Billy: Hi, Billy Mays here in Atlanta Georgia with my co-host Mike!
Mike: Our contestants are dauntlessly heading on their way to the first course of the game of our third audition. Here's Jayden and our special guest.
Lisa 'Left Eye' Lopes is now calling Jayden on the TV. "Lisa Lopes AKA Left Eye of TLC fame, simply delightful to have you hosting this round of auditions," says Jayden with a smile. "Mr. Hubbard, it is an honor that you chose my hometown road as a set for your new show." "And what have you got in mind for our contestants?" "I'll be testing their driving skills. To get the police officer role, they'll have to ace these driving tests." "Great, Lisa, great. Just make sure you find the most qualified one amongst them." "Oh yes, only the one with the most perseverance and skill will be qualified for this role." "Well, what are they, Lisa?" "I'm sorry, I don't have any time to explain, I have to get going, I'm falling behind." "Well, good to see you again, Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes!" "Thank you, Jayden, it was great to see you." "Okay, Left Eye, let's get this part tasked. Start your engines!"
The angels are now at the first part of the driving audition for the police officer role. They're on a circular platform surrounded by a rather shallow body of water.
Lisa: This first game is called 'Water Gladiators', you'll have to squirt opponents off the edge into the water. So your riding on unicycles, and each of them has a water hose. To control the hose, there are two buttons. If you want to do a quick squirt, press the green button. If you wanna do a power squirt hold the gray button and release to unleash the power spray to make them fall back and land into the pit. If you wanna stop quickly push the red button. Bounce opponents off bumpers or each other for extra points. Note: If you and an opponent are near the edge of the arena, tap the shoot button repeatedly to quickly take that opponent out at close range. Going around the perimeter of the arena in a circle may help prevent your CPU opponents from shooting you. You can then counterattack. Everybody ready.
All: Ready.
The game starts with a bumper tire in the middle.
Lisa: On your mark...get set...go
BACKGROUND MUSIC: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEuU64Zt4B0
Move бич by Ludacris begins to play, the contestants start to get all hyped up, especially Paul, who sings all the lyrics in this song! The game starts at three minutes only for it to become a complete ruckus, with the contestants singing along to the lyrics of the song.
Mike: What's this? The contestants are shouting the lyrics as they play the game! Paul's got a bigger hose than the rest of the contestants. I sense a dirty trick coming up!
Paul: I've been drinkin' and bustin' two and I've been thinkin' of bustin' you upside yo motherףקכin' forehead! And if your friends jump in! (He sprays at Brittany which causes her to fly into Christina Grimmie causing them to fall over and splash into the pit.
Paul: THEY'LL BE MORE DEAD!
(An irritated Brittany flips Paul off.)
Paul begins to sing the lyric, "So bye bye to all you groupies and gold diggers, is there a bumper on your אסס!"
"HEY," yelled a female voice. Anna Nicole Smith looked at them with a furious look. She sprayed him so hard he flew off his unicycle an instead of jumping into the pit, he shot across the pit.
Billy: Ooh, looks like that one backfired on Paul Walker.
Mike: It sure does, Billy.
Anna: Blonde models rule! (Marilyn shoots at Anna until she falls into the pit.) Shoot! Dang it!
Bernie: I told you, Paul, you shouldn't have said that line out loud!
Paul: I didn't!
James: I'm DUI, hardly ever caught sober! And you about to get RAN THE فقك OVER!!!
And that's exactly what James Dean did to Natasha Richardson, he came after Natasha pushed her off the platform and into the pit.
John: Fools, can't defeat me!
Grace: Good luck winning buddy. (laughs)
John: (His and Grace's bike bumps into a bumper and Paul appears out of nowhere) Crap, I headed the wrong turn!
John: Okay, first of all, pause. Second of all, look behind you, a bat! Third of all, PSYCHE!
(John sprays John and Grace causing them to fall off their bikes and into the water)
John: You made us fricking fall! (John walks away as a mechanical hand grabs Brittany and Robin back to the platform)
John: That's not my freaking problem!
They had two minutes of the game, so the hook removes the bumper tire in the middle and replaces it with two bumpers, one on each side.
The game got even harder especially with all the contestants bumping into tires. Heath and Brittany real started to struggle. Paul seems to be doing pretty good though.
Christina: Geez, this is bringing a lot of Vietnam flashbacks of us to the audience. What's the matter with Paul?
Brittany: They've been listening to too much hip hop lately.
Christina: (laughs) Well, it does make sense since rap is now possibly the most popular genre.
Natasha: Yeah, but possibly the most hated by some people.
They now had only one minute left. The hook then takes away the two bumper tires and replaces them with three bumpers, two on the side and one in the front. This is when the game becomes more like pinball instead of the actual game they were playing. Paul's performance seems to be declining a bit with Natasha really killing it this time.
The game lasted for a few more seconds before resulting in Natasha Richardson winning that game. "Great game, y'all!" Everybody was now all wet from falling into the water pit or getting sprayed multiple times and had to towel off after all that racket.
The second game is where every player has a track and a bike. Every once in a while, they'll land on a ramp and if they do some tricks, they'll earn some points.
The contestants were now on the next part of the audition.
Lisa: Okay, this next game is called, 'Pedal to the Metal', you'll need to jump off ramps and do tricks. Link as many tricks as you can before landing for more points. Pedal towards ramps and jump off them. Use the green button on your bicycle to speed up. Perform tricks in the air and link them for more points. Also avoid obstacles, they will block your way.
Billy: Failing to finish performing tricks results in a wipeout. Try to find the highest scoring combinations of tricks for each type of ramp to accumulate big points. Yes, there is an end of the path, and yes, you can reach it, just try not to wipeout. You have three minutes to ride.
BACKGROUND MUSIC: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVCaSBawDpc
The traffic light turns red indicating 'on your mark', then turns orange saying 'get ready', turns yellow to 'get set', then flashes green meaning 'GO!'
James: OMG, I love this song.
Paul: So do I!
The contestants boost off down the track as they sing the lyrics.
They see me rollin', they hatin', patrolling and tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty x4
My music's so loud, I'm swangin'. They hopin that they gonna catch me ridin' dirty
Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty x3
Grace Kelly was doing rather well. Paul really seems to be killing this game. Bernie Mac on the other hand was struggling a bit. He didn't earn much points for his tricks, and while cycling down the track he hit a wall. He kept getting wipeouts numerous times.
Bernie: That'll leave a mark...
Paul and Grace were flying high as angels with their tricks.
Paul: Bikemaster Walker! I'm speedy.
Grace: Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Whee! AHH-ah!
Heath Ledger and Lauren Bacall seemed to be doing pretty well too.
Heath: I'm number one! I'm number one!
Lauren: Let's fly!
However, Bernie started to step up his game a little bit, and in only a few seconds, he reached an almost unbeatable score!
Bernie: I can't lose! ZOOM!
Then as a high green ramp headed Bernie's way, he was about to do a trick that would make people's eyeballs pop out of their sockets.
Bernie: Rippity-rip-rip!
He does a backflip while hanging on to the handles of his bikes, spins around and lands gracefully!
Bernie: So high! I'm winning, I'm winning!
After three whole minutes of tricks and flips on ramps, the game was finished. Bernie and Grace got the highest score out of all the contestants. "I did it! Where's my cash prize?!"
Lisa: This next game is called 'Rollin' in the Street', you're gonna actually drive your race cars in races. Try your best to cross the finish line to earn more points. Drive as fast as you can. Use the steering wheel to turn left or right. Use the pedal on the right to speed up, use the pedal in the middle to activate the brakes. Use the left pedal to reverse. Tap the brake to slide around corners. Tap the brake to slide around corners. To slide, tap the brake and hold the direction of the turn. Speed up on Boost Pads and avoid water puddles.
Billy: Pointers! The slide tap is ATROCIOUS. Don't use it unless you have to make a nasty turn. It helps to cut corners. Just be careful not to get slowed down by the dirt. The CPU players may get aggressive with you and cause you to miss boost pads. Push back if you find yourself in this situation. Once a player crosses the finish line first, the other players have 30 seconds to cross the finish line. This repeats until the last player crosses the finish line. Failing to cross the finish line in time causes the game to take the first place player's time, add a 30-second penalty to it, and make it the time(s) of the player(s) who were too slow. The phrase "TOO SLOW!" on a flag also appears in front of you, so don't let that happen. Are you ready! You have three races to encounter, but this is the first one.
Contestants: Yeah!
But then, as they were getting ready to start their engines, the band starts playing 'Rollin' by Limp Bizkit. The contestants start to get all hyped up.
The contestants say as they start their engines.
Lisa: Three, two, one, go!
And then, they start driving.
Move in, now move out! Hands up, now hands down! Back up, back up! Tell me what you're gonna do now!
Breath in, now breath out! Hands up, now hands down! Back up, back up! Tell me what you're gonna do now
Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' (what?), Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' (come on), Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' (yeah), Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'.
Heath and Brittany were in front of a lot of people including Paul who is in 3rd place currently. "Look at me, I'm wonderful!" Brittany and Heath were able to keep that first place to the sixth lap. So Brittany and Heath win 1st and 2nd place. Paul wins 3rd. They proceed to move their cars to the next course.
They're now at the second lap where the roads have more turns than before, and they will drive 5 laps around the track. They start their engines.
Robin is in first place right now.
Robin: Genie means best! (Paul bumps into him and passes him) FISH PASTE!
Brittany: (She passes Robin too.) WHEEE!!!!
Robin: Tartar sauce!
Paul is now in first place, which was predictable since he loves racing and cars so much.
Anna: Yee-haw!
Anna is now in 5th place now catching up on Paul however. But she is driving like she a drunk redneck trying to get to work.
Robin: Power dash!
Alan: Whee...
Paul proceeds to pass the finish line in first place along with James Dean who caught up in 2nd place at the last minute. "Don't mess with the fast and the furious."
Brittany was somewhat confused and dismayed by this.
Brittany: Hey, Lisa.
Left Eye: What's wrong, Brit.
Brittany: How come everyone's getting a role in the movie except for me?
Left Eye: Hey, everyone gets a role in the movie, this is Heaven's Hollywood Angels.
Brittany: Well, back in the first audition. Farrah wasn't doing as good as Anna, and she somehow got the role, the auditions seem a bit rigged.
Left Eye: Well, that way, everybody would get the role. By the way, do you really think you would be good for this role, you seem to be struggling with the last two games.
Brittany: What? You didn't see there was something wrong with my car? Am I some mentally challenged airhead or an skinny chick who only plays in horror movies?
Left Eye: No, no! I did not say that.
Brittany: What? I'm not good enough for the role?
Left Eye: I just don't think you're driving fast enough.
Brittany: You don't think I'm driving fast enough? Why are you even the host for this game? You're a virgin who can't drive.
That really hit Lisa hard considering she was an advocate for safe sex, and she tragically left this world due to a car crash.
Left Eye: That was way harsh, Brittany.
Brittany: Look, I'm really sorry, Lisa. Let's just talk when we mellow out, alright, I'm outtie.
The contestants then move to the last course which is a little bit more tricky, with more turns and longer roads. As they start their engines, Lisa shouts, "3, 2, 1, GO!" Then they zoom off! Paul passes everybody once again, causing some cars to spin too much, turning the road into a complete minefield.
Paul zooms past Brittany causing her car to spin around. "See you at the finish line," laughs Paul at Brittany. Paul Walker won that one. "Your collective intelligence is beneath my own."
The final results show the contestants their places from 1st to last
1st. Paul Walker | 2nd. James Dean | 3rd. Brittany Murphy | 4th. Heath Ledger | 5th. Robin Williams | 6th. Farrah Fawcett | 7th. Bernie Mac | 8th. Grace Kelly | 9th. Anna Nicole Smith | 10th. Cory Monteith | 11th. Patrick Swayze | 12th. Whitney Houston | 13th. Sharon Tate | 14th. Elizabeth Taylor | 15th. Steve Irwin | 16th. Marilyn Monroe | 17th. Natasha Richardson | 18th. John Ritter | 19th. Lauren Bacall | 20th. Dana Plato | 21. John Witherspoon | 22. Alan Rickman
Paul: I won? Naturally.
Lisa calls Jayden again. "Left Eye, that was fantastic! Who is the best on the course," Jayden asked. "Oh, Mr. Hubbard, I'm so sorry, I've never seen such bad driving before, this is truly a dark day for my hometown road," Lisa complained. "Surely one was better than the rest. I say give them what they want. Who's the winner?" "Grace Kelly, Paul Walker, James Dean, Bernie Mac, and Natasha Richardson." "Paul Walker, eh? No wonder an actor from Fast and Furious could've won that role. And with Grace and Natasha, they would make that person's trip to jail a pleasure. Get the five down to the motor track so they can be assigned a vehicle for the role."
Aisha: So where's our next audition gonna be?
Jayden: Wembley Stadium.
Aisha: Yeah, but where is it?
Jayden: That would be in London, England!
Aisha: Fantastic! The contestants are going to play a bunch if musical activities in front of a live audience there. Not only will that be fun, but that will boost the ratings even higher!
Mike: Folks, I've just heard some terrific news from Bobby Jay Johnson, that I'm sure our angels will be pleased to here. The contestants are now going to make a fast fly to London, England where they will be prepared to show off their musical talents at Wembley Stadium.
Billy: And I'm sure our angels will be excited and happy to hear that.
Mike: And here...they come!
The angels arrived at the flying white limo as Billy and Mike block the door.
Paul: Hey! Let us through the door!
Billy: Whoa, not so fast, Paul, Mike has some news for all you angels.
Mike: That's right, all you angels. The show has been extended and we will see each and every one of you at Wembley Stadium. Good luck everybody!
After filming this scene for 20 minutes, they went back on the bus with a toy car, and a Mario Kart game as a reward, which they just started playing for their next stop, which is Wembley Stadium in London, England, UK. But of course, it's going to be a long way there.