I DIDN'T WANT TO but I was the first one to pull away, taking a couple steps back. This... this wasn't supposed to happen... but I wanted it to happen again. Atticus looks embarrassed, covering his face with his hand.
"I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have spilled that on you, Vera. I just wanted to know what it felt like and-"
I place a hand over his mouth, making him stop talking. I didn't want to hear it now. I didn't want to hear him ramble. All I really wanted to do was kiss him again. And again and again and again. But I stopped myself.
"Atticus... Atticus it's okay," I tell him. "Atticus, you make me feel like the most important girl in the world, you know that. I think, all I've wanted since seeing you again was to be with you and I wanted to... to hold you in my arms and I just... I thought you forgot about me. I... I saw you, at every school dance. I watched through the windows, from the trees. It sounds so... stalkerish and weird and it's like I'm obsessive over you or something but when I was gone, I just wanted to come back to you and Tori and Lys."
I drew in a deep breath. The next part would hurt.
"But... you've been so open to me about your past and your relationships and... I haven't been the same." I paused. Another deep breath... in... out. "I have my secrets and the life I lived was... beyond anything that would be considered normal. I mean, I'm a killer. An assassin. I didn't think that, once you knew that part, you'd still be my friend, never mind love me. And... what I'm trying to say is... I can't do this, right now. Date you, if that's what you want to happen after."
His face falls. He looks devastated. "I get it, really it's-"
I don't let him finish. "There's some things that I know I have to tell you at one point-"
"Like a relationship? Ex-boyfriend?"
Something like that.
"It's... complicated," was all I say. "I'll... I'd really appreciate it if I could tell you on my own time, when I'm ready, and I hope you know that I want to be with you-" Oh gods, I can't believe that I'm admitting this. "-but I just want to do it right, because you don't deserve to be in love with a half crazy psychopath-"
"You aren't that, Vera. I can assure you, you aren't a psychopath."
I bit my lip. "I'm going to fix myself. I'm going to figure out what to do with myself and I'm going to figure out this crazy life that I lead, and when I do figure it out, I promise you, that I'm yours." I purse my lips. "Is that... is that okay... with you?"
He bit his bottom lip. "Yeah... yeah, okay. You figure yourself out, and then I'm here for you. Okay? But, I still get to keep my position as best friend."
I laughed. "Yeah, if you're going to be that cheesy, I'm going to have to get you to vacate that position, too." He joined me, laughing, and for a second again, we were just best friends enjoying a good laugh.
"HEY! ATT!"
The laughter stopped. Both of us turned around, where Avery Foster and Jason Hearst was approaching us. Jason held a camera. Like, not a phone camera, but an expensive, Eden company camera. I groaned. It was too early in the morning to be followed, what the fuck are these boys doing.
"It's a bit too early to hang out, isn't it?" Atticus called out. "Didn't Finch have a party last night? Heard you got pretty wasted, Foster."
The boy rolled his eyes. "Your ex knew you were going to break up with her, but don't you think she'll let go of you so easily. She has to play the jealous ex-girlfriend before she can move on."
"She saw you pass by her house this morning," Jason continued. "Heard you had a staring contest, she thought you wanted to go get her back. When you walked away, she called us, asked to follow you two and see what you were up to. I'm pretty sure the result is not what she wanted, but what she expected."
Jason turned his camera back on and went through the pictures until he landed on the picture he wanted. We were mid kiss, the wind blowing and the sun shining. The photo was in incredible quality, almost seeming like it was a stock photo, or something from a movie.
"That's a really nice picture," I muttered.
"Thank you, Miss Assassin, I'm glad you approve." He turned off the camera and stuffed it back in its carrier. "Hey, if you're the queen's sister, then would that make you a princess?"
Technically, I was a princess at the moment, just not in the way he thinks. "Victoria's royal by marriage. Only her children have titles, not family members."
"So you're a lady," Avery says.
I smirked. "I was born a lady. The kingdom hardly uses titles anymore but technically, I'd be Lady Vera of House Carmicheal."
"Oh, apologies, m'lady." The two boys jokingly bow to me, making me giggle. I definitely did not expect Atticus' friends to ever warm up to me, but here we are. "Do you want to join us for breakfast? Anne is meeting us at Aussie's. Mickey hasn't wanted to join us since the break up-"
"Are you going to show her the picture?" I asked. I didn't mind, not at all. This was between her and Atticus. But I didn't want to throw him under the bus.
Jason shook his head. "I could send it to you guys, if you want, and I'll just delete it before showing the photos to her. It'll be quick, you don't have to be worried."
"Are you doing that out of the kindness of your heart, or are you scared of the people we know?" Atticus asked with a smirk.
Jason shrugged. "A little bit of both, if I'm being honest."
The four of us laughed, and headed back to the town. This was better. This started to feel more like home.
✶
I THINK THESE ARE some of the best waffles in the world, though I won't say they're the best. If I close my eyes, I would always be able to smell and taste Dad's waffles whenever I ate. The memory helped me get through more than enough of terrible, cold meals.
Avery, Jason and Atticus are already on their third waffle, each. I don't understand how - Aussie's waffles are huge, stacked with strawberries and whipped cream and maple syrup. They always claim that they're buying them for Anne, but end up eating them anyway.
It's been thirty minutes since we've arrived. Jason claims that his girlfriend was in some fashion emergency, as if anyone can look good at seven in the morning. The boys and I end up talking about all of their high school fails, from Jason accidentally killing his first date by feeding her strawberries on their first date (because apparently one can be allergic to them) to Avery almost setting the school on fire one day in chemistry.
Finally, the bell to the restaurant rang and Anne walked in, in clothes that probably weren't appropriate this early in the morning. She wore a full face of makeup and everything. "Hey," she greets, a smile on her face. She leans in and gives Jason a kiss. "Sorry we're late, we got held up."
Wait - did she say "we"?
I look behind her, where Mikayla enters the store. She takes one look at Atticus and I and rolls her eyes. Okay then, Snow Queen, be like that. "Hey guys, I didn't expect to have more company outside of our group."
I screamed internally. Of course she knew, that's why she's in a pretty floral dress at 7AM. That's why she has bright lipstick on when she's supposed to have breakfast at a waffle house. She's here to try to win her boyfriend back, despite everything.
I turn to Atticus. Do you want to leave? I mouth to him. He nods, beginning to stand up. But Mikayla makes him sit back down and moves into the booth beside him. My thigh hits the wall, suddenly feeling squished. Oh, my gods.
"Don't leave yet, babe, Annie and I just got here." Mikayla runs her hand through Atticus' hair. She's trying to win him back. She really does have to play the jealous ex before moving on.
"Funny, I thought I'd be the last person you'd want to see in a long time," Atticus laughs nervously. Under the table he grabs my hand for comfort. I squeeze it. "I really don't think it would be a good idea for us to stay. Vera needs to go... um... babysit, yeah, for her nieces and nephews. I offered to help."
It was a weak lie, I know Mikayla wasn't going to fall for it. "Her sister is the queen of Noatra, I'm pretty sure she can find someone to watch over her kids. And on that note-" she moves her hand down to Atticus' chest. "I can't believe the royal guard makes you go on all those missions, you've already been shot twice this month."
"They're voluntary, Mickey." I don't know why, but my heart leaps when Att calls her with a nickname. "You know I need the money-"
"Another lie, Atticus. We both know Queen Victoria and Sir Lysander treat you like a little brother, they won't let you and your mom fall into debt." Mikayla turns to me for the first time. "Some members of the family actually care about you and care about your safety."
I open my mouth to say something, but Atticus jumps in instead. "Vera never puts me in those situations, Mikayla. I'm the one that goes with her. I put myself in those situations. Vera's the one that makes sure I make it out of them alive."
The girl rolls her eyes in disgust as her and Anne's order arrives. I don't even remember them ordering. Maybe the boys actually did order them something. "One of these days, you won't be that lucky. Then what, Atticus? You're just going to leave your widowed mother alone? She's going to spend nights, thinking about her son and how if he didn't follow that murderer of a bitch Vera, he might be alive. Atticus, you're making a mistake."
Avery sits her back in her seat as she began to stand up. "Mikayla, you're causing a scene. Chill."
She stepped on his foot, making him yelp in pain. Suddenly I find a butterknife in front of my face, with a crazy girl holding it. "Who do you think you are, waltzing into our lives and stealing my boyfriend? The world was better off with you dead, you know that, Vera Carmicheal. You're a bitch."
I'm not going to overreact. I am not going to overreact. I am not going to overreact.
I grab her wrist in one hand and pull the butterknife our with the other. "You don't want me here? Fine, I'll leave. I had no issue of doing that when you first got here. You want your boyfriend back? Last I heard, he's not mine. This is between you and Atticus, Mikayla." Since the girl was blocking my way out, I stood onto my seat and climbed over the booth seat. Luckily, no one was sitting behind us.
I walk to the counter and pull out my wallet. Tori let me borrow some money from her, and I decided to pay the group bill for breakfast.
Damn it, I didn't finish my stack of waffles. Another time, I guess.
"I could pay, if you want." Atticus finally makes it out of the hellhole.
"Too late." I take the receipt from the cashier. "Good to know that you made it out of there alive." We begin to walk out of the restaurant. I notice the boys following us as we walk out. I wave goodbye, they wave back.
Atticus sighed. "I'm so sorry, Vera. I didn't expect that to happen."
"I don't think any of us were prepared for that shitstorm," I said with a small laugh. Atticus puts his arm around me, pulling me closer. "What did you say to her after. I guess I kind of tuned you guys out."
"She just went on a tangent and when she moved, I took my opportunity and left," Atticus said. "I thought she understood when I talked with her. She said she saw it coming, I just didn't expect her to go crazy."
I shrugged. "That's what love does, it makes people go crazy. I mean, look at yourself, you went crazy the second you lost me."
He shoved me away, playfully, with a smile on his face. The people were finally leaving their houses for school or work or wherever they were heading. People didn't stare - I guess they were less scared now that it was revealed that I'm a member of the royal family.
Atticus' phone rings. He stops and picks it up. Then he hands it to me. "Your sister."
I take the phone from him. "Hey Tori, anything wrong?"
"Where'd you go?" she asked. "Gosh, I really need to buy you a cell phone, now that we don't consider you a convicted criminal. Maybe I'll get you one for your birthday."
"Atticus and I went for a walk this morning-"
"Oh, right, can you please yell at Atticus for being out of bed when he's not supposed to. He was released by doctors on orders that he'd stay in bed for at least a couple days."
"I already screamed at him this morning, you're welcome. I'm sorry I didn't let you know, I figured you could always call Atticus or that one of the staff members would let you know."
There's shuffling in the background. I could hear a baby cry, followed by a "Michelle, can you check on Annalise for a second, I'm on the phone."
Her attention turns back to me. "Sorry about that, Vera. I guess, after what happened so long ago, I kind of get paranoid if I can't find you when I need you. Anyway, I need you to come back to the castle. You have a dress fitting."
I'mm not sure I heard that right. "A dress fitting? Tori, you can't be serious. I don't wear dresses."
"Lies, Vera." Jeez, what's with everyone being able to pick out lies today. "You wore a dress when Lysander and I first granted you freedom and we went home for the first time in ten years, remember that?"
"Yes, I do but-"
"We have your measurements from then, but you've probably gained, like, an extra ten pounds since-"
"Hey!"
"I'm only speaking the truth, Vera. You finally started having regular meals for the first time in ten years-" She really likes pointing that out, doesn't she? "But Pheon's birthday is in three days, the palace is getting ready for the ball-"
"You're going to have a ball?"
"Yes, obviously, it's tradition and I know you know that because you came to them all when you were a kid. For fuck's sake - excuse the language - I got engaged on the last one you attended. Anyway, the party goes until past midnight, as in, your birthday. I don't care if you didn't want a party, I have to introduce you to everyone that night. I need you to look presentable."
I groaned. "You can't be serious, Tory. You couldn't have let me know in advance? Like, more than three days in advance?"
"Vera, please, I beg you. The kingdom still knows you as a villan, a criminal. I don't care whether or not the name of the royal family is clean or not, but I don't want you to be associated with actions that you were probably forced into, and I don't want you to suffer in the future because of it. Mom and Dad would've killed me."
I closed my eyes. "Okay, okay, fine. I'll be there in twenty minutes. Is there anything else?"
Victoria paused for a second. "Um, yeah actually. Lysander called and he wants you to meet him in Roselake later - and I told him it has to be after your dress fitting. After, Vera Carmicheal. If you aren't in my bedroom in twenty minutes I'll bury you. But year, he wanted to show you something."
That couldn't be good, if Lysander wanted to see me in Roselake. But, it probably wasn't so serious if he could wait. "Yeah, okay, I'm coming to you first and heading to Roselake after. See you in twenty, Tori."
"Bye sis." She hung up.
I hand the phone back to Atticus. "So, a dress fitting? Should I match with my suit?" He has a goofy smile on his face.
I punched him in the arm. "I'll make sure to put you in a bright, neon pink suit, if you aren't careful."
He laughs, kissing my forehead. "We're going to be the best dressed couple then, I'm sure of it."