her heart nearly stopped as he dipped down his head and pressed his lips against the side of her neck. Rosie watched in the mirror as he trailed kisses along her neck, occasionally nipping her. She stared at her reflection, eyes wide with shock. He sucked particuarly hard in one spot, and she released a soft sigh.
JJ must have noticed her inner conflict as her shoulders tensed and relaxed repeatedly.
He flipped her around and brought his face level to hers. He pressed his nose against hers, their lips just centimeters apart. He was testing her. As they stood there, nose to nose, breathing the same air, Rosie realized JJ wanted her to initiate it this time.
"Don't fight it," he murmured.
So she didn't.
Rosie crashed her lips against his. The first time they'd kissed it was full of frustration. The second time, fear. This time, it was passion.
Her lips molded perfectly with his. They moved in sync. JJ swiped his tongue along Rosie's bottom lip. She parted her lips slightly, deepening the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and thread her fingers through his already messy hair. Rosie tugged it harshly, and JJ responded by nipping her bottom lip playfully.
He tapped the back of her thighs, signaling her to jump. Rosie complied and JJ lifted her onto the counter. She tried to overpower JJ by slipping her tongue into his mouth, but instantly retreated as he ran his hand up the slit of her dress. Rosie gasped into his mouth as he trailed his nails along her inner thigh, sending shivers down her spine.
Desire filled his eyes as he broke away from her and attached his lips to her neck again. He pulled down the strap of her dress, exposing even more skin. Rosie arched her body into JJ's and surrendered herself to him.
"So fuckin' gorgeous," he breathed between sloppy kisses.
His thumb was now rubbing circles high up on her thigh. His other hand dancing along her other shoulder and pulled down the strap. Rosie wrapped her legs around him and pulled him closer. She tugged at his hair, signaling him to look back up at her. They held each other's gaze for a moment, but not for long as Rosie pressed her lips against his again.
JJ moved his hand from her thigh and placed it on the small of her back. Rosie shuttered as he trailed his hand up until his fingers were at the zipper of her dress. JJ never missed a beat moving his lips against hers as he slowly dragged the zipper down. But just as her dress was about to come off, something inside Rosie snapped.
Her brows furrowed and she shook her head, shoving JJ away.
"No, no, no, no!" she mumbled repeatedly to herself.
"What'd I do?" JJ gasped, lips red and swollen.
Rosie shook her head, "No, JJ! We can't just do this again and then pretend like nothing happened, we need to talk!"
JJ's disoriented face turned into one of disbelief.
"You wanna talk? You of all fucking people wanna talk?" his voice started low but quickly raised.
Rosie searched for words, but she couldn't find them. Instead, her let her mouth open and close like an idiot.
"Well then fucking talk, Rosie, because you never seem to want to," JJ snapped.
"I'm trying to fix things between us, JJ! We can't just keep pretending like the way we act is normal for friends!" she babbled, still taken aback by his outburst.
"Stop pretending you're all high and mighty and mature for confronting your problems, Rosie, because you never do! Just because one night you're in the mood to talk about it doesn't mean I am! And from the amount of times you've pushed me away, you sure as hell aren't justified in expecting me to."
Rosie matched his anger.
"The amount of times I've pushed you away? How about the times you push me away! Like tonight, you dick!"
Rosie hopped off the counter and shoved him. The pressure made her right hand flare in pain again, but she didn't care. She stormed into the hallway and he followed.
"But there's a difference, Rosie. I push you away for your own good," he seethed.
Rosie whipped around to face him, fire dancing in her eyes.
"Stop acting like you know what's best for me, JJ, because you don't!"
His face was becoming red with fury.
"Clearly I do if you're too fucking dumb to see it for yourself! Don't you get that I'm toxic? Everytime someone tries to 'save' me, they end up getting hurt! You need to stay away from me."
JJ gripped her arms, but Rosie shook him off, her anger growing.
"The problem, JJ, is you say that, but you were just trying to take off my dress not even five minutes ago!"
She shoved him, but he stepped forwards, making Rosie step back against the wall.
"Because I'm fucking selfish!" he yelled.
Rosie tried to yell back, but she was at a loss for words. How was she supposed to respond?
"I just--I just wanted to talk," she was still fuming, but couldn't find better words.
"So then talk, Rosie! Talk to me! Tell me, why do you keep fucking trying with me?"
She tried to retaliate, but she couldn't wipe the dumb look off her face.
"I don't know"
"That's not much of an answer, is it?" he laughed a dry, menacing laugh, "Talk to me! Please, fucking talk to me! Tell me why you're so scared of me!"
"I'm not scared," Rosie grit, her blood boiling with each word.
"I think you are, Rosie. What was that you told me on John B's hammock? That you're scared because I make you feel?"
His crazed eyes bore into hers. She clenched her jaw, but didn't respond. So JJ continued pushing.
"I make you feel something, don't I? That's why you fucking hate me. That's why you went and got beat up by Rafe. It's why you followed me to the police station and why you broke your fucking hand. It's why you want me to stay here, and it's why I'm bad for you," he fumed.
Rosie remained silent, but her composure was cracking.
"What do I make you feel, Rose-Ann?"
She cracked further.
"Nothing. You make me feel nothing."
Rosie spoke in an eerily even tone.
She whipped around and walked steadily to her bedroom, closing the door behind her not too fast, but not too slow.
Don't let him win.
She stepped out of the red dress and threw on her dad's sweatshirt as if nothing had just happened.
You're stronger than him
Rosie turned off her light and slipped underneath her covers. But as soon as she tried to close her eyes,
she broke.
Her body shook as tears poured down her face. Rosie really wished she hadn't thrown out her Twilight book. A puddle of tears was forming on her pillow. The covers were suffocating. She threw them off and tried to run out of the room, but she collapsed into a heap on the ground. Her vision was spotting and all she could hear was the sound of her gasps inbetween the endless stream of tears drowning her.
Her body wracked with sobs. She fought to contain the wails threatening to escape, but the pressure of forcing them down strained her throat and made her head pound. She felt pathetic. She was pathetic.
Stop crying.
She held her breath. The tears kept flowing. She counted to ten. Her heartbeat quickened. She gave in and let herself cry. The sobs hit harder. They wouldn't stop.
Rosie blindly pulled herself off the ground, her legs shaking. They threatened to give out again, but she stumbled to the door. She fumbled with the doorknob through her salty vision. She toppled into the hallway and walked towards her mother's old room with wobbly legs.
Please be here.
Rosie fell into the door. Her breath caught at the sight before her.
He didn't leave.
JJ was laying on his back with the covers bunched at his waist. It was dark, but Rosie could see his eyes shoot to the door. He furrowed his brows, but didn't move at the trembling girl in the doorway.
The dam broke loose. Rosie could no longer contain her sobs. She stumbled towards the bed and crawled onto it like a child. She didn't wait for JJ's permission to wrap a leg around him and sob into his bare chest. She cried harder as one hand stroked her head and the other pulled her closer.
Her cries were ugly, but he didn't care.
JJ rested his chin on her head and rubbed circles on her back.
"I feel so much," she hiccuped through tears, "You make me feel so much."
He continued to thread his fingers through her hair.
"I know," he whispered.
"I'm not scared of you," she cried despite his soothing 'shh's, "I'm scared of losing you."
Guilt made his heart wrench.
"I know, baby, I know. Don't cry."
JJ's voice shook. Tears pricked at his eyes, but he needed to stay strong. So he pulled Rosie impossibly closer and pressed his lips against the top of her head. Her sobs slowly subsided, but he never let go. They clung onto each other like they were all each other had left; and in a way, they were.
Rosie slowly removed her face from his chest and rubbed away the puddle she'd created with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. She shakily rested her head in the crook of JJ's neck instead. No words were spoken as Rosie's breaths steadied and her eyes drooped shut.
JJ's chest rose and fell at a slow, steady pace.
Their heartbeats slowed. Exhaustion took over.
But just before Rosie slipped from conciousness, she whispered,
"I feel love."