I eventually ended up visiting my Thinking Place.
I discovered it when I was fourteen — I acted like a jerk towards Vince, which caused a fight between me and my brother, and I figured I had to get out of the house to escape Dad's wrath. It's this abandoned building a few blocks away from our family home, which at first glance looked creepy, as most deserted places do. But if you know where to situate yourself, it could be a very good spot to mull things over.
It's been a long time since I visited it, but the building remained as desolate as ever. Even the wooden bench that fourteen-year-old Vren built was still in its usual spot, unmoved. How it survived years and years of neglect, I had no idea.
Nevertheless, I took a seat on it and heaved the heaviest sigh I could muster. Almost immediately, Mira's face came into mind.
I still can't believe my life had changed in the blink of an eye. Suddenly, I have a six-year-old son to take care of, and after everything Mira and I endured, we now risk losing each other as a result of the momentous secrets we just learned.
Minutes of defeaning silence passed.
Maybe I could arrange for my girlfriend to meet my son. Maybe she'd find it easier to accept him once they've bonded...
Today's humid, and soon, drops of sweat had drenched my face. I fished my handkerchief out of my pocket and was about to wipe my forehead when I heard the sound of approaching footsteps.
I froze.
"Hello?" I called out. "Is anybody there?"
I got no answer, but the sound of footsteps didn't cease. I don't really think of myself as a scaredy-cat, but as I was inside an abandoned building and the sun's starting to go down, my level of bravery admittedly took a hit.
Alright, Vren. Time to get out of this creepy place.
I stood up and turned around, already prepared to walk out of the building as fast as I could, when I finally saw the owner of the footsteps that scared the wits out of me.
"Alexia? Damn it. Ikaw lang pala 'yan."
"Why, hello there, Papa Vren!" My girlfriend's silly gay friend giggled. "Hindi ko naman akalaing magkikita tayo rito. Did I scare you?"
"Scare me? You wish!" I replied indignantly, despite having been on the verge of running away just a moment ago. "What the fuck are you doing here, anyway?"
"Nandito ako para mag-treasure hunting," Alexia proudly replied.
"Treasure hunting? You've got to be kidding me. Walang nakabaong kayamanan dito, Mr. Pinpin."
"Hmm, mukha nga. Kanina pa ako pagala-gala rito pero wala naman akong napapala." He raised his right hand slightly, which held what seemed to be a metal detector. "Joke time lang yata ang nabasa kong treasure hunting blog. Chaka!"
I gave him a you-are-such-an-idiot look.
"E ikaw, Papa Vren... anong ginagawa mo rito?"
I sighed. "I'm here to think."
Alexia raised a brow. "At bakit sa isang abandonadong building ka pa kailangang magmuni-muni, Mr. Montevilla? Don't tell me na hindi na naman kayo okay ni Mirathea? Hindi ko siya nakita sa office buong araw, at ngayon naman, masasaktuhan kitang nag-e-emote dito?"
I debated whether to tell him about my dilemma or not, but in the end, I realized I badly needed someone to talk to right now. Pagtitiyagaan ko na munang kausapin ang isang 'to.
"You're right. Mira and I are not okay," I admitted.
"I knew it! E bakit ayaw niyong mag-usap para matapos na ang warla niyo?"
"I wish it were that easy. But this isn't something that could be resolved by a mere conversation."
Alexia's expression turned curious. "Gano'n? Tungkol naman saan ang pinag-awayan niyo ngayon, aber?"
"Before I tell you, promise me that you won't faint after hearing it. Iiwanan kita rito," I warned. I knew just how dramatic this dolt could be.
He raised a hand halfway. "Promise, walang fainting na magaganap."
"Alright, here goes nothing," I muttered. Then, in a louder voice already directed to Alexia, "I'm sure you know about my ex-girlfriend, Isabella."
"Oh, my gosh! Si Isabella na naman pala ang pinag-awayan niyo ni Mirathea? Bakit ba kahit tegi na ang merlat na 'yon ay —"
"Shut up and let me talk, Mr. Pinpin."
"Para saan pa? E alam ko namang simula nang pumasok ulit ang babaeng 'yon sa buhay mo, nagkandalabo-labo na ang love story niyo ni Mira!"
"Yeah, well... Did you also know that Bella and I have a son?"
"What?!" Alexia now gaped at me with eyes like saucers. "May junakis kayo ng ex-girlfriend mo?"
I nodded. "Bella kept him a secret until her death."
"O to the M to the G... Congratulations, Mr. Montevilla! You're now the father of a bouncing baby boy!"
"Very funny, Alexia," I told him with a sarcastic smirk. "And it's a six-year-old boy, actually."
"A six-year-old whose name is...?"
"Zachary Dann — Zac for short."
"Zachary Dann Montevilla," Alexia murmured in awe. "Grabe. Pangalan pa lang, halatang gwapo na!"
"Zachary Dann dela Merced," I corrected. "He carries his mom's name."
"Whatever. Kahit ano pa ang apelyido na dala ng anak niyo ni Isabella, siguradong mahihirapan ang girlfriend mo na tanggapin siya." He rolled his eyes. "Pero gustuhin ko mang magalit sa'yo dahil pinasama mo na naman ang loob ng kaibigan ko, that would be unfair to you. Wala ka namang ideya tungkol sa bata, hindi ba?"
"Of course. I was just as clueless as the rest of you are," I answered without skipping a beat. "Kung hindi pa nawala si Bella ay hindi ko pa malalaman na meron pala kaming anak."
Alexia paused to think. "Alam mo... parehas kayong nakakaawa ni Mira," he eventually remarked. "Biktima lang kayo ng secretive mong ex at ng kanyang pasabog from the grave."
"You make it sound like Bella's this evil ex-girlfriend who planned to destroy my relationship with Mira. She's not like that," I told him. "She had her reasons for keeping Zac from everyone's knowledge, that I'm sure of."
"Sus, ipinagtanggol mo pa talaga ang babaeng 'yon," he said with another roll of his eyes. "Anyway highway, kung ayaw na sa'yo ni Mira dahil may sabit ka na, nandito naman ako. Handa akong tanggapin si Zac, Papa Vren! Promise, aalagaan ko kayo nang bonggang-bongga. Magiging isang mabuting ina ako sa anak mo."
I had to laugh out loud after hearing that. The mental image of me, Zac, and Alexia as a family was just horribly ridiculous. "Seriously, Mr. Pinpin?"
"Seriously! Ang sa akin lang naman kasi, hindi dapat maging dahilan ng pagkasira ng relasyon niyo ni Mira ang pagdating ni Zac sa buhay mo. 'Yon ay kung talagang mahal ka ng kaibigan ko, ha? Which I know she does, but still... If you really love someone, tatanggapin mo siya nang buong-buo — children from previous relationships included. 'Di ba?"
"Thank you. That's really nice of you to say, Alexia." I gave him a small smile. "Still, I don't think you're going to stand by that after hearing another revelation."
"Shocks! Meron pa palang plot twist? What else do I need to know, Papa Vren?"
"Mira and Bella, as it turned out, are half-sisters. Tito Arkin, Bella's dad, is Mira's biological father."
"Susmaryosep... Magkapatid pala ang ex mo at ang current jowa mo?" He placed a hand on his chest. "Hindi ko kinakaya ang mga nangyayari! Ate Charo, where are you? Baka gusto mong i-feature 'to sa palabas mo!"
I had no idea what Alexia was talking about, but I plowed on. "Can you see now why Mira is devastated? I share a son with my ex-girlfriend, who happened to be her sister. It's a fucking complicated situation. And now, she won't even talk to me. How are we supposed to deal with this if all I hear from her is radio silence?"
"Nandoon na tayo, pero bigyan mo rin ng panahon si Mira na makapag-isip-isip. Ikaw na mismo ang nagsabi na napakakumplikado ng sitwasyon niyo ngayon," Alexia pointed out. "She needs time and space to process everything."
"I know that, but I'm worried. What if I keep my distance, and all it does is make it easier for her to drift away from me?"
"Hala. Hindi naman ako informed na masyado ka palang clingy!" Alexia giggled. "Time and space, okay? Trust me. Kahit naman alam ng lahat na may pagnanasa ako sa'yo, handa akong magsakripisyo para sa sister ko. Gusto kong makita kayong masaya ni Mira. Kaya makinig ka sa akin — hayaan mo munang mahimasmasan ang girlfriend mo. Tapos, saka mo siya kausapin nang masinsinan."
"Alright. Give Mira time and space... I think I can do that." I exhaled. "Hey, thank you for the advice. I badly needed it. Since when did you become a love guru, anyway?" I teased him with a grin.
"Matagal na akong bihasa sa pag-ibig, 'no?" He smirked. "Pero anong 'thank you' ang sinasabi mo riyan, Papa Vren? May bayad ang advice ko — isang gabi sa piling mo. Charot!"
"You are such a creep," I told him flatly. "Let's just go home, shall we? It's getting late."
"Oo nga, tara na! Nilalamok na ako rito. Pesteng treasure hunting blog na 'yan. Nauto ang beauty ko!" he exclaimed with a frown.
"Don't blame the blog. Blame your gullibility." I snickered. "Come on, I'll drive you home."
"OMG! Talaga, Papa Vren? Ihahatid mo ako pauwi?"
"Yup. Just promise that you won't grope me while I'm driving."
"I won't... for tonight. May next time pa naman, e." He let out another giggle.
"Jesus. Quit it, Mr. Pinpin. Let's just go."
We made our way out of my Thinking Place. I was still in a state of pleasant surprise — of all people, I didn't expect Alessandro Pinpin to take time and listen to my predicament, let alone give me sound advice.
Sometimes, help comes from the most unexpected person, I realized. We just have to be willing to accept it.